Undead and Unreturnable

Chapter 18

Dear Betsy,
I'm a new vampire (I was attacked and killed by another vampire while I was on my senior class trip, eight years ago), and I'm not sure exactly of the protocol now. Things were different under Nostro, but I'm not sure how things are with you. There's a girl in my life I "see" once in a while, and she lets me bite her, but she thinks it's just part of fun. Sometimes I'll make friends with a new girl and bite her a few times, too. It's hard because I have to feed every day, but I don't want to kill anyone. Do you have any advice?
Chewin' on 'em in Chaska
Dear Cheivin':
Well, you've got the right idea, anyway. Don't kill them, not any of them, if you can help it. They can't help being alive any more than you can help being dead. I try to go out and bite bad guys... you know, someone who's trying to drag me into a dark alley to "meet" his friends, someone I catch breaking into my car... like that. I feel like they got punished for whatever felony they were attempting, and I got to eat. Try that for a while and see how it works. If you ever meet that special someone, you could tell her your secret and maybe she could help you out. Also, as you get older, you won't need to feed as much. Cheer up. This, too, shall pass.
"It's pretty good," Jessica said. "Because the newsletter is new, I guess you had to make up the first few questions?"
"Yeah."
"Well, pretty soon you'll start to get real letters, so that's okay. But this isn't too bad."
I started to cry.
"Jeez!" Jessica said, putting the paper down and hurrying over to me. "I had no idea you were such a touchy edit! It's great, it's really great for your first time. Lots of-uh-lots of good advice."
"Sinclair moved out of my room," I sobbed.
"Well, honey, I don't know that he ever actually moved in."
I cried harder.
"Uh, sorry. Did you guys have a fight?"
"A big one. The worst one."
"Worse than when you thought he was putting the moves on your sister?"
"I wish that's what it was," I wept.
"Okay. Is it something you can tell me about?"
"No," I sobbed. Sinclair's humiliation was still fresh; the last thing I was going to do was spread it around.
She had poured a fresh cup of tea for me-we were in the kitchen-and now sat down in the chair next to me. My feeble letter lay on the table between us. I'd been desperate to distract myself from the fight. Thus, Dear Betsy.
"Well, honey, is it something bad you did?"
"I didn't think so. I thought it was good. Proof of something good. But he didn't agree. And then he left. It's been two nights, and he hasn't been back; I haven't even seen him in the house. I've seen George the Fiend more than my own fiance."
"Right, but... you're not going around killing Girl Scouts or anything, right?"
I shook my head. "Nothing like that."
"And you didn't read the Book... Betsy!" she nearly screamed at my feeble nod. "Did you turn evil again?"
"I wish. I only read the paragraph he made me. He was just making a point. And then he slammed it shut and took it away, and took himself away, too."
"Well, is it something you can say you're sorry for?"
"I don't think I can apologize for this. Besides, I already did. We were pretty mad, though. He might not have noticed. But it was a secret for a long time. I guess I can apologize for not telling him right away."
"That's a start, right?"
"He's afraid of me now," I practically whispered.
Jessica burst out laughing. She laughed so hard she actually slapped the table with her palm. "Scared! Sinclair! Of you!" Slap, slap. "Oh, that's a good one." She sighed and wiped her eyes. "Tell it again; I needed that."
I glared. "I'm serious, Jessica. The thing I told him made him be scared of me. In the past he thought it was cool that I could do things other vampires couldn't-"
"And let's not forget, he wasn't above using you to get what he wanted," she pointed out, her cheeks still shiny from laugh-tears.
"Yeah, I know. But he was never, you know, scared of the things I could do. Just... impressed, like. He thought they were neat, and he thought it was great that I killed Nostro and what's-her-name, and he thinks it's great that the devil is my sister's mother, but he was never afraid of me. I'm telling you. That's what's happened now."
"This thing-whatever it is-it's made him scared of you."
I rubbed my eyes (pure force of habit; I had no tears) and nodded.
"Okay, so you should apologize for keeping the secret and then you gotta wait for him to get over his bad self."
"Wait?"
"Honey, have you seen the man? Does he strike you as the type of fellow who's scared of anything, much less his own girlfriend? He's gonna need some serious time to get used to the idea."
"Wh-how much time?"
"You're immortal," she pointed out. "What's the rush?"
"But... wedding stuff. We've got to plan the wedding. I can't do it by myself."
"So postpone it again."
"I can't," I said, appalled all over again. "Oh, I just can't. He's got it in his head that-never mind. But one thing I absolutely can't do is cancel it. Full speed ahead on all wedding prep."
"Are you sure this horrible thing you've done, it's not evil? What am I saying, it's Sinclair. Evil doesn't scare him. He probably gets off on it, in his heart of hearts."
"Trust me. It's not evil." Elizabeth, oh my Elizabeth... you are sweet, you are like wine, you are... everything. I love you, there's no one. No one. Probably never hear that again, so get used to the mental playback, babe. "It's the total opposite of evil. I thought... I thought it was kind of wonderful. But he-he-"
I cried some more. It was lame, but I couldn't stop. Just when I thought that the one thing I could count on was Sinclair by my side no matter what happened...
"He's still here, though, right?" I asked, groping for a tissue, again out of habit. I was snot-free. "At the house? He didn't move out?"
"Not that I know of, honey. Probably just back to his old room while he sorts things out." I stared down at the table, and Jess smoothed my crumpled bangs out of my eyes. "Poor Bets. If it's not one thing it's another. You want me to stay in tonight?"
"Yeah, we could-no!"
"Oh, that's flattering," she grumbled.
"No, I mean... tonight's the big night. Your date with Nick. You can't miss it."
"I can reschedule," she said gently.
"My ass!"
"And that's one thing not on the date agenda," she said cheerfully. "He might have asked me out because he knows you're taken-"
"Am I?" I sulked.
"But one thing we're not going to do is talk about your ass. Nor your tits, nor your scintillating personality-which, I gotta tell you, ain't so great right now."
She was teasing and I smiled, a little. "No rescheduling. You're going. I'll-I'll find something to do."
On cue, the swinging doors on the east end of the kitchen whooshed open and Jon walked in like the world's youngest gunslinger. "Anybody up to telling me the story of their life?" he chirped, waving his Sidekick.
"Well," Jess told me, getting up from her seat, "if whatever you did was evil, and I'm not saying it was, because your word's good enough for me, but if it was, you're gonna be punished for it right about now."