Until Sage
Page 15
“Mom,” I cry, and Sage releases me. Rushing across the small space to her, I wrap my arms around her waist and tuck my face against her chest, where I start to cry again.
“Oh, honey,” she whispers, holding on to me. Then I feel myself being transferred and I smell the familiar scent of my dad’s cologne as I’m tucked into his chest.
“It’s going to be okay,” he says, rocking me from side-to-side, and I do the only thing I can do once again. I hold on.
Sage
TAKING OFF MY shirt and shoes, I drop my jeans to the floor and grab my sleep pants, putting them on before taking a seat on the edge of the couch. Rubbing my hands down my face, I yawn. It’s been a long few days, and it’s all starting to catch up with me. I rest my elbows on my knees and stare at the floor.
Six days ago, I convinced Kim to come stay with me. Since her parents are in town and she doesn’t have the extra room, she agreed, and since then, I’ve been sleeping on the couch, having given up my room to her and the only other furnished room to her parents.
Sensing movement behind me, I look over my shoulder and watch Kim start toward me. I love everything about having her here, but I wish the circumstances were different.
“You okay?” I ask when she finally makes it across the room and crawls onto my lap. Her parents went to bed about an hour ago, and she had said she was doing the same.
“I can’t sleep,” she whispers, tucking herself closer to my chest, and I lean back against the couch, wrapping my arms around her.
“Are you worried about tomorrow?” I question, and she stiffens slightly before relaxing once more.
“I’m relieved that Kelly will be put to rest,” she replies quietly, and my eyes close as the pain in her voice grates against my skin. Six days ago, the FBI and the police were still looking for Kelly’s body. Three days ago, they found her remains after apprehending the man responsible for Kelly’s murder and my cousin’s abduction. Two days ago, Kelly’s mom called Kim’s phone for the first time, asking Kim to help out with the cremation expenses—meaning she asked Kim to pay for the whole thing.
I found out after that phone call that it was the first time Kim had ever even had a conversation with her birth mom. She hadn’t returned any of Kim’s calls since Kelly’s death, and it wasn’t until she needed money that she reached out. During that call, I could see the hurt and disappointment on her face, but I could also see her strength and resilience as well.
“I don’t even know what I will say to her when I meet her. What was it like when you met your birth mom?” she asks, and my jaw tightens. I told her and her parents one night over dinner about my sister and me being adopted. Kim had already known from our mutual friends about my history, but she had never heard it from me, and I knew it was important to tell her, because it was one more thing that bound us together.
“I never met her. I never wanted to meet her,” I confess, and she pulls back to look at me.
“But Nalia?”
“She flew out on her own to meet her. I never had the urge to connect with Sharon.”
“You weren’t even curious about her?”
“I’ve seen pictures, read about her background. There’s nothing else I want to know.”
“Oh.” She goes quiet for a moment then drops her eyes to her fingers that are twiddling with the cross between my pecs. “I thought when I first found out about my adoption that I was missing out on family.”
“You have a family.”
“I know I have my parents, but I thought I was missing out on having my blood family. When I met Kelly, I learned quickly that I hadn’t missed out on anything,” she whispers, and I know this is something she’s been struggling with the last few days.
She and her sister didn’t have a good relationship, and now that Kelly is gone, she will never have the chance to build one with her. “I know I shouldn’t think it, but I’m grateful that my mom chose to give me up. I don’t know how she chose which one of us she would put up for adoption, but I’m glad it was me,” she says as tears start to fall slowly down her cheeks and onto my abs. “I got lucky. I just wish I could have shown Kelly what love is. I wish I could have convinced her that I cared about her, that I didn’t want to use her, that I didn’t want to hurt her, and that I just wanted her to be in my life. I hate knowing I will never get to do that.”
“Shhhh,” I hush her, tucking her face back against my chest.
“How can I face the woman who made Kelly the person she was, a person who didn’t think she deserved a good life and love?” she begs. Christ, my throat gets tight, and I wrap my hand around her skull as she sobs, wishing I could change that for her and for Kelly, wishing there was something I could do to make this better or easier for her. “I hate her. I know it’s wrong, but I still hate her.”
“You have a right to feel the way you feel about your birth mom. No one understands more than you what Kelly missed out on by growing up the way she did,” I assure, and she nods then wraps her arms around my middle.
“Thank you.”
Kissing the top of her hair, I run my hands soothingly down her back and under the tee she has on then feel her body relax completely against me. Knowing she’s asleep and there isn’t room on the couch for the two of us, I stand with her tucked against me. Seeing her dad looking out through a crack in my guest room door as I head down the hall with her asleep in my arms, I lift my chin and he does the same in return as I move past him.
Kim’s parents both had questions about our relationship when they showed up at her place to find me there, so I explained to them that Kim and I were seeing each other but taking it slow, leaving out the “for now” part of that statement. They don’t need to know the depth of my feelings for their daughter until she knows herself how I feel. I had already known I cared about her before, but when I heard she was dead, my heart stopped beating, making me realize even though we hardly know each other, my heart had at some point claimed her as its own.
Gritting my teeth, I look down at the woman in my arms. It’s too soon for me to make my intentions clear, especially with everything that has happened, but she is mine, and will be until the day I die if I get my way.
Reaching my room, I put my shoulder to the door and push it open before turning slightly to kick it almost closed so the light doesn’t wake her. Heading across the room to the bed, I start to lay her down, only to have her arms shoot out around my neck and tighten.
“Please don’t go. Please stay,” she whispers, and I don’t even have to think about it. I put one knee into the bed and then the other and lay her down on the mattress, settling in behind her. Taking my hand at her waist, she twines our fingers together. “Thank you,” she murmurs, bringing our combined hands up to rest between her breasts.
Kissing the back of her head, I toss my leg over her and pin her to the bed, where I expect to stay awake. But lying here, with the woman I’m pretty sure was made for me in my arms, I fall asleep.
Chapter 5
Kim
HOLDING ONTO SAGE’S hand tightly, we walk with my parents and Chris trailing behind us toward the funeral home. The closer we get to the doors, the more my grasp on his hand squeezes and my stomach twists with anxiety.
“You okay?” Sage asks, and I turn my head to look up at him, noticing the concern in his eyes that has been there since we woke up in his bed this morning. Not sure how to answer that question right now, I shrug and he suddenly pulls me to a stop. Turning me to face him, his hands cup my face and his dips toward mine. “You don’t have to do this. Your parents, Chris, and I can go in and get everything sorted.”
God, this is the guy I instinctively knew I could easily fall in love with. This is the Sage I missed.
“I’ll be okay,” I reply quietly, and his eyes search mine for a long time before he drops his head, brushes his lips over mine, and then leans back.
“All you have to do is say the words and I’ll get you out of there.”
Yes, this is the man I’m falling for, and that scares the crap out of me. I nod at him, and as he takes my hand in his, we resume walking toward a set of double doors at the end of the sidewalk.
“Oh, honey,” she whispers, holding on to me. Then I feel myself being transferred and I smell the familiar scent of my dad’s cologne as I’m tucked into his chest.
“It’s going to be okay,” he says, rocking me from side-to-side, and I do the only thing I can do once again. I hold on.
Sage
TAKING OFF MY shirt and shoes, I drop my jeans to the floor and grab my sleep pants, putting them on before taking a seat on the edge of the couch. Rubbing my hands down my face, I yawn. It’s been a long few days, and it’s all starting to catch up with me. I rest my elbows on my knees and stare at the floor.
Six days ago, I convinced Kim to come stay with me. Since her parents are in town and she doesn’t have the extra room, she agreed, and since then, I’ve been sleeping on the couch, having given up my room to her and the only other furnished room to her parents.
Sensing movement behind me, I look over my shoulder and watch Kim start toward me. I love everything about having her here, but I wish the circumstances were different.
“You okay?” I ask when she finally makes it across the room and crawls onto my lap. Her parents went to bed about an hour ago, and she had said she was doing the same.
“I can’t sleep,” she whispers, tucking herself closer to my chest, and I lean back against the couch, wrapping my arms around her.
“Are you worried about tomorrow?” I question, and she stiffens slightly before relaxing once more.
“I’m relieved that Kelly will be put to rest,” she replies quietly, and my eyes close as the pain in her voice grates against my skin. Six days ago, the FBI and the police were still looking for Kelly’s body. Three days ago, they found her remains after apprehending the man responsible for Kelly’s murder and my cousin’s abduction. Two days ago, Kelly’s mom called Kim’s phone for the first time, asking Kim to help out with the cremation expenses—meaning she asked Kim to pay for the whole thing.
I found out after that phone call that it was the first time Kim had ever even had a conversation with her birth mom. She hadn’t returned any of Kim’s calls since Kelly’s death, and it wasn’t until she needed money that she reached out. During that call, I could see the hurt and disappointment on her face, but I could also see her strength and resilience as well.
“I don’t even know what I will say to her when I meet her. What was it like when you met your birth mom?” she asks, and my jaw tightens. I told her and her parents one night over dinner about my sister and me being adopted. Kim had already known from our mutual friends about my history, but she had never heard it from me, and I knew it was important to tell her, because it was one more thing that bound us together.
“I never met her. I never wanted to meet her,” I confess, and she pulls back to look at me.
“But Nalia?”
“She flew out on her own to meet her. I never had the urge to connect with Sharon.”
“You weren’t even curious about her?”
“I’ve seen pictures, read about her background. There’s nothing else I want to know.”
“Oh.” She goes quiet for a moment then drops her eyes to her fingers that are twiddling with the cross between my pecs. “I thought when I first found out about my adoption that I was missing out on family.”
“You have a family.”
“I know I have my parents, but I thought I was missing out on having my blood family. When I met Kelly, I learned quickly that I hadn’t missed out on anything,” she whispers, and I know this is something she’s been struggling with the last few days.
She and her sister didn’t have a good relationship, and now that Kelly is gone, she will never have the chance to build one with her. “I know I shouldn’t think it, but I’m grateful that my mom chose to give me up. I don’t know how she chose which one of us she would put up for adoption, but I’m glad it was me,” she says as tears start to fall slowly down her cheeks and onto my abs. “I got lucky. I just wish I could have shown Kelly what love is. I wish I could have convinced her that I cared about her, that I didn’t want to use her, that I didn’t want to hurt her, and that I just wanted her to be in my life. I hate knowing I will never get to do that.”
“Shhhh,” I hush her, tucking her face back against my chest.
“How can I face the woman who made Kelly the person she was, a person who didn’t think she deserved a good life and love?” she begs. Christ, my throat gets tight, and I wrap my hand around her skull as she sobs, wishing I could change that for her and for Kelly, wishing there was something I could do to make this better or easier for her. “I hate her. I know it’s wrong, but I still hate her.”
“You have a right to feel the way you feel about your birth mom. No one understands more than you what Kelly missed out on by growing up the way she did,” I assure, and she nods then wraps her arms around my middle.
“Thank you.”
Kissing the top of her hair, I run my hands soothingly down her back and under the tee she has on then feel her body relax completely against me. Knowing she’s asleep and there isn’t room on the couch for the two of us, I stand with her tucked against me. Seeing her dad looking out through a crack in my guest room door as I head down the hall with her asleep in my arms, I lift my chin and he does the same in return as I move past him.
Kim’s parents both had questions about our relationship when they showed up at her place to find me there, so I explained to them that Kim and I were seeing each other but taking it slow, leaving out the “for now” part of that statement. They don’t need to know the depth of my feelings for their daughter until she knows herself how I feel. I had already known I cared about her before, but when I heard she was dead, my heart stopped beating, making me realize even though we hardly know each other, my heart had at some point claimed her as its own.
Gritting my teeth, I look down at the woman in my arms. It’s too soon for me to make my intentions clear, especially with everything that has happened, but she is mine, and will be until the day I die if I get my way.
Reaching my room, I put my shoulder to the door and push it open before turning slightly to kick it almost closed so the light doesn’t wake her. Heading across the room to the bed, I start to lay her down, only to have her arms shoot out around my neck and tighten.
“Please don’t go. Please stay,” she whispers, and I don’t even have to think about it. I put one knee into the bed and then the other and lay her down on the mattress, settling in behind her. Taking my hand at her waist, she twines our fingers together. “Thank you,” she murmurs, bringing our combined hands up to rest between her breasts.
Kissing the back of her head, I toss my leg over her and pin her to the bed, where I expect to stay awake. But lying here, with the woman I’m pretty sure was made for me in my arms, I fall asleep.
Chapter 5
Kim
HOLDING ONTO SAGE’S hand tightly, we walk with my parents and Chris trailing behind us toward the funeral home. The closer we get to the doors, the more my grasp on his hand squeezes and my stomach twists with anxiety.
“You okay?” Sage asks, and I turn my head to look up at him, noticing the concern in his eyes that has been there since we woke up in his bed this morning. Not sure how to answer that question right now, I shrug and he suddenly pulls me to a stop. Turning me to face him, his hands cup my face and his dips toward mine. “You don’t have to do this. Your parents, Chris, and I can go in and get everything sorted.”
God, this is the guy I instinctively knew I could easily fall in love with. This is the Sage I missed.
“I’ll be okay,” I reply quietly, and his eyes search mine for a long time before he drops his head, brushes his lips over mine, and then leans back.
“All you have to do is say the words and I’ll get you out of there.”
Yes, this is the man I’m falling for, and that scares the crap out of me. I nod at him, and as he takes my hand in his, we resume walking toward a set of double doors at the end of the sidewalk.
