Under the Lights
Page 62
“Sex and love ain’t the same thing, Gunner Lawton,” she said to me, wagging her finger.
I nodded. “I agree. Seeing as how I’ve never had sex with Willa. Friday night she was at the tree house with me because my mother had just told me not only am I my grandfather’s son but he raped her and my pretend father was a bastard kid too and wasn’t even a damn Lawton. I had a lot unloaded on me and needed someone I could trust to listen to me. That was why I asked Willa to sneak out and go to the tree house with me.”
Ms. Ames’s face went slightly pale. “Mr. Lawton ain’t a Lawton? Good Lord. That’s not stuff a boy needs to hear.”
It was obvious Brady had never told Ms. Ames what I’d asked him to. She was just now hearing all this for the first time.
I disagreed. “I’ll be eighteen next month, and this will all be mine. He and my mother will be moving out and finding a place of their own. Things are changing. But more importantly . . . Willa. I need to see her.”
Ms. Ames sat down in the chair closest to her. “Good Lord, good Lord,” she repeated, shaking her head.
The good Lord wasn’t going to swoop down and change anything. The sex had been had and the babies had been made many years ago. It was all a done deal.
“Can I see Willa?”
Finally she lifted her gaze to mine. “Her mother was here. Upset her and she’s resting. Give her some time before you go looking for her. She needs to make up her own mind what’s good for her. I guess I can’t save her from everyone. Not if she don’t need saving.”
I could accept that. As much as I wanted to run over there and make sure she was okay, I would give her some time. But not too much. Willa had saved me. She showed me how to love and took me from the self-destructive path I was on. Without her in my life, I’d be a wreck right now. In life you face obstacles, and you have to fight through them. If you’re lucky enough, you find someone to fight for you, too. I was lucky.
Meet Me at the Tree House
CHAPTER 52
WILLA
I had just walked out of the kitchen when something hit the floor. It wasn’t loud, but it still made a noise. Stopping, I turned and looked back. There was a letter by the door. Walking over to it, I set my plate of food down on the table, then bent to pick up the envelope. My name was written on the outside. It was Gunner’s handwriting.
I didn’t open it but jerked open the door to see if it was him. But there was no sign of anyone. I was barefoot and in my pajama pants and tank top, but I didn’t care. I ran outside, still holding the letter and scanning for any sign of Gunner. Nonna had told me she would let me know the moment she heard something about him.
“Gunner!” I called out his name, but there was no one.
Frustrated, I opened the letter while standing out in the grass alone.
Willa,
Running isn’t as fun without you. It’s lonely. I missed home because home was where you were. When you told me you loved me, I already knew how I felt about you. I’m pretty sure I felt it when we were kids. I just didn’t understand it. The whole emotion was foreign to me.
I’m home. Where I belong. With you.
Meet me at the tree house.
Gunner
I didn’t put the letter back in the envelope, and I didn’t think about the Catholic school. All I could think about was getting to Gunner. Seeing him and knowing he was okay. So I ran. Sticks bit into the bottoms of my feet, but I didn’t seem to notice. I just had to get to that tree house.
I tucked the letter in my pants and climbed the ladder to the top, anxious to see him. To tell him I was sorry. I shouldn’t have just given him a letter. He deserved more.
His eyes were the first thing I saw when I stepped inside, and a small smile stretched across his face.
“You look beautiful. I especially like the messy hair,” he said, taking in my outfit. Homeschooling didn’t require I brush my hair or put on decent clothing.
“You’re back” was all I could say.
He nodded. “I am.”
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out.
“I love you” was his response. “I have forever. I just didn’t understand it until you came back into my life and completed me again.”
“Oh.” I wanted to say more, but I hadn’t been expecting him to say that. He caught me off guard.
“Yeah, oh,” he agreed with a chuckle, then closed the space between us and pulled me against him.
He held my face in his hands. “My life is fucked up, but I have one thing to promise you, and it’s that you’ll have my heart until the day I die. That might sound cliché and silly, but I mean it. I can’t be happy without you. You are my happy.”
“You’re mine too.”
He leaned in to kiss me, and I held on to his arms to keep from falling. A kiss from Gunner Lawton made me weak in the knees. And that was something I knew would never change.
Six years ago . . .
GUNNER
It made my chest get sharp pains and my stomach feel funny when Willa cried. I’d do anything to make her stop. I hated her tears. I just wanted her happy. I didn’t know her momma, but I hated her. She was making Willa cry, and I didn’t know why.
I put my arm around her small shoulders. I always felt so big compared to her little body. We were the same age, but she wasn’t a big girl. She was the shortest girl in our sixth-grade class. She was also the prettiest.
“Don’t cry, Willa. Just tell me what’s wrong, and I’ll fix it.” I wasn’t sure I could fix anything, but I wanted to and I’d do my best to try.
I nodded. “I agree. Seeing as how I’ve never had sex with Willa. Friday night she was at the tree house with me because my mother had just told me not only am I my grandfather’s son but he raped her and my pretend father was a bastard kid too and wasn’t even a damn Lawton. I had a lot unloaded on me and needed someone I could trust to listen to me. That was why I asked Willa to sneak out and go to the tree house with me.”
Ms. Ames’s face went slightly pale. “Mr. Lawton ain’t a Lawton? Good Lord. That’s not stuff a boy needs to hear.”
It was obvious Brady had never told Ms. Ames what I’d asked him to. She was just now hearing all this for the first time.
I disagreed. “I’ll be eighteen next month, and this will all be mine. He and my mother will be moving out and finding a place of their own. Things are changing. But more importantly . . . Willa. I need to see her.”
Ms. Ames sat down in the chair closest to her. “Good Lord, good Lord,” she repeated, shaking her head.
The good Lord wasn’t going to swoop down and change anything. The sex had been had and the babies had been made many years ago. It was all a done deal.
“Can I see Willa?”
Finally she lifted her gaze to mine. “Her mother was here. Upset her and she’s resting. Give her some time before you go looking for her. She needs to make up her own mind what’s good for her. I guess I can’t save her from everyone. Not if she don’t need saving.”
I could accept that. As much as I wanted to run over there and make sure she was okay, I would give her some time. But not too much. Willa had saved me. She showed me how to love and took me from the self-destructive path I was on. Without her in my life, I’d be a wreck right now. In life you face obstacles, and you have to fight through them. If you’re lucky enough, you find someone to fight for you, too. I was lucky.
Meet Me at the Tree House
CHAPTER 52
WILLA
I had just walked out of the kitchen when something hit the floor. It wasn’t loud, but it still made a noise. Stopping, I turned and looked back. There was a letter by the door. Walking over to it, I set my plate of food down on the table, then bent to pick up the envelope. My name was written on the outside. It was Gunner’s handwriting.
I didn’t open it but jerked open the door to see if it was him. But there was no sign of anyone. I was barefoot and in my pajama pants and tank top, but I didn’t care. I ran outside, still holding the letter and scanning for any sign of Gunner. Nonna had told me she would let me know the moment she heard something about him.
“Gunner!” I called out his name, but there was no one.
Frustrated, I opened the letter while standing out in the grass alone.
Willa,
Running isn’t as fun without you. It’s lonely. I missed home because home was where you were. When you told me you loved me, I already knew how I felt about you. I’m pretty sure I felt it when we were kids. I just didn’t understand it. The whole emotion was foreign to me.
I’m home. Where I belong. With you.
Meet me at the tree house.
Gunner
I didn’t put the letter back in the envelope, and I didn’t think about the Catholic school. All I could think about was getting to Gunner. Seeing him and knowing he was okay. So I ran. Sticks bit into the bottoms of my feet, but I didn’t seem to notice. I just had to get to that tree house.
I tucked the letter in my pants and climbed the ladder to the top, anxious to see him. To tell him I was sorry. I shouldn’t have just given him a letter. He deserved more.
His eyes were the first thing I saw when I stepped inside, and a small smile stretched across his face.
“You look beautiful. I especially like the messy hair,” he said, taking in my outfit. Homeschooling didn’t require I brush my hair or put on decent clothing.
“You’re back” was all I could say.
He nodded. “I am.”
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out.
“I love you” was his response. “I have forever. I just didn’t understand it until you came back into my life and completed me again.”
“Oh.” I wanted to say more, but I hadn’t been expecting him to say that. He caught me off guard.
“Yeah, oh,” he agreed with a chuckle, then closed the space between us and pulled me against him.
He held my face in his hands. “My life is fucked up, but I have one thing to promise you, and it’s that you’ll have my heart until the day I die. That might sound cliché and silly, but I mean it. I can’t be happy without you. You are my happy.”
“You’re mine too.”
He leaned in to kiss me, and I held on to his arms to keep from falling. A kiss from Gunner Lawton made me weak in the knees. And that was something I knew would never change.
Six years ago . . .
GUNNER
It made my chest get sharp pains and my stomach feel funny when Willa cried. I’d do anything to make her stop. I hated her tears. I just wanted her happy. I didn’t know her momma, but I hated her. She was making Willa cry, and I didn’t know why.
I put my arm around her small shoulders. I always felt so big compared to her little body. We were the same age, but she wasn’t a big girl. She was the shortest girl in our sixth-grade class. She was also the prettiest.
“Don’t cry, Willa. Just tell me what’s wrong, and I’ll fix it.” I wasn’t sure I could fix anything, but I wanted to and I’d do my best to try.
