Unleashed
Page 38
“I know. He said he understands, but…I know he doesn’t.”
“Honey, he’s a man. You just trounced all over his ego, and after he’s spent all week marking his territory, his territory suddenly up and flew back to the mutt it belonged to before. You have to do whatever it takes to let this go, or you and Evan will never make it. You’ll never make it with anyone.”
Kelsey nodded, picking at her fingernails. “I know,” she said again. She dared a glance at her friend, whose brow was furrowed in concern. Lisa’s blonde hair was pinned up and she hadn’t a speck of makeup on. She supposed they both looked the same, except Lisa wasn’t wearing the physical manifestations of emotional turmoil on her face. “You look great,” Kelsey told her. “Really. You look happy.”
“Quit trying to butter me up. Come here, you.” Lisa held one arm out and Kelsey went in for the hug, careful not to jostle Meagan. “I suggest you try ‘happy’ for a change, okay?” Kelsey nodded against her shoulder as Lisa patted her back. “It’ll be okay, hon.”
“You’ve got this mom thing down, that’s for sure,” Kelsey laughed, pulling back. She wiped her eyes. “We got a ton of stuff for her, but it’s all in Evan’s truck.” Her heart twisted into a painful knot at the memory of how much fun they’d had together picking out the clothes and toys. It seemed like a lifetime ago, though it had only been a couple of days.
“Well, there’s your perfect excuse.”
“No, he said he’d leave it all at his house and his brother would let me in to get it. He’s working late tonight, I guess.” Or he could be consoling Courtney all night, you know. Reminiscing over coffee turns into an outpouring of regrets turns into her crying in his arms… It seemed the more time went by, the more those thoughts crept in. Began to take hold and turn her vision red.
“I just don’t find that acceptable,” Lisa said. “Do you?”
Kelsey shrugged. The aching knot of her heart had just spun in place at the thought of facing him. “I don’t want to bother him right now. He needs to cool off. You should have seen him. He wouldn’t even look at me.”
“Quit backing down. You were so close. Isn’t he worth fighting for?”
He was. He was so worth it. And she was so, so scared. “Worth getting my heart splattered all over hell just like all the others before me?”
Lisa didn’t reply, only sighed heavily. Kelsey forced a smile and nodded toward Meagan dozing in her mother’s arms. “Now, if we’re done with all that, I really need to hold that baby, if you don’t mind.”
“Of course. Baby therapy always helps.”
She tried to shove all thoughts aside as Lisa put Meagan into her arms, but found it wasn’t easy. Newborns always enamored her, from their little wrinkled fingers to unbelievably tiny toes. She could have sat forever holding her. Meagan already had her mother’s lips and just a tuft of her dad’s brown hair. Kelsey smoothed it down, imagining if Evan ever had kids, they’d all have hair just like his—so thick and black it seemed genetically inescapable. Hopefully, they’d be blessed with his green eyes as well. If only she could be lucky enough to be their mom, then maybe that hair would have a bit of unruly curl, and those eyes would have a roundness that somewhat softened the piercing intensity of their color…
Lisa napped for a bit, and Kelsey took the opportunity to shed the tears she’d been holding back as she stared down into the baby’s tiny sleeping face. Watching her yawn, smack her little lips, wrap her tiny fingers around Kelsey’s own with a surprisingly firm grip. Try happy for a change.
When she’d said her wedding vows, she’d taken them seriously, and she’d meant them to last forever. She never would have broken them. That was part of the pain of it all. Todd hadn’t felt the same way. So she was adrift, for some reason feeling bound by words to a man who had cut her ruthlessly from his life. Even being with Evan this week, heavenly as it had been, had felt like a betrayal. Wrong. Not because of any lingering love she felt for Todd, but some twisted sense of faithfulness.
That wasn’t twenty-first century thinking, but it was the values she’d been raised with.
Lisa was right. Evan was right. Her own heart was right. She couldn’t keep going on like this. Values or no, she had to start letting go. Start standing up for what she wanted.
“Always listen to your mom, little girl. She gives good advice, even if it hurts to hear.” Meagan cracked open one blue eye to gaze up at her and gave a tiny cry of agreement.
God knew she was ready for a change. And some happiness.
Kelsey’s scent still lingered in his truck. Evan slammed the door and gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles were white, fighting himself. He really should go in and get her; he shouldn’t have left her like that. He’d promised not to abandon her again and he’d done just that. But this was where she wanted to be, or else they would still be in Hawaii right now. He would call her later, try to sew his heart back together and continue being there for her no matter what, like he’d told her. It would be the hardest thing he’d ever done in his entire life.
He sat in silence while it seemed all hell raged inside his head. It hurt. God, it hurt. More than it had when Courtney betrayed him, more than it had ever hurt when a relationship ended. He’d usually been the one ending them, anyway. Kelsey had been like his lifeline through all of that. His one hope, his only assurance that maybe there was someone else like her out there. That maybe that elusive she really existed, just waiting for him to find her.
It had been her all along.
If that was the case, then bachelorhood for life was looking pretty appealing right now. He would learn to listen to his damn head one day. The one that could pick apart the most intricate details of a case, argue them and win. Not the one that kept screwing up his life.
He’d wanted to tell Courtney that if she truly loved Todd she needed to fight for him, and may the best woman win. But somehow that seemed like a betrayal of Kelsey. If Todd was who she wanted, if he was who would make her happy, Evan didn’t want to sabotage that for her. Maybe Todd had learned his lesson and they would work it out this time. Have their happily ever after. But they’d do it without Evan anywhere near their white-picket-fence-two-point-three-kids American dream…
Of course, that would mean going back on his promise to her. Shit.
Taking a deep breath, he started his truck and busied himself adjusting the mirrors, though they were fine already. Work. He would throw himself into work, his old defense mechanism, always there for him when his personal life was in shambles. There would be a ton of it waiting for him. He could spend most of the weekend at the office if he had to, just to keep his mind off her.
He only hoped she wouldn’t prove to be a force too powerful to shove away with indictments and motions and graphic offense reports.
She’d told Evan she couldn’t deal with losing him, but Evan had always been the one telling her she could deal with anything. It was time to prove him right.
Once she’d expended the benefits of kitty therapy that weekend, Kelsey ambled through her bedroom, past the luggage she hadn’t yet opened, and to her closet. It was past noon on Saturday and she was still in her pajamas with her hair half-falling from a sloppy bun. She planned on staying that way. There was work to do, and probably a lot of tears to shed, if her supply wasn’t already depleted. Lisa was busy with her new baby. Kelsey’s mom and dad were on vacation themselves. No one she knew needed to listen to her weeping and whining right now. She was on her own.
“Honey, he’s a man. You just trounced all over his ego, and after he’s spent all week marking his territory, his territory suddenly up and flew back to the mutt it belonged to before. You have to do whatever it takes to let this go, or you and Evan will never make it. You’ll never make it with anyone.”
Kelsey nodded, picking at her fingernails. “I know,” she said again. She dared a glance at her friend, whose brow was furrowed in concern. Lisa’s blonde hair was pinned up and she hadn’t a speck of makeup on. She supposed they both looked the same, except Lisa wasn’t wearing the physical manifestations of emotional turmoil on her face. “You look great,” Kelsey told her. “Really. You look happy.”
“Quit trying to butter me up. Come here, you.” Lisa held one arm out and Kelsey went in for the hug, careful not to jostle Meagan. “I suggest you try ‘happy’ for a change, okay?” Kelsey nodded against her shoulder as Lisa patted her back. “It’ll be okay, hon.”
“You’ve got this mom thing down, that’s for sure,” Kelsey laughed, pulling back. She wiped her eyes. “We got a ton of stuff for her, but it’s all in Evan’s truck.” Her heart twisted into a painful knot at the memory of how much fun they’d had together picking out the clothes and toys. It seemed like a lifetime ago, though it had only been a couple of days.
“Well, there’s your perfect excuse.”
“No, he said he’d leave it all at his house and his brother would let me in to get it. He’s working late tonight, I guess.” Or he could be consoling Courtney all night, you know. Reminiscing over coffee turns into an outpouring of regrets turns into her crying in his arms… It seemed the more time went by, the more those thoughts crept in. Began to take hold and turn her vision red.
“I just don’t find that acceptable,” Lisa said. “Do you?”
Kelsey shrugged. The aching knot of her heart had just spun in place at the thought of facing him. “I don’t want to bother him right now. He needs to cool off. You should have seen him. He wouldn’t even look at me.”
“Quit backing down. You were so close. Isn’t he worth fighting for?”
He was. He was so worth it. And she was so, so scared. “Worth getting my heart splattered all over hell just like all the others before me?”
Lisa didn’t reply, only sighed heavily. Kelsey forced a smile and nodded toward Meagan dozing in her mother’s arms. “Now, if we’re done with all that, I really need to hold that baby, if you don’t mind.”
“Of course. Baby therapy always helps.”
She tried to shove all thoughts aside as Lisa put Meagan into her arms, but found it wasn’t easy. Newborns always enamored her, from their little wrinkled fingers to unbelievably tiny toes. She could have sat forever holding her. Meagan already had her mother’s lips and just a tuft of her dad’s brown hair. Kelsey smoothed it down, imagining if Evan ever had kids, they’d all have hair just like his—so thick and black it seemed genetically inescapable. Hopefully, they’d be blessed with his green eyes as well. If only she could be lucky enough to be their mom, then maybe that hair would have a bit of unruly curl, and those eyes would have a roundness that somewhat softened the piercing intensity of their color…
Lisa napped for a bit, and Kelsey took the opportunity to shed the tears she’d been holding back as she stared down into the baby’s tiny sleeping face. Watching her yawn, smack her little lips, wrap her tiny fingers around Kelsey’s own with a surprisingly firm grip. Try happy for a change.
When she’d said her wedding vows, she’d taken them seriously, and she’d meant them to last forever. She never would have broken them. That was part of the pain of it all. Todd hadn’t felt the same way. So she was adrift, for some reason feeling bound by words to a man who had cut her ruthlessly from his life. Even being with Evan this week, heavenly as it had been, had felt like a betrayal. Wrong. Not because of any lingering love she felt for Todd, but some twisted sense of faithfulness.
That wasn’t twenty-first century thinking, but it was the values she’d been raised with.
Lisa was right. Evan was right. Her own heart was right. She couldn’t keep going on like this. Values or no, she had to start letting go. Start standing up for what she wanted.
“Always listen to your mom, little girl. She gives good advice, even if it hurts to hear.” Meagan cracked open one blue eye to gaze up at her and gave a tiny cry of agreement.
God knew she was ready for a change. And some happiness.
Kelsey’s scent still lingered in his truck. Evan slammed the door and gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles were white, fighting himself. He really should go in and get her; he shouldn’t have left her like that. He’d promised not to abandon her again and he’d done just that. But this was where she wanted to be, or else they would still be in Hawaii right now. He would call her later, try to sew his heart back together and continue being there for her no matter what, like he’d told her. It would be the hardest thing he’d ever done in his entire life.
He sat in silence while it seemed all hell raged inside his head. It hurt. God, it hurt. More than it had when Courtney betrayed him, more than it had ever hurt when a relationship ended. He’d usually been the one ending them, anyway. Kelsey had been like his lifeline through all of that. His one hope, his only assurance that maybe there was someone else like her out there. That maybe that elusive she really existed, just waiting for him to find her.
It had been her all along.
If that was the case, then bachelorhood for life was looking pretty appealing right now. He would learn to listen to his damn head one day. The one that could pick apart the most intricate details of a case, argue them and win. Not the one that kept screwing up his life.
He’d wanted to tell Courtney that if she truly loved Todd she needed to fight for him, and may the best woman win. But somehow that seemed like a betrayal of Kelsey. If Todd was who she wanted, if he was who would make her happy, Evan didn’t want to sabotage that for her. Maybe Todd had learned his lesson and they would work it out this time. Have their happily ever after. But they’d do it without Evan anywhere near their white-picket-fence-two-point-three-kids American dream…
Of course, that would mean going back on his promise to her. Shit.
Taking a deep breath, he started his truck and busied himself adjusting the mirrors, though they were fine already. Work. He would throw himself into work, his old defense mechanism, always there for him when his personal life was in shambles. There would be a ton of it waiting for him. He could spend most of the weekend at the office if he had to, just to keep his mind off her.
He only hoped she wouldn’t prove to be a force too powerful to shove away with indictments and motions and graphic offense reports.
She’d told Evan she couldn’t deal with losing him, but Evan had always been the one telling her she could deal with anything. It was time to prove him right.
Once she’d expended the benefits of kitty therapy that weekend, Kelsey ambled through her bedroom, past the luggage she hadn’t yet opened, and to her closet. It was past noon on Saturday and she was still in her pajamas with her hair half-falling from a sloppy bun. She planned on staying that way. There was work to do, and probably a lot of tears to shed, if her supply wasn’t already depleted. Lisa was busy with her new baby. Kelsey’s mom and dad were on vacation themselves. No one she knew needed to listen to her weeping and whining right now. She was on her own.
