Unsuitable
Page 98
But he had.
I’d had him for a brief moment in time, and then I’d had to let him go.
Kas was never meant to be mine forever, and I had to come to terms with that.
And I did.
Kind of.
But then Thessa’s was open, and I actually had customers. I was busy, and I got on with life.
After I had Thessa’s for six months, I decided to enroll in a baking course. I had a place where I ordered cakes and muffins from for the shop, but I wanted to learn to make my own.
Growing up, I’d always been able to make a mean birthday cake for Jesse, so I reckoned I could do it.
Turned out, I was right. I excelled in baking. And I now make cakes for the shop as well as still buying in. It keeps me busy, but that’s the way I prefer it.
It doesn’t leave a lot of time for anything else…like dating. Not that I’m actually interested in dating even though Cece nags me about it on a regular basis.
She’s back in the dating game; she has been for a while. She’s been seeing this guy called Pierre for a couple of months now. He’s an out-of-work actor.
He’s cute.
He’s just kind of…pretentious.
But I think she could do better.
Cece likes him though, and she says he treats her good. That’s all that matters to me. She deserves to be happy.
So, I’m nice to the guy whenever he’s around.
But, because she’s happy, she’s been trying to set me up with guys. The latest was one of Pierre’s poncy friends called Gerard. Another out-of-work actor.
I told her what I always tell her, “I’m not interested. I’m too busy with work and Jesse.” And blah, blah, blah.
But she’s not stupid. She knows that I’m not over Kas. That I’ve never gotten over Kas.
I mean, you’d think I would have gotten over him by now. It has been three and a half years.
But, as I’ve learned, you don’t get over a man like Kastor Matis. You just learn to live without him.
So, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that this is the way it is. Spinsterhood for Daisy, and I’m totally fine with it.
My life isn’t lacking. I have a good life. I have Jesse.
Even though he just left me for university.
I’m not going to cry again.
I have the coffee shop to keep me busy.
My life is as good as it’s going to be. And I’m okay with that.
When I look at the way my life was…and how it could’ve turned out…this life is a dream compared to that.
Of course I get lonely. Especially at night when I look at that empty space in my bed where I wish Kas were lying.
But he’s gone.
He’s been gone a long time, and there’s nothing I can do to change that.
It’s just sometimes hard, knowing that he’s out there, living his life without me.
I wonder if he’s happy.
I hope he’s happy. He deserves to be.
I just wish we could have been happy together.
My phone rings on the counter. I smile at the caller display.
“Missing me already?”
Jesse’s laugh echoes down the line. “Just checking to make sure you’re not still bawling your eyes out.”
“I did not bawl.”
“There was snot on my T-shirt from where you’d blubbered on me.”
“Oh God.” I wince. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m just teasing. It’s nice to know you’re gonna miss me. I just hate to see you cry and know I’m the reason for it.”
“They were happy tears and sad tears and proud tears. I’m gonna miss you so much, but I’m incredibly proud of you, Jesse, for getting into university. You’re going to get your degree and become a lawyer. God, I cannot wait until the day I see you in your cap and gown, up on that stage, receiving your degree.”
“I haven’t even started my courses yet”—he laughs—“and you’ve already got me graduated.”
“Yeah, well, I just know you’re gonna rock it.”
There’s silence on the line that has me asking, “Are…you okay?”
He sighs. “Yeah. It’s just…I guess it’s weird, being here. In a new place. You know, where I just have a bedroom, and the rest is shared facilities with the other guys. It kinda reminds me of the boys home. The first night I spent there after you were arrested.”
My throat closes up. “Jesse…”
“I’m not blaming you, Daisy. Jesus, of course I’m not. I hate the fact that I ever doubted you and blamed you. Just sitting here brought back some sad memories for me, and…I guess…I wanted to hear your voice. Just remind myself that we’re here now, and it’s different. That things are good. And you’re fine.”
I swallow back tears. “We’re here, and it is different. It’s amazing. I’m fine, kiddo. And I couldn’t be prouder of you.”
I feel his smile.
“You already said that.”
I smile myself. “And I’m gonna keep saying it, so you’d better get used to it.”
I hear a voice in the background, and Jesse says, “Be there in a minute.”
“Everything okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, just the guys I live with are going to the pub. They’ve invited me to go with them.”
“Go. Don’t let me keep you. And have fun. And don’t drink too much. And be safe. And I love you.”
I’d had him for a brief moment in time, and then I’d had to let him go.
Kas was never meant to be mine forever, and I had to come to terms with that.
And I did.
Kind of.
But then Thessa’s was open, and I actually had customers. I was busy, and I got on with life.
After I had Thessa’s for six months, I decided to enroll in a baking course. I had a place where I ordered cakes and muffins from for the shop, but I wanted to learn to make my own.
Growing up, I’d always been able to make a mean birthday cake for Jesse, so I reckoned I could do it.
Turned out, I was right. I excelled in baking. And I now make cakes for the shop as well as still buying in. It keeps me busy, but that’s the way I prefer it.
It doesn’t leave a lot of time for anything else…like dating. Not that I’m actually interested in dating even though Cece nags me about it on a regular basis.
She’s back in the dating game; she has been for a while. She’s been seeing this guy called Pierre for a couple of months now. He’s an out-of-work actor.
He’s cute.
He’s just kind of…pretentious.
But I think she could do better.
Cece likes him though, and she says he treats her good. That’s all that matters to me. She deserves to be happy.
So, I’m nice to the guy whenever he’s around.
But, because she’s happy, she’s been trying to set me up with guys. The latest was one of Pierre’s poncy friends called Gerard. Another out-of-work actor.
I told her what I always tell her, “I’m not interested. I’m too busy with work and Jesse.” And blah, blah, blah.
But she’s not stupid. She knows that I’m not over Kas. That I’ve never gotten over Kas.
I mean, you’d think I would have gotten over him by now. It has been three and a half years.
But, as I’ve learned, you don’t get over a man like Kastor Matis. You just learn to live without him.
So, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that this is the way it is. Spinsterhood for Daisy, and I’m totally fine with it.
My life isn’t lacking. I have a good life. I have Jesse.
Even though he just left me for university.
I’m not going to cry again.
I have the coffee shop to keep me busy.
My life is as good as it’s going to be. And I’m okay with that.
When I look at the way my life was…and how it could’ve turned out…this life is a dream compared to that.
Of course I get lonely. Especially at night when I look at that empty space in my bed where I wish Kas were lying.
But he’s gone.
He’s been gone a long time, and there’s nothing I can do to change that.
It’s just sometimes hard, knowing that he’s out there, living his life without me.
I wonder if he’s happy.
I hope he’s happy. He deserves to be.
I just wish we could have been happy together.
My phone rings on the counter. I smile at the caller display.
“Missing me already?”
Jesse’s laugh echoes down the line. “Just checking to make sure you’re not still bawling your eyes out.”
“I did not bawl.”
“There was snot on my T-shirt from where you’d blubbered on me.”
“Oh God.” I wince. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m just teasing. It’s nice to know you’re gonna miss me. I just hate to see you cry and know I’m the reason for it.”
“They were happy tears and sad tears and proud tears. I’m gonna miss you so much, but I’m incredibly proud of you, Jesse, for getting into university. You’re going to get your degree and become a lawyer. God, I cannot wait until the day I see you in your cap and gown, up on that stage, receiving your degree.”
“I haven’t even started my courses yet”—he laughs—“and you’ve already got me graduated.”
“Yeah, well, I just know you’re gonna rock it.”
There’s silence on the line that has me asking, “Are…you okay?”
He sighs. “Yeah. It’s just…I guess it’s weird, being here. In a new place. You know, where I just have a bedroom, and the rest is shared facilities with the other guys. It kinda reminds me of the boys home. The first night I spent there after you were arrested.”
My throat closes up. “Jesse…”
“I’m not blaming you, Daisy. Jesus, of course I’m not. I hate the fact that I ever doubted you and blamed you. Just sitting here brought back some sad memories for me, and…I guess…I wanted to hear your voice. Just remind myself that we’re here now, and it’s different. That things are good. And you’re fine.”
I swallow back tears. “We’re here, and it is different. It’s amazing. I’m fine, kiddo. And I couldn’t be prouder of you.”
I feel his smile.
“You already said that.”
I smile myself. “And I’m gonna keep saying it, so you’d better get used to it.”
I hear a voice in the background, and Jesse says, “Be there in a minute.”
“Everything okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, just the guys I live with are going to the pub. They’ve invited me to go with them.”
“Go. Don’t let me keep you. And have fun. And don’t drink too much. And be safe. And I love you.”
