Torn
Page 33
Xander’s eyes shift to River. “Talk to your sister. She insisted we bring dinner over.”
River looks at him. “Thank you for that.”
He looks back. “No problem. Actually, we all wanted to be here for the both of you.”
My eyes move to Bell, who looks a little apprehensive as she shrugs her shoulders and I give her a warm smile, assuring her that our relationship is intact. Then I shift my gaze to Xander. “Thank you, Xander.”
“Anything for you, Muse,” he says.
River nods in appreciation to both his brother and sister. Everyone looks over at us and it’s quiet for a split second until Garrett says, “Why is everyone acting like someone just died?”
Bell gives him a swift kick and he turns pale and freezes. His eyes dart to mine, “Shit. Oh my God, Dahlia. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I was only trying to lighten the mood.”
Nix smacks Garrett across the back of his head and says, “Man, you always talk out of your ass. It’s a good thing no one ever listens.”
We all laugh to break the tension and the flurry of activity continues.
I rest my head on River’s shoulder as we watch them set up the meal they’ve brought over for us. He kisses my hair and then whispers to me, “Are you okay with this?”
I nod and let go of his hand, turning to cup his cheek. Motioning with my eyes to Xander, I quietly urge, “Go talk to him.”
With a determined nod, he gives me a swift kiss and heads toward the kitchen. I watch him walk with that same gait I’ve seen a thousand times. But it’s thrilling each time—how lucky am I to have a caring, compassionate, and loving man like him in my life?
He cautiously approaches Xander, who pats him on the shoulder then motions him outside to the deck. Xander looks back before exiting the sliding glass door to give me a nod and a quick smile.
“Hey Dahlia, you doing okay?” Nix asks and I have to blink because I never saw him approach me. I have to swallow repeatedly to hold back the tears. I wasn’t expecting condolences from any of these guys. As I try to find the words to answer, Garrett is at my side, giving me a one-armed hug. “I’m sorry for your loss, Dahlia.”
I take a deep breath and return his hug. “Thank you,” I manage and step back before turning to Nix and answering his question. “I’m doing better than I expected.”
It’s true. I am. I’m actually interacting with people, rather than withdrawing into my own world like I have so many times before—a world where I can’t focus on what people are saying to me, where my responses are nothing but mindless nods, and my hugs are nothing but stiff embraces. I’m stronger than that now.
“Hey, you guys are suffocating her. Move away and let her breathe,” Bell says.
She takes my hand, pulling me to the sofa. Once we sit she looks anywhere but at me. I want to be the first to say something, to reassure her that I’m not upset at her in the least bit, but she beats me to it.
“I’m so sorry all this has happened. I don’t even know what to say. Do you think of me differently?” she asks, hesitating as she tucks her foot under her leg.
Taking her hand, I cover it with mine. “Bell, look at me.” Her sad green eyes dart to mine and I say, “Of course not. I don’t blame you for anything that happened. I don’t. So please don’t think that. I know the situation is awkward, but let’s not let it change things between us. Okay?”
Nodding, she bites her lip. “You know I never knew he was the same person.”
“Let’s just not discuss him. Please?”
“I’m sorry, Dahlia,” she says. Then, just like her brother, she has the uncanny ability to change topics seamlessly. “How are you doing?”
“Much better than I ever thought I would. How about we see what’s in all those trays in the kitchen? I’m hungry.”
She smiles at me and pulls me in for a big hug. “I love you, Dahlia.”
“I love you, too, Bell.”
We head toward the kitchen and I look outside. Nix and Garrett have joined River and Xander and they’re all sitting around the table, talking calmly. I hope they can come to terms with River’s decision because they’re so important to him. It wasn’t easy for him to quit but I’ve come to believe it was the right thing for him to do. He loves to sing and play guitar, but he never wanted to be famous; he couldn’t live his father’s dream. He loves music but it needs to be on his own terms.
I’m staring out the window, watching as he runs his hands through his hair, when I blurt out, “Do you think everything happens for a reason?”
Bell grabs a stack of plates and sets them on the counter. “Yeah, I hope so. I’d like to think it does, anyway.”
Shoving the pans in the oven, I close the door and turn it on. My next words catch in my throat but I push them out. “What made you decide to give up the baby?”
She stares at me for a long moment before she answers. “After everything that happened, I just knew the baby would be better off with two parents who loved it.”
There’s another stretch of silence, but I think it’s understood that we both accept the strange situation. We will be okay. Neither one of us will let anything harm our friendship. Opening the refrigerator, I grab two bottles of water and hand her one.
Bell laughs and takes a sip. “And come on, Dahlia, let’s be real. Could you see me with a five-year– old right now?”
“I think you’d be surprised at what you could do.”
Snorting, she says, “What? Isn’t it normal that a twenty-five-year-old lives with her mom?”
“Bell, you can change that anytime you want. You’re doing great—you’re managing to juggle two jobs and, from what I hear, doing fantastic in both of them.”
“Actually, I am moving. Xander found me an apartment in West Hollywood after I told him how much I really love my job with Tate. Xander is replacing me as soon as possible so I can start working full-time there.”
“That’s great, Bell. See, you can do whatever you want!”
The front door opens, and, in a whirlwind, Aerie rushes to the kitchen. She throws her purse on the counter and hurries over to me. We hug each other for a long time. “Dahlia, I am so sorry,” she says.
When we break apart I look into her saddened eyes as she looks at me with affection and I manage to say, “I’ve missed you so much,” before breaking down completely.
Bell leaves us alone and joins everyone else on the back deck. I have so much to tell Aerie but now doesn’t feel like the right time. She puts her arm around my shoulder and leads me through the front door where we sit on the steps and talk about Grace.
About fifteen minutes later, the door opens and Bell stands there with the portable phone in her hand. “Dahlia, it’s Serena, she says she really needs to talk to you.” Handing it to me she whispers, “I’m going to go get dinner ready.”
I nod and give her a warm smile.
A million horrible thoughts about Trent drift through my mind as I put the phone to my ear and cautiously say, “Hello.”
“Dahlia, please come over. I need your help. I just can’t do it.”
“It’s okay, Serena, calm down. What can’t you do?”
“Pick out her clothes,” she cries into the phone.
“Her clothes?” I swallow.
“I have to bring them to the funeral home by six. Could you come over and help me pick something out?”
Sadly, I know exactly what she’s talking about. “Let me just change and I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
My stomach knotting, I look at Aerie. “I have to go, Serena needs help with some of the arrangements.”
Before I even get to the door, River opens it. His arms circle me and hold me tight. He kisses my head and whispers, “What’s going on?”
I am not sure how he’s going to take this, but at the same time I have to go and he can’t come with me. Even before I can tell him anything Aerie says, “I’ll drive you to Grace’s.”
I nod okay.
River and Aerie say hello to each other and she steps inside.
“Do you want me to take you?” River asks me reaching his hands to cradle my face.
My determination falters as I contemplate letting him drive me. But I know I can’t because if Ben is there they’ll just go at it again. And I can’t do that to Serena. “I think I should go alone. Please understand.”
His body stiffens, but relaxes when I lean into his touch and slide my mouth to kiss his hand. He then presses his forehead against mine, silently acknowledging his acceptance.
As we enter the house the rest of the guys are just walking inside. Bell is in the kitchen taking the trays out of the oven and Nix and Garrett start shoving each other to get the first plate. Xander is helping to set the rest of the food out as Aerie instructs him how to do it. He snaps at her and she doesn’t hesitate to give it right back to him. Everything looks back to normal.
I grab River’s hand. “Come with me. I’m going to change my clothes before I go.” Then pulling him down the hall with me I ask, “Will you be okay here?”
A small chuckle escapes him, “Yeah, I’ll be fine, Dahlia. I’m a big boy.”
He flops himself on the bed, kicks his feet up, and leans back against the headboard.
“That’s not what I mean. How did your conversation with Xander go?”
He smiles and pulls me onto the bed with him. “It went much better than the last time. We didn’t yell or argue. It started out rough but Xander surprised me. It was like it somehow clicked, like he finally understood that life wasn’t for me.”
Staring into his tranquil green eyes, I’m relieved that he and his brother are talking again. “What about the other guys?”
His smile grows even wider. “We talked and they aren’t happy that I won’t be with them, but they’ve accepted my decision. They told me our friendship is more important than anything else.”
I close my eyes in gratitude for a second, so happy his brother finally understood and he had his friends back.
“Ellie agreed to Jack’s suggestion for a potential new lead singer. They’re going to meet tomorrow.”
I sit up and glare at him. Rolling my eyes I mutter, “Yeah, I bet she did.”
Reaching for my hands, he sits up, too, and pulls me onto his lap.
Cradling his face in my hands, I examine his expression before kissing him hard, making sure to suck on his bottom lip before stopping. Shrugging, I joke, “Sorry, I just needed to get her name off your lips.”
Shaking his head, he grabs my T-shirt and pulls me back to him. Our mouths meet with such intensity that I almost forget for a moment about everything that has happened. He pulls back and both of us are breathless. He takes my face between his palms, his eyes beaming with the same emotion I feel when I’m with him—pure happiness. And I know what we have will never be torn apart.
***
The light at the intersection turns green and cars drive past us as horns behind us relentlessly honk. Aerie sits in the driver’s seat, gripping the steering wheel in utter shock. “That f-ing son of a bitch.”
As she’s never one to really swear, I’m used to hearing her curse in abbreviations.
I wasn’t going to say anything to her, but one thing led to the next when I thanked her for driving me since my car was still in Santa Barbara.
“That f-ing son of a bitch. Wait until I see him,” she repeats as she swings the steering wheel to head down the street leading to Grace’s house. Silence fills the air and I can see the gears turning in her head.
“Aerie, not now, not today. Please,” I tell her as she parks the car.
Looking around, I don’t see Ben’s car anywhere. Serena must be alone and I know she needs me—only me. “Do you think I can call you when I’m ready to head back?”
She nods her head and draws me in for a hug. When she lets go she says, “Make sure you call me if you need anything at all.”
“You know it. And thanks again for the ride.” Then I’m opening the car door and walking slowly toward the house. “Serena, I’m here,” I call as I enter the family room. Sadness hits me as I look around the room that still feels like it’s filled with her presence. Climbing the stairs, I head to Grace’s room. I knock and slowly walk in. All of Grace’s clothes are thrown on the bed and Serena’s pulling shoes off the rack in the closet and tossing them to the ground. “Serena,” I call but she doesn’t answer. I reach her and pull her to me in a hug that I hope will offer some comfort. My heart aches for her as words pour out of my mouth. “Serena, look at me. I know how hard this is. But I’m here. Let me help you.”
She turns around and hugs me back while she cries and I am so thankful that I get to be the one to comfort her, to help her through this.
Together we sort through Grace’s dresses which are all spread out on the bed and when I see it, I know it’s the one—the navy sheath dress with a matching belt, the one that always made her eyes light up. Serena agrees and then frantically turns to what’s left of the rack filled with shoes. She finds a match immediately. Lifting up a pair of blue pumps she says, “I remember buying these with her at Avery’s. We were in LA for the day at a luncheon. She had worn some strappy sandals that were killing her feet, so after the event was over we decided to hit up Beverly Hills.” She smiles at the memory and then abruptly says, “We need some underwear.”
“Right,” I say, trying to keep up.
River looks at him. “Thank you for that.”
He looks back. “No problem. Actually, we all wanted to be here for the both of you.”
My eyes move to Bell, who looks a little apprehensive as she shrugs her shoulders and I give her a warm smile, assuring her that our relationship is intact. Then I shift my gaze to Xander. “Thank you, Xander.”
“Anything for you, Muse,” he says.
River nods in appreciation to both his brother and sister. Everyone looks over at us and it’s quiet for a split second until Garrett says, “Why is everyone acting like someone just died?”
Bell gives him a swift kick and he turns pale and freezes. His eyes dart to mine, “Shit. Oh my God, Dahlia. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I was only trying to lighten the mood.”
Nix smacks Garrett across the back of his head and says, “Man, you always talk out of your ass. It’s a good thing no one ever listens.”
We all laugh to break the tension and the flurry of activity continues.
I rest my head on River’s shoulder as we watch them set up the meal they’ve brought over for us. He kisses my hair and then whispers to me, “Are you okay with this?”
I nod and let go of his hand, turning to cup his cheek. Motioning with my eyes to Xander, I quietly urge, “Go talk to him.”
With a determined nod, he gives me a swift kiss and heads toward the kitchen. I watch him walk with that same gait I’ve seen a thousand times. But it’s thrilling each time—how lucky am I to have a caring, compassionate, and loving man like him in my life?
He cautiously approaches Xander, who pats him on the shoulder then motions him outside to the deck. Xander looks back before exiting the sliding glass door to give me a nod and a quick smile.
“Hey Dahlia, you doing okay?” Nix asks and I have to blink because I never saw him approach me. I have to swallow repeatedly to hold back the tears. I wasn’t expecting condolences from any of these guys. As I try to find the words to answer, Garrett is at my side, giving me a one-armed hug. “I’m sorry for your loss, Dahlia.”
I take a deep breath and return his hug. “Thank you,” I manage and step back before turning to Nix and answering his question. “I’m doing better than I expected.”
It’s true. I am. I’m actually interacting with people, rather than withdrawing into my own world like I have so many times before—a world where I can’t focus on what people are saying to me, where my responses are nothing but mindless nods, and my hugs are nothing but stiff embraces. I’m stronger than that now.
“Hey, you guys are suffocating her. Move away and let her breathe,” Bell says.
She takes my hand, pulling me to the sofa. Once we sit she looks anywhere but at me. I want to be the first to say something, to reassure her that I’m not upset at her in the least bit, but she beats me to it.
“I’m so sorry all this has happened. I don’t even know what to say. Do you think of me differently?” she asks, hesitating as she tucks her foot under her leg.
Taking her hand, I cover it with mine. “Bell, look at me.” Her sad green eyes dart to mine and I say, “Of course not. I don’t blame you for anything that happened. I don’t. So please don’t think that. I know the situation is awkward, but let’s not let it change things between us. Okay?”
Nodding, she bites her lip. “You know I never knew he was the same person.”
“Let’s just not discuss him. Please?”
“I’m sorry, Dahlia,” she says. Then, just like her brother, she has the uncanny ability to change topics seamlessly. “How are you doing?”
“Much better than I ever thought I would. How about we see what’s in all those trays in the kitchen? I’m hungry.”
She smiles at me and pulls me in for a big hug. “I love you, Dahlia.”
“I love you, too, Bell.”
We head toward the kitchen and I look outside. Nix and Garrett have joined River and Xander and they’re all sitting around the table, talking calmly. I hope they can come to terms with River’s decision because they’re so important to him. It wasn’t easy for him to quit but I’ve come to believe it was the right thing for him to do. He loves to sing and play guitar, but he never wanted to be famous; he couldn’t live his father’s dream. He loves music but it needs to be on his own terms.
I’m staring out the window, watching as he runs his hands through his hair, when I blurt out, “Do you think everything happens for a reason?”
Bell grabs a stack of plates and sets them on the counter. “Yeah, I hope so. I’d like to think it does, anyway.”
Shoving the pans in the oven, I close the door and turn it on. My next words catch in my throat but I push them out. “What made you decide to give up the baby?”
She stares at me for a long moment before she answers. “After everything that happened, I just knew the baby would be better off with two parents who loved it.”
There’s another stretch of silence, but I think it’s understood that we both accept the strange situation. We will be okay. Neither one of us will let anything harm our friendship. Opening the refrigerator, I grab two bottles of water and hand her one.
Bell laughs and takes a sip. “And come on, Dahlia, let’s be real. Could you see me with a five-year– old right now?”
“I think you’d be surprised at what you could do.”
Snorting, she says, “What? Isn’t it normal that a twenty-five-year-old lives with her mom?”
“Bell, you can change that anytime you want. You’re doing great—you’re managing to juggle two jobs and, from what I hear, doing fantastic in both of them.”
“Actually, I am moving. Xander found me an apartment in West Hollywood after I told him how much I really love my job with Tate. Xander is replacing me as soon as possible so I can start working full-time there.”
“That’s great, Bell. See, you can do whatever you want!”
The front door opens, and, in a whirlwind, Aerie rushes to the kitchen. She throws her purse on the counter and hurries over to me. We hug each other for a long time. “Dahlia, I am so sorry,” she says.
When we break apart I look into her saddened eyes as she looks at me with affection and I manage to say, “I’ve missed you so much,” before breaking down completely.
Bell leaves us alone and joins everyone else on the back deck. I have so much to tell Aerie but now doesn’t feel like the right time. She puts her arm around my shoulder and leads me through the front door where we sit on the steps and talk about Grace.
About fifteen minutes later, the door opens and Bell stands there with the portable phone in her hand. “Dahlia, it’s Serena, she says she really needs to talk to you.” Handing it to me she whispers, “I’m going to go get dinner ready.”
I nod and give her a warm smile.
A million horrible thoughts about Trent drift through my mind as I put the phone to my ear and cautiously say, “Hello.”
“Dahlia, please come over. I need your help. I just can’t do it.”
“It’s okay, Serena, calm down. What can’t you do?”
“Pick out her clothes,” she cries into the phone.
“Her clothes?” I swallow.
“I have to bring them to the funeral home by six. Could you come over and help me pick something out?”
Sadly, I know exactly what she’s talking about. “Let me just change and I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
My stomach knotting, I look at Aerie. “I have to go, Serena needs help with some of the arrangements.”
Before I even get to the door, River opens it. His arms circle me and hold me tight. He kisses my head and whispers, “What’s going on?”
I am not sure how he’s going to take this, but at the same time I have to go and he can’t come with me. Even before I can tell him anything Aerie says, “I’ll drive you to Grace’s.”
I nod okay.
River and Aerie say hello to each other and she steps inside.
“Do you want me to take you?” River asks me reaching his hands to cradle my face.
My determination falters as I contemplate letting him drive me. But I know I can’t because if Ben is there they’ll just go at it again. And I can’t do that to Serena. “I think I should go alone. Please understand.”
His body stiffens, but relaxes when I lean into his touch and slide my mouth to kiss his hand. He then presses his forehead against mine, silently acknowledging his acceptance.
As we enter the house the rest of the guys are just walking inside. Bell is in the kitchen taking the trays out of the oven and Nix and Garrett start shoving each other to get the first plate. Xander is helping to set the rest of the food out as Aerie instructs him how to do it. He snaps at her and she doesn’t hesitate to give it right back to him. Everything looks back to normal.
I grab River’s hand. “Come with me. I’m going to change my clothes before I go.” Then pulling him down the hall with me I ask, “Will you be okay here?”
A small chuckle escapes him, “Yeah, I’ll be fine, Dahlia. I’m a big boy.”
He flops himself on the bed, kicks his feet up, and leans back against the headboard.
“That’s not what I mean. How did your conversation with Xander go?”
He smiles and pulls me onto the bed with him. “It went much better than the last time. We didn’t yell or argue. It started out rough but Xander surprised me. It was like it somehow clicked, like he finally understood that life wasn’t for me.”
Staring into his tranquil green eyes, I’m relieved that he and his brother are talking again. “What about the other guys?”
His smile grows even wider. “We talked and they aren’t happy that I won’t be with them, but they’ve accepted my decision. They told me our friendship is more important than anything else.”
I close my eyes in gratitude for a second, so happy his brother finally understood and he had his friends back.
“Ellie agreed to Jack’s suggestion for a potential new lead singer. They’re going to meet tomorrow.”
I sit up and glare at him. Rolling my eyes I mutter, “Yeah, I bet she did.”
Reaching for my hands, he sits up, too, and pulls me onto his lap.
Cradling his face in my hands, I examine his expression before kissing him hard, making sure to suck on his bottom lip before stopping. Shrugging, I joke, “Sorry, I just needed to get her name off your lips.”
Shaking his head, he grabs my T-shirt and pulls me back to him. Our mouths meet with such intensity that I almost forget for a moment about everything that has happened. He pulls back and both of us are breathless. He takes my face between his palms, his eyes beaming with the same emotion I feel when I’m with him—pure happiness. And I know what we have will never be torn apart.
***
The light at the intersection turns green and cars drive past us as horns behind us relentlessly honk. Aerie sits in the driver’s seat, gripping the steering wheel in utter shock. “That f-ing son of a bitch.”
As she’s never one to really swear, I’m used to hearing her curse in abbreviations.
I wasn’t going to say anything to her, but one thing led to the next when I thanked her for driving me since my car was still in Santa Barbara.
“That f-ing son of a bitch. Wait until I see him,” she repeats as she swings the steering wheel to head down the street leading to Grace’s house. Silence fills the air and I can see the gears turning in her head.
“Aerie, not now, not today. Please,” I tell her as she parks the car.
Looking around, I don’t see Ben’s car anywhere. Serena must be alone and I know she needs me—only me. “Do you think I can call you when I’m ready to head back?”
She nods her head and draws me in for a hug. When she lets go she says, “Make sure you call me if you need anything at all.”
“You know it. And thanks again for the ride.” Then I’m opening the car door and walking slowly toward the house. “Serena, I’m here,” I call as I enter the family room. Sadness hits me as I look around the room that still feels like it’s filled with her presence. Climbing the stairs, I head to Grace’s room. I knock and slowly walk in. All of Grace’s clothes are thrown on the bed and Serena’s pulling shoes off the rack in the closet and tossing them to the ground. “Serena,” I call but she doesn’t answer. I reach her and pull her to me in a hug that I hope will offer some comfort. My heart aches for her as words pour out of my mouth. “Serena, look at me. I know how hard this is. But I’m here. Let me help you.”
She turns around and hugs me back while she cries and I am so thankful that I get to be the one to comfort her, to help her through this.
Together we sort through Grace’s dresses which are all spread out on the bed and when I see it, I know it’s the one—the navy sheath dress with a matching belt, the one that always made her eyes light up. Serena agrees and then frantically turns to what’s left of the rack filled with shoes. She finds a match immediately. Lifting up a pair of blue pumps she says, “I remember buying these with her at Avery’s. We were in LA for the day at a luncheon. She had worn some strappy sandals that were killing her feet, so after the event was over we decided to hit up Beverly Hills.” She smiles at the memory and then abruptly says, “We need some underwear.”
“Right,” I say, trying to keep up.
