To the Stars
Page 16
My breath caught in my throat when a body next to me blocked the sun, and a deep, fluid voice asked, “Why would anyone waste their time only loving someone to the moon . . .”
. . . when they could love them to the stars?
He didn’t finish, and I didn’t say the words out loud. But everything stopped around me for several heavy seconds. The rise and fall of my chest halted; I no longer heard the background noise, music, and voices in the coffee shop . . . All time seemed to stand still as I sat there trying to assess whether I was dreaming or not.
“Harlow Evans,” he said softly, and I let out a shuddering breath as everything came filtering back in. “The last person I thought I’d see when I woke up this morning was the girl I’ve been waiting seven years for.”
My head snapped to the left, and my soul ached when I looked at Knox Alexander for the first time in four and a half years. Time had changed him in amazing ways—and at the same time, nothing about him was different at all. Those dark eyes began to lock on mine, and I quickly looked away from them. I didn’t want to see what they would tell me; I didn’t want to know what they would find.
I knew I still hadn’t said anything, but at the moment I couldn’t even force my mouth to open, and my vision was blurring as tears filled my eyes. I’d dreamed so many times of seeing Knox again, and every time I was much more composed than I was now. But to have him there—really there—in front of me had the last four and a half years of my life flashing through my mind and wishing I could have done it all differently.
“Not Harlow Evans . . .” he said quietly, the pain in his voice clear as his long fingers barely trailed over my wedding ring.
My head bowed and shook back and forth. I willed the tears to stay back but wasn’t able to stop them.
“Hey,” he said gently, and suddenly he was crouching down next to me. His fingers went under my chin to tilt my head back. “Why are you crying? What’s going on?”
“I never thought I would see you again,” I managed to choke out a minute later.
His full lips tilted up in the faintest of smiles, but his eyes showed he wasn’t finding anything about this amusing. “You thought you’d never see me again? I thought you would go back to Seattle after you graduated from Whitman. And now you are sitting in a coffee shop in Richland, twenty minutes from where I live, and just a few from where I work. It’s safe to say, Low, that I thought I would never see you again.”
“I’ve been in Richland for years,” I admitted.
Knox’s eyebrows rose in shock, and a mix of frustration and pain showed on his face for a second before it fell. “Years,” he stated dully. “You’ve been here for years? Why? And why didn’t I know?”
My jaw trembled as I slowly held up my left hand. Knox didn’t look at it, but his dark eyes hardened. “I never graduated.”
“Years,” he said again. His voice held no emotion, and though it hadn’t come across as a question, I nodded my head anyway. “Then it’s safe to assume he was . . .” he trailed off.
I didn’t answer, I couldn’t. Because if I did, I would say things I shouldn’t. That I’d made a mistake, that I’d married a monster, that I dreamed of Knox almost nightly, that I’d dreamed of this right here. He must have seen the answer in my eyes—known Collin was the same guy I’d chosen over Knox—because he smiled sadly at me.
“I see.” My tears fell harder at his acknowledgment, and Knox cupped my cheek with his hand. “Low . . . why are you crying?”
As much as I’d longed for this moment, I couldn’t let it continue. As much as I wanted to fall into Knox’s arms and never leave, I needed to get away from him. This was dangerous.
“I’m sorry, I have to go.” I slipped out of the side of the large chair, and he rocked back from my sudden change in position.
“Harlow, wait!”
I’d barely gotten outside when he grabbed my arm; the action caused me to automatically jerk in preparation of what would come—but the shaking never came. Other than the involuntary reaction to being grabbed, my body knew he wouldn’t hurt me; my heart knew the hand holding me.
When there was nothing but silence behind me, I slowly turned to face him. His wide eyes and slack jaw told me he hadn’t missed how I’d responded to him, but thankfully he didn’t comment on it.
“Please don’t leave,” he finally whispered. “Not after I’ve finally found you again.”
“Found me?” I whispered in confusion. As much as those words warmed something inside me, I knew he couldn’t have meant them. Not after what I’d done to him. “I’m married, Knox,” I unnecessarily stated what he obviously knew.
“I know.” The look on his face was something I wish I could erase. “Just talk to me. Tell me about all the years I missed. Let me feed you,” he said with an uneasy laugh as his eyes quickly darted over my too-thin body.
“We can’t.”
“Low,” he pleaded, and my eyes shut so I wouldn’t have to see the look in his dark eyes. The one I knew I would give anything for. “I haven’t seen you or heard from you in years,” he said, his voice soft. “Please.”
When I opened my eyes, I kept them trained on his chest, refusing to look up at his face. My mind was at war as everything in me screamed different things. Screamed what Collin would do if he found out, screamed to tell Knox everything, but most important, screamed at me to leave.
Fall 2009—Seattle
I JUMPED OUT of my car and ran through the parking lot toward the coffee shop as I tried to escape the rain. It was pointless, though; I was still soaked by the time I reached the door. I welcomed the heat and amazing smells that hit me as soon as I was inside, and tried to brush back my wild hair sticking to my face as I walked toward the front registers.
“Low?”
I paused midstep and brushed furiously at the wet strands of hair still stubbornly clinging to my cheeks before turning to find the man that voice belonged to. I’d know that voice anywhere. That voice that moved through my body like a welcome shiver.
Knox.
A wide smile spread across my face when I saw him standing up from one of the chairs in the corner of the shop. He quickly stepped around the other chairs filled with people he’d been sitting with and walked up to grab me in a hug that seemed to last forever—and not nearly long enough. It had been almost three weeks since I’d seen him, and while I noticed the feeling of rightness that only came with being near Knox, and how it felt like I was finally whole again, I loved that it still somehow felt like we’d never been apart.
. . . when they could love them to the stars?
He didn’t finish, and I didn’t say the words out loud. But everything stopped around me for several heavy seconds. The rise and fall of my chest halted; I no longer heard the background noise, music, and voices in the coffee shop . . . All time seemed to stand still as I sat there trying to assess whether I was dreaming or not.
“Harlow Evans,” he said softly, and I let out a shuddering breath as everything came filtering back in. “The last person I thought I’d see when I woke up this morning was the girl I’ve been waiting seven years for.”
My head snapped to the left, and my soul ached when I looked at Knox Alexander for the first time in four and a half years. Time had changed him in amazing ways—and at the same time, nothing about him was different at all. Those dark eyes began to lock on mine, and I quickly looked away from them. I didn’t want to see what they would tell me; I didn’t want to know what they would find.
I knew I still hadn’t said anything, but at the moment I couldn’t even force my mouth to open, and my vision was blurring as tears filled my eyes. I’d dreamed so many times of seeing Knox again, and every time I was much more composed than I was now. But to have him there—really there—in front of me had the last four and a half years of my life flashing through my mind and wishing I could have done it all differently.
“Not Harlow Evans . . .” he said quietly, the pain in his voice clear as his long fingers barely trailed over my wedding ring.
My head bowed and shook back and forth. I willed the tears to stay back but wasn’t able to stop them.
“Hey,” he said gently, and suddenly he was crouching down next to me. His fingers went under my chin to tilt my head back. “Why are you crying? What’s going on?”
“I never thought I would see you again,” I managed to choke out a minute later.
His full lips tilted up in the faintest of smiles, but his eyes showed he wasn’t finding anything about this amusing. “You thought you’d never see me again? I thought you would go back to Seattle after you graduated from Whitman. And now you are sitting in a coffee shop in Richland, twenty minutes from where I live, and just a few from where I work. It’s safe to say, Low, that I thought I would never see you again.”
“I’ve been in Richland for years,” I admitted.
Knox’s eyebrows rose in shock, and a mix of frustration and pain showed on his face for a second before it fell. “Years,” he stated dully. “You’ve been here for years? Why? And why didn’t I know?”
My jaw trembled as I slowly held up my left hand. Knox didn’t look at it, but his dark eyes hardened. “I never graduated.”
“Years,” he said again. His voice held no emotion, and though it hadn’t come across as a question, I nodded my head anyway. “Then it’s safe to assume he was . . .” he trailed off.
I didn’t answer, I couldn’t. Because if I did, I would say things I shouldn’t. That I’d made a mistake, that I’d married a monster, that I dreamed of Knox almost nightly, that I’d dreamed of this right here. He must have seen the answer in my eyes—known Collin was the same guy I’d chosen over Knox—because he smiled sadly at me.
“I see.” My tears fell harder at his acknowledgment, and Knox cupped my cheek with his hand. “Low . . . why are you crying?”
As much as I’d longed for this moment, I couldn’t let it continue. As much as I wanted to fall into Knox’s arms and never leave, I needed to get away from him. This was dangerous.
“I’m sorry, I have to go.” I slipped out of the side of the large chair, and he rocked back from my sudden change in position.
“Harlow, wait!”
I’d barely gotten outside when he grabbed my arm; the action caused me to automatically jerk in preparation of what would come—but the shaking never came. Other than the involuntary reaction to being grabbed, my body knew he wouldn’t hurt me; my heart knew the hand holding me.
When there was nothing but silence behind me, I slowly turned to face him. His wide eyes and slack jaw told me he hadn’t missed how I’d responded to him, but thankfully he didn’t comment on it.
“Please don’t leave,” he finally whispered. “Not after I’ve finally found you again.”
“Found me?” I whispered in confusion. As much as those words warmed something inside me, I knew he couldn’t have meant them. Not after what I’d done to him. “I’m married, Knox,” I unnecessarily stated what he obviously knew.
“I know.” The look on his face was something I wish I could erase. “Just talk to me. Tell me about all the years I missed. Let me feed you,” he said with an uneasy laugh as his eyes quickly darted over my too-thin body.
“We can’t.”
“Low,” he pleaded, and my eyes shut so I wouldn’t have to see the look in his dark eyes. The one I knew I would give anything for. “I haven’t seen you or heard from you in years,” he said, his voice soft. “Please.”
When I opened my eyes, I kept them trained on his chest, refusing to look up at his face. My mind was at war as everything in me screamed different things. Screamed what Collin would do if he found out, screamed to tell Knox everything, but most important, screamed at me to leave.
Fall 2009—Seattle
I JUMPED OUT of my car and ran through the parking lot toward the coffee shop as I tried to escape the rain. It was pointless, though; I was still soaked by the time I reached the door. I welcomed the heat and amazing smells that hit me as soon as I was inside, and tried to brush back my wild hair sticking to my face as I walked toward the front registers.
“Low?”
I paused midstep and brushed furiously at the wet strands of hair still stubbornly clinging to my cheeks before turning to find the man that voice belonged to. I’d know that voice anywhere. That voice that moved through my body like a welcome shiver.
Knox.
A wide smile spread across my face when I saw him standing up from one of the chairs in the corner of the shop. He quickly stepped around the other chairs filled with people he’d been sitting with and walked up to grab me in a hug that seemed to last forever—and not nearly long enough. It had been almost three weeks since I’d seen him, and while I noticed the feeling of rightness that only came with being near Knox, and how it felt like I was finally whole again, I loved that it still somehow felt like we’d never been apart.
