Unsuitable
Page 84
Anger flashes across his face. “Clearly, that was a mistake. And I might have lied about that—hidden that from you, but it was with good reason. But I have never lied about anything to do with you and me.”
“All of this has to do with you and me!” I throw my arms around. “You kept this from me!”
“How was I supposed to tell you? By the way, Daisy, I’m taking out the men who raped and murdered my childhood sweetheart—the men who did this to me and left me for dead!” He slams a hand against his scarred chest. “That getting my revenge is the only thing that’s kept me breathing for the last seven years!” He breaks off, panting, his eyes wild and wide on me.
The worst thing is…I get it.
I get why he’s done what he’s done. If they’d done that to me or Cece or Jesse—what they’d done to him and Haley—I’d want to kill them, too.
But that doesn’t mean I would. I would let the law do its job.
“Why kill them? Why not turn them over to the police?”
He barks out a laugh, but there’s not a shred of humor in it. He steps back, leaning against the wall, and folds his arms over his chest, staring straight ahead at the wall that is covered with the news cuttings and pictures of Haley.
“Because the police don’t do shit. I gave them descriptions. The best I could. They put out photofits on the news. Canvased the area. Brought in a few suspects. Never the right ones though. Time passed. Interest in the case dwindled.
“So, I decided to do something about it myself. It was the least I could do for Haley and her family. She died because I took her in there that night. So, I was going to do the only thing I could. Wipe those three pieces of scum from the earth. It took me a long time to find them. But when I did…” Pained eyes come over to me.
“When I killed Foster…I threw up afterward.” He lets out a sad-sounding, derogatory laugh. “But I also felt good. Like I was finally doing something right for Haley. Killing Betts…I wouldn’t say it was easier, but to know I was ridding the world of those motherfuckers felt good. But Doyle…he’s the one I want more than anything. He was the driving force in what happened that night.”
“He’s the one who raped Haley first? The one who thanked you for letting him…it was him who stabbed you over and over?”
He nods slowly. “I just need to kill him…and then everything will be right.”
I feel like he’s not even talking to me right now.
“I kill Doyle, and I’ll have paid my debt back to Haley.”
I take a tentative step toward him. “Haley wouldn’t have wanted you to do this.”
He looks at me, and the pain in his expression cuts right through me. “I owe her, Daisy.” He looks away from me and to her picture. Tenderness spreads through his expression. “She was mine to protect, and I failed her. I won’t fail her again. I will kill Doyle. I’ll get my revenge for her…if it’s the last thing I do.”
Something inside me breaks.
Watching him stare at her picture, I feel like a voyeur. And I realize in this moment that whatever Kas feels for me will never be anything compared to what he felt for Haley…still feels for her.
I can’t even be jealous because she deserved to be loved. And, after what he lived through, he deserves his revenge.
But I can’t be a party to it. I have too much to lose.
“I understand your need for revenge, Kas. For what he did to you and Haley—”
“And you.” His eyes snap to mine, anger flaring in them. “He put you in prison. He stole eighteen months of your life. Because of him, you lost Jesse. This isn’t just about Haley anymore, Daisy. It’s about you, too.”
My heart constricts painfully.
I take a step toward him. “I don’t want you to do anything for me. I made my peace with what had happened to me a long time ago.”
But I do want that bastard to die for what he did to Kas. I just don’t want Kas to be the one to do it. Kas has endured and suffered enough. More than anyone ever should. I don’t want him to suffer anymore. I want him to be free of this.
“I don’t want you to go after Damien. I want you to stay here with me. I want you safe.” I wrap my arms around myself. “I understand your need to do this, but I can’t be a part of it. I won’t stand in your way, and I won’t ask you to choose. But”—I pull in a strengthening breath—“if you keep on your path of revenge, then…this is where we end. I can’t risk Jesse. I love you. I honestly do. But I love Jesse more. He will always come first. I have to protect myself to protect him. I need him back home with me, and I can’t…I won’t let anything jeopardize that. I’ll keep your secret. You can trust me on that. But I can’t be here anymore. I can’t be with you.”
“Jesus.” He squeezes his eyes closed, tipping his head back.
He stays that way for what seems like forever when, in reality, it’s seconds. Jaw clenched, eyes tightly shut, his body is so still that I’m not even sure if he’s breathing right now.
Please, Kas. Don’t go after him. Let it go. Stay with me.
He exhales a breath that sounds a lot like a decision made. And I watch as he opens his eyes and lowers them to mine. I read his answer there, and my heart sinks.
“I never should have started anything with you. I knew it was wrong. I’m sorry—”
“All of this has to do with you and me!” I throw my arms around. “You kept this from me!”
“How was I supposed to tell you? By the way, Daisy, I’m taking out the men who raped and murdered my childhood sweetheart—the men who did this to me and left me for dead!” He slams a hand against his scarred chest. “That getting my revenge is the only thing that’s kept me breathing for the last seven years!” He breaks off, panting, his eyes wild and wide on me.
The worst thing is…I get it.
I get why he’s done what he’s done. If they’d done that to me or Cece or Jesse—what they’d done to him and Haley—I’d want to kill them, too.
But that doesn’t mean I would. I would let the law do its job.
“Why kill them? Why not turn them over to the police?”
He barks out a laugh, but there’s not a shred of humor in it. He steps back, leaning against the wall, and folds his arms over his chest, staring straight ahead at the wall that is covered with the news cuttings and pictures of Haley.
“Because the police don’t do shit. I gave them descriptions. The best I could. They put out photofits on the news. Canvased the area. Brought in a few suspects. Never the right ones though. Time passed. Interest in the case dwindled.
“So, I decided to do something about it myself. It was the least I could do for Haley and her family. She died because I took her in there that night. So, I was going to do the only thing I could. Wipe those three pieces of scum from the earth. It took me a long time to find them. But when I did…” Pained eyes come over to me.
“When I killed Foster…I threw up afterward.” He lets out a sad-sounding, derogatory laugh. “But I also felt good. Like I was finally doing something right for Haley. Killing Betts…I wouldn’t say it was easier, but to know I was ridding the world of those motherfuckers felt good. But Doyle…he’s the one I want more than anything. He was the driving force in what happened that night.”
“He’s the one who raped Haley first? The one who thanked you for letting him…it was him who stabbed you over and over?”
He nods slowly. “I just need to kill him…and then everything will be right.”
I feel like he’s not even talking to me right now.
“I kill Doyle, and I’ll have paid my debt back to Haley.”
I take a tentative step toward him. “Haley wouldn’t have wanted you to do this.”
He looks at me, and the pain in his expression cuts right through me. “I owe her, Daisy.” He looks away from me and to her picture. Tenderness spreads through his expression. “She was mine to protect, and I failed her. I won’t fail her again. I will kill Doyle. I’ll get my revenge for her…if it’s the last thing I do.”
Something inside me breaks.
Watching him stare at her picture, I feel like a voyeur. And I realize in this moment that whatever Kas feels for me will never be anything compared to what he felt for Haley…still feels for her.
I can’t even be jealous because she deserved to be loved. And, after what he lived through, he deserves his revenge.
But I can’t be a party to it. I have too much to lose.
“I understand your need for revenge, Kas. For what he did to you and Haley—”
“And you.” His eyes snap to mine, anger flaring in them. “He put you in prison. He stole eighteen months of your life. Because of him, you lost Jesse. This isn’t just about Haley anymore, Daisy. It’s about you, too.”
My heart constricts painfully.
I take a step toward him. “I don’t want you to do anything for me. I made my peace with what had happened to me a long time ago.”
But I do want that bastard to die for what he did to Kas. I just don’t want Kas to be the one to do it. Kas has endured and suffered enough. More than anyone ever should. I don’t want him to suffer anymore. I want him to be free of this.
“I don’t want you to go after Damien. I want you to stay here with me. I want you safe.” I wrap my arms around myself. “I understand your need to do this, but I can’t be a part of it. I won’t stand in your way, and I won’t ask you to choose. But”—I pull in a strengthening breath—“if you keep on your path of revenge, then…this is where we end. I can’t risk Jesse. I love you. I honestly do. But I love Jesse more. He will always come first. I have to protect myself to protect him. I need him back home with me, and I can’t…I won’t let anything jeopardize that. I’ll keep your secret. You can trust me on that. But I can’t be here anymore. I can’t be with you.”
“Jesus.” He squeezes his eyes closed, tipping his head back.
He stays that way for what seems like forever when, in reality, it’s seconds. Jaw clenched, eyes tightly shut, his body is so still that I’m not even sure if he’s breathing right now.
Please, Kas. Don’t go after him. Let it go. Stay with me.
He exhales a breath that sounds a lot like a decision made. And I watch as he opens his eyes and lowers them to mine. I read his answer there, and my heart sinks.
“I never should have started anything with you. I knew it was wrong. I’m sorry—”
