Trying to Score
Page 118
“No, I was. If I was actually paying attention, I would have seen your pain. I was too busy having fun, drinking along with you,” Fallon said right as the tears started to fall. “I didn’t do anything but make it worse.”
Lucas shook his head before pulling her into his lap and cupping her face to bring it up so he could look into her eyes. “No. No. I don’t even understand how you think this is your fault.”
“I don’t think it’s my fault, I just feel like I should have helped you.”
“Why? I hid it from you, how could you help me when you didn’t even know?”
“I thought I knew you from your inside out, and I didn’t. I still don’t even know how your dad died. It’s like I didn’t know anything.”
“You knew the real me, the other me didn’t come out until I was away from you. I didn’t talk about my dad then because it hurt too badly. I’ve had help; I can openly talk about him and not feel like everything is ripping apart inside me. I was myself when I was with you. You made me a better person Fallon, you have to understand that.”
Fallon shook her head, letting it fall into her hands as the tears fell. She cried for him and she cried for herself. It was as if their whole relationship was going on as a movie in her head. As she replayed it, she tried to point out when she could have helped him, but he was right. He hid it well. Lucas sat beside her, running his hand up and down her back as she cried. For the billionth time, she replayed the night she found him with Allison. He was disorientated and he did slur a little but she was so mad. There was no way she was would have listened to him, but if she had, would they be where they are today?
She looked up. “If I would have given you a chance to explain, would you have told me?”
Lucas looked deep in her eyes before shaking his head. “I didn’t think I had a problem.”
Fallon moved her hand along her cheek. “So there was no hope for us?”
Lucas shook his head again. “Not then, but now there is.” Lucas moved his hands along her face, leaning his head against hers. “I’m telling you all this not to make you feel bad or wish that you would have given me a chance before, because really, you leaving helped me more than anyone will ever know. That is why I’m not mad at you for taking Aiden from me, because honestly would I have been the man and father that you and Aiden deserved then?”
Fallon’s tears ran over his hands onto their laps as she shook her head. “I don’t know.”
“Well I do, and I don’t think I could have been. I needed the wakeup call of you leaving, I needed the rehab, and I needed the years without you, because now that I have you I don’t want to ever let you go. I am not that person Fallon anymore, I don’t get mad the way I did before — well on ice I do, but not off it,” he said with a grin. “Fal, I will never hurt you again, and if you give me a chance, I’ll prove it to you.”
Fallon looked out at the ocean since she couldn’t take the look in his eyes. They were so bright, so full of hope and Fallon couldn’t handle it. She wanted to wrap him in her arms, tell him that she loved him. That she believed him. She was so scared though. But didn’t she owe it to him? He was sick and she didn’t do anything, but she didn’t know.
Blah!
As if she wasn’t confused enough before she knew all this!
“It’s so much to process, Lucas,” she said. Lucas nodded his head, pressing his nose into her cheek before kissing it.
“I know baby, I’m so sorry. I never meant for all this to happen, just give me another chance. I’ll never hurt you again.”
Fallon nodded. “Let’s just get through today and we’ll discuss what will happen later. I just want to enjoy what we have right now.”
He smiled against her cheek. “I do too, but I want more.”
“I know. I just don’t know if I can give it to you.”
Lucas’ eyes closed as he took in a deep breath. How he wished he could change the past so Fallon would trust him. He would give anything probably because at that moment, he had never felt so complete in his life. It was him and his girl, on the beach they had basically lived on before. All they needed was Aiden, running through the waves and maybe Audrey, laughing about something. Everything would be perfect then.
He didn’t understand what else he had to do to get Fallon to trust him. He had told her everything. He had shown his heart to her, and basically begged for another chance. She had agreed to the weekend, so maybe he needed to keep on. Maybe it was about baby steps with her.
“I won’t stop trying,” he whispered into her cheek before placing a sweet kiss on it.
“I didn’t think you would,” she whispered back, leaning her head against his.
“Okay, well come on, let’s head back inside. I’m getting cold,” he said pulling away from her and getting up.
She picked up all their trash before grinning up at him. “I told you it was cold.”
“Oh hush, come on,” he said, taking her hand in his. She smiled over at him and they walked the short distance to the house in silence. He felt better telling her everything about his past issues, but he thought it would end differently than it did. He thought she would want him back, that she would forgive him but nope. Maybe he didn’t deserve it. Maybe he was supposed to live in the state of torture of wanting someone and something that he didn’t deserve. Maybe Fallon would always be at arm’s length and until he proved that she was the only one, he would only be able to want her.
Lucas shook his head before pulling her into his lap and cupping her face to bring it up so he could look into her eyes. “No. No. I don’t even understand how you think this is your fault.”
“I don’t think it’s my fault, I just feel like I should have helped you.”
“Why? I hid it from you, how could you help me when you didn’t even know?”
“I thought I knew you from your inside out, and I didn’t. I still don’t even know how your dad died. It’s like I didn’t know anything.”
“You knew the real me, the other me didn’t come out until I was away from you. I didn’t talk about my dad then because it hurt too badly. I’ve had help; I can openly talk about him and not feel like everything is ripping apart inside me. I was myself when I was with you. You made me a better person Fallon, you have to understand that.”
Fallon shook her head, letting it fall into her hands as the tears fell. She cried for him and she cried for herself. It was as if their whole relationship was going on as a movie in her head. As she replayed it, she tried to point out when she could have helped him, but he was right. He hid it well. Lucas sat beside her, running his hand up and down her back as she cried. For the billionth time, she replayed the night she found him with Allison. He was disorientated and he did slur a little but she was so mad. There was no way she was would have listened to him, but if she had, would they be where they are today?
She looked up. “If I would have given you a chance to explain, would you have told me?”
Lucas looked deep in her eyes before shaking his head. “I didn’t think I had a problem.”
Fallon moved her hand along her cheek. “So there was no hope for us?”
Lucas shook his head again. “Not then, but now there is.” Lucas moved his hands along her face, leaning his head against hers. “I’m telling you all this not to make you feel bad or wish that you would have given me a chance before, because really, you leaving helped me more than anyone will ever know. That is why I’m not mad at you for taking Aiden from me, because honestly would I have been the man and father that you and Aiden deserved then?”
Fallon’s tears ran over his hands onto their laps as she shook her head. “I don’t know.”
“Well I do, and I don’t think I could have been. I needed the wakeup call of you leaving, I needed the rehab, and I needed the years without you, because now that I have you I don’t want to ever let you go. I am not that person Fallon anymore, I don’t get mad the way I did before — well on ice I do, but not off it,” he said with a grin. “Fal, I will never hurt you again, and if you give me a chance, I’ll prove it to you.”
Fallon looked out at the ocean since she couldn’t take the look in his eyes. They were so bright, so full of hope and Fallon couldn’t handle it. She wanted to wrap him in her arms, tell him that she loved him. That she believed him. She was so scared though. But didn’t she owe it to him? He was sick and she didn’t do anything, but she didn’t know.
Blah!
As if she wasn’t confused enough before she knew all this!
“It’s so much to process, Lucas,” she said. Lucas nodded his head, pressing his nose into her cheek before kissing it.
“I know baby, I’m so sorry. I never meant for all this to happen, just give me another chance. I’ll never hurt you again.”
Fallon nodded. “Let’s just get through today and we’ll discuss what will happen later. I just want to enjoy what we have right now.”
He smiled against her cheek. “I do too, but I want more.”
“I know. I just don’t know if I can give it to you.”
Lucas’ eyes closed as he took in a deep breath. How he wished he could change the past so Fallon would trust him. He would give anything probably because at that moment, he had never felt so complete in his life. It was him and his girl, on the beach they had basically lived on before. All they needed was Aiden, running through the waves and maybe Audrey, laughing about something. Everything would be perfect then.
He didn’t understand what else he had to do to get Fallon to trust him. He had told her everything. He had shown his heart to her, and basically begged for another chance. She had agreed to the weekend, so maybe he needed to keep on. Maybe it was about baby steps with her.
“I won’t stop trying,” he whispered into her cheek before placing a sweet kiss on it.
“I didn’t think you would,” she whispered back, leaning her head against his.
“Okay, well come on, let’s head back inside. I’m getting cold,” he said pulling away from her and getting up.
She picked up all their trash before grinning up at him. “I told you it was cold.”
“Oh hush, come on,” he said, taking her hand in his. She smiled over at him and they walked the short distance to the house in silence. He felt better telling her everything about his past issues, but he thought it would end differently than it did. He thought she would want him back, that she would forgive him but nope. Maybe he didn’t deserve it. Maybe he was supposed to live in the state of torture of wanting someone and something that he didn’t deserve. Maybe Fallon would always be at arm’s length and until he proved that she was the only one, he would only be able to want her.
