To the Stars
Page 56
I grabbed her hand in mine and turned my head to kiss her palm. “I’m taking you away from him,” I mumbled against her skin.
She sighed, like my words had just put a weight on her. “You can’t.”
“I can, and I am.”
“Knox, you don’t understand what he’ll do.”
“No, I do,” I disagreed, and my eyes fell to her right cheek, which was still slightly red from where he’d hit her earlier. “You made a decision today when you texted me. You knew he might see it, and you did it anyway. Before today, you never would’ve let me in this house because you would’ve been too scared for him to find me here, or find out about it.”
Her eyes fell away from mine, but I knew she couldn’t deny it.
“You made a decision when you let me make you mine. After that, you can’t expect me to ever let you go.” I tilted her head up until she was looking at me, then continued talking. “You also told me before that you wouldn’t tell me what happened between you two, unless you were ready to leave.”
“But, Knox—”
“You told me yourself that he’s changing, and if he’s getting careless enough to do what he’s done this week, then not only am I not letting you go, but there’s no way I’m leaving you with him for another day.”
Harlow’s head was shaking before I finished speaking. “After running into you that day in the coffee shop,” she said, “I would’ve done anything to have you take me away right then. I still would give and do anything to have you take me away.” Her next smile looked pained, but her eyes were distant. “Collin had me found just inside Oregon and arrested on a false charge when I tried to run from him. That’s why I’m trying to tell you that you can’t take me. He will find me, and he will bring me back. But that’s the least of my worries. I told you; he threatens my family. He had someone set fire to a house they were in the night I tried to leave. He went after Hadley with his gun one night when she was here, but I got her out before she noticed, and he killed my dog because I did get her out.”
My eyes were wide with shock and disgust, but before I could comment on everything, it hit me. “Where does he keep his gun?”
“You think I haven’t tried to find it? I’m here all day, almost every day. I clean the house from top to bottom. I look for hidden places, too; I have yet to find anything.” She rolled her eyes as she said, “I mean, Collin thought I was trying to poison him with salt today. I don’t think he’d leave a gun somewhere where I could find it.”
“That is not funny,” I said with a growl.
Her face softened. “I’m sorry.”
Seconds passed before I once again vowed, “I’m getting you away from him. Today, Harlow. We’ll call your family; we’ll figure something out. I’ll keep you safe, I’ll figure out a way to keep them all safe.” I didn’t try to hide the urgency in my tone. She needed to know how serious I was; she needed to know that I meant right now, not sometime in the future. “Go and pack whatever you need; whatever you don’t get I’ll take care of—”
Her hands went back to cradle my face, and her thumbs brushed across my lips in a way to stop me from talking—and somehow it worked. I knew she wasn’t going to agree. I knew, and it was frustrating me as much as it was making me panic. “I love you,” she said simply.
“Harlow . . .”
“I’ve always loved you, Knox, and I will always love you; but I can’t lea—”
“Yes, you can!”
“I can’t!”
“Then tell me what this was,” I demanded as I pulled away from her and got off the bed. My voice rose as I took a few steps away, then turned to look at her again. “Tell me why you just gave yourself to me after seven goddamn years, Harlow!”
She pushed herself up with one arm, and her face showed how much all this hurt her—but it was hurting me more.
I continued when she opened her mouth to respond. “Was it some goodbye? Did you want to see what we would be like together since I wouldn’t touch you before? To see what you’d given up?” I sneered, and she exhaled heavily, like I’d punched her.
“Knox.” My name was barely audible, but her tone told me everything.
I already knew that had been low; I’d known it the second it had left my mouth—but I hadn’t been able to stop it. “I told you, you made a decision today,” I began again, though this time the anger was fading from each word. “I know you, Harlow, and you know me. You know I would never be okay with only having a portion of you, and I know you would never ask me to do that. What we did before, we did because I knew I would have all of you one day. What we did today, we did because I know I have all of you. And now that I do, you can’t try to take part of you away again.”
Tears had been steadily falling down her cheeks since I’d gotten off the bed, but at my last words a muffled sob left her, and she dropped her head so I couldn’t see her face anymore. “I did make a decision today,” she whispered when I knelt onto the bed and pulled her into my arms. “But it’s not the one you think I did, and it’s not the one I wish I could have.”
My body tensed, but I remained quiet.
“I made a decision to love you—completely—for the rest of my life.”
In any other situation, those words would have made me happier than I could begin to describe . . . but not now. The way her voice broke on the last few words told me exactly what she meant, and told me exactly what I didn’t want to hear.
She’d already hinted that with Collin’s unpredictable behavior, she didn’t think she had long to live. So Harlow was giving herself to me the only way she could until the day came where Collin didn’t stop himself.
And I wasn’t going to accept that.
“You just said that you would do anything to have me take you away.” I tried to hold some type of accusation in my tone, but my words were shaky and sounded defeated.
“I would, Knox. If my fam—” She broke off and inhaled audibly. “Collin.”
“What?”
“He’s home!” she hissed, and looked around wildly.
“How do you know?” I asked as I jumped off the bed and began grabbing clothes off the floor. I tossed Harlow’s in her direction as I came across them.
She sighed, like my words had just put a weight on her. “You can’t.”
“I can, and I am.”
“Knox, you don’t understand what he’ll do.”
“No, I do,” I disagreed, and my eyes fell to her right cheek, which was still slightly red from where he’d hit her earlier. “You made a decision today when you texted me. You knew he might see it, and you did it anyway. Before today, you never would’ve let me in this house because you would’ve been too scared for him to find me here, or find out about it.”
Her eyes fell away from mine, but I knew she couldn’t deny it.
“You made a decision when you let me make you mine. After that, you can’t expect me to ever let you go.” I tilted her head up until she was looking at me, then continued talking. “You also told me before that you wouldn’t tell me what happened between you two, unless you were ready to leave.”
“But, Knox—”
“You told me yourself that he’s changing, and if he’s getting careless enough to do what he’s done this week, then not only am I not letting you go, but there’s no way I’m leaving you with him for another day.”
Harlow’s head was shaking before I finished speaking. “After running into you that day in the coffee shop,” she said, “I would’ve done anything to have you take me away right then. I still would give and do anything to have you take me away.” Her next smile looked pained, but her eyes were distant. “Collin had me found just inside Oregon and arrested on a false charge when I tried to run from him. That’s why I’m trying to tell you that you can’t take me. He will find me, and he will bring me back. But that’s the least of my worries. I told you; he threatens my family. He had someone set fire to a house they were in the night I tried to leave. He went after Hadley with his gun one night when she was here, but I got her out before she noticed, and he killed my dog because I did get her out.”
My eyes were wide with shock and disgust, but before I could comment on everything, it hit me. “Where does he keep his gun?”
“You think I haven’t tried to find it? I’m here all day, almost every day. I clean the house from top to bottom. I look for hidden places, too; I have yet to find anything.” She rolled her eyes as she said, “I mean, Collin thought I was trying to poison him with salt today. I don’t think he’d leave a gun somewhere where I could find it.”
“That is not funny,” I said with a growl.
Her face softened. “I’m sorry.”
Seconds passed before I once again vowed, “I’m getting you away from him. Today, Harlow. We’ll call your family; we’ll figure something out. I’ll keep you safe, I’ll figure out a way to keep them all safe.” I didn’t try to hide the urgency in my tone. She needed to know how serious I was; she needed to know that I meant right now, not sometime in the future. “Go and pack whatever you need; whatever you don’t get I’ll take care of—”
Her hands went back to cradle my face, and her thumbs brushed across my lips in a way to stop me from talking—and somehow it worked. I knew she wasn’t going to agree. I knew, and it was frustrating me as much as it was making me panic. “I love you,” she said simply.
“Harlow . . .”
“I’ve always loved you, Knox, and I will always love you; but I can’t lea—”
“Yes, you can!”
“I can’t!”
“Then tell me what this was,” I demanded as I pulled away from her and got off the bed. My voice rose as I took a few steps away, then turned to look at her again. “Tell me why you just gave yourself to me after seven goddamn years, Harlow!”
She pushed herself up with one arm, and her face showed how much all this hurt her—but it was hurting me more.
I continued when she opened her mouth to respond. “Was it some goodbye? Did you want to see what we would be like together since I wouldn’t touch you before? To see what you’d given up?” I sneered, and she exhaled heavily, like I’d punched her.
“Knox.” My name was barely audible, but her tone told me everything.
I already knew that had been low; I’d known it the second it had left my mouth—but I hadn’t been able to stop it. “I told you, you made a decision today,” I began again, though this time the anger was fading from each word. “I know you, Harlow, and you know me. You know I would never be okay with only having a portion of you, and I know you would never ask me to do that. What we did before, we did because I knew I would have all of you one day. What we did today, we did because I know I have all of you. And now that I do, you can’t try to take part of you away again.”
Tears had been steadily falling down her cheeks since I’d gotten off the bed, but at my last words a muffled sob left her, and she dropped her head so I couldn’t see her face anymore. “I did make a decision today,” she whispered when I knelt onto the bed and pulled her into my arms. “But it’s not the one you think I did, and it’s not the one I wish I could have.”
My body tensed, but I remained quiet.
“I made a decision to love you—completely—for the rest of my life.”
In any other situation, those words would have made me happier than I could begin to describe . . . but not now. The way her voice broke on the last few words told me exactly what she meant, and told me exactly what I didn’t want to hear.
She’d already hinted that with Collin’s unpredictable behavior, she didn’t think she had long to live. So Harlow was giving herself to me the only way she could until the day came where Collin didn’t stop himself.
And I wasn’t going to accept that.
“You just said that you would do anything to have me take you away.” I tried to hold some type of accusation in my tone, but my words were shaky and sounded defeated.
“I would, Knox. If my fam—” She broke off and inhaled audibly. “Collin.”
“What?”
“He’s home!” she hissed, and looked around wildly.
“How do you know?” I asked as I jumped off the bed and began grabbing clothes off the floor. I tossed Harlow’s in her direction as I came across them.
