Trying Not to Love You
Page 29
I snuggled into his touch and asked, "Can you tell me what happened with you and Mason?"
He stared at me for a few minutes; it was as if he had to decide if he wanted to tell me or not. Then he finally said, "I told him I loved you and that I have for a long time."
My eyes went wide with surprise. "Why did you do that?"
"It just came out." He stared off into the other direction and then back at me. "I was pissed at Dominic for proposing to you. I lost it when I left your room."
I sat up; I could not believe this was happening now. God, I wanted him, but why now? This was too much, too soon. "You shouldn't have told them that."
"I know, I didn't mean to just blurt it out like that. Mason was pissed." He looked down to the ground. "I know you don't need to deal with any more shit right now."
"You're right. I don't, not now." I laid back down but turned away from him.
He sat on the floor next to where I was sleeping for a while, before I heard him say, "I'm sorry CC," then he got up to go back to his room.
13
The next morning when everyone got up, things seemed to be less intense between everyone. Mason seemed to be in a much better mood, and I am sure Hailey was to thank for that. We all hung around Hunter's until lunchtime when Mason and Cooper had to leave to go back to school.
We were all saying our goodbyes when Mason pulled me aside. I knew this was coming. "I don't like it, Kenz." He ran his hand through his hair. "I know you don't understand. You might be pissed off but I'm just protecting you. You just had your heartbroken; I don't want to see you go through that again."
"Mase…" he cut me off before I could finish telling him I agreed.
"I know what happened last summer. I heard all of it. I was there that night you thought everyone was gone."
Shit. How embarrassing that he heard me tell Hunter that I wanted him.
"I told Hunter to stay away from you. I know he broke your heart that night because he didn't have the balls to tell you back then that he loved you. I'm just protecting you."
This is why Mason and I had a love/hate relationship; sometimes he was too over protective. "Mase I love you, but sometimes you need to let me learn my own lessons. You can't always be here to protect me."
"Well, while I am here, I am going to protect you. Please, for me, just stay away from him, and give yourself some time. I know he told me he loves you but he hasn't told you."
He was right. Hunter did not tell me directly that he loved me. I understood where Mason was coming from. I was not ready to think about loving someone else right now. I needed to concentrate on me, no one else but me.
"Get over here and hug me goodbye."
I hugged Mason, then walked over and said my goodbyes to Cooper, and then they left to head back to Boston. Hailey and I went back inside to help clean up our mess and then had Hunter take us back to the dorms.
God, I did not want to go back there.
Before we left Hunter asked me to take a walk out on the beach with him for a few minutes. Hailey just smiled at me and nodded her head at me.
I walked down the steps to the beach, slipped off my flip-flops and stepped into the sand. I loved the feel of sand on my feet; it had a way of massaging my feet. Hunter came up behind me, wrapped his arms around me and just held me for a while.
Hunter rested his chin on my shoulder and said, "I know you need space, so I'm going to give it to you but I just want you to know I'll be here waiting for you when you're ready. There is no one else CC that has ever had my heart like you. I'm sorry I never told you how I felt back then."
I did not answer him right away; I just stared out over the ocean. "Why now?" I asked.
He took a few minutes before he answered me. "After what I saw that asshat put you through, I can't have you going through that again. It is killing me seeing you like this. I know I f**ked up last summer when I bailed on you like that, but you caught me off guard." He took a deep breath and then let it out. "I didn't know what to do."
"I get it, I do, but you hurt me too. I cannot go through that again. I need time."
"Your right, I did and it's been killing me ever since that night. I thought leaving you alone was the right thing to do. You met Dominic when I left for school, so I thought you were over me and I stayed away." He kissed the side of my head then continued. "I'll be here when you are ready to talk, but I didn't just say what I said because I was pissed that Dominic was asking you to marry him. I mean it CC."
"What did you tell Mason? I want to hear it from you." I needed him to tell me those three words more than I needed anything right now.
"You're not ready to hear them again." He let go of me, reached for my hand and walked us back to the house. I was slipping my flip-flops back on when he said, "When you're ready to hear those words I'll tell you. I'll tell you a million times, but I need you to know I mean them when I say them.
That was the problem; I needed to hear them now. He would not tell me and I could not handle that. I was already broken. I could not let him break me anymore then I already am. I need time to figure out things. "Ok let's go; I want to go home."
Over the next few weeks, I concentrated on me, school, work and nothing else. I was lucky enough that I had not run into Dominic at all since that night. I did see him a few times around campus, but I always turned and went the other way. Hunter, on the other hand, I still saw. We would still go to lunch after class, but that was it. I never went over to his house when Hailey hung out with him and Zeke. I was not trying to be a bitch but I just needed time, time to deal with all my shit.
Tuesday after class Hunter, Hailey and I were going home for Thanksgiving break. I could not wait. I missed being home. I had been talking to my mom a lot lately, trying to plan different things for Chloe's baby shower that weekend. That was a huge distraction for me. I knew once I was home, I would be busy. We were having everyone over for dinner Thursday, going shopping Black Friday and then Saturday was Chloe's baby shower. Mom planned it that weekend since we would all be home. Chloe was due in just three weeks; I was excited about becoming an aunt. I know Jackson was extremely nervous about becoming a father, but regardless, he was going to be a great dad.
Hunter called to make sure we were packed and ready to go on Tuesday. He wanted to get on the road before rush hour traffic started. "Yeah, I just put the last of my things in my bag."
"Alright I'm on my way over now; see you in a few CC."
He stared at me for a few minutes; it was as if he had to decide if he wanted to tell me or not. Then he finally said, "I told him I loved you and that I have for a long time."
My eyes went wide with surprise. "Why did you do that?"
"It just came out." He stared off into the other direction and then back at me. "I was pissed at Dominic for proposing to you. I lost it when I left your room."
I sat up; I could not believe this was happening now. God, I wanted him, but why now? This was too much, too soon. "You shouldn't have told them that."
"I know, I didn't mean to just blurt it out like that. Mason was pissed." He looked down to the ground. "I know you don't need to deal with any more shit right now."
"You're right. I don't, not now." I laid back down but turned away from him.
He sat on the floor next to where I was sleeping for a while, before I heard him say, "I'm sorry CC," then he got up to go back to his room.
13
The next morning when everyone got up, things seemed to be less intense between everyone. Mason seemed to be in a much better mood, and I am sure Hailey was to thank for that. We all hung around Hunter's until lunchtime when Mason and Cooper had to leave to go back to school.
We were all saying our goodbyes when Mason pulled me aside. I knew this was coming. "I don't like it, Kenz." He ran his hand through his hair. "I know you don't understand. You might be pissed off but I'm just protecting you. You just had your heartbroken; I don't want to see you go through that again."
"Mase…" he cut me off before I could finish telling him I agreed.
"I know what happened last summer. I heard all of it. I was there that night you thought everyone was gone."
Shit. How embarrassing that he heard me tell Hunter that I wanted him.
"I told Hunter to stay away from you. I know he broke your heart that night because he didn't have the balls to tell you back then that he loved you. I'm just protecting you."
This is why Mason and I had a love/hate relationship; sometimes he was too over protective. "Mase I love you, but sometimes you need to let me learn my own lessons. You can't always be here to protect me."
"Well, while I am here, I am going to protect you. Please, for me, just stay away from him, and give yourself some time. I know he told me he loves you but he hasn't told you."
He was right. Hunter did not tell me directly that he loved me. I understood where Mason was coming from. I was not ready to think about loving someone else right now. I needed to concentrate on me, no one else but me.
"Get over here and hug me goodbye."
I hugged Mason, then walked over and said my goodbyes to Cooper, and then they left to head back to Boston. Hailey and I went back inside to help clean up our mess and then had Hunter take us back to the dorms.
God, I did not want to go back there.
Before we left Hunter asked me to take a walk out on the beach with him for a few minutes. Hailey just smiled at me and nodded her head at me.
I walked down the steps to the beach, slipped off my flip-flops and stepped into the sand. I loved the feel of sand on my feet; it had a way of massaging my feet. Hunter came up behind me, wrapped his arms around me and just held me for a while.
Hunter rested his chin on my shoulder and said, "I know you need space, so I'm going to give it to you but I just want you to know I'll be here waiting for you when you're ready. There is no one else CC that has ever had my heart like you. I'm sorry I never told you how I felt back then."
I did not answer him right away; I just stared out over the ocean. "Why now?" I asked.
He took a few minutes before he answered me. "After what I saw that asshat put you through, I can't have you going through that again. It is killing me seeing you like this. I know I f**ked up last summer when I bailed on you like that, but you caught me off guard." He took a deep breath and then let it out. "I didn't know what to do."
"I get it, I do, but you hurt me too. I cannot go through that again. I need time."
"Your right, I did and it's been killing me ever since that night. I thought leaving you alone was the right thing to do. You met Dominic when I left for school, so I thought you were over me and I stayed away." He kissed the side of my head then continued. "I'll be here when you are ready to talk, but I didn't just say what I said because I was pissed that Dominic was asking you to marry him. I mean it CC."
"What did you tell Mason? I want to hear it from you." I needed him to tell me those three words more than I needed anything right now.
"You're not ready to hear them again." He let go of me, reached for my hand and walked us back to the house. I was slipping my flip-flops back on when he said, "When you're ready to hear those words I'll tell you. I'll tell you a million times, but I need you to know I mean them when I say them.
That was the problem; I needed to hear them now. He would not tell me and I could not handle that. I was already broken. I could not let him break me anymore then I already am. I need time to figure out things. "Ok let's go; I want to go home."
Over the next few weeks, I concentrated on me, school, work and nothing else. I was lucky enough that I had not run into Dominic at all since that night. I did see him a few times around campus, but I always turned and went the other way. Hunter, on the other hand, I still saw. We would still go to lunch after class, but that was it. I never went over to his house when Hailey hung out with him and Zeke. I was not trying to be a bitch but I just needed time, time to deal with all my shit.
Tuesday after class Hunter, Hailey and I were going home for Thanksgiving break. I could not wait. I missed being home. I had been talking to my mom a lot lately, trying to plan different things for Chloe's baby shower that weekend. That was a huge distraction for me. I knew once I was home, I would be busy. We were having everyone over for dinner Thursday, going shopping Black Friday and then Saturday was Chloe's baby shower. Mom planned it that weekend since we would all be home. Chloe was due in just three weeks; I was excited about becoming an aunt. I know Jackson was extremely nervous about becoming a father, but regardless, he was going to be a great dad.
Hunter called to make sure we were packed and ready to go on Tuesday. He wanted to get on the road before rush hour traffic started. "Yeah, I just put the last of my things in my bag."
"Alright I'm on my way over now; see you in a few CC."
