Until We Touch
Page 34
Taryn touched her hand. “I know it is.”
Bailey looked at her. “Let us know if you want to do a painting party or anything like that. I’m so there.”
“Thank you.” Larissa sipped her tea, then looked at Taryn. “Have you seen him?”
Something flashed in Taryn’s eyes. Hurt maybe. Or betrayal. “No, and right now I don’t want to.”
Larissa nodded, because it was expected. Unfortunately what she was thinking on the inside was that she would do anything to see Jack again. Would give anything to be in his arms. Which only told her how far she had to go.
* * *
AS SOON AS Taryn and Bailey left, Larissa went to work on the paperwork required for her massage therapist certification. She had most of it filled out, along with transcripts from her massage therapy school and proof of the continuing education classes she’d taken. She included a copy of her driver’s license and the required passport-size photos, then put everything into a large envelope. After calling and talking to the owner of the day spa and setting up an appointment to see the room for rent, Larissa walked over to the express mail center and sent it overnight, addressed to the name on the business card Bailey had given her. Then she walked home.
When she got there, she found Kenny and Sam waiting for her. At the sight of them, she started crying again, which was totally ridiculous. They both pulled her close, then Kenny handed her a grocery bag filled with every flavor of Ben & Jerry’s.
“Because, you know, girls eat ice cream,” he told her sheepishly.
“You’re a very nice man,” she said as she let them both into her apartment.
She put away the ice cream, got them each a beer from her Jack stash, then settled across from them. Dyna looked up from her perch in the south-facing window as if to ask why there were so many humans around today.
“Have you seen Percy?” Larissa asked.
“Today,” Kenny told her. “You know he’s working for Josh Golden.”
She nodded. “He mentioned that.”
“I tried to get him to come back to Score,” Sam said. “He wouldn’t. But he’s showing up for his tutoring sessions.”
“I’ve taken over Jack’s part of his studies,” Kenny added. “We’re not going to let him disappear on us. He’ll get his GED and then he’ll start at Fool’s Gold community college.”
“We’re all chipping in.” Sam raised his beer. “Even Taryn.”
The two men looked at each other, as if searching for something else to say. Larissa finally understood why they were so concerned about keeping the conversation going.
“I’m okay,” she told them. “Still crying, but surviving.”
Sam looked relieved. “Taryn called and said you were staying in town.”
“I’m going to open a massage practice in a day spa.”
“Count me in,” Kenny said quickly. “Three times a week.”
“Me, too,” Sam added.
“It’ll take me a couple of weeks to get my license. Until then, if you want to set up a table in one of your places, I can take care of you there.”
Kenny sighed. “You’re really not coming back to Score, are you?”
“Jack fired me.”
“So be my assistant.”
She managed a smile. “You don’t have any work for me. Besides, I don’t want to see Jack every day. It would be too hard.”
“You really do love him?” Sam asked.
She nodded. “I really do. And he’s not interested.”
She managed to get out the words without crying, although her voice shook a little as she spoke. It was going to be hard for a while, she reminded herself. But then it would get easier.
“I brought my checkbook,” Kenny said. “How much do you need to start your business? Whatever I have, it’s yours.”
“You’re killing me,” she said lightly. “It’s a great offer, but I’m fine. Taryn gave me a severance check that should cover most of what I need.”
“Let me buy the massage table,” Kenny said. “That’ll be the biggest expense.”
“We’ll share the cost,” Sam added. “I want in, too. We’ll get the super-charged one.”
“I want to do this on my own.”
“And we want to help someone we care about,” Kenny told her. “Hey, we learned from the best. When it comes to what we care about, we have to be all in. We’re all in with you, Larissa.”
She nodded because she couldn’t speak. They were so sweet. She sighed, wishing she could have fallen for one of them instead of Jack. That would have made things a whole lot easier. “I’ll send you a link,” she said. “It’ll be after I make arrangements to rent the room.”
“What else?” Sam asked. “We’re going to hunt down Jack next and beat the shit out of him. Want to watch?”
“No. But could you get the last two chiweenies? I have homes for them. I was going to go by later and get them, but it would be easier if I didn’t have to.”
“Sure thing, kid.”
Sam rose and pulled Larissa to her feet, then dragged her against him. He was tall and strong and warm as he held her. She closed her eyes and let the comfort wash over her. Maybe it wasn’t romantic love, but she had love all the same. From so many sources. And maybe, just maybe, that would eventually be enough.
* * *
JACK SAT ALONE in his living room. He’d thought that he would have a steady stream of people stopping by to tell him off, but so far there hadn’t even been one. He’d taken the last two damned chiweenies for a walk earlier that morning, hoping someone somewhere would yell at him, but they hadn’t. He’d marched through the center of town with dogs happily trotting along with him and hadn’t heard a word.
What was wrong with this place? Why weren’t they outside his house with torches and pitchforks?
His front door opened. He sat up straighter wondering if Larissa had...
Sam and Kenny walked into the living room. Jack told himself it was for the better. He couldn’t be around Larissa anymore. Not only had he hurt her—and that was in itself inexcusable—but he didn’t deserve her. She was light and good and he was nothing but a useless shell. She gave and he took up space.
He stood and waited for his friends to approach. They both looked determined. With luck, they would beat him into unconsciousness. Right now not being able to think was worth any price.
“You look like shit,” Kenny said conversationally.
“I haven’t been sleeping.”
“Good,” Sam told him. “Dammit, Jack, what the hell? Is there anyone you haven’t tried to hurt in the past couple of days? Percy is just a kid and Taryn is your best friend. I won’t even mention Larissa whose biggest crime is caring about your sorry ass. You’re a piss-poor excuse for a man.”
The words fell like rain on parched soil. They were a balm. At last, he thought with relief. Someone was going to call him on all his crap. Someone was going to tell him to his face what a useless piece of shit he was. Someone was going to speak the truth.
No one had in such a long time. Not since his brother had died.
“Sam’s right,” Kenny said. “Hasn’t Percy been through enough already? He’s homeless, Jack. He’s got nothing and you’re making him feel worse. Taryn’s looking at the happiest day of her life and you’re trying to ruin it.” The larger man approached, stopping only when he was directly in front of Jack. “You made Larissa cry. She loves you. She cares about you and you hurt her.”
He never saw the fist coming. Kenny had speed and power on his side. One second there was nothing and the next a world of pain exploded in Jack’s face. He heard the crunch of cartilage, but not the snap of bone. He staggered, and then went down on one knee. Probably because he hadn’t eaten or slept in several days, he thought woozily. He struggled to stand, then faced his friend.
“Thanks,” he said hoarsely. “Hit me again.”
Kenny shook his head. “You’re not trying to defend yourself. I’m not going to hit you when you’re down.”
“I’m not down. I’m standing.”
“You’re messed up. You need help.”
Sam walked toward the kitchen. “You’re really stupid, Jack. You know that, right?”
Jack nodded. “You’re not going to hit me again?”
“No,” Kenny said. “You’re not worth it.”
The final blow. He hadn’t seen that one coming. Jack sank back onto the sofa and put his head in his hands. A big mistake when he pressed against where Kenny had hit him. His jaw was already swelling and it hurt like hell.
Good, he told himself. He would focus on the pain.
Sam returned with an ice pack, three glasses and an unopened bottle of Scotch. One of the last ones, Jack thought eyeing the bottle. He’d told himself he needed to stop drinking, but then figured it didn’t matter. It wasn’t as if he was driving anywhere. Staying drunk for the rest of his life might solve all his problems.
Sam poured the amber liquid into three glasses, then handed them out. He passed the ice pack to Jack.
Jack took a couple of sips. He eased the ice pack into place and hissed when it touched his bruised skin.
“You see Taryn?” he asked.
There was a moment of silence. He would guess Sam and Kenny were exchanging glances, each urging the other to speak. Not that Jack was looking—he had his eyes closed.
“She’s pissed and hurt,” Kenny said at last. “She won’t say why. We’re assuming you were a dick.”
“I was.” The things he’d said to her. He’d been so cruel. And for what? He loved Taryn. They’d been there for each other for over a decade. He’d married her and they’d nearly had a child together.
He drew in a breath. That was the worst of it. He didn’t know why he’d lashed out. But he had. He’d hurt her and Percy and...
He couldn’t even think her name, let alone say it. Even though the sun was out, the sky was darker now, the world colder. Without Larissa, there was nothing. And yet he’d pushed her away, too. Had forced her to go in a way that made sure she would never come back.
She loved him and he’d destroyed her.
He put down his glass and looked at his friends. “Get out.”
They stared at him, looked at each other, then put down their glasses.
“Sure thing,” Sam said, scooping up one of the chiweenies.
Kenny grabbed the other. “Don’t come back to Score,” he said before heading for the door. “You’re no longer welcome.”
They closed the door behind them. They didn’t slam it. That would say too much. Give him too much. Instead, they closed it quietly and Jack found himself exactly where he’d said he wanted to be. Completely and totally alone.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“THIS ISN’T WORKING for me,” Kenny said.
Larissa tried to steady her breathing. She had to get a little more control before she could speak. “Sorry,” she managed, as she dug in deeper, trying to get to the scar tissue.
Kenny raised himself up on his elbows and looked at her. “You’re not hurting me,” he told her. “You’re crying. I can feel your tears on my back.”
She’d hoped he wouldn’t notice. She didn’t want to spend all her time sobbing over Jack, it was just... “This is the first massage I’ve given since we broke up,” she admitted. “I was thinking about how much I miss him. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Kenny glanced around, as if looking for something to distract her. “It’s okay. Really. I’m fine. Go back to what you were doing.”
She nodded, but didn’t move. “I can’t stop thinking about him. About us and how good we were together. I guess it’s because I’ve never been in love before. This is my first real broken heart. I keep telling myself it will get better, but it doesn’t feel like it will.”
Kenny swore, then sat up and drew her against him. She went into his embrace, letting his strong arms comfort her. Once again, there wasn’t the slightest hint of a tingle. Because Kenny was like her big brother.
“It will get better,” he promised. “You’ll see. Just give it time.”
“I have time.”
“And me. You have me.”
She looked up at him and managed a smile. “Then I have all I need.”
“Sure. Pile on the pressure. I can take it.” He cupped her face. “You gonna be okay?”
She nodded. While she wasn’t sure, she had to have faith. She had to believe, and until it was real, she had to fake it.
* * *
“THESE ARE PERFECT,” Larissa said, looking at the furniture that had just been delivered. There were two stylized bookcases or storage units. She wasn’t sure what to call them. They were open and deep, but instead of regular shelves, the openings were more square. The sizes were perfect for inexpensive baskets to hold all her supplies.
“It’s all about knowing where to shop,” Bailey told her. “Isabel went to the estate-sale preview and told me about these. She knows I’m looking for furniture for my new house. I want a cute bedroom set for Chloe. I can refinish it myself. If I find something before I find a house, Ford and Isabel said I can store it at their place. When I saw these, I knew they’d be right for you.”
“They’re perfect,” Larissa said. Even better than how functional they were going to be was the price. Together the shelving units had cost her thirty dollars. They were in great shape and didn’t need much more than cleaning.
Bailey looked at her. “Let us know if you want to do a painting party or anything like that. I’m so there.”
“Thank you.” Larissa sipped her tea, then looked at Taryn. “Have you seen him?”
Something flashed in Taryn’s eyes. Hurt maybe. Or betrayal. “No, and right now I don’t want to.”
Larissa nodded, because it was expected. Unfortunately what she was thinking on the inside was that she would do anything to see Jack again. Would give anything to be in his arms. Which only told her how far she had to go.
* * *
AS SOON AS Taryn and Bailey left, Larissa went to work on the paperwork required for her massage therapist certification. She had most of it filled out, along with transcripts from her massage therapy school and proof of the continuing education classes she’d taken. She included a copy of her driver’s license and the required passport-size photos, then put everything into a large envelope. After calling and talking to the owner of the day spa and setting up an appointment to see the room for rent, Larissa walked over to the express mail center and sent it overnight, addressed to the name on the business card Bailey had given her. Then she walked home.
When she got there, she found Kenny and Sam waiting for her. At the sight of them, she started crying again, which was totally ridiculous. They both pulled her close, then Kenny handed her a grocery bag filled with every flavor of Ben & Jerry’s.
“Because, you know, girls eat ice cream,” he told her sheepishly.
“You’re a very nice man,” she said as she let them both into her apartment.
She put away the ice cream, got them each a beer from her Jack stash, then settled across from them. Dyna looked up from her perch in the south-facing window as if to ask why there were so many humans around today.
“Have you seen Percy?” Larissa asked.
“Today,” Kenny told her. “You know he’s working for Josh Golden.”
She nodded. “He mentioned that.”
“I tried to get him to come back to Score,” Sam said. “He wouldn’t. But he’s showing up for his tutoring sessions.”
“I’ve taken over Jack’s part of his studies,” Kenny added. “We’re not going to let him disappear on us. He’ll get his GED and then he’ll start at Fool’s Gold community college.”
“We’re all chipping in.” Sam raised his beer. “Even Taryn.”
The two men looked at each other, as if searching for something else to say. Larissa finally understood why they were so concerned about keeping the conversation going.
“I’m okay,” she told them. “Still crying, but surviving.”
Sam looked relieved. “Taryn called and said you were staying in town.”
“I’m going to open a massage practice in a day spa.”
“Count me in,” Kenny said quickly. “Three times a week.”
“Me, too,” Sam added.
“It’ll take me a couple of weeks to get my license. Until then, if you want to set up a table in one of your places, I can take care of you there.”
Kenny sighed. “You’re really not coming back to Score, are you?”
“Jack fired me.”
“So be my assistant.”
She managed a smile. “You don’t have any work for me. Besides, I don’t want to see Jack every day. It would be too hard.”
“You really do love him?” Sam asked.
She nodded. “I really do. And he’s not interested.”
She managed to get out the words without crying, although her voice shook a little as she spoke. It was going to be hard for a while, she reminded herself. But then it would get easier.
“I brought my checkbook,” Kenny said. “How much do you need to start your business? Whatever I have, it’s yours.”
“You’re killing me,” she said lightly. “It’s a great offer, but I’m fine. Taryn gave me a severance check that should cover most of what I need.”
“Let me buy the massage table,” Kenny said. “That’ll be the biggest expense.”
“We’ll share the cost,” Sam added. “I want in, too. We’ll get the super-charged one.”
“I want to do this on my own.”
“And we want to help someone we care about,” Kenny told her. “Hey, we learned from the best. When it comes to what we care about, we have to be all in. We’re all in with you, Larissa.”
She nodded because she couldn’t speak. They were so sweet. She sighed, wishing she could have fallen for one of them instead of Jack. That would have made things a whole lot easier. “I’ll send you a link,” she said. “It’ll be after I make arrangements to rent the room.”
“What else?” Sam asked. “We’re going to hunt down Jack next and beat the shit out of him. Want to watch?”
“No. But could you get the last two chiweenies? I have homes for them. I was going to go by later and get them, but it would be easier if I didn’t have to.”
“Sure thing, kid.”
Sam rose and pulled Larissa to her feet, then dragged her against him. He was tall and strong and warm as he held her. She closed her eyes and let the comfort wash over her. Maybe it wasn’t romantic love, but she had love all the same. From so many sources. And maybe, just maybe, that would eventually be enough.
* * *
JACK SAT ALONE in his living room. He’d thought that he would have a steady stream of people stopping by to tell him off, but so far there hadn’t even been one. He’d taken the last two damned chiweenies for a walk earlier that morning, hoping someone somewhere would yell at him, but they hadn’t. He’d marched through the center of town with dogs happily trotting along with him and hadn’t heard a word.
What was wrong with this place? Why weren’t they outside his house with torches and pitchforks?
His front door opened. He sat up straighter wondering if Larissa had...
Sam and Kenny walked into the living room. Jack told himself it was for the better. He couldn’t be around Larissa anymore. Not only had he hurt her—and that was in itself inexcusable—but he didn’t deserve her. She was light and good and he was nothing but a useless shell. She gave and he took up space.
He stood and waited for his friends to approach. They both looked determined. With luck, they would beat him into unconsciousness. Right now not being able to think was worth any price.
“You look like shit,” Kenny said conversationally.
“I haven’t been sleeping.”
“Good,” Sam told him. “Dammit, Jack, what the hell? Is there anyone you haven’t tried to hurt in the past couple of days? Percy is just a kid and Taryn is your best friend. I won’t even mention Larissa whose biggest crime is caring about your sorry ass. You’re a piss-poor excuse for a man.”
The words fell like rain on parched soil. They were a balm. At last, he thought with relief. Someone was going to call him on all his crap. Someone was going to tell him to his face what a useless piece of shit he was. Someone was going to speak the truth.
No one had in such a long time. Not since his brother had died.
“Sam’s right,” Kenny said. “Hasn’t Percy been through enough already? He’s homeless, Jack. He’s got nothing and you’re making him feel worse. Taryn’s looking at the happiest day of her life and you’re trying to ruin it.” The larger man approached, stopping only when he was directly in front of Jack. “You made Larissa cry. She loves you. She cares about you and you hurt her.”
He never saw the fist coming. Kenny had speed and power on his side. One second there was nothing and the next a world of pain exploded in Jack’s face. He heard the crunch of cartilage, but not the snap of bone. He staggered, and then went down on one knee. Probably because he hadn’t eaten or slept in several days, he thought woozily. He struggled to stand, then faced his friend.
“Thanks,” he said hoarsely. “Hit me again.”
Kenny shook his head. “You’re not trying to defend yourself. I’m not going to hit you when you’re down.”
“I’m not down. I’m standing.”
“You’re messed up. You need help.”
Sam walked toward the kitchen. “You’re really stupid, Jack. You know that, right?”
Jack nodded. “You’re not going to hit me again?”
“No,” Kenny said. “You’re not worth it.”
The final blow. He hadn’t seen that one coming. Jack sank back onto the sofa and put his head in his hands. A big mistake when he pressed against where Kenny had hit him. His jaw was already swelling and it hurt like hell.
Good, he told himself. He would focus on the pain.
Sam returned with an ice pack, three glasses and an unopened bottle of Scotch. One of the last ones, Jack thought eyeing the bottle. He’d told himself he needed to stop drinking, but then figured it didn’t matter. It wasn’t as if he was driving anywhere. Staying drunk for the rest of his life might solve all his problems.
Sam poured the amber liquid into three glasses, then handed them out. He passed the ice pack to Jack.
Jack took a couple of sips. He eased the ice pack into place and hissed when it touched his bruised skin.
“You see Taryn?” he asked.
There was a moment of silence. He would guess Sam and Kenny were exchanging glances, each urging the other to speak. Not that Jack was looking—he had his eyes closed.
“She’s pissed and hurt,” Kenny said at last. “She won’t say why. We’re assuming you were a dick.”
“I was.” The things he’d said to her. He’d been so cruel. And for what? He loved Taryn. They’d been there for each other for over a decade. He’d married her and they’d nearly had a child together.
He drew in a breath. That was the worst of it. He didn’t know why he’d lashed out. But he had. He’d hurt her and Percy and...
He couldn’t even think her name, let alone say it. Even though the sun was out, the sky was darker now, the world colder. Without Larissa, there was nothing. And yet he’d pushed her away, too. Had forced her to go in a way that made sure she would never come back.
She loved him and he’d destroyed her.
He put down his glass and looked at his friends. “Get out.”
They stared at him, looked at each other, then put down their glasses.
“Sure thing,” Sam said, scooping up one of the chiweenies.
Kenny grabbed the other. “Don’t come back to Score,” he said before heading for the door. “You’re no longer welcome.”
They closed the door behind them. They didn’t slam it. That would say too much. Give him too much. Instead, they closed it quietly and Jack found himself exactly where he’d said he wanted to be. Completely and totally alone.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“THIS ISN’T WORKING for me,” Kenny said.
Larissa tried to steady her breathing. She had to get a little more control before she could speak. “Sorry,” she managed, as she dug in deeper, trying to get to the scar tissue.
Kenny raised himself up on his elbows and looked at her. “You’re not hurting me,” he told her. “You’re crying. I can feel your tears on my back.”
She’d hoped he wouldn’t notice. She didn’t want to spend all her time sobbing over Jack, it was just... “This is the first massage I’ve given since we broke up,” she admitted. “I was thinking about how much I miss him. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” Kenny glanced around, as if looking for something to distract her. “It’s okay. Really. I’m fine. Go back to what you were doing.”
She nodded, but didn’t move. “I can’t stop thinking about him. About us and how good we were together. I guess it’s because I’ve never been in love before. This is my first real broken heart. I keep telling myself it will get better, but it doesn’t feel like it will.”
Kenny swore, then sat up and drew her against him. She went into his embrace, letting his strong arms comfort her. Once again, there wasn’t the slightest hint of a tingle. Because Kenny was like her big brother.
“It will get better,” he promised. “You’ll see. Just give it time.”
“I have time.”
“And me. You have me.”
She looked up at him and managed a smile. “Then I have all I need.”
“Sure. Pile on the pressure. I can take it.” He cupped her face. “You gonna be okay?”
She nodded. While she wasn’t sure, she had to have faith. She had to believe, and until it was real, she had to fake it.
* * *
“THESE ARE PERFECT,” Larissa said, looking at the furniture that had just been delivered. There were two stylized bookcases or storage units. She wasn’t sure what to call them. They were open and deep, but instead of regular shelves, the openings were more square. The sizes were perfect for inexpensive baskets to hold all her supplies.
“It’s all about knowing where to shop,” Bailey told her. “Isabel went to the estate-sale preview and told me about these. She knows I’m looking for furniture for my new house. I want a cute bedroom set for Chloe. I can refinish it myself. If I find something before I find a house, Ford and Isabel said I can store it at their place. When I saw these, I knew they’d be right for you.”
“They’re perfect,” Larissa said. Even better than how functional they were going to be was the price. Together the shelving units had cost her thirty dollars. They were in great shape and didn’t need much more than cleaning.
