Under the Lights
Page 47
The girl I’d met didn’t seem the type to lie about something like that, but then I’d barely spent any time with her. Rhett, on the other hand, might just do that. “She came back, didn’t she?”
Gunner shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. I don’t know. She gave you a ride, so I guess I’m lucky there. I wouldn’t have wanted you walking on that dark road for miles.”
Sounded like she had a sordid past much like my own. I hadn’t seen her since that night. From all the girls in this town I’d met so far, I thought Riley would be the one I would bond with the best.
Poppy’s face immediately settled itself firmly in my head, and I squashed that thought. I had a best friend once, and I’d not been there when she needed me. I hadn’t saved her or Quinn. I didn’t need another friend like Poppy. I wasn’t good at that.
“Where are we going?” I asked, wanting to change the subject.
“To the lake,” he responded.
The lake that I remembered was off limits to us as kids. It was far out on the opposite side of the Lawton property from Nonna’s. Nonna’s house sat at one back corner. The lake sat at the other. Apparently Gunner’s “father” had had a younger sister when they were kids who drowned back there after getting bit by a snake.
“I’ve heard about the lake but never actually seen it,” I said, suddenly curious.
Gunner shrugged. “Not that grand. But it does have a waterfall that my grandfather . . . or father . . . whoever the hell he is, put there in memory of my aunt Violet. Or I guess she was my sister. Fuck.” He ended with a mutter.
“When did you first go back there?” I asked, hoping to get his mind from going in the direction it was currently headed.
“When I was twelve. Nash, Brady, West, and me all decided to go camp down there. Didn’t end well when my parents found us. My mom cried and cried. I was surprised she cared so much. That was the first time in my life I actually felt like she loved me. Guess that’s why I still come here.”
He pulled off the main drive that circled the Lawton residence, and we went down a grassy path that had been taken before. I was sure by him. The moon was almost full, and it made the water up ahead sparkle. I wondered about the girl who had drowned here and how old she’d been. Had she meant to sneak off to swim that day, or had someone brought her here? The little girl who never got to grow up and experience life always intrigued me. But Gunner never had these answers, and he was too afraid to ask. We had talked about it when we were younger and wondered what her story was.
“It’s beautiful out here. Peaceful.” I didn’t know Gunner’s real father. He had passed away when Gunner was young, but if he’d memorialized his daughter this way, I thought he must have been a nice man. Not like his older son, who I’d never seen say a kind word.
“It’s my place to escape. They don’t know I come here, and even if they do, they don’t care anymore. I guess me drowning would be helpful. They’d get to keep all that Lawton money and power to themselves. Not hand it over to the bastard son.”
His words were so raw as he spoke them it made my heart hurt. Even now, the cocky full-of-himself teenage boy still felt unwanted. Unloved. I hated that for him. Gunner was special. He wasn’t all he flashed around. He was damaged, but deep down he was kind. He cared. He was just too scared to show anyone.
“Brady and West would be devastated if you drowned. So would the other guys. They love you. Nonna would be a mess. She’s always loved you . . . . And I’d be devastated too.” I wanted him to remember it wasn’t just family that mattered. He had friends around him who cared. He wasn’t alone and unwanted.
He turned his head so his eyes locked with mine.
“You’d be devastated?” he asked. A very small upward turn on the corner of his lips made me smile. I was also blushing and that was silly, but I couldn’t help it.
“Yes. Of course.”
He glanced down at my hand, and then reached over with his and slipped it over mine. “I shouldn’t have run after the kiss,” he said, still staring down at our hands. “It just . . . was more than I expected. And . . .” He lifted his eyes to meet mine. “It scared the hell out of me. Never felt that before.”
The butterflies that Brady had once given me didn’t compare to the bats currently going off in my stomach as Gunner lifted his head and his gaze met mine again. Tonight I’d come to help him. Be his friend. I wasn’t ever going to do the girl thing and demand he respond to me or explain. He had bigger issues than a kiss right now.
So the fact he was explaining, and the reason why he had run, meant something. It meant something big, and that terrified me. Because I was also taught already that I wasn’t lovable and love hurts. I didn’t want to love Gunner Lawson. Not in a way he could break me. I was too broken already.
“When shit went down tonight with Rhett, I felt so fucking alone. Then there you were. The first one to me. The first one ready to help. And in that moment I knew. That kiss had shaken me because you were it. The it I didn’t want. The it I’d been so sure would never come my way because I didn’t intend to look for it.” He paused, then smiled and shook his head. “My brother was yelling drunken shit and I was supposed to be shutting him up, but in that moment all I could think was ‘I get it. Why people fall in love. I so fucking get it.’”
Tears stung my eyes, and I was thankful for the limited lighting out here. I didn’t want his words to affect me like this, but that wasn’t my choice. They were burrowing inside me and latching on. Making me want things I didn’t deserve nor could I have.
Gunner shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. I don’t know. She gave you a ride, so I guess I’m lucky there. I wouldn’t have wanted you walking on that dark road for miles.”
Sounded like she had a sordid past much like my own. I hadn’t seen her since that night. From all the girls in this town I’d met so far, I thought Riley would be the one I would bond with the best.
Poppy’s face immediately settled itself firmly in my head, and I squashed that thought. I had a best friend once, and I’d not been there when she needed me. I hadn’t saved her or Quinn. I didn’t need another friend like Poppy. I wasn’t good at that.
“Where are we going?” I asked, wanting to change the subject.
“To the lake,” he responded.
The lake that I remembered was off limits to us as kids. It was far out on the opposite side of the Lawton property from Nonna’s. Nonna’s house sat at one back corner. The lake sat at the other. Apparently Gunner’s “father” had had a younger sister when they were kids who drowned back there after getting bit by a snake.
“I’ve heard about the lake but never actually seen it,” I said, suddenly curious.
Gunner shrugged. “Not that grand. But it does have a waterfall that my grandfather . . . or father . . . whoever the hell he is, put there in memory of my aunt Violet. Or I guess she was my sister. Fuck.” He ended with a mutter.
“When did you first go back there?” I asked, hoping to get his mind from going in the direction it was currently headed.
“When I was twelve. Nash, Brady, West, and me all decided to go camp down there. Didn’t end well when my parents found us. My mom cried and cried. I was surprised she cared so much. That was the first time in my life I actually felt like she loved me. Guess that’s why I still come here.”
He pulled off the main drive that circled the Lawton residence, and we went down a grassy path that had been taken before. I was sure by him. The moon was almost full, and it made the water up ahead sparkle. I wondered about the girl who had drowned here and how old she’d been. Had she meant to sneak off to swim that day, or had someone brought her here? The little girl who never got to grow up and experience life always intrigued me. But Gunner never had these answers, and he was too afraid to ask. We had talked about it when we were younger and wondered what her story was.
“It’s beautiful out here. Peaceful.” I didn’t know Gunner’s real father. He had passed away when Gunner was young, but if he’d memorialized his daughter this way, I thought he must have been a nice man. Not like his older son, who I’d never seen say a kind word.
“It’s my place to escape. They don’t know I come here, and even if they do, they don’t care anymore. I guess me drowning would be helpful. They’d get to keep all that Lawton money and power to themselves. Not hand it over to the bastard son.”
His words were so raw as he spoke them it made my heart hurt. Even now, the cocky full-of-himself teenage boy still felt unwanted. Unloved. I hated that for him. Gunner was special. He wasn’t all he flashed around. He was damaged, but deep down he was kind. He cared. He was just too scared to show anyone.
“Brady and West would be devastated if you drowned. So would the other guys. They love you. Nonna would be a mess. She’s always loved you . . . . And I’d be devastated too.” I wanted him to remember it wasn’t just family that mattered. He had friends around him who cared. He wasn’t alone and unwanted.
He turned his head so his eyes locked with mine.
“You’d be devastated?” he asked. A very small upward turn on the corner of his lips made me smile. I was also blushing and that was silly, but I couldn’t help it.
“Yes. Of course.”
He glanced down at my hand, and then reached over with his and slipped it over mine. “I shouldn’t have run after the kiss,” he said, still staring down at our hands. “It just . . . was more than I expected. And . . .” He lifted his eyes to meet mine. “It scared the hell out of me. Never felt that before.”
The butterflies that Brady had once given me didn’t compare to the bats currently going off in my stomach as Gunner lifted his head and his gaze met mine again. Tonight I’d come to help him. Be his friend. I wasn’t ever going to do the girl thing and demand he respond to me or explain. He had bigger issues than a kiss right now.
So the fact he was explaining, and the reason why he had run, meant something. It meant something big, and that terrified me. Because I was also taught already that I wasn’t lovable and love hurts. I didn’t want to love Gunner Lawson. Not in a way he could break me. I was too broken already.
“When shit went down tonight with Rhett, I felt so fucking alone. Then there you were. The first one to me. The first one ready to help. And in that moment I knew. That kiss had shaken me because you were it. The it I didn’t want. The it I’d been so sure would never come my way because I didn’t intend to look for it.” He paused, then smiled and shook his head. “My brother was yelling drunken shit and I was supposed to be shutting him up, but in that moment all I could think was ‘I get it. Why people fall in love. I so fucking get it.’”
Tears stung my eyes, and I was thankful for the limited lighting out here. I didn’t want his words to affect me like this, but that wasn’t my choice. They were burrowing inside me and latching on. Making me want things I didn’t deserve nor could I have.
