Undeniable Love
Page 37
Shaking my head, I looked away. “I saw the conflict in your eyes, Ryn. In that moment it was as if you had to pick—kiss me, or talk to your precious Dodge.”
Glancing back, my eyes caught hers. “I still see the conflict in your eyes, but the problem is, you picked him, Ryn.”
Starting the car, I put it in drive and pulled away.
STARING AT TRISTAN’S BMW AS he drove away, I fought to hold back my tears. Closing my eyes, I wrapped my arms around myself. It wasn’t cold outside, but my body shook.
“Ryn? Are you okay?”
Dodges voice was filled with concern. I had asked him to coffee this morning to tell him I didn’t see our relationship going any further.
Shaking my head, I whispered, “No, Dodge. I’m not okay.”
“Let’s head inside and order some coffee, Ryn.”
Dodge placed his hand on the small of my back as he led me toward the door to Starbucks. My mind was racing as I took Tristan’s words in.
He thought I had picked Dodge. I knew those days we spent together we were getting closer. I could see it in Tristan’s eyes how many times he wanted to kiss me. Why we were both pulling away from each other, I didn’t know.
Dodge ordered both of our coffees as I mindlessly moved to a table.
I sat and stared out the window. I did know why I was pulling away from Tristan. I was scared to death to open myself back up to him. Was he interested in me because he didn’t have Liberty or Sierra around? Was I second best?
Closing my eyes, I thought to that moment when Tristan was going to kiss me and I answered my cell. The hurt in his eyes about dropped me to the floor. Then not even five minutes ago, I saw the same hurt in his eyes.
You picked him, Ryn.
Setting both coffees onto the table, Dodge pulled out a chair. Looking up, I tried to smile but I knew Dodge would know it was a ruse.
“Talk to me, Ryn.”
Taking in a deep breath, I slowly blew it out. I knew I couldn’t keep doing what I had been doing the last ten months. I was using Dodge as a means to push Tristan from my head . . . and my heart. It wasn’t working and what I needed was time alone to clear my head and think.
It was time for me to, for once in my adult life, not have a man confusing the hell out of me.
“Dodge, I wish I could sit here and tell you that I saw us moving forward but . . . I . . . I just can’t.”
Dodge looked down and then quickly back up into my eyes. He slowly nodded his head as he smiled weakly. “I guess I always knew we were just having fun.”
“I want to be completely honest with you, Dodge. I still love, Tristan.”
Dodge tilted his head and stared into my eyes. “I know that, Ryn. Believe me, I know how you feel about Tristan.”
My heart hurt for what I was doing to Dodge. Shaking my head, I said, “Dodge, did you see how Sierra looked at you today?”
Jerking his head back, Dodge laughed. “What?”
“Sierra, the way her eyes lit up when she looked at you. I see women all the time look at you just like she did. I’m holding you back and it’s not fair.”
Reaching across the table, Dodge took my hand in his. “I don’t want any other women, I want you. I’m falling in love with you, Ryn.”
I tried to dig deep down inside to say what I was about to say. “Dodge, I wish I could give you what you wanted, but I need to clear my head and figure out some things. I care about you so much and you’ve been such an amazing friend . . . but . . .”
Letting go of my hand, Dodge whispered, “But you don’t love me like you love, Tristan.”
My voice cracking, I whispered, “Dodge.”
Dodge stood and gazed down at me. He nodded his head and gave me that grin that I loved so much. “I’m not going to push you into anything or make you feel like you have to decide now. I’ll be here, Ryn. I’m not sure for how long, but for now . . . I’m here.”
I stood and moved into Dodge’s arms. “Thank you for giving me the space and time I need, Dodge.”
Pulling me closer to him, Dodge whispered against my forehead, “I’ll talk to you soon, baby.”
Dropping his arms he took two steps back. Winking, he turned and began to walk away.
Placing my hand over my mouth, I began to cry. I wasn’t sure why, but it felt as if I lost something I wasn’t ready to lose.
Walking into my house, I heard my home phone ringing. No one ever called me on my home phone. Running to it, I picked it up and hit the answer button. My ankle throbbed from the motion. It had only been a month since I sprained it and it wasn’t healing all that well.
Glancing back, my eyes caught hers. “I still see the conflict in your eyes, but the problem is, you picked him, Ryn.”
Starting the car, I put it in drive and pulled away.
STARING AT TRISTAN’S BMW AS he drove away, I fought to hold back my tears. Closing my eyes, I wrapped my arms around myself. It wasn’t cold outside, but my body shook.
“Ryn? Are you okay?”
Dodges voice was filled with concern. I had asked him to coffee this morning to tell him I didn’t see our relationship going any further.
Shaking my head, I whispered, “No, Dodge. I’m not okay.”
“Let’s head inside and order some coffee, Ryn.”
Dodge placed his hand on the small of my back as he led me toward the door to Starbucks. My mind was racing as I took Tristan’s words in.
He thought I had picked Dodge. I knew those days we spent together we were getting closer. I could see it in Tristan’s eyes how many times he wanted to kiss me. Why we were both pulling away from each other, I didn’t know.
Dodge ordered both of our coffees as I mindlessly moved to a table.
I sat and stared out the window. I did know why I was pulling away from Tristan. I was scared to death to open myself back up to him. Was he interested in me because he didn’t have Liberty or Sierra around? Was I second best?
Closing my eyes, I thought to that moment when Tristan was going to kiss me and I answered my cell. The hurt in his eyes about dropped me to the floor. Then not even five minutes ago, I saw the same hurt in his eyes.
You picked him, Ryn.
Setting both coffees onto the table, Dodge pulled out a chair. Looking up, I tried to smile but I knew Dodge would know it was a ruse.
“Talk to me, Ryn.”
Taking in a deep breath, I slowly blew it out. I knew I couldn’t keep doing what I had been doing the last ten months. I was using Dodge as a means to push Tristan from my head . . . and my heart. It wasn’t working and what I needed was time alone to clear my head and think.
It was time for me to, for once in my adult life, not have a man confusing the hell out of me.
“Dodge, I wish I could sit here and tell you that I saw us moving forward but . . . I . . . I just can’t.”
Dodge looked down and then quickly back up into my eyes. He slowly nodded his head as he smiled weakly. “I guess I always knew we were just having fun.”
“I want to be completely honest with you, Dodge. I still love, Tristan.”
Dodge tilted his head and stared into my eyes. “I know that, Ryn. Believe me, I know how you feel about Tristan.”
My heart hurt for what I was doing to Dodge. Shaking my head, I said, “Dodge, did you see how Sierra looked at you today?”
Jerking his head back, Dodge laughed. “What?”
“Sierra, the way her eyes lit up when she looked at you. I see women all the time look at you just like she did. I’m holding you back and it’s not fair.”
Reaching across the table, Dodge took my hand in his. “I don’t want any other women, I want you. I’m falling in love with you, Ryn.”
I tried to dig deep down inside to say what I was about to say. “Dodge, I wish I could give you what you wanted, but I need to clear my head and figure out some things. I care about you so much and you’ve been such an amazing friend . . . but . . .”
Letting go of my hand, Dodge whispered, “But you don’t love me like you love, Tristan.”
My voice cracking, I whispered, “Dodge.”
Dodge stood and gazed down at me. He nodded his head and gave me that grin that I loved so much. “I’m not going to push you into anything or make you feel like you have to decide now. I’ll be here, Ryn. I’m not sure for how long, but for now . . . I’m here.”
I stood and moved into Dodge’s arms. “Thank you for giving me the space and time I need, Dodge.”
Pulling me closer to him, Dodge whispered against my forehead, “I’ll talk to you soon, baby.”
Dropping his arms he took two steps back. Winking, he turned and began to walk away.
Placing my hand over my mouth, I began to cry. I wasn’t sure why, but it felt as if I lost something I wasn’t ready to lose.
Walking into my house, I heard my home phone ringing. No one ever called me on my home phone. Running to it, I picked it up and hit the answer button. My ankle throbbed from the motion. It had only been a month since I sprained it and it wasn’t healing all that well.
