Unsuitable
Page 100
My heart shimmies in my chest. “For me?” I take a breath. “I don’t understand.”
“I think you do.”
“No, I don’t.” I shake my head. “So, you’re going to have to clarify for me.”
And I want him to be specific. Very specific. Because I don’t want to misunderstand a word he’s saying.
My heart broke for him once before, and it never recovered. I don’t want to give myself hope, only for my heart to break a second time.
“I left to ensure that you’d get Jesse back. To give you both a chance at the life you deserved. I stayed away because it was the right thing to do. Jesse needed you. And I was fucked up, Daisy. I was fucked up when you met me. And I wasn’t getting fixed anytime soon. I’d been that way for so long that it was all I knew. Then, it was over. And I was lost. When you’ve lived on revenge for so long and then you have it, you think you should feel amazing. And you do for that brief moment. But then that passes, and you just feel lost. There’s no purpose anymore, just the memories of everything in the past.”
“You had me.” The words come out more broken than I wanted. I wrap protective arms around myself.
He rakes a hand through his short hair. “I wasn’t good for you. I screwed up. I was sinking into a hole, and I would have only brought you down with me. You needed to focus on Jesse. And, for once in my fucked up life, I wanted to do the right thing. And the right thing was for me to walk away.”
“But for three years, Kas…” My words trail off because I don’t know what else to say.
“I took a long time to get to where I needed to be.”
“And where was that?”
“To becoming a man you deserve.”
“And are you?”
His eyes lift to mine. “I don’t think I’ll ever deserve you, Daisy. No man ever could. But I’m closer to getting there than I was before, and I’m done being without you. I waited until Jesse was a man. Able to stand on his own two feet. Now, he’s at university. And I’m back to claim what was always mine.”
“And what if I no longer want you?”
There’s a flash of panic on his face, but he shuts it down a nanosecond later and is back to his ever-confident self. “Then, I hang around and bug the shit out of you with romantic gestures until you love me again.”
“The Kas I knew wasn’t romantic.”
“The Kas you knew was a dick.”
“Kas-hole.”
I grin, and he laughs. I love the sound.
“I don’t know. I kind of liked the old Kas. What if I don’t like this new, improved version?”
“You won’t know until you give him a try…give me a try.” He moves across the shop, coming around the counter, until he’s standing in front of me.
He reaches out and takes ahold of my hand, and I let him.
My skin sizzles, my whole body coming back to life after lying dormant for so long.
“Give me a chance to show you how good life can be with me now. Let me love you. Let me take care of you.”
A flash of my earlier thoughts—about what he’s been doing in all that time he’s spent away from me—cuts into my mind, making me feel cold inside.
I take my hand back from him and wrap my arms around myself again, like a protective shield.
And he doesn’t bother to hide the hurt on his face.
“What have you been doing all this time?” I ask quietly.
“I was in Greece with my parents for a little while. They’ve moved out there permanently now. Then, I traveled around a bit.”
His dark eyes haven’t strayed from mine.
But all I can see is beautiful locations and beautiful women.
Kas with other women.
“There’s been no one else,” he says softly, as though reading my thoughts. “How could there be when I was in love with you?”
Was.
“Still am in love with you.”
He steps up close and takes my face in his hands. I blink up at him. My heart somersaults in my chest. My mouth dries, and my skin is on fire where he’s touching it.
“I love you, Daisy. I’ve loved you for the last three years. I want to be with you, and I will do anything to make that happen.”
“What if I have someone else?” I step back out of his hold, and his hands drop to his sides. “You just come here, out of the blue, and say you want me back, assuming I have nobody in my life. Well, I could have a boyfriend, for all you know.”
I’m pissed that he hasn’t even asked. That he assumes that I’m so pathetic that I wouldn’t have moved on from him. That I’d still be single.
So what if it’s actually true?
The fact that he just assumes pushes my buttons.
And, honestly, I want a reaction. I want to piss him off.
Don’t ask me why because the only answer I can give is that it’s because I’m a girl. I’m confused and hurt that he’s been gone for so long. But I’m happy that he’s here. And I’m feeling every other emotion in between.
He doesn’t react. He just stares back at me and asks in a calm voice, “Is there anyone else?”
My face instantly heats because, now, I’m going to have to tell him no. He’ll know how pathetic I am, and I only have myself to blame.
Then, it registers that he didn’t react. The Kas I knew would have reacted.
Maybe he really has changed.
“I think you do.”
“No, I don’t.” I shake my head. “So, you’re going to have to clarify for me.”
And I want him to be specific. Very specific. Because I don’t want to misunderstand a word he’s saying.
My heart broke for him once before, and it never recovered. I don’t want to give myself hope, only for my heart to break a second time.
“I left to ensure that you’d get Jesse back. To give you both a chance at the life you deserved. I stayed away because it was the right thing to do. Jesse needed you. And I was fucked up, Daisy. I was fucked up when you met me. And I wasn’t getting fixed anytime soon. I’d been that way for so long that it was all I knew. Then, it was over. And I was lost. When you’ve lived on revenge for so long and then you have it, you think you should feel amazing. And you do for that brief moment. But then that passes, and you just feel lost. There’s no purpose anymore, just the memories of everything in the past.”
“You had me.” The words come out more broken than I wanted. I wrap protective arms around myself.
He rakes a hand through his short hair. “I wasn’t good for you. I screwed up. I was sinking into a hole, and I would have only brought you down with me. You needed to focus on Jesse. And, for once in my fucked up life, I wanted to do the right thing. And the right thing was for me to walk away.”
“But for three years, Kas…” My words trail off because I don’t know what else to say.
“I took a long time to get to where I needed to be.”
“And where was that?”
“To becoming a man you deserve.”
“And are you?”
His eyes lift to mine. “I don’t think I’ll ever deserve you, Daisy. No man ever could. But I’m closer to getting there than I was before, and I’m done being without you. I waited until Jesse was a man. Able to stand on his own two feet. Now, he’s at university. And I’m back to claim what was always mine.”
“And what if I no longer want you?”
There’s a flash of panic on his face, but he shuts it down a nanosecond later and is back to his ever-confident self. “Then, I hang around and bug the shit out of you with romantic gestures until you love me again.”
“The Kas I knew wasn’t romantic.”
“The Kas you knew was a dick.”
“Kas-hole.”
I grin, and he laughs. I love the sound.
“I don’t know. I kind of liked the old Kas. What if I don’t like this new, improved version?”
“You won’t know until you give him a try…give me a try.” He moves across the shop, coming around the counter, until he’s standing in front of me.
He reaches out and takes ahold of my hand, and I let him.
My skin sizzles, my whole body coming back to life after lying dormant for so long.
“Give me a chance to show you how good life can be with me now. Let me love you. Let me take care of you.”
A flash of my earlier thoughts—about what he’s been doing in all that time he’s spent away from me—cuts into my mind, making me feel cold inside.
I take my hand back from him and wrap my arms around myself again, like a protective shield.
And he doesn’t bother to hide the hurt on his face.
“What have you been doing all this time?” I ask quietly.
“I was in Greece with my parents for a little while. They’ve moved out there permanently now. Then, I traveled around a bit.”
His dark eyes haven’t strayed from mine.
But all I can see is beautiful locations and beautiful women.
Kas with other women.
“There’s been no one else,” he says softly, as though reading my thoughts. “How could there be when I was in love with you?”
Was.
“Still am in love with you.”
He steps up close and takes my face in his hands. I blink up at him. My heart somersaults in my chest. My mouth dries, and my skin is on fire where he’s touching it.
“I love you, Daisy. I’ve loved you for the last three years. I want to be with you, and I will do anything to make that happen.”
“What if I have someone else?” I step back out of his hold, and his hands drop to his sides. “You just come here, out of the blue, and say you want me back, assuming I have nobody in my life. Well, I could have a boyfriend, for all you know.”
I’m pissed that he hasn’t even asked. That he assumes that I’m so pathetic that I wouldn’t have moved on from him. That I’d still be single.
So what if it’s actually true?
The fact that he just assumes pushes my buttons.
And, honestly, I want a reaction. I want to piss him off.
Don’t ask me why because the only answer I can give is that it’s because I’m a girl. I’m confused and hurt that he’s been gone for so long. But I’m happy that he’s here. And I’m feeling every other emotion in between.
He doesn’t react. He just stares back at me and asks in a calm voice, “Is there anyone else?”
My face instantly heats because, now, I’m going to have to tell him no. He’ll know how pathetic I am, and I only have myself to blame.
Then, it registers that he didn’t react. The Kas I knew would have reacted.
Maybe he really has changed.
