Unconditional
Page 67
You’ve already driven one of them away. Way to make it two for two.
“Wait,” I call after her quickly. “I’m sorry. I’m a mess, I know I am.”
Brit turns back. “You’re in love,” she corrects me, pity in her eyes. “Which means there’s saving you yet.”
I slump my head back against the wall, not even trying to deny it anymore. “There’s no saving this,” I swear. “I told you.”
“You told me you couldn’t be together.” Brit drops to the floor beside me. “You still haven’t come up with a good reason why.”
“I can’t give her what she needs,” I repeat, as much to myself as to Brit.
“Bullshit.” Brit gives me a scathing look. “You’re just being a scared little bitch.”
“Hey,” I protest. “Don’t kick a man when he’s down.”
“Think of it as a helpful nudge.” Brit leans over and elbows me in the ribs. “I owe you, remember? When Hunter came around, you gave me plenty of stern lectures about taking a chance, and following your heart, and not letting the past keep you from your future.” She throws my own words back at me, and I realize with a sinking heart, she’s right.
I did say all of that, and worse, I meant it.
“You don’t understand,” I grumble, still lost in the memories of Carina, and all the sweetness I’ve left behind forever. “This is different.”
“Only because I saw sense, and went after what I wanted in the end, while you’re sitting here drunk in the middle of the day,” Brit points out as her cellphone starts to ring. She checks the display and then answers, smiling.
“Hey big brother, what’s up?”
There’s a beat.
“No, he’s right here. Why?”
Whatever the answer, Brit’s smile dissolves. She holds out the phone to me, her voice dropping to a whisper. “It’s Emerson.”
“What’s going on?” I ask, reaching for the phone. There’s a look in her eyes that chills me, even as I lift the phone to my ear.
“Hey man, what’s up?”
Emerson’s voice comes, heavy down the line. “Something happened,” he tells me. “It’s Carina.”
We drive over eighty all the way to the city. Brit insists on taking the wheel, so I’ve got nothing distracting me from the panic clawing at my chest.
Carina had a fight with her ex. She collapsed. She’s in the hospital.
He wouldn’t tell me any more than that, just that the doctors were running tests. “She should be fine,” he told me, but there was a terrible uncertainty in his voice. “But you should get down here.”
I was already out the door.
“It’ll be OK,” Brit looks over, reassuring me.
“You don’t know that.” I clench my fists, trying like hell to keep it together. Fear beats like a stampede in my chest, a whirl of questions in my mind.
What if she’s hurt and in pain? Why weren’t you there to protect her? How could she have to face that animal alone again?
I remember the way Carina looked on the dock when her facade finally cracked and her real, vulnerable, aching self shone through for the first time. It took all the strength she had to leave that life behind, and I swore to her I would always have her back.
I failed her. This is my fault, all of it. If I hadn’t pushed her away, if I hadn’t been such a damn coward…
The guilt eats away at me with every mile that passes, until I’m lost in a cloud of self-loathing and terror.
If anything’s happened to her…
I’ll never forgive myself. Never.
Brit pulls up outside the hospital. “You go,” she says, giving my hand a quick squeeze. “I’ll find parking.”
I leap out the door without even saying goodbye, dashing through the entrance and racing down the halls of the ER until I find Emerson and Juliet waiting, huddled together on the cheap plastic chairs.
“Did he touch her?” I demand, my voice echoing. I’m yelling, but I don’t care. I look around wildly for her. “Did that bastard lay a finger on her—?”
“No, it’s not like that.” Emerson takes my arm, trying to calm me. “He was a dick for sure, but…We were there with her. She got dizzy, and she collapsed.”
“Where is she?” Fear is still crushing my chest. “I need to see her. Now!”
“The doctor’s just checking on her,” Juliet pipes up. She looks pale and shaken, hugging her arms around herself. “He’ll be right out.” She looks between me and Emerson, nervous. “Can I get you some coffee or something? Sit down here with us.”
“No,” I shake my head, pacing furiously in the narrow hallway. Everything is on edge, I can’t take it. “I need to see her, please,” I beg, broken, but past caring. I’d give anything I had, anything I’ll ever own just to hold her in my arms again and see that beautiful face of hers. “You have to let me in.”
“In a minute,” Emerson promises. “Just take a breath, man. You need to relax. You can’t go in there like this.”
He’s right. I gulp for air, resting my forehead against the cool glass of an office window. I’m falling apart right here, and Carina needs me to be strong. I force the breaths down, in and out, until finally, I can see straight again.
The double doors swing open. An older woman in a white coat comes through, holding a medical chart. She looks around. “Are you Carina’s family?” she asks.
“Wait,” I call after her quickly. “I’m sorry. I’m a mess, I know I am.”
Brit turns back. “You’re in love,” she corrects me, pity in her eyes. “Which means there’s saving you yet.”
I slump my head back against the wall, not even trying to deny it anymore. “There’s no saving this,” I swear. “I told you.”
“You told me you couldn’t be together.” Brit drops to the floor beside me. “You still haven’t come up with a good reason why.”
“I can’t give her what she needs,” I repeat, as much to myself as to Brit.
“Bullshit.” Brit gives me a scathing look. “You’re just being a scared little bitch.”
“Hey,” I protest. “Don’t kick a man when he’s down.”
“Think of it as a helpful nudge.” Brit leans over and elbows me in the ribs. “I owe you, remember? When Hunter came around, you gave me plenty of stern lectures about taking a chance, and following your heart, and not letting the past keep you from your future.” She throws my own words back at me, and I realize with a sinking heart, she’s right.
I did say all of that, and worse, I meant it.
“You don’t understand,” I grumble, still lost in the memories of Carina, and all the sweetness I’ve left behind forever. “This is different.”
“Only because I saw sense, and went after what I wanted in the end, while you’re sitting here drunk in the middle of the day,” Brit points out as her cellphone starts to ring. She checks the display and then answers, smiling.
“Hey big brother, what’s up?”
There’s a beat.
“No, he’s right here. Why?”
Whatever the answer, Brit’s smile dissolves. She holds out the phone to me, her voice dropping to a whisper. “It’s Emerson.”
“What’s going on?” I ask, reaching for the phone. There’s a look in her eyes that chills me, even as I lift the phone to my ear.
“Hey man, what’s up?”
Emerson’s voice comes, heavy down the line. “Something happened,” he tells me. “It’s Carina.”
We drive over eighty all the way to the city. Brit insists on taking the wheel, so I’ve got nothing distracting me from the panic clawing at my chest.
Carina had a fight with her ex. She collapsed. She’s in the hospital.
He wouldn’t tell me any more than that, just that the doctors were running tests. “She should be fine,” he told me, but there was a terrible uncertainty in his voice. “But you should get down here.”
I was already out the door.
“It’ll be OK,” Brit looks over, reassuring me.
“You don’t know that.” I clench my fists, trying like hell to keep it together. Fear beats like a stampede in my chest, a whirl of questions in my mind.
What if she’s hurt and in pain? Why weren’t you there to protect her? How could she have to face that animal alone again?
I remember the way Carina looked on the dock when her facade finally cracked and her real, vulnerable, aching self shone through for the first time. It took all the strength she had to leave that life behind, and I swore to her I would always have her back.
I failed her. This is my fault, all of it. If I hadn’t pushed her away, if I hadn’t been such a damn coward…
The guilt eats away at me with every mile that passes, until I’m lost in a cloud of self-loathing and terror.
If anything’s happened to her…
I’ll never forgive myself. Never.
Brit pulls up outside the hospital. “You go,” she says, giving my hand a quick squeeze. “I’ll find parking.”
I leap out the door without even saying goodbye, dashing through the entrance and racing down the halls of the ER until I find Emerson and Juliet waiting, huddled together on the cheap plastic chairs.
“Did he touch her?” I demand, my voice echoing. I’m yelling, but I don’t care. I look around wildly for her. “Did that bastard lay a finger on her—?”
“No, it’s not like that.” Emerson takes my arm, trying to calm me. “He was a dick for sure, but…We were there with her. She got dizzy, and she collapsed.”
“Where is she?” Fear is still crushing my chest. “I need to see her. Now!”
“The doctor’s just checking on her,” Juliet pipes up. She looks pale and shaken, hugging her arms around herself. “He’ll be right out.” She looks between me and Emerson, nervous. “Can I get you some coffee or something? Sit down here with us.”
“No,” I shake my head, pacing furiously in the narrow hallway. Everything is on edge, I can’t take it. “I need to see her, please,” I beg, broken, but past caring. I’d give anything I had, anything I’ll ever own just to hold her in my arms again and see that beautiful face of hers. “You have to let me in.”
“In a minute,” Emerson promises. “Just take a breath, man. You need to relax. You can’t go in there like this.”
He’s right. I gulp for air, resting my forehead against the cool glass of an office window. I’m falling apart right here, and Carina needs me to be strong. I force the breaths down, in and out, until finally, I can see straight again.
The double doors swing open. An older woman in a white coat comes through, holding a medical chart. She looks around. “Are you Carina’s family?” she asks.
