Twenty-Nine and a Half Reasons
Page 89
“I don’t have any pajamas.”
“I’ll keep you warm.”
I almost protested that I wasn’t in the mood, but I was pretty sure that wasn’t his intent.
He helped me undress and climb under the covers then removed his shoes and jeans and slid in next to me, pulling me into his arms.
“Never a dull moment with you, Rose.”
I didn’t think it was a compliment.
We lay in the dark for a couple of minutes. Joe’s steady heartbeat in my ear.
“So Mike left Violet?”
“Yeah.” Crappy doodles. I never called her to tell her what was going on. I hoped she didn’t find out from somebody else what had happened tonight.
“I know they’ve been having problems, but I never saw that one coming.”
“Me neither. She’s thinking about starting her own business, a nursery selling flowers and Christmas trees.”
He was silent for a moment. “Are you okay, Rose? Really?”
“Now I am. I’m always okay when I’m with you.”
“I don’t want to lose you.”
“I’m too stubborn to be gotten rid of that easily.”
He snorted, his breath blowing the hair on the side of my face. “I love you.” His breath evened and he soon fell asleep.
I lay awake for hours, trying to purge the images of the evening from my mind. As I finally drifted off to sleep, I saw Mason Deveraux’s face as he looked at Joe, saying, “I respect her too much not to lie to her. Can you say the same?”
Had Joe lied to me? What would he have to lie about?
When I woke up the next morning, Joe sat in a chair next to the bed, working on his computer.
“What time is it?”
He looked up at me then back down at his computer. “Nine.”
“Don’t I have to go meet the judge?”
“That’s been postponed to later today.”
“Oh.” I sat up, and groaned. My entire body ached. “Don’t you have to go to Magnolia?”
“Someone else is doin’ it.”
I closed my eyes, guilt washing over me. It was a wonder he hadn’t lost his job because of me. He was acting so strange, maybe he was mad about that. “I still have to go to the courthouse. I have that probate meeting at ten.”
“I have an appointment with the Henryetta Police so I’ll drop you off, and maybe you can go home with Violet.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
He spun around in his seat, leaning over his legs. “Why didn’t you call me and tell me what was goin’ on?”
“Which part?”
He stood up. “Rose, you shouldn’t have to ask which part. Why didn’t you call me with any of it?”
“I don’t know…”
He sat next to me. “Yes, you do. You knew I wouldn’t like it. You’ve been reckless and irresponsible.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. He was right.
“Thank God you’re movin’ to Little Rock so I don’t worry about you every minute of the day.”
The thought of moving away from Henryetta suddenly filled me with panic. How could I leave Violet? “Joe…”
His eyes widened. “You’re still movin’ to Little Rock, aren’t you?”
I looked down at my hands, twisting the sheet around my fingers. “It’s just that with Violet being all alone now…”
His voice hardened. “And whose fault is that, Rose?”
I closed my eyes. “I know.”
“I told you that one day you’d have to choose.”
My heart was breaking. How did I choose between the two people I loved most in the world? “I know you see the bad in her, but I promise you that there’s so much good. I wouldn’t have survived all those years with Momma without her. She protected me from Momma and from everyone else.”
His hand stroked my hair, his voice softening. “I know you both thought she was protecting you, but she was stiflin’ you. Hiding you away instead of havin’ you face your fears and the gossip around you. Keeping you sequestered only enforced that there was something wrong with you and there’s not, Rose.”
He was one of the first people to believe that. I released a sob. “She loves me.”
He leaned close, tenderness in his eyes. “I love you too.”
“I don’t know what to do. I’m miserable without you, but I’ll be miserable knowin’ what she’s goin’ through all alone.”
“You have to make this decision. I can’t make it for you and neither can Violet.”
Gently pushing me down, he kissed me with such tenderness, I cried harder.
“That wasn’t supposed to make you upset.”
I was losing him. I felt him slipping through my fingers. “I just love you so much.”
Leaning on his side, he traced the bruises on my cheek and my neck with his fingers. Tears filled his eyes. “I don’t think I can keep doing this. Worrying about you here. Worrying what trouble you’re going to get into. Worrying that someone is going to call and tell me you’re dead.”
“I’m sorry,” I choked out.
“I love you. Do you know how much I love you?”
The fear in his eyes last night had showed me how much he loved me.
“I didn’t… I tried…”
He smiled, but it was sad and forlorn. “I know. You can’t help it. This is you. This bundle of chaos is who I fell in love with. How can I ask you to change what makes me love you?”
“I’ll keep you warm.”
I almost protested that I wasn’t in the mood, but I was pretty sure that wasn’t his intent.
He helped me undress and climb under the covers then removed his shoes and jeans and slid in next to me, pulling me into his arms.
“Never a dull moment with you, Rose.”
I didn’t think it was a compliment.
We lay in the dark for a couple of minutes. Joe’s steady heartbeat in my ear.
“So Mike left Violet?”
“Yeah.” Crappy doodles. I never called her to tell her what was going on. I hoped she didn’t find out from somebody else what had happened tonight.
“I know they’ve been having problems, but I never saw that one coming.”
“Me neither. She’s thinking about starting her own business, a nursery selling flowers and Christmas trees.”
He was silent for a moment. “Are you okay, Rose? Really?”
“Now I am. I’m always okay when I’m with you.”
“I don’t want to lose you.”
“I’m too stubborn to be gotten rid of that easily.”
He snorted, his breath blowing the hair on the side of my face. “I love you.” His breath evened and he soon fell asleep.
I lay awake for hours, trying to purge the images of the evening from my mind. As I finally drifted off to sleep, I saw Mason Deveraux’s face as he looked at Joe, saying, “I respect her too much not to lie to her. Can you say the same?”
Had Joe lied to me? What would he have to lie about?
When I woke up the next morning, Joe sat in a chair next to the bed, working on his computer.
“What time is it?”
He looked up at me then back down at his computer. “Nine.”
“Don’t I have to go meet the judge?”
“That’s been postponed to later today.”
“Oh.” I sat up, and groaned. My entire body ached. “Don’t you have to go to Magnolia?”
“Someone else is doin’ it.”
I closed my eyes, guilt washing over me. It was a wonder he hadn’t lost his job because of me. He was acting so strange, maybe he was mad about that. “I still have to go to the courthouse. I have that probate meeting at ten.”
“I have an appointment with the Henryetta Police so I’ll drop you off, and maybe you can go home with Violet.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
He spun around in his seat, leaning over his legs. “Why didn’t you call me and tell me what was goin’ on?”
“Which part?”
He stood up. “Rose, you shouldn’t have to ask which part. Why didn’t you call me with any of it?”
“I don’t know…”
He sat next to me. “Yes, you do. You knew I wouldn’t like it. You’ve been reckless and irresponsible.”
I wasn’t sure what to say. He was right.
“Thank God you’re movin’ to Little Rock so I don’t worry about you every minute of the day.”
The thought of moving away from Henryetta suddenly filled me with panic. How could I leave Violet? “Joe…”
His eyes widened. “You’re still movin’ to Little Rock, aren’t you?”
I looked down at my hands, twisting the sheet around my fingers. “It’s just that with Violet being all alone now…”
His voice hardened. “And whose fault is that, Rose?”
I closed my eyes. “I know.”
“I told you that one day you’d have to choose.”
My heart was breaking. How did I choose between the two people I loved most in the world? “I know you see the bad in her, but I promise you that there’s so much good. I wouldn’t have survived all those years with Momma without her. She protected me from Momma and from everyone else.”
His hand stroked my hair, his voice softening. “I know you both thought she was protecting you, but she was stiflin’ you. Hiding you away instead of havin’ you face your fears and the gossip around you. Keeping you sequestered only enforced that there was something wrong with you and there’s not, Rose.”
He was one of the first people to believe that. I released a sob. “She loves me.”
He leaned close, tenderness in his eyes. “I love you too.”
“I don’t know what to do. I’m miserable without you, but I’ll be miserable knowin’ what she’s goin’ through all alone.”
“You have to make this decision. I can’t make it for you and neither can Violet.”
Gently pushing me down, he kissed me with such tenderness, I cried harder.
“That wasn’t supposed to make you upset.”
I was losing him. I felt him slipping through my fingers. “I just love you so much.”
Leaning on his side, he traced the bruises on my cheek and my neck with his fingers. Tears filled his eyes. “I don’t think I can keep doing this. Worrying about you here. Worrying what trouble you’re going to get into. Worrying that someone is going to call and tell me you’re dead.”
“I’m sorry,” I choked out.
“I love you. Do you know how much I love you?”
The fear in his eyes last night had showed me how much he loved me.
“I didn’t… I tried…”
He smiled, but it was sad and forlorn. “I know. You can’t help it. This is you. This bundle of chaos is who I fell in love with. How can I ask you to change what makes me love you?”
