To the Stars
Page 4
Knox’s face fell, and I could tell he was replaying my words in his head. “Wait, how old are you?”
“Fifteen.”
He just stared at me, not saying anything while a conflicted look crossed his face.
“Why?” I asked, drawing the word out. “How old did you think I was?”
There was a pause before he mumbled, “Not fifteen.”
“How old are you?”
“I’ll be eighteen in a little over a week.”
I didn’t understand the problem with that. Everyone I hung out with was at least eighteen, but from the look on Knox’s face, it was definitely a problem. “And?”
He forced a smile and cleared his throat. “And nothing. I guess I just hadn’t expected that.”
I didn’t miss the way his eyes wouldn’t meet mine after that, or how he moved his body away.
Wait, what just happened? Why did those intense eyes shut down, and why is there a coldness settling between us? This is what I get for listening to Hayley!
My shoulders sagged in defeat and I pushed away from the wall to head in the direction of a lower wall that ran along the lawn.
“Aren’t you going back in?” Knox asked as he followed.
“No, but you’re more than welcome to. I’ll call my mom to come get me.”
“Why are you leaving?” he asked, and his hand gently grasped my forearm to stop me from walking.
I looked down at where his long fingers wrapped around my arm, the heat beneath his hand something so much more than his body temperature. My breaths became audible when I looked behind my shoulder to see him looking down at our arms.
When his eyes met mine again, the intensity was back. “Why are you leaving?” he asked again; the huskiness of his deep voice made me sway toward him—he didn’t let me get close.
“Um, concerts aren’t my thing apparently,” I muttered as I pulled my arm from his grasp. “I’d never been to one before, and now I see I wasn’t missing out on anything.”
“Then I’ll stay out here with you.”
“I told you I don’t need a keeper,” I gritted out.
“Trust me, Harlow, that’s the last thing I want to be.”
My eyes widened at the suggestive tone, and I fumbled for something to say that wouldn’t have him shutting down on me again. Nothing came to mind. “Really, don’t stay out here for me. I’ll call someone.”
“I didn’t come here for the shows. I came to give Sara a ride back to her place later.” His eyes held that same conflict from earlier as he stared at me for long moments. “Besides, if I had to choose between being in there, or out here with you, I would choose you.”
“Because I need a protector.” It hadn’t been a question. I was frustrated that he felt like he had to baby me.
His head shook subtly and eyes darted away, and his voice dropped even lower. “I wish that were my reason.”
Present Day—Richland
I KEPT THE smile on my face and pushed at my salad as I listened to Hadley rant about this guy she had been dating off and on. After shopping for a couple of hours and getting our nails done, we’d come to one of our favorite restaurants in Richland to talk in the remaining time I had left before I had to go home and make dinner.
Hadley was going to school at Washington State University Tri-Cities so she could be closer to me. I loved these times with her; they were something I craved on the days when I felt like I was drowning. But at the same time, they were a struggle to get through. Our sister, Hayley, had been too focused on her young kids the few times I’d seen her since Collin and I married—something that was a saving grace for me since she had always been the perceptive one. But now she lived in Connecticut with her husband, and we saw her once a year; twice, if we were lucky.
Hadley was different. Hadley didn’t notice anything other than the perfect world around her. She saw life through rose-colored glasses, always had. So all I needed to do was keep a smile on my face when I was near her, and she’d never know anything was wrong. It wasn’t hard keeping the smile. I was good at faking happiness for the sake of my family. The problem was that I could never offer anything about my life, and when I did, it was lies. It was exhausting. My body always stayed tense throughout our times together; I was afraid that somehow she would notice something was off—see something she wasn’t meant to.
“Aren’t you going to eat?” she asked suddenly.
Like that.
“I am eating,” I said with a soft laugh, putting a forkful in my mouth to emphasize my statement.
She stole a bite of my salad, and waved her fork around as she chewed. “So, anyway, I just don’t know what to do about him.”
“Well, it’s summer; it’s the perfect time for you two to take a break since he’s back home for a few months. Maybe date some other people. You’re only nineteen, Hadley; don’t just focus on this one guy. You have three more years of college; enjoy them, and enjoy all the different guys.”
She looked at me skeptically. “You got married when you were nineteen.”
“I turned twenty a month later.”
“Like that makes a difference?” She smiled, because she knew she was right. “You can’t preach to me about settling down young when you did it yourself.” She sighed and pursed her lips. “I want to find a Collin.”
My body tightened, and the smile froze on my face.
“I want to find someone who will take care of me the way he takes care of you. Admit it, sis, your life is pretty perfect. You don’t have to work, your husband pays for us to have days like this; he’s hot, he’s rich . . . he’s hot.”
He’s a monster.
“You know what I want for you?” I asked quickly as I leaned forward, my question coming across a little too urgent. “To find someone who will love you through anything. Years. Distance. Separation. Anything. That’s what I want for you.”
She smiled and rolled her eyes. “Okay, Mom.”
I cleared my throat and attempted a smile, grateful that she hadn’t noticed my tone. “Speaking of Mom . . . are you going home this summer?”
I sat back and resumed pushing my salad around when she launched into what her plans were for the summer. When I dropped her off an hour later at the apartment she was renting with some friends, I cried in relief as the tension drained from my muscles.
“Fifteen.”
He just stared at me, not saying anything while a conflicted look crossed his face.
“Why?” I asked, drawing the word out. “How old did you think I was?”
There was a pause before he mumbled, “Not fifteen.”
“How old are you?”
“I’ll be eighteen in a little over a week.”
I didn’t understand the problem with that. Everyone I hung out with was at least eighteen, but from the look on Knox’s face, it was definitely a problem. “And?”
He forced a smile and cleared his throat. “And nothing. I guess I just hadn’t expected that.”
I didn’t miss the way his eyes wouldn’t meet mine after that, or how he moved his body away.
Wait, what just happened? Why did those intense eyes shut down, and why is there a coldness settling between us? This is what I get for listening to Hayley!
My shoulders sagged in defeat and I pushed away from the wall to head in the direction of a lower wall that ran along the lawn.
“Aren’t you going back in?” Knox asked as he followed.
“No, but you’re more than welcome to. I’ll call my mom to come get me.”
“Why are you leaving?” he asked, and his hand gently grasped my forearm to stop me from walking.
I looked down at where his long fingers wrapped around my arm, the heat beneath his hand something so much more than his body temperature. My breaths became audible when I looked behind my shoulder to see him looking down at our arms.
When his eyes met mine again, the intensity was back. “Why are you leaving?” he asked again; the huskiness of his deep voice made me sway toward him—he didn’t let me get close.
“Um, concerts aren’t my thing apparently,” I muttered as I pulled my arm from his grasp. “I’d never been to one before, and now I see I wasn’t missing out on anything.”
“Then I’ll stay out here with you.”
“I told you I don’t need a keeper,” I gritted out.
“Trust me, Harlow, that’s the last thing I want to be.”
My eyes widened at the suggestive tone, and I fumbled for something to say that wouldn’t have him shutting down on me again. Nothing came to mind. “Really, don’t stay out here for me. I’ll call someone.”
“I didn’t come here for the shows. I came to give Sara a ride back to her place later.” His eyes held that same conflict from earlier as he stared at me for long moments. “Besides, if I had to choose between being in there, or out here with you, I would choose you.”
“Because I need a protector.” It hadn’t been a question. I was frustrated that he felt like he had to baby me.
His head shook subtly and eyes darted away, and his voice dropped even lower. “I wish that were my reason.”
Present Day—Richland
I KEPT THE smile on my face and pushed at my salad as I listened to Hadley rant about this guy she had been dating off and on. After shopping for a couple of hours and getting our nails done, we’d come to one of our favorite restaurants in Richland to talk in the remaining time I had left before I had to go home and make dinner.
Hadley was going to school at Washington State University Tri-Cities so she could be closer to me. I loved these times with her; they were something I craved on the days when I felt like I was drowning. But at the same time, they were a struggle to get through. Our sister, Hayley, had been too focused on her young kids the few times I’d seen her since Collin and I married—something that was a saving grace for me since she had always been the perceptive one. But now she lived in Connecticut with her husband, and we saw her once a year; twice, if we were lucky.
Hadley was different. Hadley didn’t notice anything other than the perfect world around her. She saw life through rose-colored glasses, always had. So all I needed to do was keep a smile on my face when I was near her, and she’d never know anything was wrong. It wasn’t hard keeping the smile. I was good at faking happiness for the sake of my family. The problem was that I could never offer anything about my life, and when I did, it was lies. It was exhausting. My body always stayed tense throughout our times together; I was afraid that somehow she would notice something was off—see something she wasn’t meant to.
“Aren’t you going to eat?” she asked suddenly.
Like that.
“I am eating,” I said with a soft laugh, putting a forkful in my mouth to emphasize my statement.
She stole a bite of my salad, and waved her fork around as she chewed. “So, anyway, I just don’t know what to do about him.”
“Well, it’s summer; it’s the perfect time for you two to take a break since he’s back home for a few months. Maybe date some other people. You’re only nineteen, Hadley; don’t just focus on this one guy. You have three more years of college; enjoy them, and enjoy all the different guys.”
She looked at me skeptically. “You got married when you were nineteen.”
“I turned twenty a month later.”
“Like that makes a difference?” She smiled, because she knew she was right. “You can’t preach to me about settling down young when you did it yourself.” She sighed and pursed her lips. “I want to find a Collin.”
My body tightened, and the smile froze on my face.
“I want to find someone who will take care of me the way he takes care of you. Admit it, sis, your life is pretty perfect. You don’t have to work, your husband pays for us to have days like this; he’s hot, he’s rich . . . he’s hot.”
He’s a monster.
“You know what I want for you?” I asked quickly as I leaned forward, my question coming across a little too urgent. “To find someone who will love you through anything. Years. Distance. Separation. Anything. That’s what I want for you.”
She smiled and rolled her eyes. “Okay, Mom.”
I cleared my throat and attempted a smile, grateful that she hadn’t noticed my tone. “Speaking of Mom . . . are you going home this summer?”
I sat back and resumed pushing my salad around when she launched into what her plans were for the summer. When I dropped her off an hour later at the apartment she was renting with some friends, I cried in relief as the tension drained from my muscles.
