Trusting Liam
Page 40
Kennedy’s face tightened in pain at my words, but she nodded, acknowledging their truth. “I fought you because of all the ways you were like him. I’m with you because of all the ways you aren’t.”
My legs ached from the force I was using to keep myself in my chair instead of going to her, but just as she’d protected herself over the past five months, I needed to protect myself until I knew what exactly was going to happen with us. “Sit down,” I ordered softly, and waited until she did. “What happened after I left?”
“We talked. He told me about why he left and how he found me, and—”
“How did he?” I asked, interrupting her.
“My dad. As soon as his undercover assignment was over, he found my dad and asked about me. Dad gave him the address to the condo.”
I kept my face neutral, but behind my desk, I was clenching my hands into fists. “So I guess we know who your parents want you to be with.”
“Not necessarily,” she whispered. “Neither of them liked him when we got married because they didn’t know him, and they never got the chance to. I’ve talked to my mom about you a lot, my dad just knows of you because he doesn’t really care to know about Kira’s and my relationships. I think my dad just remembers how I was when Rhys left, and in his mind, he was doing me a favor by sending him to California. Besides, I think he sympathizes with Rhys because of his own time spent undercover—and he knows what it can do to a person and those closest to them. But that doesn’t mean he would rather I be with him than you.”
“So did you just forgive him when he told you everything?”
“No,” she responded immediately. “It made me more mad to finally know all that. I told him to leave.”
My eyebrows rose, and I straightened in my chair. “You did?”
Kennedy started to speak, but stopped and her face pinched together. Like she was worried that what she said next would crush my hopeful expression. “I did, but he never left. He’s been sleeping on the couch the past three nights. When I came back into the living room after leaving him out there and found that he hadn’t left, he told me he was going to stay until I was ready to talk to him again, and I haven’t been. And to be honest, I don’t think he’s ready to talk to me again either. He was really upset about you. He didn’t say that exactly—but it was obvious in the way he looked at me when he asked about you, and he gave me that same look when I told Kira where I was going today.”
As much as it pissed me off that he was still there, I couldn’t help but be glad that Kennedy hadn’t talked to him again even though he was waiting for her to. But not one part of me enjoyed hearing that he didn’t like my relationship with Kennedy, because I was right there with him. I hated his relationship with her. “If you didn’t want me to leave then, why did it take you three days to come to me?”
“Because I didn’t know what to do,” she said honestly. “And I didn’t know what I was supposed to say to you after you stormed out. Having my past and present collide was something I never thought would happen.”
I studied her for a few seconds, then asked, “Were you ever going to tell me? I mean—Christ, I feel like I don’t know a damn thing about you after finding this out.”
“You do,” she assured me. “You know more about me than Rhys ever took the time to try to know. And, yes, I was going to tell you about him. I told you during the movie on Friday night that I would tell you soon. I just didn’t know when that would be.”
I laughed in frustration. “So you’re saying it’s possible that one day you would’ve found a guy that you wanted to marry, and then sometime after the wedding, it may or may not have come up in passing that you’d been married once before? That’s something guys want to know right away! That’s something I would’ve wanted to know!”
“Would it have changed things for you? Would we still have dated if you’d known?”
“Yes, of course we would have. But finding out like this after I’ve already fallen in love with you? It’s bullshit, Kennedy.”
Shock covered her face, and for a moment, she didn’t say anything. “You’ve fallen in love with me? That—you can’t. You’re incapable of falling in love with anyone.”
I laughed once and threw my arms out to the side. “Since when?”
“Your sister said you were incapable of being with only one person and loving anyone who wasn’t family.”
“I don’t give a fuck what Kristi said. If you hadn’t noticed, whatever bullshit she said is already moot since I’ve been with you! I am perfectly capable of loving someone; I’ve just never wanted to love anyone until I met you. You’re the one who doesn’t believe in love, which is why I haven’t said anything about loving you until now. But now I’m betting that’s not even the case. It’s not that you don’t believe in it, it’s that you’re afraid of loving someone after Rhys because he broke your heart.”
She didn’t respond, but I took the look in her eyes as a confirmation.
“People get hurt, Kennedy. That’s life. If you were to go back with your husband, would I be hurt? Yes. I can’t even begin to tell you what it would do to me. But I wouldn’t spend the rest of my goddamn life shielding myself from loving someone again, or letting them love me.” I searched her dark blue eyes for another minute, then continued, “Now, I need to know if you’re going to hurt me, or if you’re going to finally let yourself love again, and be loved by me. I’m letting you know now that I won’t take anything less from you this time, Kennedy. Not after everything we’ve gone through just to get to this point.”
“I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know what to think or feel about Rhys being here, but I am terrified of losing you, Liam.”
“No matter how much I hate saying this, it has to be him or me.”
“I can’t lose you!” she cried, but the way she said it left me waiting for what would come next.
“But?” I prompted, and she shook her head.
“But I married him. I promised him forever, and even though I want to, I can’t blame him for his reasons for breaking his promise and leaving me four years ago. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about my vows to him now that he’s back. This would be hard enough if I didn’t have you, but I do. Trying to decide between what’s right, and figuring out what I want, is tearing me apart, Liam.”
“Well, this isn’t a game where you can pick and choose who you want on each day, Kennedy. Like I said, it can only be him or me at the end of this if you even decide to choose one of us. It’s tearing you apart. I get it. I can assure you that Rhys and I feel the exact same way waiting for you to decide. I’m not leaving you, but I can’t be physically with you while you make your decision. So I’m going to step back so you can have time to figure things out without me pressuring you to make the decision or choose me. Because no matter how much I want to, fighting for you is only going to confuse you more. Not only am I not about to do that to you, but I’m sure as hell not about to go through what either of my dads went through with my mom.”
My legs ached from the force I was using to keep myself in my chair instead of going to her, but just as she’d protected herself over the past five months, I needed to protect myself until I knew what exactly was going to happen with us. “Sit down,” I ordered softly, and waited until she did. “What happened after I left?”
“We talked. He told me about why he left and how he found me, and—”
“How did he?” I asked, interrupting her.
“My dad. As soon as his undercover assignment was over, he found my dad and asked about me. Dad gave him the address to the condo.”
I kept my face neutral, but behind my desk, I was clenching my hands into fists. “So I guess we know who your parents want you to be with.”
“Not necessarily,” she whispered. “Neither of them liked him when we got married because they didn’t know him, and they never got the chance to. I’ve talked to my mom about you a lot, my dad just knows of you because he doesn’t really care to know about Kira’s and my relationships. I think my dad just remembers how I was when Rhys left, and in his mind, he was doing me a favor by sending him to California. Besides, I think he sympathizes with Rhys because of his own time spent undercover—and he knows what it can do to a person and those closest to them. But that doesn’t mean he would rather I be with him than you.”
“So did you just forgive him when he told you everything?”
“No,” she responded immediately. “It made me more mad to finally know all that. I told him to leave.”
My eyebrows rose, and I straightened in my chair. “You did?”
Kennedy started to speak, but stopped and her face pinched together. Like she was worried that what she said next would crush my hopeful expression. “I did, but he never left. He’s been sleeping on the couch the past three nights. When I came back into the living room after leaving him out there and found that he hadn’t left, he told me he was going to stay until I was ready to talk to him again, and I haven’t been. And to be honest, I don’t think he’s ready to talk to me again either. He was really upset about you. He didn’t say that exactly—but it was obvious in the way he looked at me when he asked about you, and he gave me that same look when I told Kira where I was going today.”
As much as it pissed me off that he was still there, I couldn’t help but be glad that Kennedy hadn’t talked to him again even though he was waiting for her to. But not one part of me enjoyed hearing that he didn’t like my relationship with Kennedy, because I was right there with him. I hated his relationship with her. “If you didn’t want me to leave then, why did it take you three days to come to me?”
“Because I didn’t know what to do,” she said honestly. “And I didn’t know what I was supposed to say to you after you stormed out. Having my past and present collide was something I never thought would happen.”
I studied her for a few seconds, then asked, “Were you ever going to tell me? I mean—Christ, I feel like I don’t know a damn thing about you after finding this out.”
“You do,” she assured me. “You know more about me than Rhys ever took the time to try to know. And, yes, I was going to tell you about him. I told you during the movie on Friday night that I would tell you soon. I just didn’t know when that would be.”
I laughed in frustration. “So you’re saying it’s possible that one day you would’ve found a guy that you wanted to marry, and then sometime after the wedding, it may or may not have come up in passing that you’d been married once before? That’s something guys want to know right away! That’s something I would’ve wanted to know!”
“Would it have changed things for you? Would we still have dated if you’d known?”
“Yes, of course we would have. But finding out like this after I’ve already fallen in love with you? It’s bullshit, Kennedy.”
Shock covered her face, and for a moment, she didn’t say anything. “You’ve fallen in love with me? That—you can’t. You’re incapable of falling in love with anyone.”
I laughed once and threw my arms out to the side. “Since when?”
“Your sister said you were incapable of being with only one person and loving anyone who wasn’t family.”
“I don’t give a fuck what Kristi said. If you hadn’t noticed, whatever bullshit she said is already moot since I’ve been with you! I am perfectly capable of loving someone; I’ve just never wanted to love anyone until I met you. You’re the one who doesn’t believe in love, which is why I haven’t said anything about loving you until now. But now I’m betting that’s not even the case. It’s not that you don’t believe in it, it’s that you’re afraid of loving someone after Rhys because he broke your heart.”
She didn’t respond, but I took the look in her eyes as a confirmation.
“People get hurt, Kennedy. That’s life. If you were to go back with your husband, would I be hurt? Yes. I can’t even begin to tell you what it would do to me. But I wouldn’t spend the rest of my goddamn life shielding myself from loving someone again, or letting them love me.” I searched her dark blue eyes for another minute, then continued, “Now, I need to know if you’re going to hurt me, or if you’re going to finally let yourself love again, and be loved by me. I’m letting you know now that I won’t take anything less from you this time, Kennedy. Not after everything we’ve gone through just to get to this point.”
“I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t know what to think or feel about Rhys being here, but I am terrified of losing you, Liam.”
“No matter how much I hate saying this, it has to be him or me.”
“I can’t lose you!” she cried, but the way she said it left me waiting for what would come next.
“But?” I prompted, and she shook her head.
“But I married him. I promised him forever, and even though I want to, I can’t blame him for his reasons for breaking his promise and leaving me four years ago. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about my vows to him now that he’s back. This would be hard enough if I didn’t have you, but I do. Trying to decide between what’s right, and figuring out what I want, is tearing me apart, Liam.”
“Well, this isn’t a game where you can pick and choose who you want on each day, Kennedy. Like I said, it can only be him or me at the end of this if you even decide to choose one of us. It’s tearing you apart. I get it. I can assure you that Rhys and I feel the exact same way waiting for you to decide. I’m not leaving you, but I can’t be physically with you while you make your decision. So I’m going to step back so you can have time to figure things out without me pressuring you to make the decision or choose me. Because no matter how much I want to, fighting for you is only going to confuse you more. Not only am I not about to do that to you, but I’m sure as hell not about to go through what either of my dads went through with my mom.”
