To the Stars
Page 24
Collin’s face fell and his fingers instantly released me before his blue eyes brightened, and a smile I rarely saw lit up his face. “Harlow,” he breathed.
“I just didn’t want to get your hopes up since we’ve had such a hard time getting pregnant, and like I said, I didn’t want to ruin tonight. But faking loving you? Collin . . .” I let the lingering pain in my arm lace through my voice for emphasis.
He wrapped his arms around me and pressed his lips to mine briefly before dropping his forehead onto my own. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. God, baby, I want this for us so bad.”
I let my lips tilt up in a smile. “Me, too.”
“You really think this is it?”
“I do,” I said. The lie came easily. “At least, I’m hoping it is. I just—I’m trying not to let myself get too excited yet, you know?”
“Of course. Of course I do. God, Harlow, I love you.”
My eyes flashed to the side and I kept my eyes on the man across the room as I said with more passion than I’d ever shown Collin, “I love you, too.”
I tried to ignore the fact that the wrong lips were on mine when my husband kissed me. I knew what I’d just done. I also knew that if given a second chance, I would do it again.
For the first time in our marriage, I’d used the one thing Collin wanted against him. I’d just spared myself a week of any more pressure points and beatings. I’d spared myself a night of unknown torture. But I knew I wouldn’t be able to use this again for years to come. And I knew that when it came time to take the test next week, it would be the biggest disappointment for him, and the worst Saturday since our wedding.
There was no way to win with him. And despite the upcoming dreaded day, I didn’t let on to the fact that anything was less than perfect for us right now.
“Maybe I’ll see if they have a bench I can sit on in the bathroom for a few minutes. I’m feeling kind of dizzy, and I don’t want to keep embarrassing you in front of all these people.”
“Never, Harlow. You’re not embarrassing me. Do you need me to take you home?” Collin asked; worry coated his voice.
How he could contradict his words and change from my monster to the protective, loving husband in an instant was beyond me. But I didn’t buy it. Just because I’d let him believe something didn’t mean I could forget what had been happening just minutes before. I sent him a smile and ran my fingers over his arm. “No. I know how important it is for you and your dad to be here tonight.”
“You’re important.”
“If it doesn’t pass soon, I’ll text you and you can come get me so we can leave. If you don’t hear from me, I’ll come find you as soon as I’m better.”
He kissed my cheek and ran his knuckles over my flat stomach. “If it’s longer than ten minutes, I’m coming to get you anyway. They’ll understand.”
I turned and kept my head down as I moved through the crowd so they wouldn’t see the tears welling up in my eyes. Tears that for once, at a party, had nothing to do with the pain and promises of more pain later from Collin. But tears that had everything to do with the fact that Knox had seen us kiss . . . had seen me in Collin’s arms.
I walked into the women’s sitting room and had made it as far as the first couch before a sharp sob burst from my chest. Pressing my fist to my mouth, I tried to take deep breaths in and out while willing the tears back before they could fall.
I straightened and swallowed roughly when the door opened behind me, and prayed it wasn’t my mother-in-law, or one of the other women I knew.
“You didn’t tell me your last name was Doherty.”
I spun around as Knox locked the door behind him, and shook my head. “No, no! You can’t be here, please,” I begged.
“Is anyone in there?” he asked, and nodded toward the bathroom.
“I don’t know, but, Knox—”
“Low, check.”
I turned and walked quickly into the bathroom. All the stall doors were open, and no one was in front of the sinks. Walking back to the sitting room, I shook my head and moved closer to him. “No, but you don’t understand. It’s not just because this is the women’s room. Knox, if someone sees us . . . you don’t understand—”
“No. I’m pretty fucking sure I do,” he growled, and my head jerked back. He started closing the distance between us, and I backed into the wall. “What the hell was I seeing in there, Harlow?”
“He’s my husband, Knox!” I hissed. “You knew I was married, what do you expect?”
The murderous look on his face changed to something close to disgust for a brief second. “Watching another man kiss you destroyed me, but that’s not what I’m talking about, and you know it.” He pressed his hands to the wall on either side of my head, and leaned close. “Harlow, I will kill him for hurting you.”
My mouth fell, and it was suddenly no longer a lie. I felt dizzy now. “Wh-what? I don’t . . .”
“You think I don’t know what’s right here?” he asked as his fingers gently ran over the inside of my elbow, and then my forearm. “And here? You think I didn’t see the pain on your face?”
“You need to leave, Knox,” I pled. “If anyone sees you with me, it will get back to him.”
“Low, he can’t—”
“He’s coming to look for me if I’m not back out there in ten minutes. You don’t get it.” I searched his face wildly and hoped he understood the urgency in my tone. “He can not find you with me. He can’t find out about you. Please, Knox.”
Knox didn’t blink, and didn’t move. “Why was he hurting you?”
“He wasn’t,” I insisted, and jumped when his voice boomed in the small space.
“Bullshit, Harlow!”
“Please!”
He gently grabbed the arm Collin had been torturing all night and held it out; a growl built up in his chest before he pointed at a small, two-circled bruise. “Look!” he seethed. “It’s already bruising up here, and there’s a red mark down here. Stop lying to me.”
“You don’t understand.”
“You’re right. I don’t understand this. I don’t understand why you would marry a man who would hurt you at all, let alone in public, when I would never lay a finger on you. What else does he do to you?” he demanded.
“I just didn’t want to get your hopes up since we’ve had such a hard time getting pregnant, and like I said, I didn’t want to ruin tonight. But faking loving you? Collin . . .” I let the lingering pain in my arm lace through my voice for emphasis.
He wrapped his arms around me and pressed his lips to mine briefly before dropping his forehead onto my own. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. God, baby, I want this for us so bad.”
I let my lips tilt up in a smile. “Me, too.”
“You really think this is it?”
“I do,” I said. The lie came easily. “At least, I’m hoping it is. I just—I’m trying not to let myself get too excited yet, you know?”
“Of course. Of course I do. God, Harlow, I love you.”
My eyes flashed to the side and I kept my eyes on the man across the room as I said with more passion than I’d ever shown Collin, “I love you, too.”
I tried to ignore the fact that the wrong lips were on mine when my husband kissed me. I knew what I’d just done. I also knew that if given a second chance, I would do it again.
For the first time in our marriage, I’d used the one thing Collin wanted against him. I’d just spared myself a week of any more pressure points and beatings. I’d spared myself a night of unknown torture. But I knew I wouldn’t be able to use this again for years to come. And I knew that when it came time to take the test next week, it would be the biggest disappointment for him, and the worst Saturday since our wedding.
There was no way to win with him. And despite the upcoming dreaded day, I didn’t let on to the fact that anything was less than perfect for us right now.
“Maybe I’ll see if they have a bench I can sit on in the bathroom for a few minutes. I’m feeling kind of dizzy, and I don’t want to keep embarrassing you in front of all these people.”
“Never, Harlow. You’re not embarrassing me. Do you need me to take you home?” Collin asked; worry coated his voice.
How he could contradict his words and change from my monster to the protective, loving husband in an instant was beyond me. But I didn’t buy it. Just because I’d let him believe something didn’t mean I could forget what had been happening just minutes before. I sent him a smile and ran my fingers over his arm. “No. I know how important it is for you and your dad to be here tonight.”
“You’re important.”
“If it doesn’t pass soon, I’ll text you and you can come get me so we can leave. If you don’t hear from me, I’ll come find you as soon as I’m better.”
He kissed my cheek and ran his knuckles over my flat stomach. “If it’s longer than ten minutes, I’m coming to get you anyway. They’ll understand.”
I turned and kept my head down as I moved through the crowd so they wouldn’t see the tears welling up in my eyes. Tears that for once, at a party, had nothing to do with the pain and promises of more pain later from Collin. But tears that had everything to do with the fact that Knox had seen us kiss . . . had seen me in Collin’s arms.
I walked into the women’s sitting room and had made it as far as the first couch before a sharp sob burst from my chest. Pressing my fist to my mouth, I tried to take deep breaths in and out while willing the tears back before they could fall.
I straightened and swallowed roughly when the door opened behind me, and prayed it wasn’t my mother-in-law, or one of the other women I knew.
“You didn’t tell me your last name was Doherty.”
I spun around as Knox locked the door behind him, and shook my head. “No, no! You can’t be here, please,” I begged.
“Is anyone in there?” he asked, and nodded toward the bathroom.
“I don’t know, but, Knox—”
“Low, check.”
I turned and walked quickly into the bathroom. All the stall doors were open, and no one was in front of the sinks. Walking back to the sitting room, I shook my head and moved closer to him. “No, but you don’t understand. It’s not just because this is the women’s room. Knox, if someone sees us . . . you don’t understand—”
“No. I’m pretty fucking sure I do,” he growled, and my head jerked back. He started closing the distance between us, and I backed into the wall. “What the hell was I seeing in there, Harlow?”
“He’s my husband, Knox!” I hissed. “You knew I was married, what do you expect?”
The murderous look on his face changed to something close to disgust for a brief second. “Watching another man kiss you destroyed me, but that’s not what I’m talking about, and you know it.” He pressed his hands to the wall on either side of my head, and leaned close. “Harlow, I will kill him for hurting you.”
My mouth fell, and it was suddenly no longer a lie. I felt dizzy now. “Wh-what? I don’t . . .”
“You think I don’t know what’s right here?” he asked as his fingers gently ran over the inside of my elbow, and then my forearm. “And here? You think I didn’t see the pain on your face?”
“You need to leave, Knox,” I pled. “If anyone sees you with me, it will get back to him.”
“Low, he can’t—”
“He’s coming to look for me if I’m not back out there in ten minutes. You don’t get it.” I searched his face wildly and hoped he understood the urgency in my tone. “He can not find you with me. He can’t find out about you. Please, Knox.”
Knox didn’t blink, and didn’t move. “Why was he hurting you?”
“He wasn’t,” I insisted, and jumped when his voice boomed in the small space.
“Bullshit, Harlow!”
“Please!”
He gently grabbed the arm Collin had been torturing all night and held it out; a growl built up in his chest before he pointed at a small, two-circled bruise. “Look!” he seethed. “It’s already bruising up here, and there’s a red mark down here. Stop lying to me.”
“You don’t understand.”
“You’re right. I don’t understand this. I don’t understand why you would marry a man who would hurt you at all, let alone in public, when I would never lay a finger on you. What else does he do to you?” he demanded.
