Under the Lights
Page 8
I didn’t have that kind of loss in my life. The darkness haunting Willa’s eyes I didn’t recognize. Could I ever be the shoulder she needed to lean on? If I didn’t have my own demons to conquer how could I help her?
Ivy was easy. We understood each other. We were alike in many ways. A relationship with her was comfortable. She was sweet and dependable, if not also annoying at times. If I even mentioned I wanted something for lunch, the next day she’d bring it. When I complained about my locker being a mess and not being able to find anything, she organized it for me after school as a surprise. She cared about me. A lot. I didn’t have to work to make her happy. Even if I knew I didn’t love her.
Was that what I wanted? Easy? Or did I want more?
Still One Big Happy Family
CHAPTER 7
GUNNER
Family dinner was a fucking joke. If Mom wanted me there, then she was going to be disappointed. Grandmother Lawton could equally kiss my ass. I didn’t give a shit if a woman who I shared no blood with was in town. It was Rhett she always cared about seeing anyway, and he only came home from college during the Christmas holidays. Dinner with people who didn’t care if I was breathing wasn’t on my to-do list. I had other plans. Something I’d been planning all day. I was going to see Willa.
Ms. Ames would be serving the family dinner, and I’d have Willa alone. All that closed-off shit she was throwing today at school wasn’t going to fly with me. She was back. I was curious as hell. And she was smoking damn hot. That smart mouth asking me if my penis had accidentally fallen into Kimmie’s vagina had been hilarious and exactly the kind of comment I expected from the Willa I knew.
I knew a different Willa. One that Brady didn’t know. She had never really been herself around Brady. She had been giggling and blushed a lot when he was around. I was young, but I’d known even back then what that meant. Where she would tell me jokes and laugh until her side hurt and she snorted, she wasn’t so free around Brady. Because I was her friend. She wanted more from him.
And I was so damn jealous back then I’d not been able to see straight. Willa was mine. I didn’t want to share her with Brady, but I had because he was my best friend. When I realized she liked him differently than me, I remember my young heart breaking. I already didn’t have my parents’ love. They adored Rhett. Then Willa had chosen Brady. It was in her eyes. I knew the sting of rejection too well at that point. I swore if I lost her to Brady, I’d never love anyone else again. I would only love me. I trusted me. She’d left before that happened though. I never really lost her to Brady, but somehow I’d still built walls around me. Maybe it was because her leaving had hurt too bad and I never wanted to experience that again.
I didn’t use the front door. Not because I was afraid of being caught. I really didn’t give a shit if my mom caught me leaving. I just didn’t want anyone to know I was headed to Ms. Ames. I wanted to talk to Willa alone.
I escaped out of the door farthest from the pre-dinner drinks in the living room. Mom had called for me twice now, and I expected another summons soon. I’d be gone by then. When Ms. Ames came looking for me, she’d be upset with me, but I knew deep down she’d understand. I figured Ms. Ames was well aware that by blood I was no Lawton. She’d been here before I was born.
I climbed up in my truck and headed out to the main road in case anyone was watching me leave. I didn’t want them to figure out I had gone to find Willa. I had no doubt my mother would frown upon that one. She’d never approved of our friendship when I was younger. I heard at least three times a week that Willa was the help’s kid and not someone I should be spending so much time with.
Once she had told Ms. Ames the exact same thing, and Willa had been kept from me for a week. I’d refused to eat or speak to my mother. She’d then decided that had been a bad idea and allowed me back my friend. But she still didn’t approve. Which might have been another reason I wanted to be around her so much.
Pulling behind Ms. Ames’s cottage, I hid my truck from the view at my house. I had watched Willa all day, and not one damn time did she look my way after that smart little comment in the hallway. I waited to see if she talked to Brady, but they hadn’t even spoken to each other. At least it didn’t seem like it when I saw them both in the halls. When Brady had actually walked past her and not said a word and Willa had glanced his way, I’d almost gone after his ass. He should have said something to her.
We had been close once. Willa had only ever really had us as a kid. She was the help’s granddaughter, so no one really invited her to birthday parties or to play. Only Coralee ever had Willa over. Brady was the only other person she really knew here. This had to be hard on her, coming back and leaving the life she’d made for herself in Little Rock. Where was his sensitivity? He normally carried it around on his shoulders like a princess.
I hadn’t even made it halfway to the door when it opened, and Willa stepped out onto the small back porch. She didn’t look happy to see me. Not that I expected her to be thrilled, but she had to be in need of a friend after today. She was a girl after all. Didn’t they need friends to talk to? Sure she hadn’t been girly back in the day, but she was all girly-looking now.
“I’m not doing your book report, nor am I going to steal cookies out of the kitchen for you,” she said as she propped her hip against the door frame and crossed her arms over her chest. Thank God she was wearing a bra. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to control my reaction to her if she’d been that comfortable.
Ivy was easy. We understood each other. We were alike in many ways. A relationship with her was comfortable. She was sweet and dependable, if not also annoying at times. If I even mentioned I wanted something for lunch, the next day she’d bring it. When I complained about my locker being a mess and not being able to find anything, she organized it for me after school as a surprise. She cared about me. A lot. I didn’t have to work to make her happy. Even if I knew I didn’t love her.
Was that what I wanted? Easy? Or did I want more?
Still One Big Happy Family
CHAPTER 7
GUNNER
Family dinner was a fucking joke. If Mom wanted me there, then she was going to be disappointed. Grandmother Lawton could equally kiss my ass. I didn’t give a shit if a woman who I shared no blood with was in town. It was Rhett she always cared about seeing anyway, and he only came home from college during the Christmas holidays. Dinner with people who didn’t care if I was breathing wasn’t on my to-do list. I had other plans. Something I’d been planning all day. I was going to see Willa.
Ms. Ames would be serving the family dinner, and I’d have Willa alone. All that closed-off shit she was throwing today at school wasn’t going to fly with me. She was back. I was curious as hell. And she was smoking damn hot. That smart mouth asking me if my penis had accidentally fallen into Kimmie’s vagina had been hilarious and exactly the kind of comment I expected from the Willa I knew.
I knew a different Willa. One that Brady didn’t know. She had never really been herself around Brady. She had been giggling and blushed a lot when he was around. I was young, but I’d known even back then what that meant. Where she would tell me jokes and laugh until her side hurt and she snorted, she wasn’t so free around Brady. Because I was her friend. She wanted more from him.
And I was so damn jealous back then I’d not been able to see straight. Willa was mine. I didn’t want to share her with Brady, but I had because he was my best friend. When I realized she liked him differently than me, I remember my young heart breaking. I already didn’t have my parents’ love. They adored Rhett. Then Willa had chosen Brady. It was in her eyes. I knew the sting of rejection too well at that point. I swore if I lost her to Brady, I’d never love anyone else again. I would only love me. I trusted me. She’d left before that happened though. I never really lost her to Brady, but somehow I’d still built walls around me. Maybe it was because her leaving had hurt too bad and I never wanted to experience that again.
I didn’t use the front door. Not because I was afraid of being caught. I really didn’t give a shit if my mom caught me leaving. I just didn’t want anyone to know I was headed to Ms. Ames. I wanted to talk to Willa alone.
I escaped out of the door farthest from the pre-dinner drinks in the living room. Mom had called for me twice now, and I expected another summons soon. I’d be gone by then. When Ms. Ames came looking for me, she’d be upset with me, but I knew deep down she’d understand. I figured Ms. Ames was well aware that by blood I was no Lawton. She’d been here before I was born.
I climbed up in my truck and headed out to the main road in case anyone was watching me leave. I didn’t want them to figure out I had gone to find Willa. I had no doubt my mother would frown upon that one. She’d never approved of our friendship when I was younger. I heard at least three times a week that Willa was the help’s kid and not someone I should be spending so much time with.
Once she had told Ms. Ames the exact same thing, and Willa had been kept from me for a week. I’d refused to eat or speak to my mother. She’d then decided that had been a bad idea and allowed me back my friend. But she still didn’t approve. Which might have been another reason I wanted to be around her so much.
Pulling behind Ms. Ames’s cottage, I hid my truck from the view at my house. I had watched Willa all day, and not one damn time did she look my way after that smart little comment in the hallway. I waited to see if she talked to Brady, but they hadn’t even spoken to each other. At least it didn’t seem like it when I saw them both in the halls. When Brady had actually walked past her and not said a word and Willa had glanced his way, I’d almost gone after his ass. He should have said something to her.
We had been close once. Willa had only ever really had us as a kid. She was the help’s granddaughter, so no one really invited her to birthday parties or to play. Only Coralee ever had Willa over. Brady was the only other person she really knew here. This had to be hard on her, coming back and leaving the life she’d made for herself in Little Rock. Where was his sensitivity? He normally carried it around on his shoulders like a princess.
I hadn’t even made it halfway to the door when it opened, and Willa stepped out onto the small back porch. She didn’t look happy to see me. Not that I expected her to be thrilled, but she had to be in need of a friend after today. She was a girl after all. Didn’t they need friends to talk to? Sure she hadn’t been girly back in the day, but she was all girly-looking now.
“I’m not doing your book report, nor am I going to steal cookies out of the kitchen for you,” she said as she propped her hip against the door frame and crossed her arms over her chest. Thank God she was wearing a bra. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to control my reaction to her if she’d been that comfortable.
