Up to Me
Page 18
I nod to my friend. No point in holding anything back now.
I turn back to Nash, crossing my arms over my chest. “So, are you gonna bring me up to speed?”
Nash watches me. It’s in this moment, not when I first saw him and saw how different he looks, that I realize he’s changed. He’s more like me than he ever was, the way I used to be. Only much more dangerous.
“I didn’t come here to catch up on the last seven years. I came here because Dad sent the message. It must be time to get down to business.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?’
“I’ve got leverage.”
“So do I. But they know I have it and they’re making unacceptable threats, threats I can’t risk calling them on.”
He stops to watch me again. It’s like he’s trying to get inside my head. And when he finally speaks again, it seems like he might’ve been successful.
“Who do they have?”
“A girl I know. Someone they think is important to me.”
A slight frown flickers across his forehead, but then it’s gone. “Someone they think is important to you?” I nod. “But she’s not?”
I shrug. “I’m not particularly fond of her. But there is one that is important to me. And they know about her, too.”
He nods slowly, taking it all in.
“Well, I have enough to change everything if we use it right.”
“Then why haven’t you used it before now?”
“Dad. He wanted to wait. He was afraid of putting us in more danger. That’s the only reason he went along with any of this. He’s spent the last seven years in prison to protect us, not because he didn’t have a way out. He’s known all along he holds all the cards.”
“So the books…”
“Were only part of it, yes. But it has kept you safe all this time, so it was worth it. To him.”
To him.
I don’t know what to make of that last part. Does Nash resent me? I don’t see how or why he would. He’s known the deal all along, while I’ve been operating under only bits and pieces of information. He’s known the truth. I’ve known mostly lies.
My temper ratchets up another notch. “Man, if you’ve got something to say, say it. I’m getting real tired of this shit. I don’t take kindly to people messing with my life and only telling me half-truths and part of the story. You can either come clean or you can hit the door. I’ll figure out another way. Without you and…whatever it is you think you’ve got.”
After a few seconds, Nash’s lips turn up into a small, cold smile.
“At least you’re not a total pussy.”
I see red. I’ve had about enough of all this—this life, this deception, this game. I take a step toward Nash, fully intending to plant my fist right in the center of his face. He smirks like he’d welcome it, like he’d welcome the opportunity to trade a few punches with me. But Gavin steps between us.
“If I had to guess, I’d say there are more important things than your pissing contest right now. Focus, mate. Focus. For her, if nothing else.”
His eyes are as calm as the shallow blue waters they so closely resemble. Within a few seconds, the wisdom of his words and the person behind them cools my temper.
Olivia.
“This isn’t over,” I grind out through my gritted teeth. Nash nods once, his smirk still firmly in place. For a fraction of a second, I feel another surge of the desire to beat that smugness out of him, but it’s gone almost as soon as it arrived.
“We’ll find time later. I look forward to it.”
I can see by the hungry look on his face that he does. I don’t know what he has to be angry about, but I really don’t care either. I need him for one thing and one thing only. Then he can take his ass back to wherever he came from and we won’t ever have to see each other again.
“Well, if you think I’m going in there without knowing what you’ve got, you couldn’t be more wrong. This is going down my way. Period.”
Nash’s laugh is a short bark. “I don’t give a shit about saving your friends. Or your girlfriend. I’ve been waiting for seven years to take down the people who killed mom and stole my life. I can wait a few more days. I’ve got my own agenda.”
“I don’t care what you do as long as it doesn’t interfere with my plans or put anyone I care about in danger.”
Nash’s lips thin. “You don’t care, huh? You don’t care that someone blew up our mother? You don’t care that someone framed our father? You don’t care that he’s spent years in prison to protect us? You don’t care that somebody took our lives and pissed on ‘em then set ‘em on fire?” Nash laughs derisively. “Oh, that’s right. You wouldn’t. You’ve been the beneficiary of all our family grief, haven’t you, you son of a bitch?”
“What the hell are you talking about? How have I benefited? You mean by pretending to be my perfect brother, by living his perfect life and having to put up with the assholes someone like him would associate with? You mean by spending years grieving the loss of every single member of my family? You mean by visiting my only living relative in a guarded room with glass between us twice a month for seven years, and working day and night to figure out a way to get him out? Is that what you mean?”
Nash takes a step toward me. I see Gavin flinch like he’s ready to step in again; he didn’t move far away to begin with. But Nash stops.
“That sounds a hell of a lot better than spending the last seven years on the run. In hiding. I gave up everything—who I was, what I wanted, all I ever had—to honor my father’s wishes. To keep him safe, to keep you safe. I got to sneak into town a few times a year to see my brother living my life. Free. Happy. Alive. While I had to stay dead. Running guns with smugglers. Stuck on a ship. Every day, for months at a time. I’d trade lives with you any day of the week.”
“You can have your life! I never wanted it. Everything I’ve done, I’ve done for him. Don’t think you’re the only one who’s suffered, Nash.”
We stare each other down. We’re at an impasse. I’d never admit it, but now I can see why he’d be angry. We’ve both suffered, both paid for mistakes that weren’t ours. But maybe the end is in sight. Maybe it’s finally time to be free of the past. Finally.
“I know you boys have a lot to talk about, but it has to wait. We’ve only got a few hours to get a plan together. What do you say we put the bullshit aside and get down to business?”
I look to Gavin. His expression hasn’t changed from the pleasant one that he always wears. Sometimes it’s hard to believe he’s deadly. But he is. He just hides it well. That probably makes him even more dangerous.
I turn back to Nash, crossing my arms over my chest. “So, are you gonna bring me up to speed?”
Nash watches me. It’s in this moment, not when I first saw him and saw how different he looks, that I realize he’s changed. He’s more like me than he ever was, the way I used to be. Only much more dangerous.
“I didn’t come here to catch up on the last seven years. I came here because Dad sent the message. It must be time to get down to business.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?’
“I’ve got leverage.”
“So do I. But they know I have it and they’re making unacceptable threats, threats I can’t risk calling them on.”
He stops to watch me again. It’s like he’s trying to get inside my head. And when he finally speaks again, it seems like he might’ve been successful.
“Who do they have?”
“A girl I know. Someone they think is important to me.”
A slight frown flickers across his forehead, but then it’s gone. “Someone they think is important to you?” I nod. “But she’s not?”
I shrug. “I’m not particularly fond of her. But there is one that is important to me. And they know about her, too.”
He nods slowly, taking it all in.
“Well, I have enough to change everything if we use it right.”
“Then why haven’t you used it before now?”
“Dad. He wanted to wait. He was afraid of putting us in more danger. That’s the only reason he went along with any of this. He’s spent the last seven years in prison to protect us, not because he didn’t have a way out. He’s known all along he holds all the cards.”
“So the books…”
“Were only part of it, yes. But it has kept you safe all this time, so it was worth it. To him.”
To him.
I don’t know what to make of that last part. Does Nash resent me? I don’t see how or why he would. He’s known the deal all along, while I’ve been operating under only bits and pieces of information. He’s known the truth. I’ve known mostly lies.
My temper ratchets up another notch. “Man, if you’ve got something to say, say it. I’m getting real tired of this shit. I don’t take kindly to people messing with my life and only telling me half-truths and part of the story. You can either come clean or you can hit the door. I’ll figure out another way. Without you and…whatever it is you think you’ve got.”
After a few seconds, Nash’s lips turn up into a small, cold smile.
“At least you’re not a total pussy.”
I see red. I’ve had about enough of all this—this life, this deception, this game. I take a step toward Nash, fully intending to plant my fist right in the center of his face. He smirks like he’d welcome it, like he’d welcome the opportunity to trade a few punches with me. But Gavin steps between us.
“If I had to guess, I’d say there are more important things than your pissing contest right now. Focus, mate. Focus. For her, if nothing else.”
His eyes are as calm as the shallow blue waters they so closely resemble. Within a few seconds, the wisdom of his words and the person behind them cools my temper.
Olivia.
“This isn’t over,” I grind out through my gritted teeth. Nash nods once, his smirk still firmly in place. For a fraction of a second, I feel another surge of the desire to beat that smugness out of him, but it’s gone almost as soon as it arrived.
“We’ll find time later. I look forward to it.”
I can see by the hungry look on his face that he does. I don’t know what he has to be angry about, but I really don’t care either. I need him for one thing and one thing only. Then he can take his ass back to wherever he came from and we won’t ever have to see each other again.
“Well, if you think I’m going in there without knowing what you’ve got, you couldn’t be more wrong. This is going down my way. Period.”
Nash’s laugh is a short bark. “I don’t give a shit about saving your friends. Or your girlfriend. I’ve been waiting for seven years to take down the people who killed mom and stole my life. I can wait a few more days. I’ve got my own agenda.”
“I don’t care what you do as long as it doesn’t interfere with my plans or put anyone I care about in danger.”
Nash’s lips thin. “You don’t care, huh? You don’t care that someone blew up our mother? You don’t care that someone framed our father? You don’t care that he’s spent years in prison to protect us? You don’t care that somebody took our lives and pissed on ‘em then set ‘em on fire?” Nash laughs derisively. “Oh, that’s right. You wouldn’t. You’ve been the beneficiary of all our family grief, haven’t you, you son of a bitch?”
“What the hell are you talking about? How have I benefited? You mean by pretending to be my perfect brother, by living his perfect life and having to put up with the assholes someone like him would associate with? You mean by spending years grieving the loss of every single member of my family? You mean by visiting my only living relative in a guarded room with glass between us twice a month for seven years, and working day and night to figure out a way to get him out? Is that what you mean?”
Nash takes a step toward me. I see Gavin flinch like he’s ready to step in again; he didn’t move far away to begin with. But Nash stops.
“That sounds a hell of a lot better than spending the last seven years on the run. In hiding. I gave up everything—who I was, what I wanted, all I ever had—to honor my father’s wishes. To keep him safe, to keep you safe. I got to sneak into town a few times a year to see my brother living my life. Free. Happy. Alive. While I had to stay dead. Running guns with smugglers. Stuck on a ship. Every day, for months at a time. I’d trade lives with you any day of the week.”
“You can have your life! I never wanted it. Everything I’ve done, I’ve done for him. Don’t think you’re the only one who’s suffered, Nash.”
We stare each other down. We’re at an impasse. I’d never admit it, but now I can see why he’d be angry. We’ve both suffered, both paid for mistakes that weren’t ours. But maybe the end is in sight. Maybe it’s finally time to be free of the past. Finally.
“I know you boys have a lot to talk about, but it has to wait. We’ve only got a few hours to get a plan together. What do you say we put the bullshit aside and get down to business?”
I look to Gavin. His expression hasn’t changed from the pleasant one that he always wears. Sometimes it’s hard to believe he’s deadly. But he is. He just hides it well. That probably makes him even more dangerous.
