Under the Lights
Page 12
The Reality of Being Broken
CHAPTER 10
WILLA
I wasn’t a good friend. They just didn’t know how bad of one I was. Yet. Eventually it would get out. My past and the reason I was here in Lawton, living with my grandmother. But for now I could enjoy not being alone.
Gunner had walked with me to my first-period class, chatting on about a party this Saturday night and acting as if I would be there too. No one had invited me to a party. I had no idea who Asa Griffith was, although the name was familiar. I’d heard it being mentioned yesterday more than one time. Even more than the football game on Friday night, and that was talked about a lot. Probably talk of his party.
When Gunner had finally said his good-bye and gone to his own classroom, I was once again left to myself. No one approached me as I made my way to the desk the teacher had directed me to yesterday. My homework was complete and as perfect as I could make it.
Someone took the chair beside me, and I glanced through my lashes to see a tall guy with dark hair, almost black. His shoulders were wide, making him seem more impressive and large. The tan color of his skin made me think of beaches and sunshine and not Lawton, Alabama. He turned to me, and I quickly moved my eyes back to the notebook on my desk.
“You must be Willa Ames,” his deep voice said, drawing my attention back to him.
“Yes,” I replied, wishing I knew who he was. I searched his face to see if I recognized him. Everyone had changed so much over the past six years I had a hard time remembering them all.
“You don’t remember me, do you? But then I was about seven inches shorter and less muscle or no muscle the last time we saw each other.”
I forced a smile. I felt awkward not remembering who he was, but then would he have recognized me if he didn’t have the knowledge that the new girl was Willa Ames? I wouldn’t beat myself up about it. Although I had gone to school with a lot or most of these kids, I’d not run in their social circles. My only friends had been Gunner and Brady. I didn’t get invited to birthday parties as a child, or any party for that matter. I was the Lawtons’ help’s granddaughter, who had been brought into this world by a “slutty” teenage mother.
He grinned and dimples appeared. Not expected on a guy his size. “Asa . . . Griffith,” he said, adding his last name as an afterthought. This was the party guy whose name I had heard before. Digging in my memory, I tried to think of a boy’s face that might resemble the much more mature one in front of me now. Had he come to play with Gunner often as a child? I couldn’t remember all the friends Gunner had over.
He chuckled this time. “Don’t guess I made an impression on you back in the day, but then you’d always been Gunner’s. We didn’t get to see you much when we came over after Nash called you hot once. Gunner got all pissy, and that was the last time we ever played with you.”
That struck a memory.
“Y’all have changed with puberty” was the only comment I had to that.
His dimples deepened, clearly flirting at this point. “And so have you.”
I wasn’t going to try and decipher what he meant by that. I just smiled and turned back to the notebook in front of me.
“You coming to my birthday party Saturday night? I’ll be the big one eight.”
Was this an invite? I glanced back over at him. “I wasn’t aware I was invited.”
He continued to grin. “I’m officially inviting you. I just figured Gunner or Brady already had.”
Should I agree to this? The last time I partied . . . I didn’t want to think about that right now. It was different. Everything about that night had been different. This was a birthday party with football players. I could do this and not feel guilty. Couldn’t I?
“That frown concerns me. I’m not a bad guy. Promise,” Asa added as I realized he was watching me and I hadn’t responded to his invitation. Which was rude.
“I’m sorry. I was just thinking about my schedule. But yes, I’d like to come. Thank you for inviting me.” I sounded entirely too formal. Trying not to wince at my own ridiculous response, I once again stared down at my notebook.
“I think I make you nervous, Willa Ames. I like that.” He sounded amused, and I didn’t look back at him.
“Will Gunner be walking you to your next class like he did this one, or can I have that honor?” He was mimicking my formal tone, and I bit back a smile. I think I liked Asa Griffith.
“I’d like that,” I replied, letting the smile touch my lips. It felt good to want to smile again. I was doing it more and more since my arrival in Lawton. A few months ago I thought I’d never smile again.
But with that thought the reality of what I’d seen, what I’d done, and all I’d lost came back to me. The darkness I carried like bricks on my back weighed me down, and I once again lost my smile.
The teacher began to talk, and I gave him my attention, even if the past was haunting my thoughts and reminding me why I’d never truly be normal again.
Asa attempted to talk to me several times during class, and I managed a smile, if not a response, each time. My chest was heavy, but I wanted to feel normal again, if only for a moment. Was that selfish of me? Should I get to feel normal?
When the bell rang—ending my wasted class, since my mind hadn’t registered one thing that the teacher had said—I picked up my books and stood up.
“What class do you have next?” Asa asked as he got up to walk with me toward the door. I guess he was serious about walking me there.
“Lit,” I replied.
CHAPTER 10
WILLA
I wasn’t a good friend. They just didn’t know how bad of one I was. Yet. Eventually it would get out. My past and the reason I was here in Lawton, living with my grandmother. But for now I could enjoy not being alone.
Gunner had walked with me to my first-period class, chatting on about a party this Saturday night and acting as if I would be there too. No one had invited me to a party. I had no idea who Asa Griffith was, although the name was familiar. I’d heard it being mentioned yesterday more than one time. Even more than the football game on Friday night, and that was talked about a lot. Probably talk of his party.
When Gunner had finally said his good-bye and gone to his own classroom, I was once again left to myself. No one approached me as I made my way to the desk the teacher had directed me to yesterday. My homework was complete and as perfect as I could make it.
Someone took the chair beside me, and I glanced through my lashes to see a tall guy with dark hair, almost black. His shoulders were wide, making him seem more impressive and large. The tan color of his skin made me think of beaches and sunshine and not Lawton, Alabama. He turned to me, and I quickly moved my eyes back to the notebook on my desk.
“You must be Willa Ames,” his deep voice said, drawing my attention back to him.
“Yes,” I replied, wishing I knew who he was. I searched his face to see if I recognized him. Everyone had changed so much over the past six years I had a hard time remembering them all.
“You don’t remember me, do you? But then I was about seven inches shorter and less muscle or no muscle the last time we saw each other.”
I forced a smile. I felt awkward not remembering who he was, but then would he have recognized me if he didn’t have the knowledge that the new girl was Willa Ames? I wouldn’t beat myself up about it. Although I had gone to school with a lot or most of these kids, I’d not run in their social circles. My only friends had been Gunner and Brady. I didn’t get invited to birthday parties as a child, or any party for that matter. I was the Lawtons’ help’s granddaughter, who had been brought into this world by a “slutty” teenage mother.
He grinned and dimples appeared. Not expected on a guy his size. “Asa . . . Griffith,” he said, adding his last name as an afterthought. This was the party guy whose name I had heard before. Digging in my memory, I tried to think of a boy’s face that might resemble the much more mature one in front of me now. Had he come to play with Gunner often as a child? I couldn’t remember all the friends Gunner had over.
He chuckled this time. “Don’t guess I made an impression on you back in the day, but then you’d always been Gunner’s. We didn’t get to see you much when we came over after Nash called you hot once. Gunner got all pissy, and that was the last time we ever played with you.”
That struck a memory.
“Y’all have changed with puberty” was the only comment I had to that.
His dimples deepened, clearly flirting at this point. “And so have you.”
I wasn’t going to try and decipher what he meant by that. I just smiled and turned back to the notebook in front of me.
“You coming to my birthday party Saturday night? I’ll be the big one eight.”
Was this an invite? I glanced back over at him. “I wasn’t aware I was invited.”
He continued to grin. “I’m officially inviting you. I just figured Gunner or Brady already had.”
Should I agree to this? The last time I partied . . . I didn’t want to think about that right now. It was different. Everything about that night had been different. This was a birthday party with football players. I could do this and not feel guilty. Couldn’t I?
“That frown concerns me. I’m not a bad guy. Promise,” Asa added as I realized he was watching me and I hadn’t responded to his invitation. Which was rude.
“I’m sorry. I was just thinking about my schedule. But yes, I’d like to come. Thank you for inviting me.” I sounded entirely too formal. Trying not to wince at my own ridiculous response, I once again stared down at my notebook.
“I think I make you nervous, Willa Ames. I like that.” He sounded amused, and I didn’t look back at him.
“Will Gunner be walking you to your next class like he did this one, or can I have that honor?” He was mimicking my formal tone, and I bit back a smile. I think I liked Asa Griffith.
“I’d like that,” I replied, letting the smile touch my lips. It felt good to want to smile again. I was doing it more and more since my arrival in Lawton. A few months ago I thought I’d never smile again.
But with that thought the reality of what I’d seen, what I’d done, and all I’d lost came back to me. The darkness I carried like bricks on my back weighed me down, and I once again lost my smile.
The teacher began to talk, and I gave him my attention, even if the past was haunting my thoughts and reminding me why I’d never truly be normal again.
Asa attempted to talk to me several times during class, and I managed a smile, if not a response, each time. My chest was heavy, but I wanted to feel normal again, if only for a moment. Was that selfish of me? Should I get to feel normal?
When the bell rang—ending my wasted class, since my mind hadn’t registered one thing that the teacher had said—I picked up my books and stood up.
“What class do you have next?” Asa asked as he got up to walk with me toward the door. I guess he was serious about walking me there.
“Lit,” I replied.
