Until June
Page 56
It takes me a second to recognize the shiny piece of gold metal sitting around her ring finger. A piece of metal I put there years ago. A piece of metal I never thought I would see again. The ring I gave her when she became my wife. It was what I could afford at the time. I knew that one day, when we were settled and I could afford it, I would put a diamond on her finger. A ring worthy of her. But after everything that happened, I never thought I’d get the chance.
“Ev?” she whispers, and I drop her cup of coffee to the island then lift her up, planting her next to it.
“Do not move,” I demand, pointing at her while speaking through the lump that has formed in my throat, as I let her go and head back to the bedroom. I dig through my bag sitting in the bottom of the closet until I find what I’m looking for, and shove it into the pocket of my sweats.
Going back to the kitchen, I find her where I left her on the counter. Her eyes are on me, but her guard is up. I can tell she doesn’t know what to think. “Take that shit off your finger,” I growl when I’m close. Her eyes widen and her bottom lip trembles as she drops her gaze from me to her hands. Rolling the ring around on her finger, she swallows then slowly slips it off.
“I’m sorry. It was stupid.” Her head shakes. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Grabbing her knees, I open her legs wide, making room for my hips, then take the ring from her hand and hold it up between us. “Look at me.”
“I should get breakfast started,” she murmurs to her lap, where her eyes are still pointed. The sadness and defeat in her tone makes my gut clench.
Pressing closer, I soften my voice. “Look at me, beautiful.” Her head slowly comes up and I see tears swimming in her eyes. “This ring was put on your finger by a coward,” I say, and I watch anger fill her eyes, anger that catches me off guard. It’s an emotion that makes me realize for the millionth time the kind of idiot I am, because I know that anger is her wanting to defend me. “It was put there by a man who wasn’t strong enough for you. A man who didn’t deserve you,” I continue quietly, closing the ring tightly in my fist.
“No.” She lifts her hands, pushing at my chest, trying to shove me away. “No!” she repeats, yelling this time.
Grabbing her wrists, I hold them to me, watching her chest rise and fall quickly. “The kind of man you deserve wouldn’t have left you. He wouldn’t have given up on you. He would have done everything possible to make sure you never doubted his feelings for you. I wasn’t that man before.”
“Stop!” she screams, and I let go of her left hand, reach into my pocket, and then drop to my knee in front of her.
“The man I was didn’t deserve you. He didn’t even deserve to breathe the same air as you. But I do. I’m not the man I was then, and I vow, every day until I take my last breath, to prove myself worthy of you.” I hold up the ring, which I picked out weeks ago, between us. A ring worthy of being on her finger, given to her by a man worthy of her. “Will you marry me? Will you be my wife?”
“Oh, God.” Her hand covers her mouth and tears fall from her eyes as she looks between the ring and me. “Oh, God,” she repeats, dropping forward, wrapping her arms around my neck, shoving her face there, and sobbing, “Yes.”
“Calm down, baby. You’re scaring the fuck out of me,” I whisper, rubbing her back while listening to her loud sobs as her body shakes.
“I can’t calm down!” she cries on a hitched breath, pulling her face out of my neck. “Who could possibly calm down after that?” she asks, using her hands to wipe the tears off her face.
“Can you at least pull it together long enough for me to put the ring on your finger?” I request, picking her up and placing her back on the top of the counter.
“Yes. But only after I say something,” she breathes through her tears, resting her warm hands against my chest while searching my face. “There was never a time you didn’t deserve me.”
“June,” I warn, giving her knee a squeeze.
“No.” She shakes her head. “You have always, always been good enough for me. I fell in love with you—all of you—not just one piece of you that I thought was perfect. There was never a time I didn’t love you. You need to know that.” She slides her hand up my chest to my neck and under my jaw. “I love you, Evan, all of you. Even the parts of you that you don’t like.”
“I don’t deserve you,” I get out through clenched teeth.
“And I don’t deserve you either, but I’m keeping you anyway.” She smiles and tilts her head to the side, smiling brightly. “Can I have my ring now?”
“Yes.” I lean forward, kissing her softly, then pull back and take her hand, sliding the three-carat, cushion-cut diamond ring on her finger, transfixed by the sight of it.
“It’s beautiful,” she whispers, holding her hand to my chest, turning it one way then the other and watching the light catch on it before looking up at me. “But when we get married, I want my old ring sitting next to this one. I don’t want something new, when my something old was perfect to begin with.”
“Christ, you’re killing me,” I groan, wrapping my fist in her hair and taking her mouth in a kiss that shows her how much I love her, only pulling away when the doorbell rings, reminding me of the shit I needed to talk to her about. “Fuck,” I clip, reluctantly ripping my mouth from hers.
“Ev?” she whispers, and I drop her cup of coffee to the island then lift her up, planting her next to it.
“Do not move,” I demand, pointing at her while speaking through the lump that has formed in my throat, as I let her go and head back to the bedroom. I dig through my bag sitting in the bottom of the closet until I find what I’m looking for, and shove it into the pocket of my sweats.
Going back to the kitchen, I find her where I left her on the counter. Her eyes are on me, but her guard is up. I can tell she doesn’t know what to think. “Take that shit off your finger,” I growl when I’m close. Her eyes widen and her bottom lip trembles as she drops her gaze from me to her hands. Rolling the ring around on her finger, she swallows then slowly slips it off.
“I’m sorry. It was stupid.” Her head shakes. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Grabbing her knees, I open her legs wide, making room for my hips, then take the ring from her hand and hold it up between us. “Look at me.”
“I should get breakfast started,” she murmurs to her lap, where her eyes are still pointed. The sadness and defeat in her tone makes my gut clench.
Pressing closer, I soften my voice. “Look at me, beautiful.” Her head slowly comes up and I see tears swimming in her eyes. “This ring was put on your finger by a coward,” I say, and I watch anger fill her eyes, anger that catches me off guard. It’s an emotion that makes me realize for the millionth time the kind of idiot I am, because I know that anger is her wanting to defend me. “It was put there by a man who wasn’t strong enough for you. A man who didn’t deserve you,” I continue quietly, closing the ring tightly in my fist.
“No.” She lifts her hands, pushing at my chest, trying to shove me away. “No!” she repeats, yelling this time.
Grabbing her wrists, I hold them to me, watching her chest rise and fall quickly. “The kind of man you deserve wouldn’t have left you. He wouldn’t have given up on you. He would have done everything possible to make sure you never doubted his feelings for you. I wasn’t that man before.”
“Stop!” she screams, and I let go of her left hand, reach into my pocket, and then drop to my knee in front of her.
“The man I was didn’t deserve you. He didn’t even deserve to breathe the same air as you. But I do. I’m not the man I was then, and I vow, every day until I take my last breath, to prove myself worthy of you.” I hold up the ring, which I picked out weeks ago, between us. A ring worthy of being on her finger, given to her by a man worthy of her. “Will you marry me? Will you be my wife?”
“Oh, God.” Her hand covers her mouth and tears fall from her eyes as she looks between the ring and me. “Oh, God,” she repeats, dropping forward, wrapping her arms around my neck, shoving her face there, and sobbing, “Yes.”
“Calm down, baby. You’re scaring the fuck out of me,” I whisper, rubbing her back while listening to her loud sobs as her body shakes.
“I can’t calm down!” she cries on a hitched breath, pulling her face out of my neck. “Who could possibly calm down after that?” she asks, using her hands to wipe the tears off her face.
“Can you at least pull it together long enough for me to put the ring on your finger?” I request, picking her up and placing her back on the top of the counter.
“Yes. But only after I say something,” she breathes through her tears, resting her warm hands against my chest while searching my face. “There was never a time you didn’t deserve me.”
“June,” I warn, giving her knee a squeeze.
“No.” She shakes her head. “You have always, always been good enough for me. I fell in love with you—all of you—not just one piece of you that I thought was perfect. There was never a time I didn’t love you. You need to know that.” She slides her hand up my chest to my neck and under my jaw. “I love you, Evan, all of you. Even the parts of you that you don’t like.”
“I don’t deserve you,” I get out through clenched teeth.
“And I don’t deserve you either, but I’m keeping you anyway.” She smiles and tilts her head to the side, smiling brightly. “Can I have my ring now?”
“Yes.” I lean forward, kissing her softly, then pull back and take her hand, sliding the three-carat, cushion-cut diamond ring on her finger, transfixed by the sight of it.
“It’s beautiful,” she whispers, holding her hand to my chest, turning it one way then the other and watching the light catch on it before looking up at me. “But when we get married, I want my old ring sitting next to this one. I don’t want something new, when my something old was perfect to begin with.”
“Christ, you’re killing me,” I groan, wrapping my fist in her hair and taking her mouth in a kiss that shows her how much I love her, only pulling away when the doorbell rings, reminding me of the shit I needed to talk to her about. “Fuck,” I clip, reluctantly ripping my mouth from hers.
