Until Jax
Page 71
“What happened? Who was at the door?”
Lifting his head slowly, his eyes meet mine and his hand holds out a slip of folded paper to me.
“What is it?” I whisper, and he shakes his head. Taking the paper from him, I unfold it then move to sit on the couch when I see it’s a letter from his mom.
Dear Jax,
To say I was surprised to see you standing outside of my house would be the understatement of the century. For years and years, I thought of what I would say to you if we ever met face to face, but being in your presence and seeing up close the pain I caused you made it too real.
I could make a million excuses and tell you a million lies, but the truth is I was a selfish coward. I’m sorry for the pain I caused you and your family, and if it were possible to go back in time, know I would do a lot of things differently. All except for giving birth to you.
The first time I saw your dad hold you, I knew that was what love was supposed to look like, and even though I was jealous at the time, I now understand how wrong I was for feeling that way.
I was lucky for a brief moment to see something so beautiful and to know I helped bring it to life.
I know we will never be close, and I have made peace with that, but I wish you the best and hope you find your own piece of beautiful.
XX Jules
“Oh, my God,” I breathe as tears fall onto the bottom of the shaking paper in my hands.
“That’s why she was here; she was bringing me that letter. Her mom found it in her belongings when she got her stuff back from the medical examiner,” he says, clenching his jaw.
Getting off the couch, I walk to where he’s sitting, settle myself on his lap, and then hold his face between my hands. “I’m so sorry, Babe,” I whisper, watching his eyes close briefly before meeting mine again.
“She saved my life, and because of her, you and Hope are still here.”
“I know,” I agree, pressing my mouth to his then leaning back to search his face while my hand stays wrapped around his jaw and my thumb moves over his chin.
“I’ve hated her for so long, and now I don’t know what to feel.”
“I know it’s not easy after everything that happened, but I think you’ll feel better once you find a way to forgive her,” I tell him quietly, running my fingers over his lips.
“How do I do that?” he asks, looking lost.
“I don’t know,” I confess, feeling tears fill my eyes. “But I’ll help you.”
“I’ll help too, Daddy Ax,” Hope says as she runs into the living room and climbs onto the chair with us. “What are we doin?”
Laughing, Jax presses a kiss to her hair then smiles at her. “You’re doing it, sweetheart. You and your mom both are.”
“I’m a good helper.” She smiles, making us laugh.
“You’re the best helper there is, Angel baby,” I say, kissing her forehead then Jax before getting off his lap watching Hope kiss his cheek before getting off his lap and pulling him up, tugging on his hand.
“Are you ready to go Easter egg hunting?” he asks her.
“Yes, I’m going to get all the eggs,” she yells happily, running toward the front of her house. Taking his hand before he can follow her, I take a step toward him and lean up, wrapping my hands around the back of his neck, bringing his face closer to mine. “I would do it all again, even the scary parts, as long as I knew Hope and I would have you in the end. I would do it all over again,” I tell him honestly.
“Baby.” He shakes his head, resting his forehead against mine.
“It’s the truth,” I murmur, and his arms tighten while his mouth drops down to mine, kissing me gently.
“Wet’s go, people!” Hope yells, breaking into the moment, making us both smile.
*
“Marry me.”
Opening my eyes to look at Jax through the moonlit room, I feel my mouth go dry. “What?”
“I had this whole fucking thing planned of how I was going to ask, but I don’t want to wait any longer. Marry me, Ellie,” he says, picking up my hand, settling something cool and heavy on my finger.
“Jax.”
“We’ll go to Vegas next weekend.”
“Oh, my God.” I shake my head, feeling my throat close up.
“We can take people with us or have a party when we get home, but I don’t want to wait.”
“Okay,” I whisper, pressing myself flush against him and balling my hand into a fist, afraid the ring will disappear if I don’t.
“What?” he asks against my forehead, where his lips have landed.
“When I was younger, I saw a commercial where this couple rented a convertible and got married at a drive-thru. Do they really have that?” I ask, and his face dips toward mine.
“I’ll find out.”
“Okay,” I murmur then tuck my head under his chin.
“You don’t want to see your ring?” he asks with a smile in his tone as his arms band tighter around me.
“I already know it’s perfect,” I whisper as tears fill my eyes. I know it’s going to take a while for all of us to heal, but I know, with time, things will get a little better everyday, and in the end, as long as we have each other, nothing else will matter.
Epilogue
Ellie
Three years and seven month later
“What the hell are you doing?” Jax roars, placing his hands on the back of my knees. Setting down the box of cereal on the shelf in the cabinet, I roll my eyes. I swear if he’s not roaring, he’s growling. “I asked you a damn question, Ellie Mayson.”
Lifting his head slowly, his eyes meet mine and his hand holds out a slip of folded paper to me.
“What is it?” I whisper, and he shakes his head. Taking the paper from him, I unfold it then move to sit on the couch when I see it’s a letter from his mom.
Dear Jax,
To say I was surprised to see you standing outside of my house would be the understatement of the century. For years and years, I thought of what I would say to you if we ever met face to face, but being in your presence and seeing up close the pain I caused you made it too real.
I could make a million excuses and tell you a million lies, but the truth is I was a selfish coward. I’m sorry for the pain I caused you and your family, and if it were possible to go back in time, know I would do a lot of things differently. All except for giving birth to you.
The first time I saw your dad hold you, I knew that was what love was supposed to look like, and even though I was jealous at the time, I now understand how wrong I was for feeling that way.
I was lucky for a brief moment to see something so beautiful and to know I helped bring it to life.
I know we will never be close, and I have made peace with that, but I wish you the best and hope you find your own piece of beautiful.
XX Jules
“Oh, my God,” I breathe as tears fall onto the bottom of the shaking paper in my hands.
“That’s why she was here; she was bringing me that letter. Her mom found it in her belongings when she got her stuff back from the medical examiner,” he says, clenching his jaw.
Getting off the couch, I walk to where he’s sitting, settle myself on his lap, and then hold his face between my hands. “I’m so sorry, Babe,” I whisper, watching his eyes close briefly before meeting mine again.
“She saved my life, and because of her, you and Hope are still here.”
“I know,” I agree, pressing my mouth to his then leaning back to search his face while my hand stays wrapped around his jaw and my thumb moves over his chin.
“I’ve hated her for so long, and now I don’t know what to feel.”
“I know it’s not easy after everything that happened, but I think you’ll feel better once you find a way to forgive her,” I tell him quietly, running my fingers over his lips.
“How do I do that?” he asks, looking lost.
“I don’t know,” I confess, feeling tears fill my eyes. “But I’ll help you.”
“I’ll help too, Daddy Ax,” Hope says as she runs into the living room and climbs onto the chair with us. “What are we doin?”
Laughing, Jax presses a kiss to her hair then smiles at her. “You’re doing it, sweetheart. You and your mom both are.”
“I’m a good helper.” She smiles, making us laugh.
“You’re the best helper there is, Angel baby,” I say, kissing her forehead then Jax before getting off his lap watching Hope kiss his cheek before getting off his lap and pulling him up, tugging on his hand.
“Are you ready to go Easter egg hunting?” he asks her.
“Yes, I’m going to get all the eggs,” she yells happily, running toward the front of her house. Taking his hand before he can follow her, I take a step toward him and lean up, wrapping my hands around the back of his neck, bringing his face closer to mine. “I would do it all again, even the scary parts, as long as I knew Hope and I would have you in the end. I would do it all over again,” I tell him honestly.
“Baby.” He shakes his head, resting his forehead against mine.
“It’s the truth,” I murmur, and his arms tighten while his mouth drops down to mine, kissing me gently.
“Wet’s go, people!” Hope yells, breaking into the moment, making us both smile.
*
“Marry me.”
Opening my eyes to look at Jax through the moonlit room, I feel my mouth go dry. “What?”
“I had this whole fucking thing planned of how I was going to ask, but I don’t want to wait any longer. Marry me, Ellie,” he says, picking up my hand, settling something cool and heavy on my finger.
“Jax.”
“We’ll go to Vegas next weekend.”
“Oh, my God.” I shake my head, feeling my throat close up.
“We can take people with us or have a party when we get home, but I don’t want to wait.”
“Okay,” I whisper, pressing myself flush against him and balling my hand into a fist, afraid the ring will disappear if I don’t.
“What?” he asks against my forehead, where his lips have landed.
“When I was younger, I saw a commercial where this couple rented a convertible and got married at a drive-thru. Do they really have that?” I ask, and his face dips toward mine.
“I’ll find out.”
“Okay,” I murmur then tuck my head under his chin.
“You don’t want to see your ring?” he asks with a smile in his tone as his arms band tighter around me.
“I already know it’s perfect,” I whisper as tears fill my eyes. I know it’s going to take a while for all of us to heal, but I know, with time, things will get a little better everyday, and in the end, as long as we have each other, nothing else will matter.
Epilogue
Ellie
Three years and seven month later
“What the hell are you doing?” Jax roars, placing his hands on the back of my knees. Setting down the box of cereal on the shelf in the cabinet, I roll my eyes. I swear if he’s not roaring, he’s growling. “I asked you a damn question, Ellie Mayson.”
