Unafraid
Page 21
How everyone I love always leaves.
I shiver, fear snaking through my veins like ice even in the warm night breeze. What if it’s not their fault? What if it’s me, doomed to screw up every good thing that ever comes my way? Hunter is, without a doubt, the best thing that’s ever happened to me, so what kind of messy, tragic ending are we heading for right now?
A noise comes from behind me, interrupting my spiral of self-doubt. “Who’s there?” I yelp, whirling around. The glass slips from my grasp and smashes, loud on the floor, as I see Hunter coming down the stairs.
“Oh,” I catch my breath. “You scared me!”
“Don’t move.” Hunter hurries down the final stairs. He’s na**d save a pair of sweatpants. “You’ll cut yourself.”
I wait in place until he reaches me, lifting me up in one easy movement and placing me to sit on the counter while he flips on the light and bends over to pick the shards from the floor.
“Sorry,” I apologize quickly, “I didn’t mean to make a mess.”
Hunter sweeps the last of the fragments aside. “I didn’t know where you were.” He straightens up, and I see for the fist time the uncertainty on his face, shadowed in the moonlight. He turns away from me to put them in the trash. “I woke up, and you were gone. I thought…” He stops, shoulders hunched.
My heart catches with the painful truth. He thought I’d do what I’ve always done: disappear before things get too real; run and save my heart, no matter what the price. But after everything we’ve been through together, I know one thing for sure now: this time, I’m not listening to their lies.
“I was thirsty.” I reach for him, pulling him into the cradle between my legs, soothed just by the touch of him, his skin so warm and smooth against mine. “I came down to get a drink.”
“I know that now.” Hunter gives me a crooked grin, his hands sliding up my bare thighs. “I just…” he trails off.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I tell him softly, leaning in to drop a kiss on his forehead. “I’m right here.”
Hunter rests his head against my lips for a moment, just breathing in and out. I feel him relax, the tension in his body melting away, and I’m overcome with a sudden flash of gratitude. This is my second chance.
How many times have I wondered what might have been? How many nights did I look back at the time we spent together, aching with a secret regret that I didn’t stick around? I have a chance now with him to set all of that right: for both of us to put aside so much of our guilt and grief, and create something new together. All our own.
“Let’s go back to bed,” I whisper, finally slipping down from the counter and taking his hand, leading him back up the stairs.
“Hey, Brit?” Hunter pauses a moment on the landing. I turn back to find him watching me, his lips curling in a bashful smile. “I’m glad you stayed.”
He knows.
My mouth drops open in surprise as I stare back, into those soulful blue pools that somehow see all the way to my darkest soul. He knows I thought about leaving, that my instincts were screaming out to run.
“It’s OK to be scared,” Hunter steps closer, so I can feel the warmth radiating from his bare chest. He cups my cheek in a gentle caress, eyes full of understanding. “I know you’ve got a lifetime of disappointment haunting you, and this, right here? This is big, Brit. It doesn’t get much realer than the two of us. Any sane man would bet against you sticking around.”
I wait, heart in my chest, feeling like all my insecurities are exposed.
“But I’m not a sane man, Brit, I’m crazy about you.” Hunter smiles at me, so full of tenderness it takes my breath away. “So you be scared, and freak out, and feel whatever it is you need to feel. Just promise me you’ll do it here, by my side. Because I can’t take losing you again,” he adds, determined. “If you run, I’m running after you, and dragging you right back home again. You understand?”
I nod, a shy smile curving across my cheeks. He understands. He knows a part of me will always be at war with myself, but he’s not giving up on me all the same. Relief washes over me, bright in the dark hallway. I’m not in this alone: I can’t make the same mistake again, because he won’t let me.
He’s on my side.
Hunter pushes me gently ahead of him into the bedroom. “C’mon, it’s like, 3:00 a.m. and I need my beauty sleep.”
I giggle. “Don’t you mean, I do?”
“You don’t need anything,” he tells me, yawning. “Except to keep your hands off my covers. Don’t think I didn’t notice you stole them all.”
“I was cold!” I protest, sliding in next to him. Hunter scoops me against his body, nestling me into the crook of his arm.
“Better?” he whispers. I nod, snuggling into him. “Good,” he murmurs, sleepy. “‘Cause this time, I’m not letting you go.”
Hunter keeps his promise. He holds me all night, his body curled against mine, his arms encircling me in a tender, warm embrace.
I can’t sleep; I just lie there, listening to the sound of his even breaths and marveling at the contentment cloaking my body in a bone-deep haze of peace.
I’ve never held a man like this; never stayed to see the sunrise filter softly through the drapes. I’ve never felt so close to anyone, so na**d and exposed.
So loved.
I roll in his arms to face him, watching the peaceful expression on his face as he sleeps. He’s a work of art, na**d and glorious right in front of me, and I can’t stop myself from reaching out and gently tracing the contours of his face with feather-light fingertips. The shock of hair flopping over his forehead; the light dusting of freckles across his nose. I trace his cheekbones, his jaw, his gorgeous full lips, memorizing every inch of skin. My heart beats faster, just to touch him like this; catch a glimpse of him so vulnerable and at peace.
Hunter lets out a sleepy yawn and shifts, flinging his arm out across the bed and snuggling deeper into the pillows.
I could get used to this.
The thought makes me catch my breath, my body tensing with the muscle memory of old betrayals, but I force myself to relax again, lulled by the steady rise and fall of his chest.
He’s not like the others.
Hunter is different, I know that now. For the first time, I can see the future beckoning me: a hazy golden promise of mornings waking just like this; long nights spent tangled up in his arms. Safe and loved, the way I’ve never even dared to dream.
The possibility shivers through me, so tempting, so real. I could be this happy tomorrow, and every tomorrow after that too. I could be his, always.
And he would be mine.
A fierce surge of possession swells in my chest, and now my fingertips are roving further across his body. I trace over the curve of his bicep, the muscled ridges of his stomach. Mine, I think, desire rising in me. All mine. I brush my fingertips lower still, delving under the covers. I find him hard and ready for me, rising to my touch. My breath catches—
“Morning.” Hunter rolls swiftly, suddenly trapping me beneath him against the sheets.
I flush, caught red-handed. “Good morning.”
“It’s sure shaping up to be.” Hunter gives me a lazy grin.
I glance away, self-conscious. For the first time, I remember what a sight I must make: tangled hair, smudged make-up. God knows what last night has done to me. I reach quickly to swipe under my eyes, but Hunter catches my hand.
“You’re beautiful,” he breathes, gently smoothing hair back from my cheek. I roll my eyes, awkward, but he laughs. “You are. Like this, just you.”
He leans down and kisses me slowly. I breathe it all in, reaching up around his neck to pull him closer. I feel him smile against my mouth. The kiss deepens, long and true, as he rolls me slowly across the bed. I savor it, every moment, such a simple thing—a kiss—but oh, how it makes my heart sing.
Hunter pulls back, propping himself up on one elbow and gently tracing a path across my na**d shoulder. I gasp, shivering at his touch.
“My turn,” he says with a wicked grin, swirling his fingertips over my sensitive skin.
“You were awake?” I cry, flushing with embarrassment.
“Best damn dream of my life,” he lowers his mouth and kisses down the line of my back, slipping his hands around me to rove lightly across my br**sts and stomach. I shudder, letting my head fall back, feeling the silver cobwebs dance across my skin where his fingertips have touched. Hunter’s breath comes heavier, hot against my neck, and I nudge back against him, finding him hot and hard against my ass.
Hunter groans. He turns me over, laying me out beneath him, and cradling my cheek in his hand. “I want to stay here forever,” he murmurs, dropping kisses along my neck, my chest, my lips. “Just you and me, it’s all I ever need.”
“I want it too,” I whisper, rising up to meet his kiss, claiming his mouth with my own. I lick into him, tasting and teasing, feeling the wave of desire rise in me all over again. This time I’m not crying out with a desperate need, no, this is something different, a steady force curling low and deep inside of me, tripping out through my bloodstream in a sweet, gorgeous hum.
“My Brit,” Hunter whispers my name, and I reach between us, opening my thighs, already so wet and ready for him. I gasp as he eases into me, his gorgeous thickness sinking deep inside, fitting me so perfectly it’s like he never left.
We stay there, perfectly still, not saying a word, but feeling every heartbeat and quick, shallow breath. I pull my head back to look in his eyes and find him gazing down at me, the same expression of tender reverence on his face that sings in every cell and atom of my being.
“I love you,” he whispers, moving gently inside me.
My heart stops. It’s the first time he’s said those words. The first time I’ve ever heard them.
Pure joy sweeps through me, rising, circling with every slow thrust, until I’m arching up against him, crying out at the orgasm that ripples through my body, sweet and pure like stardust. I feel Hunter’s body shudder into mine with his release, gasping my name over and over until the force leaves us both and we lie tangled and breathless in each other’s arms.
“Wow,” Hunter takes a ragged breath. “That was… wow.”
I prop myself up above him, a giddy grin on my face. “You mean, that’s not what it’s usually like for you?”
He laughs. “What, are you crazy? Hell no.”
“Hmmm,” I tease, “That’s weird, because I always—” I’m cut off, shrieking as he grabs me and rolls, tickling mercilessly at my still too-sensitive skin. “Hunter!” I yelp, shaking with laughter. “Hunter, stop!”
“Not ‘til you take that back!”
I struggle, playful, until the distant ring of his cellphone cuts through our laughter. He finally lets me go. “Saved by the bell,” he winks, scrambling to find his jeans where he left them on the floor. “But I’m so not done with you, darlin’.”
“I’m counting on it.” I laugh, admiring the curve of his ass in the morning sunshine.
Hunter finally scoops his cellphone out of his jeans and answers. “What’s up?” he says, still grinning at me.
There’s a beat, and then all the laughter drains from his eyes.
“Hunter?” I ask, already reaching for him, but he steps back, turning away.
“No, of course.” He says into the phone. “I’ll be right there. What hospital?”
Fear clutches at my heart.
I scramble out of bed and go to him, sliding my arms around his waist and holding him close as he listens to whoever’s on the other end of the line.
“I’m on my way,” he tells them, then hangs up, clutching the dead phone against his chest.
Silence.
“Hunter?” I ask cautiously. “Hunter, talk to me.” I pull him around to face me, inhaling with a gasp when I see the terrible shock on his face.
“It’s my father,” he tells me, stumbling over his words. “He’s had a heart attack. They think… they think he might not make it.”
We drive straight to the city, Hunter’s knuckles white with tension as he grips the steering wheel, his face set in a deathly blank stare.
“They found him right away,” I tell him, desperately trying to break through the icy wall of fear that’s slammed down around him. I reach over, covering one of his hands with mine. “He’s getting the best doctors, everything will be OK.”
Hunter just nods, his jaw clenched. With every mile that passes, I can see the shadows of the past haunting, darker in his eyes. I can’t imagine what this must be bringing back for him, everything he went through losing Jace…
“It’ll be OK.” I say again in a small voice, praying with everything I have that it’s true. “I’m right here with you, everything will be alright.”
The hospital staff direct us to a gleaming new private wing, Hunter’s footsteps echoing on the floors as we head down a labyrinth of hallways and wards. I watch his expression get fearful; every muscle in his body locked tight with tension as he breaks into a jog.
“Richard Covington?” he demands, as we reach the reception area.
The nurse on duty is juggling three charts and a phone trapped under her shoulder. “Give me a minute.” She waves us away, not looking up.
“We just need his room number,” I plead, but she can only offer a sympathetic smile.
“Take a seat, I’ll be right with you.”
I shiver, fear snaking through my veins like ice even in the warm night breeze. What if it’s not their fault? What if it’s me, doomed to screw up every good thing that ever comes my way? Hunter is, without a doubt, the best thing that’s ever happened to me, so what kind of messy, tragic ending are we heading for right now?
A noise comes from behind me, interrupting my spiral of self-doubt. “Who’s there?” I yelp, whirling around. The glass slips from my grasp and smashes, loud on the floor, as I see Hunter coming down the stairs.
“Oh,” I catch my breath. “You scared me!”
“Don’t move.” Hunter hurries down the final stairs. He’s na**d save a pair of sweatpants. “You’ll cut yourself.”
I wait in place until he reaches me, lifting me up in one easy movement and placing me to sit on the counter while he flips on the light and bends over to pick the shards from the floor.
“Sorry,” I apologize quickly, “I didn’t mean to make a mess.”
Hunter sweeps the last of the fragments aside. “I didn’t know where you were.” He straightens up, and I see for the fist time the uncertainty on his face, shadowed in the moonlight. He turns away from me to put them in the trash. “I woke up, and you were gone. I thought…” He stops, shoulders hunched.
My heart catches with the painful truth. He thought I’d do what I’ve always done: disappear before things get too real; run and save my heart, no matter what the price. But after everything we’ve been through together, I know one thing for sure now: this time, I’m not listening to their lies.
“I was thirsty.” I reach for him, pulling him into the cradle between my legs, soothed just by the touch of him, his skin so warm and smooth against mine. “I came down to get a drink.”
“I know that now.” Hunter gives me a crooked grin, his hands sliding up my bare thighs. “I just…” he trails off.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I tell him softly, leaning in to drop a kiss on his forehead. “I’m right here.”
Hunter rests his head against my lips for a moment, just breathing in and out. I feel him relax, the tension in his body melting away, and I’m overcome with a sudden flash of gratitude. This is my second chance.
How many times have I wondered what might have been? How many nights did I look back at the time we spent together, aching with a secret regret that I didn’t stick around? I have a chance now with him to set all of that right: for both of us to put aside so much of our guilt and grief, and create something new together. All our own.
“Let’s go back to bed,” I whisper, finally slipping down from the counter and taking his hand, leading him back up the stairs.
“Hey, Brit?” Hunter pauses a moment on the landing. I turn back to find him watching me, his lips curling in a bashful smile. “I’m glad you stayed.”
He knows.
My mouth drops open in surprise as I stare back, into those soulful blue pools that somehow see all the way to my darkest soul. He knows I thought about leaving, that my instincts were screaming out to run.
“It’s OK to be scared,” Hunter steps closer, so I can feel the warmth radiating from his bare chest. He cups my cheek in a gentle caress, eyes full of understanding. “I know you’ve got a lifetime of disappointment haunting you, and this, right here? This is big, Brit. It doesn’t get much realer than the two of us. Any sane man would bet against you sticking around.”
I wait, heart in my chest, feeling like all my insecurities are exposed.
“But I’m not a sane man, Brit, I’m crazy about you.” Hunter smiles at me, so full of tenderness it takes my breath away. “So you be scared, and freak out, and feel whatever it is you need to feel. Just promise me you’ll do it here, by my side. Because I can’t take losing you again,” he adds, determined. “If you run, I’m running after you, and dragging you right back home again. You understand?”
I nod, a shy smile curving across my cheeks. He understands. He knows a part of me will always be at war with myself, but he’s not giving up on me all the same. Relief washes over me, bright in the dark hallway. I’m not in this alone: I can’t make the same mistake again, because he won’t let me.
He’s on my side.
Hunter pushes me gently ahead of him into the bedroom. “C’mon, it’s like, 3:00 a.m. and I need my beauty sleep.”
I giggle. “Don’t you mean, I do?”
“You don’t need anything,” he tells me, yawning. “Except to keep your hands off my covers. Don’t think I didn’t notice you stole them all.”
“I was cold!” I protest, sliding in next to him. Hunter scoops me against his body, nestling me into the crook of his arm.
“Better?” he whispers. I nod, snuggling into him. “Good,” he murmurs, sleepy. “‘Cause this time, I’m not letting you go.”
Hunter keeps his promise. He holds me all night, his body curled against mine, his arms encircling me in a tender, warm embrace.
I can’t sleep; I just lie there, listening to the sound of his even breaths and marveling at the contentment cloaking my body in a bone-deep haze of peace.
I’ve never held a man like this; never stayed to see the sunrise filter softly through the drapes. I’ve never felt so close to anyone, so na**d and exposed.
So loved.
I roll in his arms to face him, watching the peaceful expression on his face as he sleeps. He’s a work of art, na**d and glorious right in front of me, and I can’t stop myself from reaching out and gently tracing the contours of his face with feather-light fingertips. The shock of hair flopping over his forehead; the light dusting of freckles across his nose. I trace his cheekbones, his jaw, his gorgeous full lips, memorizing every inch of skin. My heart beats faster, just to touch him like this; catch a glimpse of him so vulnerable and at peace.
Hunter lets out a sleepy yawn and shifts, flinging his arm out across the bed and snuggling deeper into the pillows.
I could get used to this.
The thought makes me catch my breath, my body tensing with the muscle memory of old betrayals, but I force myself to relax again, lulled by the steady rise and fall of his chest.
He’s not like the others.
Hunter is different, I know that now. For the first time, I can see the future beckoning me: a hazy golden promise of mornings waking just like this; long nights spent tangled up in his arms. Safe and loved, the way I’ve never even dared to dream.
The possibility shivers through me, so tempting, so real. I could be this happy tomorrow, and every tomorrow after that too. I could be his, always.
And he would be mine.
A fierce surge of possession swells in my chest, and now my fingertips are roving further across his body. I trace over the curve of his bicep, the muscled ridges of his stomach. Mine, I think, desire rising in me. All mine. I brush my fingertips lower still, delving under the covers. I find him hard and ready for me, rising to my touch. My breath catches—
“Morning.” Hunter rolls swiftly, suddenly trapping me beneath him against the sheets.
I flush, caught red-handed. “Good morning.”
“It’s sure shaping up to be.” Hunter gives me a lazy grin.
I glance away, self-conscious. For the first time, I remember what a sight I must make: tangled hair, smudged make-up. God knows what last night has done to me. I reach quickly to swipe under my eyes, but Hunter catches my hand.
“You’re beautiful,” he breathes, gently smoothing hair back from my cheek. I roll my eyes, awkward, but he laughs. “You are. Like this, just you.”
He leans down and kisses me slowly. I breathe it all in, reaching up around his neck to pull him closer. I feel him smile against my mouth. The kiss deepens, long and true, as he rolls me slowly across the bed. I savor it, every moment, such a simple thing—a kiss—but oh, how it makes my heart sing.
Hunter pulls back, propping himself up on one elbow and gently tracing a path across my na**d shoulder. I gasp, shivering at his touch.
“My turn,” he says with a wicked grin, swirling his fingertips over my sensitive skin.
“You were awake?” I cry, flushing with embarrassment.
“Best damn dream of my life,” he lowers his mouth and kisses down the line of my back, slipping his hands around me to rove lightly across my br**sts and stomach. I shudder, letting my head fall back, feeling the silver cobwebs dance across my skin where his fingertips have touched. Hunter’s breath comes heavier, hot against my neck, and I nudge back against him, finding him hot and hard against my ass.
Hunter groans. He turns me over, laying me out beneath him, and cradling my cheek in his hand. “I want to stay here forever,” he murmurs, dropping kisses along my neck, my chest, my lips. “Just you and me, it’s all I ever need.”
“I want it too,” I whisper, rising up to meet his kiss, claiming his mouth with my own. I lick into him, tasting and teasing, feeling the wave of desire rise in me all over again. This time I’m not crying out with a desperate need, no, this is something different, a steady force curling low and deep inside of me, tripping out through my bloodstream in a sweet, gorgeous hum.
“My Brit,” Hunter whispers my name, and I reach between us, opening my thighs, already so wet and ready for him. I gasp as he eases into me, his gorgeous thickness sinking deep inside, fitting me so perfectly it’s like he never left.
We stay there, perfectly still, not saying a word, but feeling every heartbeat and quick, shallow breath. I pull my head back to look in his eyes and find him gazing down at me, the same expression of tender reverence on his face that sings in every cell and atom of my being.
“I love you,” he whispers, moving gently inside me.
My heart stops. It’s the first time he’s said those words. The first time I’ve ever heard them.
Pure joy sweeps through me, rising, circling with every slow thrust, until I’m arching up against him, crying out at the orgasm that ripples through my body, sweet and pure like stardust. I feel Hunter’s body shudder into mine with his release, gasping my name over and over until the force leaves us both and we lie tangled and breathless in each other’s arms.
“Wow,” Hunter takes a ragged breath. “That was… wow.”
I prop myself up above him, a giddy grin on my face. “You mean, that’s not what it’s usually like for you?”
He laughs. “What, are you crazy? Hell no.”
“Hmmm,” I tease, “That’s weird, because I always—” I’m cut off, shrieking as he grabs me and rolls, tickling mercilessly at my still too-sensitive skin. “Hunter!” I yelp, shaking with laughter. “Hunter, stop!”
“Not ‘til you take that back!”
I struggle, playful, until the distant ring of his cellphone cuts through our laughter. He finally lets me go. “Saved by the bell,” he winks, scrambling to find his jeans where he left them on the floor. “But I’m so not done with you, darlin’.”
“I’m counting on it.” I laugh, admiring the curve of his ass in the morning sunshine.
Hunter finally scoops his cellphone out of his jeans and answers. “What’s up?” he says, still grinning at me.
There’s a beat, and then all the laughter drains from his eyes.
“Hunter?” I ask, already reaching for him, but he steps back, turning away.
“No, of course.” He says into the phone. “I’ll be right there. What hospital?”
Fear clutches at my heart.
I scramble out of bed and go to him, sliding my arms around his waist and holding him close as he listens to whoever’s on the other end of the line.
“I’m on my way,” he tells them, then hangs up, clutching the dead phone against his chest.
Silence.
“Hunter?” I ask cautiously. “Hunter, talk to me.” I pull him around to face me, inhaling with a gasp when I see the terrible shock on his face.
“It’s my father,” he tells me, stumbling over his words. “He’s had a heart attack. They think… they think he might not make it.”
We drive straight to the city, Hunter’s knuckles white with tension as he grips the steering wheel, his face set in a deathly blank stare.
“They found him right away,” I tell him, desperately trying to break through the icy wall of fear that’s slammed down around him. I reach over, covering one of his hands with mine. “He’s getting the best doctors, everything will be OK.”
Hunter just nods, his jaw clenched. With every mile that passes, I can see the shadows of the past haunting, darker in his eyes. I can’t imagine what this must be bringing back for him, everything he went through losing Jace…
“It’ll be OK.” I say again in a small voice, praying with everything I have that it’s true. “I’m right here with you, everything will be alright.”
The hospital staff direct us to a gleaming new private wing, Hunter’s footsteps echoing on the floors as we head down a labyrinth of hallways and wards. I watch his expression get fearful; every muscle in his body locked tight with tension as he breaks into a jog.
“Richard Covington?” he demands, as we reach the reception area.
The nurse on duty is juggling three charts and a phone trapped under her shoulder. “Give me a minute.” She waves us away, not looking up.
“We just need his room number,” I plead, but she can only offer a sympathetic smile.
“Take a seat, I’ll be right with you.”
