Timeless

Page 3

She left Lord and Lady Maccon in puzzled silence, with a mystery that, it must be said, somewhat mitigated their enjoyment of the second act, as did the lack of any additional bumblebee courtship rituals.
CHAPTER TWO
Wherein Mrs. Colindrikal-Bumbcruncher Does Not Buy a Hat
Don’t you believe this would suit the young miss better?” Biffy was a man of principle. He refused, on principle, to sell a huge tricolored pifferaro bonnet decorated with a cascade of clove pinks, black currants, and cut jet beads to Mrs. Colindrikal-Bumbcruncher for her daughter. Miss Colindrikal-Bumbcruncher was plain, dreadfully plain, and the bonnet was rather more of an insult than a decoration by contrast. The hat was the height of fashion, but Biffy was convinced a little gold straw bonnet was the superior choice. Biffy was never wrong about hats. The difficulty lay in convincing Mrs. Colindrikal-Bumbcruncher of this fact.
“You see, madam, the refined elegance complements the delicacy of Miss Colindrikal-Bumbcruncher’s complexion.”
Mrs. Colindrikal-Bumbcruncher did not see and would have none of it. “No, young man. The pifferaro, if you please.”
“I’m afraid that is not possible, madam. That hat is promised elsewhere.”
“Then why is it out on the floor?”
“A mistake, Mrs. Colindrikal-Bumbcruncher. My apologies.”
“I see. Well, clearly we have made a mistake in patronizing your establishment! I shall take my custom elsewhere. Come, Arabella.” With which the matron marched out, dragging her daughter in her wake. The young lady mouthed an apology behind her mother’s back and gave the little gold straw bonnet a wistful look. Poor creature, thought Biffy, before returning both hats to their displays.
The silver bells attached to the front of the shop tinkled as a new customer entered. Some evenings those bells never seemed to stop. The store was increasingly popular, despite Biffy’s occasional refusal to actually sell hats. He was getting a reputation for being an eccentric. Perhaps not quite so much as the previous owner, but there were ladies who would travel miles in order to have a handsome young werewolf refuse to sell them a hat.
He looked up to see Madame Lefoux. She carried in with her the slightly putrid scent of London and her own special blend of vanilla and machine oil. She was looking exceptionally well, Biffy thought. Life in the country clearly agreed with her. She was not, perhaps, so dandified in dress and manner as Biffy and his set, but she certainly knew how to make the most of somber blues and grays. He wondered, not for the first time, what she might look like in a proper gown. Biffy couldn’t help it, he was excessively fond of female fashions and could not quite understand why a woman, with so many delicious options, might choose to dress and live as a man.
“Another satisfied customer, Mr. Biffy?”
“Mrs. Colindrikal-Bumbcruncher has the taste level of an ill-educated parboiled potato.”
“Revolting female,” agreed the Frenchwoman amiably, “and her gowns are always so well made. Makes her that much more vexing. Did you know her daughter is engaged to Captain Featherstonehaugh?”
Biffy raised one eyebrow. “And he’s not the first, I hear.”
“Why, Mr. Biffy, you talk such scandal.”
“You wrong me, Madame Lefoux. I never gossip. I observe. And then relay my observations to practically everyone.”
The inventor smiled, showing her dimples.
“How may I help you this evening?” Biffy put on his shopboy persona. “A new chapeau, or were you thinking about some other fripperies?”
“Oh, well, perhaps.” Madame Lefoux’s reply was vague as she looked about her old establishment.
Biffy tried to imagine it through her eyes. It was much the same. The hats still dangled from long chains so that patrons had to push their way through swaying tendrils, but the secret door was now even more well hidden behind a curtained-off back area, and he had expanded recently, opening up a men’s hats and accessories section.
The Frenchwoman was drawn into examination of a lovely top hat in midnight blue velvet.
“That would suit your complexion very well,” commented Biffy when she fingered the turn of the brim.
“I am sure you are right, but not tonight. I simply came to visit the old place. You have tended it well.”
Biffy gave a little bow. “I am but a steward to your vision.”
Madame Lefoux huffed in amusement. “Flatterer.”
Biffy never knew where he stood with Madame Lefoux. She was so very much outside his experience: an inventor, a scientist, and middle class, with a marked preference for the company of young ladies and an eccentricity of dress that was too restrained to be unstudied. Biffy didn’t like enigmas—they were out of fashion.
“I have recently come from seeing Lord and Lady Maccon at the theater.”
Biffy was willing to play along. “Oh, indeed? I thought it was bath night.”
“Apparently, Lord Akeldama was left to muddle through alone.”
“Oh, dear.”
“It occurred to me that we have switched places, you and I.”
The French, thought Biffy, could be very philosophical. “Come again?”
“I have become a reluctant drone to vampires and you nest in the bosom of the Maccon home and hearth.”
“Ah, were you once in that bosom? I had thought you never quite got all the way inside. Not for lack of trying, of course.”
The Frenchwoman laughed. “Touché.”
The front door tinkled again. Busy night for new moon. Biffy looked up, smile in place, knowing he made a fetching picture. He wore his very best brown suit. True, his cravat was tied more simply than he liked—his new claviger needed training—and his hair was slightly mussed. His hair was always slightly mussed these days despite liberal application of Bond Street’s best pomade. One, apparently, had to bear up under such tribulations when one was a werewolf.
Felicity Loontwill entered the shop and wafted over to him in a flutter of raspberry taffeta and a great show of cordiality. She smelled of too much rose water and too little sleep. Her dress was very French, her hair was very German, and her shoes were quite definitely Italian. He could detect the odor of fish oil.
“Mr. Rabiffano, I was so hoping you would be here. And Madame Lefoux, how unexpectedly delightful!”
“Why, Miss Loontwill, back from your European tour already?” Biffy didn’t like Lady Maccon’s sister. She was the type of girl who would show her neck to a vampire one moment and her ankle to a chimney sweep the next.
“Yes. And what a bother it was. Two years abroad with absolutely nothing to show for it.”
“No delusional Italian count or French marquis fell in love with you? Shocking.” Madame Lefoux’s green eyes twinkled.
The door jingled again and Mrs. Loontwill and Lady Evelyn Mongtwee entered the shop. Lady Evelyn headed immediately toward a spectacular hat of chartreuse and crimson, while Mrs. Loontwill followed her other daughter up to the counter.
“Oh, Mama, do you remember Mr. Rabiffano? He belongs to our dear Alexia’s household.”
Mrs. Loontwill looked at the dandy suspiciously. “Oh, does he, indeed? A pleasure to meet you, I’m sure. Come away, Felicity.”
Mrs. Loontwill didn’t even glance in Madame Lefoux’s direction.
The three ladies then gave their undivided attention to the hats while Biffy tried to comprehend what they were about.
Madame Lefoux voiced his thoughts. “Do you think they are actually here to shop?”
“I believe Lady Maccon is not receiving them at present, so they may be after information.” He looked suspiciously at the Frenchwoman. “Now that Felicity has returned, will she be rejoining the Woolsey Hive?”
Madame Lefoux shrugged. “I don’t know, but I shouldn’t think so. I can’t imagine it holds much appeal, now that the hive is located outside London. You know these society chits—only interested in the glamorous side of immortality. She may find herself another hive. Or a husband, of course.”
At which juncture Felicity returned to them, in clear defiance of her mother’s wishes. “Mr. Rabiffano, how is my dear sister? I can hardly believe how long it has been since I saw her last.”
“She is well,” replied Biffy, utterly passive.
“And that child of hers? My darling little niece?”
Her face sharpened when she was being nosy, noted Biffy, rather like that of an inquisitive trout. “She, too, is well.”
“And how is Lord Maccon? Still doting upon them both?”
“Still, as you say, doting.”
“Why, Mr. Rabiffano, you have grown so dreary and terse since your accident.”
With a twinkle to his eye, the dandy gestured at the little gold straw bonnet. “What do you think of this one, Miss Loontwill? It is very subtle and sophisticated.”
Felicity backed away hurriedly. “Oh, no, mine is too bold a beauty for anything so insipid.” She turned away. “Mama, Evy, have you seen anything to your taste?”
“Not tonight, my dear.”
“No, sister, although that green and red toque makes quite the statement.”
Felicity looked back at Madame Lefoux, on point. “How unfortunate that you are no longer in charge here, madame. I do believe that the quality may have fallen.”
Madame Lefoux said nothing and Biffy took the hit without flinching.
“Do, please, give my sister and her husband my best regards. I do hope they remain blissfully enamored of one another, although it is terribly embarrassing.” Felicity whirled to the French inventor. “And give the countess my compliments as well, of course.”
With that, the rose-scented blonde led her mother and her sister out into the night with nary a backward glance.
Biffy and Madame Lefoux exchanged looks.
“What was that about?” wondered the inventor.
“A warning of some kind.”
“Or an offer? I think I should return to Woolsey.”
“You are turning into a very good drone, aren’t you, Madame Lefoux?”
As she made her way out, the Frenchwoman gave him a look that suggested she preferred it if everyone thought that. Biffy hoarded away that bit of information. He had much to tell Lady Maccon when he saw her next.
Alexia and Conall arrived home from the theater prepared to go out immediately to call on the Woolsey Hive. One did not ignore an invitation from Countess Nadasdy, even if one was a peer of the realm. Alexia alighted from her gilded carriage in a flutter of taffeta and intrigue, marching into her town residence with strides of such vigor as to make the bustle of her dress sway alarmingly back and forth. Lord Maccon eyed this appreciatively. The tuck-in at his wife’s waist was particularly appealing, emphasizing an area ideally suited to a man’s hand, particularly if one had hands as large as his. Alexia turned in the doorway and gave him a look.
“Oh, do hurry.” They were still making a show of living in their own house and so had to move swiftly up the stairs and across the secret gangplank into Lord Akeldama’s residence in order to effect a change of attire.
Floote’s dapper head emerged from the back parlor as they did so. “Madam?”
“Not stopping, Floote. We have been summoned.”
“Queen Victoria?”
“No, worse—a queen.”
“Will you go by rail or shall I have the groom switch to fresh horses?”
Alexia paused halfway up the grand staircase.
“Train, I think, please.”
“At once, madam.”
Prudence, much to everyone’s delight, was down for her nap, nested with her head atop Lord Akeldama’s cat and her feet tucked under the Viscount Trizdale’s lemon-satin-covered leg. The viscount was looking strained, obviously under orders not to move for fear of waking the child. Prudence was wearing an excessively frilly dress of cream and lavender plaid. Lord Akeldama had changed into an outfit of royal purple and champagne to complement it and was sitting nearby, a fond eye to his drone and adopted daughter. He appeared to be reading a suspiciously embossed novel, but Alexia could not quite countenance such an activity in Lord Akeldama. To her certain knowledge, he never read anything, except perhaps the society gossip columns. She was unsurprised when, upon catching sight of them lurking in the hallway, the vampire put his book down with alacrity and sprang to meet them.
Together they looked at the lemony drone, calico feline, and plaid pile of infant.
“Isn’t that just a picture?” Lord Akeldama was adrift on a sea of candy-colored domestic bliss.
“All is well?” Alexia spoke in hushed tones.
The vampire tucked a lock of silvery blond hair behind his ear in an oddly soft gesture. “Excessively. The puggle behaved herself after you departed, and as you can see, we had no further incidents of note.”