Until June
Page 23
One could say I was in a state of shock. First, my dad isn’t an easy man. He’s soft for his girls, those girls being my mom, me, and my sisters, but other than that, he doesn’t hold much back. He sure as heck wouldn’t—even when I was younger—allow a guy to tell him what to do in regards to his girls. But he did with Evan, and I swore I saw his lips twitch when he did. Now, looking at my dad, I can see he’s not pissed, but annoyed, and honestly, I’m too worried about what Evan is doing to be concerned with my father’s reaction to the news that I have a boyfriend. Something I haven’t even come to terms with yet.
“Dad, please don’t.”
“Don’t?” he repeats, leaning back against the railing that runs the length of the porch.
“I already know what you’re gonna say.”
“Yeah, what’s that?” he asks, and I look at him, really unsure of what he’s gonna say.
His reaction to Evan’s declaration was seriously surprising, so I’m at a loss. I just know whatever he’s got to say isn’t going to be what I want to hear right now.
“That boy has demons,” he says quietly, and I pull my bottom lip between my teeth while wrapping my arms around my waist. I’m not surprised he knows, but at the same time, I am. “That’s a lot to take on, June Bug, and I don’t want you to get hurt.”
It’s a little late for that, I think but don’t say as I stare at him.
“Do you love him?” he questions, crossing his arms over his chest. Shrugging at his question, too afraid to admit it to him or myself, I watch as his eyes close then open back up. “I’m worried about you. Like I said before, Evan is a good man, but I see in him the same thing I’ve seen in a few of my brothers from the military. A monster lives in him, honey, and I don’t know if he’s strong enough to fight that monster back.”
“I’m going to help him with his demons,” I whisper, feeling my throat close up. I know I need to do that for him. Yes, what he did to me was horrible, but I know him—or knew him—and the kind of man he is. He deserves to have some good, to understand there is nothing wrong with him. “There… there’s a lot you don’t know, Dad.”
“So tell me.”
Licking my lips, I move over to one of the loungers and take a seat, dropping my head into my hands. I feel Dad come close, his weight hits my side, and his arm wraps around my shoulders, pulling me into him. “The first time I looked into his eyes, I swear my world stopped,” I whisper, dropping my hands to my lap and locking them together. “That was about three years ago.” I look out at the back yard. “We were inseparable. Every free moment I had, we were together.” I smile, remembering our quiet times alone, just him and me, talking, laughing, cuddling. Just being us.
“What happened?”
“You’re gonna be mad,” I tell him honestly, ’cause I know he will be. No dad wants to learn their child, especially their daughter, got married and didn’t even mention they were dating anyone.
“Maybe, but I think you know I love you. Nothing you could do will change that.”
“We got married,” I confess quietly, feeling his body quickly go tight. “He was going into the marines. He wanted us to start a life, wanted to go to school, so he joined, wanting a good life for himself and to provide one for me. The day before he left, we went to the courthouse and got married.”
“Jesus, June.”
“I know.” I squeeze my eyes closed. “I don’t know what happened. At first, everything was fine. When he was in boot camp, we connected regularly with letters, and when he could call, he did. He was supposed to come home for leave right after boot camp, and I planned on bringing him home then.”
“That didn’t happen,” Dad points out on a squeeze.
“No, it didn’t,” I agree. “They sent him to Afghanistan. Phone calls stopped soon after that. I tried to find out from his mom what was going on, but she didn’t really know, or she wasn’t willing to tell me anything. Then I heard he was home in Alabama. He didn’t come to me, and his mom found me and gave me divorce papers.”
“What the fuck?” Dad clips, and I tug on his hand, making him sit back down when he goes to stand.
“I was hurt, so fucking hurt. I signed the papers. Then I found out from Ashlyn that he got a job with Jax, and heard from her what happened to him when he was away.”
“No fucking excuses, June Bug.”
“You’re right, but you’re wrong,” I tell him quietly, squeezing his hand. “There was a lot I didn’t know, a lot of stuff he didn’t tell me. His dad was abusive, his mom was an alcoholic, his brother was in prison, and then his friends died. I don’t know the details of what happened when he was away, since we just started seeing each other again, but I can’t help but think all those things messed him up, and that monster you see is a result of those things.”
“Don’t give a fuck, baby girl. That man doesn’t deserve a second chance.”
“He said he didn’t want to get me dirty.” That sentence had stuck with me over the last couple days. There was something about it that is wrong, so wrong. I don’t… I can’t even begin to understand it.
“What?”
“He said I was too good for him, that he didn’t want to get me dirty. I don’t know what any of that means. I don’t fully understand what happened to us, but I know he loved me. I know he did, and I would scratch someone’s eyes out if they tried to tell me that wasn’t true.”
“Dad, please don’t.”
“Don’t?” he repeats, leaning back against the railing that runs the length of the porch.
“I already know what you’re gonna say.”
“Yeah, what’s that?” he asks, and I look at him, really unsure of what he’s gonna say.
His reaction to Evan’s declaration was seriously surprising, so I’m at a loss. I just know whatever he’s got to say isn’t going to be what I want to hear right now.
“That boy has demons,” he says quietly, and I pull my bottom lip between my teeth while wrapping my arms around my waist. I’m not surprised he knows, but at the same time, I am. “That’s a lot to take on, June Bug, and I don’t want you to get hurt.”
It’s a little late for that, I think but don’t say as I stare at him.
“Do you love him?” he questions, crossing his arms over his chest. Shrugging at his question, too afraid to admit it to him or myself, I watch as his eyes close then open back up. “I’m worried about you. Like I said before, Evan is a good man, but I see in him the same thing I’ve seen in a few of my brothers from the military. A monster lives in him, honey, and I don’t know if he’s strong enough to fight that monster back.”
“I’m going to help him with his demons,” I whisper, feeling my throat close up. I know I need to do that for him. Yes, what he did to me was horrible, but I know him—or knew him—and the kind of man he is. He deserves to have some good, to understand there is nothing wrong with him. “There… there’s a lot you don’t know, Dad.”
“So tell me.”
Licking my lips, I move over to one of the loungers and take a seat, dropping my head into my hands. I feel Dad come close, his weight hits my side, and his arm wraps around my shoulders, pulling me into him. “The first time I looked into his eyes, I swear my world stopped,” I whisper, dropping my hands to my lap and locking them together. “That was about three years ago.” I look out at the back yard. “We were inseparable. Every free moment I had, we were together.” I smile, remembering our quiet times alone, just him and me, talking, laughing, cuddling. Just being us.
“What happened?”
“You’re gonna be mad,” I tell him honestly, ’cause I know he will be. No dad wants to learn their child, especially their daughter, got married and didn’t even mention they were dating anyone.
“Maybe, but I think you know I love you. Nothing you could do will change that.”
“We got married,” I confess quietly, feeling his body quickly go tight. “He was going into the marines. He wanted us to start a life, wanted to go to school, so he joined, wanting a good life for himself and to provide one for me. The day before he left, we went to the courthouse and got married.”
“Jesus, June.”
“I know.” I squeeze my eyes closed. “I don’t know what happened. At first, everything was fine. When he was in boot camp, we connected regularly with letters, and when he could call, he did. He was supposed to come home for leave right after boot camp, and I planned on bringing him home then.”
“That didn’t happen,” Dad points out on a squeeze.
“No, it didn’t,” I agree. “They sent him to Afghanistan. Phone calls stopped soon after that. I tried to find out from his mom what was going on, but she didn’t really know, or she wasn’t willing to tell me anything. Then I heard he was home in Alabama. He didn’t come to me, and his mom found me and gave me divorce papers.”
“What the fuck?” Dad clips, and I tug on his hand, making him sit back down when he goes to stand.
“I was hurt, so fucking hurt. I signed the papers. Then I found out from Ashlyn that he got a job with Jax, and heard from her what happened to him when he was away.”
“No fucking excuses, June Bug.”
“You’re right, but you’re wrong,” I tell him quietly, squeezing his hand. “There was a lot I didn’t know, a lot of stuff he didn’t tell me. His dad was abusive, his mom was an alcoholic, his brother was in prison, and then his friends died. I don’t know the details of what happened when he was away, since we just started seeing each other again, but I can’t help but think all those things messed him up, and that monster you see is a result of those things.”
“Don’t give a fuck, baby girl. That man doesn’t deserve a second chance.”
“He said he didn’t want to get me dirty.” That sentence had stuck with me over the last couple days. There was something about it that is wrong, so wrong. I don’t… I can’t even begin to understand it.
“What?”
“He said I was too good for him, that he didn’t want to get me dirty. I don’t know what any of that means. I don’t fully understand what happened to us, but I know he loved me. I know he did, and I would scratch someone’s eyes out if they tried to tell me that wasn’t true.”
