Unconditional
Page 33
I sail out the door and down the hallway, hearing the explosion of gossip behind me as I leave. They’ll have a field day with this: the broken engagement, my willful storming out. And Lord knows what Mindy will say went down between us in the foyer—the way she exaggerates, she’ll have me slapping her face and pulling her hair out by the time the night is through.
But I don’t care.
The relief pumps through me, wild and pure. I emerge onto the sidewalk to find the sky bluer, the city buzzing with freedom. My last ties are severed, I have nothing holding me back here now, and although the thought should be terrifying, instead, I feel empowered. Hopeful.
Free.
I’ve spent my life bending to everyone else’s will. I’ve tied myself up in knots trying to be the prettiest, the most likable, the most perfect girl of all. I’ve gone around in circles keeping everyone else happy: my father, the men I’ve dated, my so-called friends. I’ve ignored my own desires for so long, I barely know what they are anymore—or who I am underneath the constant striving for perfection, away from the race to be the best at all costs, that mythical picture of my future family I’ve done everything to make a reality.
No more.
Today is when it all begins, the day I start building a life for myself, at last. On my terms, what I want it to be. I have betrayals to heal, old wounds I need to make amends for, but more than anything, I owe it to myself now to listen to my instincts, and never betray myself like this again.
No exceptions. No easy way out. Just me, on my own, doing my best to live the truth I know in my heart.
I feel a surge of determination roll through me. It won’t be easy. I don’t know what my new life will look like, but I know where I want it to begin.
The one thing I feel for certain. The only thing I know for sure I want in this world.
Garrett.
I crave him. With every fiber of my being, I long for his touch, his kiss, his everything. I know, it’s a funny place to start this new life of mine, with the man who makes no sense at all, but I’m sick of being sensible and strategic, sick of holding back and feeling numb, living with my head instead of my heart.
He pulled away once, thinking it was for the best, but I’m going to show him this time. There’s nothing wrong about the passion that flares between us; there’s no need to protect me from myself.
My lips curl in a devious smile as I slide back into my car. Garrett doesn’t stand a chance. Even if it’s just for one night, I’m going to feel what it’s like to ache for a man, to gorge on the pleasure I’ve only had a brief taste of.
I’m coming for him, and I won’t stop until he’s mine.
13
I run through a hundred seduction scenarios on the drive back to Beachwood Bay, but by the time I pull up in the parking lot at Jimmy’s, my mind is blank again. Where do I even begin? I’m not some shy virgin, I’m a grown woman, but when it comes to Garrett, every thought of him makes me feel like an inexperienced girl. He’s so different from the other men I’ve been with. There were rules with them: three dates minimum, then a late drinks date to show I was open to taking it further. Everything was coded: a suggestive smile, a casual touch, inviting their advances. Now the tables have turned, and I don’t know what to do.
I’m not used to chasing a man, wanting him like this.
Needing him.
It’s evening, so I peek my head around the main doors and check out the bar. It’s busier, a weekend night, and I can’t see Garrett anywhere. He must be dealing with customers. Good. I need to regroup and come up with a plan, so I can—
“You’re late,” Garrett’s voice comes from right behind me, making me jump. I spin around and find him standing here in the hallway. He’s looking agitated, running one hand through his ruffled dark hair. “I thought you were going to call.”
“Only if something happened,” I correct him. “And nothing did. I’m fine, see?” I give him a smile.
Garrett exhales, relaxing the tension that’s rippling through his shoulders. “You should have called,” he says again, and I can see the shadow of worry on his face.
Warmth blossoms in my chest. He was thinking about me, looking out for me.
“Hey,” I say quietly. “I’m sorry, but it was fine. He wasn’t even there,” I add. “I was in and out of the house, no big deal.”
“Good.” Garrett looks happier. He gives me a small smile. “Not that I don’t think you can take care of yourself.”
I laugh. “I know, but trust me, if I need a guy knocked out, you’ll be the first one I call.”
“That’s me.” Garrett winks. “Breaking hearts and faces all over town.”
“Modest much?” I tease him. He turns to head back to the bar, and I feel a rush of panic.
This is it, a voice orders me.
“Actually, there’s something I need you for,” I say quickly.
Garrett arches an eyebrow. “Let me guess, you’ve got a car full of boxes you need taking upstairs?”
“Something like that,” I reply vaguely. “You got some time after closing tonight?”
“Actually, I’ve got the night off,” Garrett replies. “Heading over to Brit and Hunter’s to hang out.”
“Oh.” My heart drops, and I try to hide my disappointment. “Another time, no rush.” I add, sounding casual even as I let out a silent scream of frustration. Already, my earlier resolve is melting away under the weight of insecurity. I have to do this now, tonight, or I know I might chicken out and never even try.
But I don’t care.
The relief pumps through me, wild and pure. I emerge onto the sidewalk to find the sky bluer, the city buzzing with freedom. My last ties are severed, I have nothing holding me back here now, and although the thought should be terrifying, instead, I feel empowered. Hopeful.
Free.
I’ve spent my life bending to everyone else’s will. I’ve tied myself up in knots trying to be the prettiest, the most likable, the most perfect girl of all. I’ve gone around in circles keeping everyone else happy: my father, the men I’ve dated, my so-called friends. I’ve ignored my own desires for so long, I barely know what they are anymore—or who I am underneath the constant striving for perfection, away from the race to be the best at all costs, that mythical picture of my future family I’ve done everything to make a reality.
No more.
Today is when it all begins, the day I start building a life for myself, at last. On my terms, what I want it to be. I have betrayals to heal, old wounds I need to make amends for, but more than anything, I owe it to myself now to listen to my instincts, and never betray myself like this again.
No exceptions. No easy way out. Just me, on my own, doing my best to live the truth I know in my heart.
I feel a surge of determination roll through me. It won’t be easy. I don’t know what my new life will look like, but I know where I want it to begin.
The one thing I feel for certain. The only thing I know for sure I want in this world.
Garrett.
I crave him. With every fiber of my being, I long for his touch, his kiss, his everything. I know, it’s a funny place to start this new life of mine, with the man who makes no sense at all, but I’m sick of being sensible and strategic, sick of holding back and feeling numb, living with my head instead of my heart.
He pulled away once, thinking it was for the best, but I’m going to show him this time. There’s nothing wrong about the passion that flares between us; there’s no need to protect me from myself.
My lips curl in a devious smile as I slide back into my car. Garrett doesn’t stand a chance. Even if it’s just for one night, I’m going to feel what it’s like to ache for a man, to gorge on the pleasure I’ve only had a brief taste of.
I’m coming for him, and I won’t stop until he’s mine.
13
I run through a hundred seduction scenarios on the drive back to Beachwood Bay, but by the time I pull up in the parking lot at Jimmy’s, my mind is blank again. Where do I even begin? I’m not some shy virgin, I’m a grown woman, but when it comes to Garrett, every thought of him makes me feel like an inexperienced girl. He’s so different from the other men I’ve been with. There were rules with them: three dates minimum, then a late drinks date to show I was open to taking it further. Everything was coded: a suggestive smile, a casual touch, inviting their advances. Now the tables have turned, and I don’t know what to do.
I’m not used to chasing a man, wanting him like this.
Needing him.
It’s evening, so I peek my head around the main doors and check out the bar. It’s busier, a weekend night, and I can’t see Garrett anywhere. He must be dealing with customers. Good. I need to regroup and come up with a plan, so I can—
“You’re late,” Garrett’s voice comes from right behind me, making me jump. I spin around and find him standing here in the hallway. He’s looking agitated, running one hand through his ruffled dark hair. “I thought you were going to call.”
“Only if something happened,” I correct him. “And nothing did. I’m fine, see?” I give him a smile.
Garrett exhales, relaxing the tension that’s rippling through his shoulders. “You should have called,” he says again, and I can see the shadow of worry on his face.
Warmth blossoms in my chest. He was thinking about me, looking out for me.
“Hey,” I say quietly. “I’m sorry, but it was fine. He wasn’t even there,” I add. “I was in and out of the house, no big deal.”
“Good.” Garrett looks happier. He gives me a small smile. “Not that I don’t think you can take care of yourself.”
I laugh. “I know, but trust me, if I need a guy knocked out, you’ll be the first one I call.”
“That’s me.” Garrett winks. “Breaking hearts and faces all over town.”
“Modest much?” I tease him. He turns to head back to the bar, and I feel a rush of panic.
This is it, a voice orders me.
“Actually, there’s something I need you for,” I say quickly.
Garrett arches an eyebrow. “Let me guess, you’ve got a car full of boxes you need taking upstairs?”
“Something like that,” I reply vaguely. “You got some time after closing tonight?”
“Actually, I’ve got the night off,” Garrett replies. “Heading over to Brit and Hunter’s to hang out.”
“Oh.” My heart drops, and I try to hide my disappointment. “Another time, no rush.” I add, sounding casual even as I let out a silent scream of frustration. Already, my earlier resolve is melting away under the weight of insecurity. I have to do this now, tonight, or I know I might chicken out and never even try.
