Until We Touch
Page 36
Larissa dutifully wrote all the information down. When she’d finished, she put the phone back on its cradle. She looked at her new license, then at the beautiful space she and her friends had created. And then she smiled.
* * *
ON DAY TWENTY-THREE without Larissa, Jack woke to the sound of rain on his windows. The house was silent otherwise. Empty. He was the only one there. He’d wanted to be by himself and now he was. He had no job, no friends, no lover, nothing. It should have been a dream come true. Instead, he found himself in hell.
He got up and crossed to the window. Low gray clouds obscured the mountains. He could have been anywhere. When he thought about it, there was nothing holding him in Fool’s Gold. He could be miserable somewhere else.
But even as he thought about packing up and disappearing, he knew he couldn’t go. There were things he had to see, had to know how they ended. If he was gone, he wouldn’t be there when Percy took the GED test and later when he found out he’d passed. He wouldn’t see Taryn get married or hear that Sam and Dellina were expecting their first child together. If he was gone, he wouldn’t know if Kenny ever fell in love and if he wasn’t here, he would never catch sight of Larissa again.
Because that was how he got through the day. Seeing her from across the street or by the park. He knew her routine, knew where she liked to run and who her friends were. There he was, Jack McGarry, star quarterback, Super Bowl champion, reduced to being nothing more than a pathetic stalker.
No, he couldn’t leave. But he also couldn’t stay like he was. Empty. Useless. Lucas would be so damned disappointed.
He pulled on his robe and went to the kitchen where he made coffee. After pouring himself a cup, he wandered into his office—a big library of a room he never used. There were books he hadn’t read and a sofa he didn’t sit on. Behind cabinet doors were boxes Larissa had dragged over to his place. They contained letters from families the two of them had helped. The only point of the room was the laptop on his desk that he used.
He started to walk toward it only to find himself circling around the lower cabinets and opening one of them. He pulled out a box and carried it over to the coffee table by the sofa. After sitting down, he raised the lid and looked inside.
On the top was a threadbare stuffed giraffe. It had once been purple, but had faded through washings to a pale gray. One ear and one leg were missing. Under that were pictures of a little boy holding the giraffe.
The oldest pictures showed a small, pale boy with a weak smile. Jack would guess he was three or four. The hospital setting made him look even smaller and more helpless. His parents tried to smile at the camera, but there was no way to disguise their worry.
More pictures showed the boy—Jeffrey—in a hospital bed, celebrating a birthday, then Christmas. Then the scene changed with a big banner behind the bed proclaiming Transplant Day!
The next photos showed Jeffrey with the telltale scar on his chest. But he looked better, with more color. He was sitting up instead of lying in the bed and his parents, while exhausted, had genuine smiles.
He reached for the letters, the notes, the cards. Larissa documented all that they did. She’d visited Jeffrey and his family three times. She’d arranged for the rest of the family to be flown in over the holidays, and when Jeffrey was discharged and ready to start acting like the healthy little boy he now was, she’d set up a trip to Disneyland.
There was a thank-you note from Jeffrey’s mother, addressed to him. She mentioned his generosity, his compassion. She said she knew about his brother and the loss the family had suffered and appreciated how he’d turned that into a blessing for them.
There were more boxes. Dozens of them, all filled with letters and pictures and mementos, like the ratty giraffe. There was a photo of him at a high-school prom because the girl they were helping was seventeen and she’d been away in hospitals for so long she didn’t have any friends, let alone a boyfriend. So Larissa had talked him into taking her to the dance.
So many people helped, he thought. In such a short period of time. And these were only the humans. If he added the cats and owl and chiweenies to the mix, they were well into three figures. Hundreds of souls saved because he was a sucker for Larissa and she wanted to save the world.
He leaned back against the sofa and closed his eyes. He could imagine every part of her. How she sounded, how she moved, how she smelled. He ached for her. Not just in his bed, but in his life. He’d pushed her away because... Because...
He remembered his high-school football coach lecturing the team and the lesson that had stuck with him through his entire career was a simple one. “You are either the solution or you are the problem.”
Jack had always been part of the solution. Whether it was how to break a losing streak or save a young PR associate who didn’t have anywhere to live, he was front and center with the fixing. It made him feel good. It helped him belong. It kept him safe.
Taryn was right, he thought grimly. The reason Lucas had heart disease was he had a heart in the first place. Jack was all flash. He looked good on the poster, but in a crunch, the best you could count on was that he would write a check. Taryn held Score together, Larissa made him a hero by caring. But what did he bring to the table?
You’re either the solution or you’re the problem. Somewhere along the way, he’d become the problem.
He didn’t want to risk caring. He got that. He knew why. He could list the reasons and most people would probably agree with them. They would think he was being smart. Careful. Reasonable. But the price for that was everything he had now. The price for that was nothing.
He opened the first box again and stared at the tattered giraffe. Jeffery had given it to Larissa to thank her for all she’d done. In turn, she’d given it to him because, as she put it, he made it all possible. But she was wrong. He was only along for the ride. She was the one who made everything possible. He was a sucker for Larissa. He knew that. Had always known it. Whatever she wanted, he was all in. She only had to call and he was there. She was the one person he would stop anything for.
He stood up and swore. He was in love with her. Based on his actions, he’d loved her from the first moment he’d met her. Only he’d been too stupid to realize it. Or too afraid. Larissa’s mother had missed the mark by 50 percent. Larissa wasn’t just in love with him. He was in love with her.
He started for the door of his office only to stop. What if it was too late? What if he’d screwed up everything to the point where it couldn’t be unscrewed? What if she wouldn’t forgive him?
“She has to,” he said aloud. There was no other choice. He needed to be with her. He needed to show her that he was exactly who she’d always claimed he could be. She’d seen the best in him when he’d never seen it himself. Now he had to live up to what she’d always believed.
He showered and dressed, then drove out to the university. It took a little convincing but he finally got in to see President Newham, even though he didn’t have an appointment.
“How can I help you, Mr. McGarry?” she asked.
“I’m here about the coaching job,” he told her.
“You made it very clear you weren’t interested. You said you were the last man we should pick.”
“I was wrong,” he told her, then wondered how many times he was going to have to say that again today.
An hour later, he parked in front of Paper Moon. While what he needed was on the bridal side, he happened to know Isabel spent most of her time in the part of the store with the regular clothes, so he started there.
The tall blonde was just finishing up with a customer when he entered. Her quick, cold glance told him word had spread all through the female community of Fool’s Gold. What he didn’t know was whether she was pissed at him for what he’d said to Taryn, Larissa or both.
When her customer left, she crossed to him. “What do you want?”
“I need to rent a dress.”
“We don’t rent dresses.”
“Fine. I’ll buy one. A bridesmaid gown.”
Her gaze narrowed. “Why?”
“To make a point. Please. Just sell me a dress.”
“The only one I have is five thousand dollars.”
He handed her his credit card.
Her lips pressed together. “You’re an idiot. I don’t have five-thousand-dollar bridesmaids’ dresses.” She walked past him. “Come with me.”
He followed her through the opening to the shop where Taryn had tried on wedding gowns. He ignored the wide and frilly skirts and waited until Isabel handed him a pink dress with lots of bows and ruffles.
“Will this do?” she asked.
He nodded. “It’s great. How much do I owe you?”
“How long do you need it?”
“About an hour.”
“Then take it. If you break it, you buy it.”
Just like that. “Don’t you hate me?” he asked.
“I think you’re a jerk, but that’s no reason for me to act like one.”
Because in their hearts, most people were pretty decent, he thought. Why hadn’t he realized that before?
He took the dress. His next stop was the halfway house where Percy lived these days. He hadn’t seen the kid in almost a month and had no idea what his reception would be like, but this was one of the fences he needed to mend.
He gave his name to the woman who answered the door, then waited. A few minutes later, the teen appeared at the top of the stairs. His expression was wary as he approached Jack, but he held his head high and his shoulders square. He faced Jack man-to-man.
“I’m sorry,” Jack said by way of greeting. “About what I said and how I let you walk away. You weren’t a project. I said it because having a kid scares me. I don’t want to care that much. I don’t want to risk losing anyone close to me. The flaw in my plan is that I already cared. I was fooling myself, which is okay, but I hurt you and that’s not.”
Percy stared at him, but didn’t speak. Jack didn’t know what the teen was thinking, but knew he had to keep going.
“Larissa is special,” he continued. “She sees how things are supposed to be. I admire that in her. I admire how you’ve kept it all together. You didn’t get into trouble, when that would have been the easy path. You stayed strong and I admire that, too.”
Percy looked away and cleared his throat. “It’s okay, man.”
“It’s not. I miss having you around. I want to help you with your studies.”
“Kenny, Sam and Taryn have that covered.”
“I want you to move back,” he said, looking at the teen. “I don’t want this to be temporary, Percy. You’re too old to be adopted, but I’d still like you to be part of my family. I’d be proud to have you as part of my family.”
Percy’s expression turned wary. “Why are you saying all this?”
“Because it’s true. Because I’ve been a jerk and I want to fix it. I want to be better. But mostly because of what I said before. I miss having you around. I want to be the one you talk to about your classes and what four-year college seems like the best fit. I want to be the one you call after your first interview. I want...” Jack hesitated. “I want to matter.”
“Are you for real?” Percy asked hesitantly.
“Yeah. Just as long as you know I’m going to screw up. But no matter what, I’ll never stop trying to be better. I don’t want to be the problem anymore, Percy. I want to be the solution.”
Percy gave Jack a manly hug, more chest bump than embrace. But then Percy stepped back and wiped away tears.
“I want to come home,” he admitted. “But I’m not going back to work at Score. I have a new job and I like it.”
“That’s fine.”
“And we’re getting a dog. You need a dog in that big house of yours.”
“You’re negotiating your return?”
Percy grinned. “I am. And I want to learn how to drive.”
“A man should know how to drive.”
“You have a nice car.”
Jack laughed. “No, you can’t borrow the Mercedes.”
Percy grinned. “Good, because I need boundaries.” His smile faded. “I have a shift in an hour. I’ll move back after that.”
Jack handed him the house key he’d brought. “I look forward to it.”
“You gonna get Larissa back? Because without her, you’re just sad.”
“I know. I’m going to do my best.”
* * *
JACK WALKED INTO the offices of Score, not sure what to expect. His pictures were still up, which surprised him. He’d thought they would be ripped down or at the very least, defaced. But nothing looked different.
He made his way back to Kenny’s office first. His friend saw him and frowned.
“What?” he demanded.
“I was wrong. Sorry.”
Kenny looked startled, then nodded. “Don’t do it again.”
“I won’t.”
He went by Sam’s office. The other man was hanging up the phone. “Kenny just told me,” Sam said. “We’re good.”
That made Jack chuckle. “You don’t want to hug to seal the deal?”
“Get out of here.”
Jack moved down the hall. He had a feeling things wouldn’t go so smoothly with his third partner.
He made it to Taryn’s office without being seen by anyone else. He stepped into the empty conference room across from hers and shrugged out of his jacket.
For a second Jack hesitated. He’d never done anything like this before, but then he’d never screwed up so bad. If he won Taryn over and things went bad with Larissa, Taryn would be a formidable ally.
* * *
ON DAY TWENTY-THREE without Larissa, Jack woke to the sound of rain on his windows. The house was silent otherwise. Empty. He was the only one there. He’d wanted to be by himself and now he was. He had no job, no friends, no lover, nothing. It should have been a dream come true. Instead, he found himself in hell.
He got up and crossed to the window. Low gray clouds obscured the mountains. He could have been anywhere. When he thought about it, there was nothing holding him in Fool’s Gold. He could be miserable somewhere else.
But even as he thought about packing up and disappearing, he knew he couldn’t go. There were things he had to see, had to know how they ended. If he was gone, he wouldn’t be there when Percy took the GED test and later when he found out he’d passed. He wouldn’t see Taryn get married or hear that Sam and Dellina were expecting their first child together. If he was gone, he wouldn’t know if Kenny ever fell in love and if he wasn’t here, he would never catch sight of Larissa again.
Because that was how he got through the day. Seeing her from across the street or by the park. He knew her routine, knew where she liked to run and who her friends were. There he was, Jack McGarry, star quarterback, Super Bowl champion, reduced to being nothing more than a pathetic stalker.
No, he couldn’t leave. But he also couldn’t stay like he was. Empty. Useless. Lucas would be so damned disappointed.
He pulled on his robe and went to the kitchen where he made coffee. After pouring himself a cup, he wandered into his office—a big library of a room he never used. There were books he hadn’t read and a sofa he didn’t sit on. Behind cabinet doors were boxes Larissa had dragged over to his place. They contained letters from families the two of them had helped. The only point of the room was the laptop on his desk that he used.
He started to walk toward it only to find himself circling around the lower cabinets and opening one of them. He pulled out a box and carried it over to the coffee table by the sofa. After sitting down, he raised the lid and looked inside.
On the top was a threadbare stuffed giraffe. It had once been purple, but had faded through washings to a pale gray. One ear and one leg were missing. Under that were pictures of a little boy holding the giraffe.
The oldest pictures showed a small, pale boy with a weak smile. Jack would guess he was three or four. The hospital setting made him look even smaller and more helpless. His parents tried to smile at the camera, but there was no way to disguise their worry.
More pictures showed the boy—Jeffrey—in a hospital bed, celebrating a birthday, then Christmas. Then the scene changed with a big banner behind the bed proclaiming Transplant Day!
The next photos showed Jeffrey with the telltale scar on his chest. But he looked better, with more color. He was sitting up instead of lying in the bed and his parents, while exhausted, had genuine smiles.
He reached for the letters, the notes, the cards. Larissa documented all that they did. She’d visited Jeffrey and his family three times. She’d arranged for the rest of the family to be flown in over the holidays, and when Jeffrey was discharged and ready to start acting like the healthy little boy he now was, she’d set up a trip to Disneyland.
There was a thank-you note from Jeffrey’s mother, addressed to him. She mentioned his generosity, his compassion. She said she knew about his brother and the loss the family had suffered and appreciated how he’d turned that into a blessing for them.
There were more boxes. Dozens of them, all filled with letters and pictures and mementos, like the ratty giraffe. There was a photo of him at a high-school prom because the girl they were helping was seventeen and she’d been away in hospitals for so long she didn’t have any friends, let alone a boyfriend. So Larissa had talked him into taking her to the dance.
So many people helped, he thought. In such a short period of time. And these were only the humans. If he added the cats and owl and chiweenies to the mix, they were well into three figures. Hundreds of souls saved because he was a sucker for Larissa and she wanted to save the world.
He leaned back against the sofa and closed his eyes. He could imagine every part of her. How she sounded, how she moved, how she smelled. He ached for her. Not just in his bed, but in his life. He’d pushed her away because... Because...
He remembered his high-school football coach lecturing the team and the lesson that had stuck with him through his entire career was a simple one. “You are either the solution or you are the problem.”
Jack had always been part of the solution. Whether it was how to break a losing streak or save a young PR associate who didn’t have anywhere to live, he was front and center with the fixing. It made him feel good. It helped him belong. It kept him safe.
Taryn was right, he thought grimly. The reason Lucas had heart disease was he had a heart in the first place. Jack was all flash. He looked good on the poster, but in a crunch, the best you could count on was that he would write a check. Taryn held Score together, Larissa made him a hero by caring. But what did he bring to the table?
You’re either the solution or you’re the problem. Somewhere along the way, he’d become the problem.
He didn’t want to risk caring. He got that. He knew why. He could list the reasons and most people would probably agree with them. They would think he was being smart. Careful. Reasonable. But the price for that was everything he had now. The price for that was nothing.
He opened the first box again and stared at the tattered giraffe. Jeffery had given it to Larissa to thank her for all she’d done. In turn, she’d given it to him because, as she put it, he made it all possible. But she was wrong. He was only along for the ride. She was the one who made everything possible. He was a sucker for Larissa. He knew that. Had always known it. Whatever she wanted, he was all in. She only had to call and he was there. She was the one person he would stop anything for.
He stood up and swore. He was in love with her. Based on his actions, he’d loved her from the first moment he’d met her. Only he’d been too stupid to realize it. Or too afraid. Larissa’s mother had missed the mark by 50 percent. Larissa wasn’t just in love with him. He was in love with her.
He started for the door of his office only to stop. What if it was too late? What if he’d screwed up everything to the point where it couldn’t be unscrewed? What if she wouldn’t forgive him?
“She has to,” he said aloud. There was no other choice. He needed to be with her. He needed to show her that he was exactly who she’d always claimed he could be. She’d seen the best in him when he’d never seen it himself. Now he had to live up to what she’d always believed.
He showered and dressed, then drove out to the university. It took a little convincing but he finally got in to see President Newham, even though he didn’t have an appointment.
“How can I help you, Mr. McGarry?” she asked.
“I’m here about the coaching job,” he told her.
“You made it very clear you weren’t interested. You said you were the last man we should pick.”
“I was wrong,” he told her, then wondered how many times he was going to have to say that again today.
An hour later, he parked in front of Paper Moon. While what he needed was on the bridal side, he happened to know Isabel spent most of her time in the part of the store with the regular clothes, so he started there.
The tall blonde was just finishing up with a customer when he entered. Her quick, cold glance told him word had spread all through the female community of Fool’s Gold. What he didn’t know was whether she was pissed at him for what he’d said to Taryn, Larissa or both.
When her customer left, she crossed to him. “What do you want?”
“I need to rent a dress.”
“We don’t rent dresses.”
“Fine. I’ll buy one. A bridesmaid gown.”
Her gaze narrowed. “Why?”
“To make a point. Please. Just sell me a dress.”
“The only one I have is five thousand dollars.”
He handed her his credit card.
Her lips pressed together. “You’re an idiot. I don’t have five-thousand-dollar bridesmaids’ dresses.” She walked past him. “Come with me.”
He followed her through the opening to the shop where Taryn had tried on wedding gowns. He ignored the wide and frilly skirts and waited until Isabel handed him a pink dress with lots of bows and ruffles.
“Will this do?” she asked.
He nodded. “It’s great. How much do I owe you?”
“How long do you need it?”
“About an hour.”
“Then take it. If you break it, you buy it.”
Just like that. “Don’t you hate me?” he asked.
“I think you’re a jerk, but that’s no reason for me to act like one.”
Because in their hearts, most people were pretty decent, he thought. Why hadn’t he realized that before?
He took the dress. His next stop was the halfway house where Percy lived these days. He hadn’t seen the kid in almost a month and had no idea what his reception would be like, but this was one of the fences he needed to mend.
He gave his name to the woman who answered the door, then waited. A few minutes later, the teen appeared at the top of the stairs. His expression was wary as he approached Jack, but he held his head high and his shoulders square. He faced Jack man-to-man.
“I’m sorry,” Jack said by way of greeting. “About what I said and how I let you walk away. You weren’t a project. I said it because having a kid scares me. I don’t want to care that much. I don’t want to risk losing anyone close to me. The flaw in my plan is that I already cared. I was fooling myself, which is okay, but I hurt you and that’s not.”
Percy stared at him, but didn’t speak. Jack didn’t know what the teen was thinking, but knew he had to keep going.
“Larissa is special,” he continued. “She sees how things are supposed to be. I admire that in her. I admire how you’ve kept it all together. You didn’t get into trouble, when that would have been the easy path. You stayed strong and I admire that, too.”
Percy looked away and cleared his throat. “It’s okay, man.”
“It’s not. I miss having you around. I want to help you with your studies.”
“Kenny, Sam and Taryn have that covered.”
“I want you to move back,” he said, looking at the teen. “I don’t want this to be temporary, Percy. You’re too old to be adopted, but I’d still like you to be part of my family. I’d be proud to have you as part of my family.”
Percy’s expression turned wary. “Why are you saying all this?”
“Because it’s true. Because I’ve been a jerk and I want to fix it. I want to be better. But mostly because of what I said before. I miss having you around. I want to be the one you talk to about your classes and what four-year college seems like the best fit. I want to be the one you call after your first interview. I want...” Jack hesitated. “I want to matter.”
“Are you for real?” Percy asked hesitantly.
“Yeah. Just as long as you know I’m going to screw up. But no matter what, I’ll never stop trying to be better. I don’t want to be the problem anymore, Percy. I want to be the solution.”
Percy gave Jack a manly hug, more chest bump than embrace. But then Percy stepped back and wiped away tears.
“I want to come home,” he admitted. “But I’m not going back to work at Score. I have a new job and I like it.”
“That’s fine.”
“And we’re getting a dog. You need a dog in that big house of yours.”
“You’re negotiating your return?”
Percy grinned. “I am. And I want to learn how to drive.”
“A man should know how to drive.”
“You have a nice car.”
Jack laughed. “No, you can’t borrow the Mercedes.”
Percy grinned. “Good, because I need boundaries.” His smile faded. “I have a shift in an hour. I’ll move back after that.”
Jack handed him the house key he’d brought. “I look forward to it.”
“You gonna get Larissa back? Because without her, you’re just sad.”
“I know. I’m going to do my best.”
* * *
JACK WALKED INTO the offices of Score, not sure what to expect. His pictures were still up, which surprised him. He’d thought they would be ripped down or at the very least, defaced. But nothing looked different.
He made his way back to Kenny’s office first. His friend saw him and frowned.
“What?” he demanded.
“I was wrong. Sorry.”
Kenny looked startled, then nodded. “Don’t do it again.”
“I won’t.”
He went by Sam’s office. The other man was hanging up the phone. “Kenny just told me,” Sam said. “We’re good.”
That made Jack chuckle. “You don’t want to hug to seal the deal?”
“Get out of here.”
Jack moved down the hall. He had a feeling things wouldn’t go so smoothly with his third partner.
He made it to Taryn’s office without being seen by anyone else. He stepped into the empty conference room across from hers and shrugged out of his jacket.
For a second Jack hesitated. He’d never done anything like this before, but then he’d never screwed up so bad. If he won Taryn over and things went bad with Larissa, Taryn would be a formidable ally.
