Trailer Park Heart
Page 15
The sound was angry. That much was obvious. And to be honest, I didn’t know what was waiting for me on the other side. It could be an angry neighbor. Mr. Cavanaugh from two trailers down always had something to complain about. Or it could be one of my mom’s associates come to collect… well, it could be anything. Money, stolen possessions, car keys from when she’d confiscated them the night before at Misty’s.
Mom was a lot of things, but she never let the men drive home drunk after a night of whoring. I always found that strangely admirable.
There was a short break and then the pounding started up again.
“Ruby, I know you’re in there!”
Damn, it was Ajax.
Setting my quesadilla down, I jumped to my feet. Ajax wasn’t going to go away. My car was out front, he knew I was home. If he wanted to talk, there was no stopping him.
Max made a grumbly sound and took a big bite of his supper.
“Be nice,” I whispered.
He rolled his eyes and pushed some tortilla chips around his plate.
“And eat your beans,” I ordered.
He rolled his eyes for a second time but picked up a fork.
I should probably discipline him for all the eye rolls, but I was a big eye-roller myself, so it felt wrong to punish him for something I had yet to get a handle on.
Straightening my scoop neck tee and artfully ripped up jeans, I walked the few steps from our dining table to the front door. Ajax stood on the other side, a dark shadow of a man cast in the light of the setting sun.
There was a time in my life when I thought there had never been a more attractive man than this one. At one point, when Max was little, and I had still thought I needed someone to save me, Ajax had been my knight in shining armor.
Not even Logan Cole could live up to the hero I’d made Ajax out to be.
Not even Ajax could live up to the hero I’d made him out to be.
I met Ajax Mendino three years ago when he’d moved to town to train horses. He was four years older than me, dark haired, dark skinned and dark souled. I’d been drawn to the wildness in him, the raw power that seemed to vibrate through him. We’d met on a rare night out, when Coco was home on fall break and dragged me to Pug’s for country night. “Need You Now” by Lady Antebellum was playing and he’d asked me to dance. I’d had just enough whiskey and Cokes to say yes.
After a night of laughing, drinking and touching, he’d swept me off my feet in a literal sense and carried me to the back of the bar where he’d all but ravished me right there, in public. I’d left the bar with the burn of his five o’clock shadow all over my jaw and puffy lips from greedy kisses.
I had never been kissed like that before. Never been desired so desperately. And my poor, neglected heart had jumped with excitement.
Ajax had taken my number and then texted the next day. His interest had surprised me. With a toddler at home and zero experience dating in high school, I hadn’t expected contact for at least three days. That was what chic flicks and sitcoms told me was normal. It was my only standard to gauge by.
I’d asked Coco her thoughts, but she was as excited at the prospect of me dating as I had been.
It was easy to fall for Ajax after that. He took me out on the weekends and texted at least once a day. Whenever we were together, he’d always found a way to touch me, make me feel special. He would always tell me how beautiful I was. He was everything I had never had before.
I hadn’t let him meet Max right away. I’ve always been protective of my son, especially in this town. And I’d never told him about his dad before. He was only two, so it wasn’t like he was asking a lot of questions, but I was afraid Ajax would confuse him.
They ended up meeting by accident three months later. Max and I were grocery shopping at the Piggly Wiggly and we ran into Ajax. Max didn’t care about the man talking to Mommy, but Ajax especially didn’t seem interested in my son.
I had always been up front about being a mom. It wasn’t something I could have hidden in this town anyway, but I was proud of my baby. Besides, I talked about him too often to keep him a secret. But it didn’t click until that moment how very uninterested in my son Ajax was until that moment.
He ruffled Max’s hair before he took off and it always struck me as weird how he handled my child like a puppy.
I would never know if it was Max or me in the grocery store looking completely domesticated in yoga pants and an oversized t-shirt I’d tied at the waist, but Ajax’s texts stopped coming as regularly after that. And two weeks later Coco saw him with another woman at Pug’s, dancing and making out and leaving together.
Since then, I made him get tested before we ever hooked up. I should have ended it with him when it was clear he didn’t want me exclusively. He’d never made the promise or even alluded to us being in a monogamous relationship. But… I had hoped. I had done the one thing I promised myself I would never do again after I found out I was pregnant with Max.
My stupid, fragile heart had fluttered when I was around him. My brain had unwittingly started making plans about our future. I’d been thinking about introducing him to Max and my mom before the grocery store, planning out how the occasion should go.
Looking back, I was embarrassingly naïve.
Instead of ending it with him, I’d let him string me along, whenever was convenient for him. I’d just wanted something to make me feel good, even if it was just for a little bit, even if it was only temporary… even if I’d feel worse afterward. It wasn’t like I used him like a drug, I’d reasoned. I didn’t beg for my next fix or feel particularly addicted to him.
But he was the only one interested in me. And so that made me say yes, when I knew I should have said no. That made me compromise who I thought I was as a human and female and adult when I didn’t want to be any of those things… when I just, for even the shortest time, just wanted to be someone that was loved.
No, not even loved. Just someone that was seen… cared for… Someone that was wanted.
That had changed over the last year though. Ajax wasn’t the carefree Casanova he’d been at the beginning of our relationship. His job had gotten more stressful and I suspected he had money problems.
Plus, it was one thing when Max was little and didn’t notice Ajax or question where I was going and when I was coming home.
It was something else entirely now that Max knew kids with normal, nuclear families and had started asking questions about his dad. I couldn’t give him a normal family and I sure as heck couldn’t answer questions about his dad until we moved elsewhere. Ajax was another problem I didn’t need.
For the last six months, I’d been distancing myself from Ajax as much as possible and we hadn’t hooked up in at least seven or eight months. That he was standing at my door said something about how desperate he’d gotten.
He lifted his head and grinned at me, flashing straight white teeth. His longish-hair was tucked behind his ears and he had a few days stubble along his square jaw. “Rubita,” he murmured in that husky voice that used to make me shiver. It had an edge to it tonight and I didn’t like the gleamy look in his dark brown eyes.
I folded my arms over my chest and glanced back at Max. “Ajax. What are you doing here?”
“You haven’t answered my texts lately.”
I shrugged. “I’ve been busy.”
He ran his fingers over my hip, dipping them beneath my shirt to find bare skin. I shifted my body to block Max’s view. “You’ve never been too busy for me before.” He grabbed both of my hips and pulled me onto the small deck landing with him. “I miss you, amor.”
Mom was a lot of things, but she never let the men drive home drunk after a night of whoring. I always found that strangely admirable.
There was a short break and then the pounding started up again.
“Ruby, I know you’re in there!”
Damn, it was Ajax.
Setting my quesadilla down, I jumped to my feet. Ajax wasn’t going to go away. My car was out front, he knew I was home. If he wanted to talk, there was no stopping him.
Max made a grumbly sound and took a big bite of his supper.
“Be nice,” I whispered.
He rolled his eyes and pushed some tortilla chips around his plate.
“And eat your beans,” I ordered.
He rolled his eyes for a second time but picked up a fork.
I should probably discipline him for all the eye rolls, but I was a big eye-roller myself, so it felt wrong to punish him for something I had yet to get a handle on.
Straightening my scoop neck tee and artfully ripped up jeans, I walked the few steps from our dining table to the front door. Ajax stood on the other side, a dark shadow of a man cast in the light of the setting sun.
There was a time in my life when I thought there had never been a more attractive man than this one. At one point, when Max was little, and I had still thought I needed someone to save me, Ajax had been my knight in shining armor.
Not even Logan Cole could live up to the hero I’d made Ajax out to be.
Not even Ajax could live up to the hero I’d made him out to be.
I met Ajax Mendino three years ago when he’d moved to town to train horses. He was four years older than me, dark haired, dark skinned and dark souled. I’d been drawn to the wildness in him, the raw power that seemed to vibrate through him. We’d met on a rare night out, when Coco was home on fall break and dragged me to Pug’s for country night. “Need You Now” by Lady Antebellum was playing and he’d asked me to dance. I’d had just enough whiskey and Cokes to say yes.
After a night of laughing, drinking and touching, he’d swept me off my feet in a literal sense and carried me to the back of the bar where he’d all but ravished me right there, in public. I’d left the bar with the burn of his five o’clock shadow all over my jaw and puffy lips from greedy kisses.
I had never been kissed like that before. Never been desired so desperately. And my poor, neglected heart had jumped with excitement.
Ajax had taken my number and then texted the next day. His interest had surprised me. With a toddler at home and zero experience dating in high school, I hadn’t expected contact for at least three days. That was what chic flicks and sitcoms told me was normal. It was my only standard to gauge by.
I’d asked Coco her thoughts, but she was as excited at the prospect of me dating as I had been.
It was easy to fall for Ajax after that. He took me out on the weekends and texted at least once a day. Whenever we were together, he’d always found a way to touch me, make me feel special. He would always tell me how beautiful I was. He was everything I had never had before.
I hadn’t let him meet Max right away. I’ve always been protective of my son, especially in this town. And I’d never told him about his dad before. He was only two, so it wasn’t like he was asking a lot of questions, but I was afraid Ajax would confuse him.
They ended up meeting by accident three months later. Max and I were grocery shopping at the Piggly Wiggly and we ran into Ajax. Max didn’t care about the man talking to Mommy, but Ajax especially didn’t seem interested in my son.
I had always been up front about being a mom. It wasn’t something I could have hidden in this town anyway, but I was proud of my baby. Besides, I talked about him too often to keep him a secret. But it didn’t click until that moment how very uninterested in my son Ajax was until that moment.
He ruffled Max’s hair before he took off and it always struck me as weird how he handled my child like a puppy.
I would never know if it was Max or me in the grocery store looking completely domesticated in yoga pants and an oversized t-shirt I’d tied at the waist, but Ajax’s texts stopped coming as regularly after that. And two weeks later Coco saw him with another woman at Pug’s, dancing and making out and leaving together.
Since then, I made him get tested before we ever hooked up. I should have ended it with him when it was clear he didn’t want me exclusively. He’d never made the promise or even alluded to us being in a monogamous relationship. But… I had hoped. I had done the one thing I promised myself I would never do again after I found out I was pregnant with Max.
My stupid, fragile heart had fluttered when I was around him. My brain had unwittingly started making plans about our future. I’d been thinking about introducing him to Max and my mom before the grocery store, planning out how the occasion should go.
Looking back, I was embarrassingly naïve.
Instead of ending it with him, I’d let him string me along, whenever was convenient for him. I’d just wanted something to make me feel good, even if it was just for a little bit, even if it was only temporary… even if I’d feel worse afterward. It wasn’t like I used him like a drug, I’d reasoned. I didn’t beg for my next fix or feel particularly addicted to him.
But he was the only one interested in me. And so that made me say yes, when I knew I should have said no. That made me compromise who I thought I was as a human and female and adult when I didn’t want to be any of those things… when I just, for even the shortest time, just wanted to be someone that was loved.
No, not even loved. Just someone that was seen… cared for… Someone that was wanted.
That had changed over the last year though. Ajax wasn’t the carefree Casanova he’d been at the beginning of our relationship. His job had gotten more stressful and I suspected he had money problems.
Plus, it was one thing when Max was little and didn’t notice Ajax or question where I was going and when I was coming home.
It was something else entirely now that Max knew kids with normal, nuclear families and had started asking questions about his dad. I couldn’t give him a normal family and I sure as heck couldn’t answer questions about his dad until we moved elsewhere. Ajax was another problem I didn’t need.
For the last six months, I’d been distancing myself from Ajax as much as possible and we hadn’t hooked up in at least seven or eight months. That he was standing at my door said something about how desperate he’d gotten.
He lifted his head and grinned at me, flashing straight white teeth. His longish-hair was tucked behind his ears and he had a few days stubble along his square jaw. “Rubita,” he murmured in that husky voice that used to make me shiver. It had an edge to it tonight and I didn’t like the gleamy look in his dark brown eyes.
I folded my arms over my chest and glanced back at Max. “Ajax. What are you doing here?”
“You haven’t answered my texts lately.”
I shrugged. “I’ve been busy.”
He ran his fingers over my hip, dipping them beneath my shirt to find bare skin. I shifted my body to block Max’s view. “You’ve never been too busy for me before.” He grabbed both of my hips and pulled me onto the small deck landing with him. “I miss you, amor.”
