Torn
Page 36
“Me!” I shouted. “I kept thinking they had you under their control. That they were manipulating you. That was why I followed. I followed you because I care about you and you almost got me killed.”
“But you didn’t get killed, did you?”
“That’s not the point, dumbass.”
Her eyes rolled. “Why are we even standing here talking about this? I know you’ve been given orders to kill me or bring me in, but you want to stand here and talk me to death.”
“I want to know why the fuck you did this! I don’t even care about the Order,” I admitted, my voice cracking with raw emotion. “You did this to me! I want to know why.”
Val’s shoulders rose, and I could tell she wanted to look away, but knew better than to do that at this point. “You don’t understand.”
“You’re right,” I snapped back. “You got your parents killed, Val. Do you know that? They were executed because of you.”
She flinched. “That was . . . sad.”
“Sad?”
Her nostrils flared. “Jesus, Ivy, sacrifices have to be made. It’s not like they didn’t live a long and happy life.”
My mouth dropped open. “I can’t believe you.”
“But you should.”
“Stop talking in cliffhangers!” I was losing my patience.
“Jesus, Ivy, are you really happy working for the Order? Spending what limited time you have on this Earth, putting your life on the line every day for a bunch of people who literally can’t even stop from drinking themselves to death? You’re happy getting up every morning knowing that there is about a fifty-percent chance you’re going to die that day and get paid shit for it?”
My jaw worked. “We get paid pretty well.”
“For going out there and defending those fuckers, knowing we’re going to eventually die doing it?” She flung her arm out toward the ledge of the roof. “No. We don’t get paid enough for this shit. And you know we can’t just quit. We were born into this, cosmically pulling the short straw on life.”
She was right about the not quitting part. It wasn’t exactly unheard of, but it wasn’t easy.
“And I know you’re not happy,” she continued. “That’s why you take college classes—”
“Yeah, I take college classes, but I don’t betray everyone I know,” I shot back in a state of disbelief. “If you were this unhappy, you could’ve just walked away from it.”
She snorted. “I could’ve done that, but I . . . You don’t know, Ivy. You see the world one way, but you have no idea what the other side is like.”
“Other side?” I repeatedly dumbly.
“You have no idea what the fae are capable of, and I’m not talking about taking over the world. They are . . . well, let’s just say once you go fae, you never go back.”
“Are you fucking serious?”
“And when they feed?” She licked her lips. “It’s better than a shot of heroin.”
“You’ve . . .” There were no words.
“Don’t look at me like that—like I’m repulsive. When it happened, it wasn’t like it was planned. I got cornered on a hunt, Ivy, months and months ago. He didn’t kill me. I’m not even sure why. He wanted to . . . play with his food, I guess. I thought I was going to die, but he took me to Marlon instead.”
“Marlon . . . the ancient?” Marlon St. Cryers was an ancient who lived a very public life as a renowned business developer. I’d been this close to him when I’d been at Flux.
Val nodded. “We worked out a deal. He wouldn’t kill me if I helped them find the Order members who were guarding the gates. And you know, it sounded like a deal I should take, considering I liked living and breathing. So I did. But after a while, it wasn’t even like I was being forced, Ivy. I began to see how this was all going to end. They’re going to win, Ivy. Especially now that the prince is here. They are going to take over eventually, and you know what? I’d rather be on the winning side. And girl, like I said before, the fae know what they’re doing.”
I stared at her, horrified. “Do you even hear yourself? You enjoy being fed on? Holy shit, what is wrong with you?”
“Don’t knock it, babe, until you get with one who doesn’t want to make you hurt. And it doesn’t hurt. It’s like a full-body orgasm. Trust me.” She shrugged. “There’s freakier shit out there.”
“No. No there’s not.” Then it struck me. “The new guy you were dating. He’s a fae.”
“Took you that long to figure that out?” she replied wryly.
“Marlon?” When she didn’t answer, I resisted the urge to knock her upside her head. “You’ve been feeding him information, getting people killed and betraying everyone, just so you can stay alive and basically get fucked and fed on? Wow, Val.”
She moved, stopping a handful of feet from me. “I know what you are,” she stated, her voice low. “So how dare you stand there and lecture me on what is right and wrong? You’re the halfling. You’re going to be screwing the prince soon enough.”
I shot forward, getting right up in her face. “First off, I’m not going to be screwing the prince, because I actually have taste in men. And secondly, I didn’t choose to be this, Val. I didn’t wake up one moment and decide to be a fucking coward and betray every person who trusts me, because that’s basically what you are. A fucking coward who fucks everyone while fucking them over—”
“But you didn’t get killed, did you?”
“That’s not the point, dumbass.”
Her eyes rolled. “Why are we even standing here talking about this? I know you’ve been given orders to kill me or bring me in, but you want to stand here and talk me to death.”
“I want to know why the fuck you did this! I don’t even care about the Order,” I admitted, my voice cracking with raw emotion. “You did this to me! I want to know why.”
Val’s shoulders rose, and I could tell she wanted to look away, but knew better than to do that at this point. “You don’t understand.”
“You’re right,” I snapped back. “You got your parents killed, Val. Do you know that? They were executed because of you.”
She flinched. “That was . . . sad.”
“Sad?”
Her nostrils flared. “Jesus, Ivy, sacrifices have to be made. It’s not like they didn’t live a long and happy life.”
My mouth dropped open. “I can’t believe you.”
“But you should.”
“Stop talking in cliffhangers!” I was losing my patience.
“Jesus, Ivy, are you really happy working for the Order? Spending what limited time you have on this Earth, putting your life on the line every day for a bunch of people who literally can’t even stop from drinking themselves to death? You’re happy getting up every morning knowing that there is about a fifty-percent chance you’re going to die that day and get paid shit for it?”
My jaw worked. “We get paid pretty well.”
“For going out there and defending those fuckers, knowing we’re going to eventually die doing it?” She flung her arm out toward the ledge of the roof. “No. We don’t get paid enough for this shit. And you know we can’t just quit. We were born into this, cosmically pulling the short straw on life.”
She was right about the not quitting part. It wasn’t exactly unheard of, but it wasn’t easy.
“And I know you’re not happy,” she continued. “That’s why you take college classes—”
“Yeah, I take college classes, but I don’t betray everyone I know,” I shot back in a state of disbelief. “If you were this unhappy, you could’ve just walked away from it.”
She snorted. “I could’ve done that, but I . . . You don’t know, Ivy. You see the world one way, but you have no idea what the other side is like.”
“Other side?” I repeatedly dumbly.
“You have no idea what the fae are capable of, and I’m not talking about taking over the world. They are . . . well, let’s just say once you go fae, you never go back.”
“Are you fucking serious?”
“And when they feed?” She licked her lips. “It’s better than a shot of heroin.”
“You’ve . . .” There were no words.
“Don’t look at me like that—like I’m repulsive. When it happened, it wasn’t like it was planned. I got cornered on a hunt, Ivy, months and months ago. He didn’t kill me. I’m not even sure why. He wanted to . . . play with his food, I guess. I thought I was going to die, but he took me to Marlon instead.”
“Marlon . . . the ancient?” Marlon St. Cryers was an ancient who lived a very public life as a renowned business developer. I’d been this close to him when I’d been at Flux.
Val nodded. “We worked out a deal. He wouldn’t kill me if I helped them find the Order members who were guarding the gates. And you know, it sounded like a deal I should take, considering I liked living and breathing. So I did. But after a while, it wasn’t even like I was being forced, Ivy. I began to see how this was all going to end. They’re going to win, Ivy. Especially now that the prince is here. They are going to take over eventually, and you know what? I’d rather be on the winning side. And girl, like I said before, the fae know what they’re doing.”
I stared at her, horrified. “Do you even hear yourself? You enjoy being fed on? Holy shit, what is wrong with you?”
“Don’t knock it, babe, until you get with one who doesn’t want to make you hurt. And it doesn’t hurt. It’s like a full-body orgasm. Trust me.” She shrugged. “There’s freakier shit out there.”
“No. No there’s not.” Then it struck me. “The new guy you were dating. He’s a fae.”
“Took you that long to figure that out?” she replied wryly.
“Marlon?” When she didn’t answer, I resisted the urge to knock her upside her head. “You’ve been feeding him information, getting people killed and betraying everyone, just so you can stay alive and basically get fucked and fed on? Wow, Val.”
She moved, stopping a handful of feet from me. “I know what you are,” she stated, her voice low. “So how dare you stand there and lecture me on what is right and wrong? You’re the halfling. You’re going to be screwing the prince soon enough.”
I shot forward, getting right up in her face. “First off, I’m not going to be screwing the prince, because I actually have taste in men. And secondly, I didn’t choose to be this, Val. I didn’t wake up one moment and decide to be a fucking coward and betray every person who trusts me, because that’s basically what you are. A fucking coward who fucks everyone while fucking them over—”
