Under the Lights
Page 23
I jumped at the sound of Gunner’s voice when he said, “How did I know this was where you’d be?”
Last night I had left without an explanation, and he deserved one. But could I give him an honest one, or was I to pretend it was something else? I wasn’t sure if Brady had been honest with him, or if he’d told him a lie in order to protect the truth. I didn’t want to lie to Gunner, but the truth was embarrassing too. It could make things weird between us, and I was already dealing with the fact Brady and I would never be the same. There would be no rekindling of friendships with him. Weirdness would become awkwardness that kept a wall between the two of us.
Gunner was bound to notice that eventually.
“Hey” was the best response I could come up with. It sounded weak and wasn’t a fair one.
He didn’t hit me with the pressure to tell him why I ran. Instead he came inside and sat down on a metal stool across from me, then began to look around the house much the same way that I had. I wondered how long it had been since he’d been here. Were his memories bittersweet like mine?
“God, it still looks the same,” he muttered. “Even smells the same.”
I nodded. “Except for the lack of sweaty little boys and dirty socks, yes, it does.”
Gunner grinned and cut his eyes toward me. “You saying your socks didn’t stink?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” I replied with a smirk.
He chuckled, then turned his attention to the book in my lap. “You been here to read before, or is this your first time back?”
Again he wasn’t demanding an explanation, and that made me feel guilty, because he deserved one. I was sure he had been worried when I had disappeared. He wasn’t heartless, and he was my friend. I felt safe telling him the truth. It was a part of who we were. When I needed to talk to someone, Gunner had always been there to listen.
“This is my first time,” I answered, wanting to say more.
“It’s been about five years for me. Last time I was up here, I brought . . . a girl, and we made out. It was my first time touching tits.”
I made a face, and he laughed at me. “What? I’m a guy.”
I was well aware he was a guy. “Poor tree house didn’t know what was happening. It went from a place to entertain children to a brothel overnight.” I was teasing, of course.
Gunner burst into laughter, and I enjoyed the sound. It fit up here. We’d laughed a lot in this house. It was our place to be free of adults.
“It’s been maintained well. I expected rotten steps and weeds.”
Gunner shrugged. “It’s part of the property. They can’t let anything look bad on the estate. Plus, this was Rhett’s sixth birthday present. Gotta protect that.”
The bitterness at the mention of his older brother surprised me. All I had known was a boy who had adored his older brother. What had happened to change that? “Do you and Rhett not get along now?” I asked gently, not wanting to pry too much.
He shrugged. “Nah, we get along fine. He only makes it home about once a year for the holidays, but we talk on the phone some.”
That didn’t explain his bitter tone when he’d spoken about his brother. “Oh,” I said by way of response because I didn’t want to push. It wasn’t my business.
“He’s the favorite, is all. You know that. Didn’t change. Never will.”
That much I knew. Rhett was definitely the most loved child. His parents were very proud of him, even when we had all been younger. There was nothing that Rhett could do that was frowned upon. They saved all that for Gunner. Not that it was fair at all, but that was how things in this house worked. More times than not, Nonna would leave with a plate of cookies to sneak into Gunner’s bedroom because he had gotten in trouble again with his parents over something Nonna didn’t agree with.
Even knowing all that, I also knew that something else was there. Under the surface. Something he was hiding and letting simmer and burn beneath his skin. That wasn’t going to end well. One day he’d explode and end up with too many regrets to count. I decided to push just a little. The best way to do that was to be slightly vulnerable and see if he opened up. Not because I was nosy, but because I was concerned for the boy who had once been there for me when I needed him most.
“When I left here, I thought I’d be alone forever. No friends again. I was terrified of school in a new place. But then I found Poppy, or she found me. She never left my side. She was a lot like you.”
Gunner had gone still, as he seemed truly interested in what I was telling him. Saying Poppy’s name wasn’t easy. He’d never know how much verbalizing that piece of my past had cost me. My chest was aching, and the thick heaviness of grief began to seep through me. I rarely let myself think of her. Much less say her name aloud. But I wanted others to know her.
She deserved to be remembered. To be shared. Even though her life had been short and the plans we’d made to go off to college together and marry best friends so we could live next door to each other would never happen, her memory was precious. I wanted to say her name even if it pained me to do so.
“You miss her?”
“More than any words could describe.”
He raised his eyebrows. “So they made you leave. You didn’t want to come back. You had friends and a good life there?”
Those were questions I wouldn’t answer. Instead I gave him all I was willing to give him. “Yes and no. My life there is gone now. I don’t want to go back. I don’t think I can.”
Last night I had left without an explanation, and he deserved one. But could I give him an honest one, or was I to pretend it was something else? I wasn’t sure if Brady had been honest with him, or if he’d told him a lie in order to protect the truth. I didn’t want to lie to Gunner, but the truth was embarrassing too. It could make things weird between us, and I was already dealing with the fact Brady and I would never be the same. There would be no rekindling of friendships with him. Weirdness would become awkwardness that kept a wall between the two of us.
Gunner was bound to notice that eventually.
“Hey” was the best response I could come up with. It sounded weak and wasn’t a fair one.
He didn’t hit me with the pressure to tell him why I ran. Instead he came inside and sat down on a metal stool across from me, then began to look around the house much the same way that I had. I wondered how long it had been since he’d been here. Were his memories bittersweet like mine?
“God, it still looks the same,” he muttered. “Even smells the same.”
I nodded. “Except for the lack of sweaty little boys and dirty socks, yes, it does.”
Gunner grinned and cut his eyes toward me. “You saying your socks didn’t stink?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” I replied with a smirk.
He chuckled, then turned his attention to the book in my lap. “You been here to read before, or is this your first time back?”
Again he wasn’t demanding an explanation, and that made me feel guilty, because he deserved one. I was sure he had been worried when I had disappeared. He wasn’t heartless, and he was my friend. I felt safe telling him the truth. It was a part of who we were. When I needed to talk to someone, Gunner had always been there to listen.
“This is my first time,” I answered, wanting to say more.
“It’s been about five years for me. Last time I was up here, I brought . . . a girl, and we made out. It was my first time touching tits.”
I made a face, and he laughed at me. “What? I’m a guy.”
I was well aware he was a guy. “Poor tree house didn’t know what was happening. It went from a place to entertain children to a brothel overnight.” I was teasing, of course.
Gunner burst into laughter, and I enjoyed the sound. It fit up here. We’d laughed a lot in this house. It was our place to be free of adults.
“It’s been maintained well. I expected rotten steps and weeds.”
Gunner shrugged. “It’s part of the property. They can’t let anything look bad on the estate. Plus, this was Rhett’s sixth birthday present. Gotta protect that.”
The bitterness at the mention of his older brother surprised me. All I had known was a boy who had adored his older brother. What had happened to change that? “Do you and Rhett not get along now?” I asked gently, not wanting to pry too much.
He shrugged. “Nah, we get along fine. He only makes it home about once a year for the holidays, but we talk on the phone some.”
That didn’t explain his bitter tone when he’d spoken about his brother. “Oh,” I said by way of response because I didn’t want to push. It wasn’t my business.
“He’s the favorite, is all. You know that. Didn’t change. Never will.”
That much I knew. Rhett was definitely the most loved child. His parents were very proud of him, even when we had all been younger. There was nothing that Rhett could do that was frowned upon. They saved all that for Gunner. Not that it was fair at all, but that was how things in this house worked. More times than not, Nonna would leave with a plate of cookies to sneak into Gunner’s bedroom because he had gotten in trouble again with his parents over something Nonna didn’t agree with.
Even knowing all that, I also knew that something else was there. Under the surface. Something he was hiding and letting simmer and burn beneath his skin. That wasn’t going to end well. One day he’d explode and end up with too many regrets to count. I decided to push just a little. The best way to do that was to be slightly vulnerable and see if he opened up. Not because I was nosy, but because I was concerned for the boy who had once been there for me when I needed him most.
“When I left here, I thought I’d be alone forever. No friends again. I was terrified of school in a new place. But then I found Poppy, or she found me. She never left my side. She was a lot like you.”
Gunner had gone still, as he seemed truly interested in what I was telling him. Saying Poppy’s name wasn’t easy. He’d never know how much verbalizing that piece of my past had cost me. My chest was aching, and the thick heaviness of grief began to seep through me. I rarely let myself think of her. Much less say her name aloud. But I wanted others to know her.
She deserved to be remembered. To be shared. Even though her life had been short and the plans we’d made to go off to college together and marry best friends so we could live next door to each other would never happen, her memory was precious. I wanted to say her name even if it pained me to do so.
“You miss her?”
“More than any words could describe.”
He raised his eyebrows. “So they made you leave. You didn’t want to come back. You had friends and a good life there?”
Those were questions I wouldn’t answer. Instead I gave him all I was willing to give him. “Yes and no. My life there is gone now. I don’t want to go back. I don’t think I can.”
