Twenty-Eight and a Half Wishes
Page 53
“Rose.” Violet tugged on my arm, crying. “Sweetie, I know you’re upset.”
I sat down next to Violet. “Upset? Aren't you upset? Daddy, Aunt Bessie, Uncle Earl, they all stood by and watched her abuse us. I had money,” I pointed to the box on Aunt Bessie’s lap, “money we could have used to escape from her, but no one told us. They just left us there.”
“I wanted to tell you, Rose, it wasn’t that easy. I promised I wouldn't,” Aunt Bessie said through her tears.
“Promised who?”
She hesitated. “Your daddy.”
Daddy. I couldn't forget his involvement in all of this, him more guilty than Aunt Bessie. Daddy had a front row seat to what Momma had done.
I started to cry.
Violet pulled me into a hug and rubbed my back. “It’s okay, Rose. Shh…it’s okay. It’s just gonna take some time.”
Time was the one luxury I didn't have. I’d been cheated out of working through all the emotional garbage of our parents’ past. And worse, I would be leaving Violet to work through it alone.
“There’s something else in here.” Aunt Bessie said, lifting a small square of paper out of the box.
“What is it?”
She opened it and froze in shock. When she recovered, her eyes clouded over. “It’s from your Momma. It's a note to Rose.”
I wiped the tears from my cheeks, then shook my head. “I don't want to hear it, Aunt Bessie. I can't take any more.”
“I think you want to hear this, child.”
I nodded for her to read.
Dear Rose,
I know I’ve been a bad mother to you and there were days I tore myself up with guilt over it. At first I tried to love you like I did Violet, but in the end Violet turned against me, too. Your daddy, Violet-- they both stopped loving me, all because of Dora. In my heart, I knew it weren't your fault, but you were Dora’s, never mine. Your eyes reminded me of it every day, shining with the softness she had in hers, taunting me that your daddy wanted her, not me. Your visions were the last straw, when I finally gave up trying to love you. I’m ashamed to admit, every time I hurt you, in my heart I was hurting her. Later, when you were older, I realized what I had done, and God help me, I tried to stop, but old habits are hard to break.
The irony is that in the end, you were the only one who stayed with me. Your daddy’s body may have died last year, but his spirit died years ago, his body just waiting to catch up. Violet, she left to marry Mike as soon as she got a chance and I hardly saw her after that.
But you, Rose, you were there for me, taking care of me in spite of all my meanness. I watched you sometimes when you weren’t looking, amazed at the gentleness of your spirit and even though I beat it down as often as I could, I envied it. You had what I never did.
I should have told you about your mother a long time ago, but I was afraid if I did, I’d lose you, too. You’re all I had left.
Believe it or not, I do love you.
Momma
Hearing Aunt Bessie read Momma’s letter was the first time I ever heard Momma say she loved me. I began to sob. And didn't stop until well into the night.
Mike slept in Ashley’s room and Violet and I clung to each other, crying in her bed. I had no idea what Violet cried for. Did she feel guilty for hurting Momma? For choosing me over her? I cried for never getting the chance to know the momma who wrote that letter, all the years lost to her pain and pride. And I cried for her. I couldn't imagine the pain she must have endured forced to face me every day, rubbing her nose in the fact she would forever be second choice, Dora’s leftovers.
When I finally fell asleep, long after Violet, I cried for me, and all I would miss and all I would lose. It wasn’t fair. Life wasn’t fair. But then again, I’d learned that lesson a long, long time ago.
Courtesy of Momma.
Chapter Sixteen
Aunt Bessie left after Violet and I went to bed, but not before she told Mike she had all the papers for everything left to me in the will.
And that I was a millionaire.
The next morning I sipped hot coffee trying to clear the fogginess in my head when Mike announced I had more money than God. That’s not what he actually said, and technically it wasn’t true since I only had $1.5 million, but it might as well have been a trillion. I didn't understand how it could be possible, but Mike said Uncle Earl and Aunt Bessie were the executors of Dora’s estate. Daddy didn’t want to deal with it, so Uncle Earl took over and had a knack for investing. He had cashed in the oil stock, made some smart investments, and more than quadrupled my worth over the years. That amount didn't even include Dora’s parents’ farm. And to imagine I’d been worrying I’d be homeless when Momma left everything to Violet. I supposed the right thing to do would be to give half to Violet. She planned to do the same with Momma’s possessions. But why waste time on the details of half when I’d leave everything to her anyway?
I hadn’t brought dog food for Muffy and eggs had turned out to be a fiasco the other night. I really didn’t want to be alone and it turned out, neither did Violet. We agreed I’d leave Muffy there and run home, shower then come back to spend the day with Violet and the kids.
A few blocks from my house, the convertible sputtered and coughed such thick plumes of black smoke into the air I worried the EPA would swoop in and contain me and the car at any moment. Instead, it died, right there on the curb.
So today wasn’t my lucky day, either.
I sat down next to Violet. “Upset? Aren't you upset? Daddy, Aunt Bessie, Uncle Earl, they all stood by and watched her abuse us. I had money,” I pointed to the box on Aunt Bessie’s lap, “money we could have used to escape from her, but no one told us. They just left us there.”
“I wanted to tell you, Rose, it wasn’t that easy. I promised I wouldn't,” Aunt Bessie said through her tears.
“Promised who?”
She hesitated. “Your daddy.”
Daddy. I couldn't forget his involvement in all of this, him more guilty than Aunt Bessie. Daddy had a front row seat to what Momma had done.
I started to cry.
Violet pulled me into a hug and rubbed my back. “It’s okay, Rose. Shh…it’s okay. It’s just gonna take some time.”
Time was the one luxury I didn't have. I’d been cheated out of working through all the emotional garbage of our parents’ past. And worse, I would be leaving Violet to work through it alone.
“There’s something else in here.” Aunt Bessie said, lifting a small square of paper out of the box.
“What is it?”
She opened it and froze in shock. When she recovered, her eyes clouded over. “It’s from your Momma. It's a note to Rose.”
I wiped the tears from my cheeks, then shook my head. “I don't want to hear it, Aunt Bessie. I can't take any more.”
“I think you want to hear this, child.”
I nodded for her to read.
Dear Rose,
I know I’ve been a bad mother to you and there were days I tore myself up with guilt over it. At first I tried to love you like I did Violet, but in the end Violet turned against me, too. Your daddy, Violet-- they both stopped loving me, all because of Dora. In my heart, I knew it weren't your fault, but you were Dora’s, never mine. Your eyes reminded me of it every day, shining with the softness she had in hers, taunting me that your daddy wanted her, not me. Your visions were the last straw, when I finally gave up trying to love you. I’m ashamed to admit, every time I hurt you, in my heart I was hurting her. Later, when you were older, I realized what I had done, and God help me, I tried to stop, but old habits are hard to break.
The irony is that in the end, you were the only one who stayed with me. Your daddy’s body may have died last year, but his spirit died years ago, his body just waiting to catch up. Violet, she left to marry Mike as soon as she got a chance and I hardly saw her after that.
But you, Rose, you were there for me, taking care of me in spite of all my meanness. I watched you sometimes when you weren’t looking, amazed at the gentleness of your spirit and even though I beat it down as often as I could, I envied it. You had what I never did.
I should have told you about your mother a long time ago, but I was afraid if I did, I’d lose you, too. You’re all I had left.
Believe it or not, I do love you.
Momma
Hearing Aunt Bessie read Momma’s letter was the first time I ever heard Momma say she loved me. I began to sob. And didn't stop until well into the night.
Mike slept in Ashley’s room and Violet and I clung to each other, crying in her bed. I had no idea what Violet cried for. Did she feel guilty for hurting Momma? For choosing me over her? I cried for never getting the chance to know the momma who wrote that letter, all the years lost to her pain and pride. And I cried for her. I couldn't imagine the pain she must have endured forced to face me every day, rubbing her nose in the fact she would forever be second choice, Dora’s leftovers.
When I finally fell asleep, long after Violet, I cried for me, and all I would miss and all I would lose. It wasn’t fair. Life wasn’t fair. But then again, I’d learned that lesson a long, long time ago.
Courtesy of Momma.
Chapter Sixteen
Aunt Bessie left after Violet and I went to bed, but not before she told Mike she had all the papers for everything left to me in the will.
And that I was a millionaire.
The next morning I sipped hot coffee trying to clear the fogginess in my head when Mike announced I had more money than God. That’s not what he actually said, and technically it wasn’t true since I only had $1.5 million, but it might as well have been a trillion. I didn't understand how it could be possible, but Mike said Uncle Earl and Aunt Bessie were the executors of Dora’s estate. Daddy didn’t want to deal with it, so Uncle Earl took over and had a knack for investing. He had cashed in the oil stock, made some smart investments, and more than quadrupled my worth over the years. That amount didn't even include Dora’s parents’ farm. And to imagine I’d been worrying I’d be homeless when Momma left everything to Violet. I supposed the right thing to do would be to give half to Violet. She planned to do the same with Momma’s possessions. But why waste time on the details of half when I’d leave everything to her anyway?
I hadn’t brought dog food for Muffy and eggs had turned out to be a fiasco the other night. I really didn’t want to be alone and it turned out, neither did Violet. We agreed I’d leave Muffy there and run home, shower then come back to spend the day with Violet and the kids.
A few blocks from my house, the convertible sputtered and coughed such thick plumes of black smoke into the air I worried the EPA would swoop in and contain me and the car at any moment. Instead, it died, right there on the curb.
So today wasn’t my lucky day, either.
