Up in Flames
Page 51
Then I remembered. My hand went to my stomach, and tears burned my eyes. I had a baby in there. A child from a man I didn’t even know. She wouldn’t have a father, either. Just like me.
No . . . my baby wouldn’t be like me. I’d give her all the love and devotion my mother had never had time or care to give me. She wouldn’t need a father, because I would be enough. I would be her everything, and she’d never question once if she was loved.
My life wouldn’t be repeated. I would make sure of that. She would have more. All I had never been given.
“Take this,” Rush said as he tucked me into my bed.
Glancing down at the sedative in his hand, I knew I couldn’t escape this so easily. I had a baby to protect inside me now. “No. Just leave me,” I told him, turning my head from the pill.
“It’ll help you rest.”
“I said no,” I repeated.
He nodded. “OK. I’m going to see to things outside. I’ll be back to check on you in a little while.”
“Call Captain. He needs to hear it from you,” I told him, thinking of all the lives that Major’s death would touch.
“That’s the first call I’m making,” he assured me.
I closed my eyes, thinking maybe I would wake up and this would have been a dream but knowing the dreams were going to be my only escape from my reality.
Cope
DeCarlo had sent the feds he had in his back pocket to come clean up the mess. We had been prepared for this when we saw Franco head this way, with Major right behind him. We’d known this showdown was coming, and we had planned accordingly. I hadn’t thought I would be killing a man, however. That hadn’t been part of the preparations.
Now we had Franco Livingston and his right-hand man both headed to the morgue. Not a bad day. DeCarlo was pleased, and this job was closed.
The funeral for Major was taking place tomorrow in Fort Worth. There was a graveyard for the Colts. Kind of uppity and shit, but that was where I was headed next. After that, I had a more important matter to handle.
Nan.
She had seen more than she was strong enough to handle. It was part of my world. The emptiness and hard center that controlled me made yesterday easier for me. Even knowing that she was falling apart, I had been able to stay focused and finish the job that had been started. I’d promised DeCarlo that I could pull it off even if Nan was in the way. I had to be there to make sure she was safe. When we’d gotten word that Franco was headed to Nan’s, I hadn’t been close enough, but I’d known that Major was on his tail. That had been the only thing that kept me sane while I got to her. He could protect her, that much I’d trusted.
I had wanted this to happen away from her, but Franco had gone straight to her front door, and we’d all been forced to react. He would have hurt her, and I couldn’t allow that. Major wouldn’t allow it, either. He didn’t say it, but he loved her. I could see it in his eyes when I had hurt her with the truth. He’d been furious with me. I couldn’t look at him, because I was afraid I’d kill him for loving what was mine. Knowing she might hold something in her heart for him was killing me. Hearing her scream his name still haunted me. As much as it hurt to think about it, maybe she needed to know that he’d loved her.
What I had seen in those last minutes with him had been love. He hadn’t realized it, but I’d seen it for what it was. I just loved her more. Because I did, I couldn’t tell her how he’d felt. She’d never know that he’d loved her. He hadn’t had the chance to accept it and tell her. I wasn’t making the same mistake.
She was grieving now. I’d give her time but not much. I was tired of waiting. DeCarlo needed this job closed. That was done. I was free. This life was closing for me. There would be another to take my place. One more powerful, because he’d move in the shadows undetected.
My time had been served. I had another life now that I wanted. I didn’t deserve it, but I wanted it. I wasn’t leaving without it. Nan had become my every thought. Our life together had been my light in the deepest of hell from the moment I’d laid eyes on her for the first time.
She hadn’t even known me when I’d fallen in love. In all my years, I hadn’t believed in that emotion. It wasn’t real. It hadn’t touched me or even fucking grazed me. Then, in one moment, it had slammed into me so strongly it had changed every aspect of my life. Freeing her had been my only goal. Protecting her and then having her had been what kept me going until the end.
Sacrifice to protect her was something Major hadn’t understood. His love had been young and sincere. He’d thought that telling her the truth had been hard and cold. It had been what I knew needed to be said so that when she was through the grief, she would remember my honesty. She’d need to trust me, and in that moment, I had planted the first seed of trust. I had given up using her vulnerability to my advantage, and I’d given her what she needed to know. What she deserved to know.
That was sacrifice.
Because winning her love would now be even more difficult. But I’d never lost a challenge. She was the greatest and most important challenge of my life. That woman owned my heart, and inside her she was carrying our future.
They were my family. The first and last one I’d ever have.
Mase
While the minister spoke, my thoughts were somewhere else. Glancing over the graves in a place where Major and I had played hide and seek as kids, I never imagined actually standing here and lowering his body into the ground. You prepare for the deaths of your grandparents and even your parents but never your sibling or best friend. Major wasn’t just my cousin; he was like my brother and my best friend. In all his mixed-up, crazy ways, he had been the one person I’d told my secrets to, broken the law with, and forgiven for just about everything.
No . . . my baby wouldn’t be like me. I’d give her all the love and devotion my mother had never had time or care to give me. She wouldn’t need a father, because I would be enough. I would be her everything, and she’d never question once if she was loved.
My life wouldn’t be repeated. I would make sure of that. She would have more. All I had never been given.
“Take this,” Rush said as he tucked me into my bed.
Glancing down at the sedative in his hand, I knew I couldn’t escape this so easily. I had a baby to protect inside me now. “No. Just leave me,” I told him, turning my head from the pill.
“It’ll help you rest.”
“I said no,” I repeated.
He nodded. “OK. I’m going to see to things outside. I’ll be back to check on you in a little while.”
“Call Captain. He needs to hear it from you,” I told him, thinking of all the lives that Major’s death would touch.
“That’s the first call I’m making,” he assured me.
I closed my eyes, thinking maybe I would wake up and this would have been a dream but knowing the dreams were going to be my only escape from my reality.
Cope
DeCarlo had sent the feds he had in his back pocket to come clean up the mess. We had been prepared for this when we saw Franco head this way, with Major right behind him. We’d known this showdown was coming, and we had planned accordingly. I hadn’t thought I would be killing a man, however. That hadn’t been part of the preparations.
Now we had Franco Livingston and his right-hand man both headed to the morgue. Not a bad day. DeCarlo was pleased, and this job was closed.
The funeral for Major was taking place tomorrow in Fort Worth. There was a graveyard for the Colts. Kind of uppity and shit, but that was where I was headed next. After that, I had a more important matter to handle.
Nan.
She had seen more than she was strong enough to handle. It was part of my world. The emptiness and hard center that controlled me made yesterday easier for me. Even knowing that she was falling apart, I had been able to stay focused and finish the job that had been started. I’d promised DeCarlo that I could pull it off even if Nan was in the way. I had to be there to make sure she was safe. When we’d gotten word that Franco was headed to Nan’s, I hadn’t been close enough, but I’d known that Major was on his tail. That had been the only thing that kept me sane while I got to her. He could protect her, that much I’d trusted.
I had wanted this to happen away from her, but Franco had gone straight to her front door, and we’d all been forced to react. He would have hurt her, and I couldn’t allow that. Major wouldn’t allow it, either. He didn’t say it, but he loved her. I could see it in his eyes when I had hurt her with the truth. He’d been furious with me. I couldn’t look at him, because I was afraid I’d kill him for loving what was mine. Knowing she might hold something in her heart for him was killing me. Hearing her scream his name still haunted me. As much as it hurt to think about it, maybe she needed to know that he’d loved her.
What I had seen in those last minutes with him had been love. He hadn’t realized it, but I’d seen it for what it was. I just loved her more. Because I did, I couldn’t tell her how he’d felt. She’d never know that he’d loved her. He hadn’t had the chance to accept it and tell her. I wasn’t making the same mistake.
She was grieving now. I’d give her time but not much. I was tired of waiting. DeCarlo needed this job closed. That was done. I was free. This life was closing for me. There would be another to take my place. One more powerful, because he’d move in the shadows undetected.
My time had been served. I had another life now that I wanted. I didn’t deserve it, but I wanted it. I wasn’t leaving without it. Nan had become my every thought. Our life together had been my light in the deepest of hell from the moment I’d laid eyes on her for the first time.
She hadn’t even known me when I’d fallen in love. In all my years, I hadn’t believed in that emotion. It wasn’t real. It hadn’t touched me or even fucking grazed me. Then, in one moment, it had slammed into me so strongly it had changed every aspect of my life. Freeing her had been my only goal. Protecting her and then having her had been what kept me going until the end.
Sacrifice to protect her was something Major hadn’t understood. His love had been young and sincere. He’d thought that telling her the truth had been hard and cold. It had been what I knew needed to be said so that when she was through the grief, she would remember my honesty. She’d need to trust me, and in that moment, I had planted the first seed of trust. I had given up using her vulnerability to my advantage, and I’d given her what she needed to know. What she deserved to know.
That was sacrifice.
Because winning her love would now be even more difficult. But I’d never lost a challenge. She was the greatest and most important challenge of my life. That woman owned my heart, and inside her she was carrying our future.
They were my family. The first and last one I’d ever have.
Mase
While the minister spoke, my thoughts were somewhere else. Glancing over the graves in a place where Major and I had played hide and seek as kids, I never imagined actually standing here and lowering his body into the ground. You prepare for the deaths of your grandparents and even your parents but never your sibling or best friend. Major wasn’t just my cousin; he was like my brother and my best friend. In all his mixed-up, crazy ways, he had been the one person I’d told my secrets to, broken the law with, and forgiven for just about everything.
