Wait Till Your Vampire Gets Home

Chapter 3

I scrambled across the seats and out the driver's side door. Ralph grabbed my hand and we took off. He ran faster and faster, and soon I couldn't keep up. My hand slipped out of his as he sped toward the main road.
My heart pounded wildly and my legs ached. I slowed to a walk, and gulped in cold air that did little to get oxygen into my burning lungs.
"What are you doing?"
"Aaaaaahhhh!" I stumbled back and glared at Ralph. A minute ago, he was at least twenty yards away. Now he was standing in front of me, his blue eyes filled with impatience.
"How did you do that?" I asked. "You should try out for the Olympics."
"Watch out!" He grabbed my arm and yanked me forward.
I went sailing through the air. Ralph didn't know his own strength. I landed a couple of feet away and collapsed to my knees. My purse fell off my shoulder and spilled its contents. As I picked up all the objects, fear battered at me. I sucked in a steadying breath. Okay. If I were to believe my eyes and twenty-three years of parental insistence, then I'd just met my first zombie and vampire. Broken Heart was paranormal central. Was that guy who'd jumped on the hood really a vampire?
I was starting to freak out.
"Om mani padme hum." I drew the syllables out like I'd been taught to do. Chanting was as automatic to me as breathing. "Om mani padme hum."
I repeated the mantra as I shoved keys, coin purse, lighter -  oh, there's the pepper spray - gum, magnifying glass, pocket dictionary, and Sharpie into my bag. By the time I finished, I felt more in control. I zipped up my purse and got to my feet. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and hit the button.
"Mom? I mean, Ruby Two?"
No response. I pushed the button again. "Hey! Ruby Two! Sapphire Three! You there?"
Neither Mom nor Dad picked up. Panic fluttered again. I had to get to the Thrifty Sip. I had to find my parents.
I turned around. Oh, crap. Ralph was fighting the . . . uh, vampire. And he was losing. The creep had him on the ground, his hands around Ralph's throat.
Ralph kept punching him, but the man didn't budge. Heck, he didn't even flinch.
"The cure!" he rasped. "I want the cure!"
Ralph gurgled.
Terror was too mundane a word to describe how I felt. Knees wobbling and stomach churning, I marched over and whapped the assailant upside the head with my purse. He yowled. The distraction was enough for Ralph to get the upper hand. But he needn't have bothered. The vampire leapt off Ralph and grabbed me. With one hand clenched on my coat, he hoisted me off the ground and hissed.
Oh my God! My feet dangled as I stared at him in shock. Even though I had set fire to his face, the damage was minute. I gaped at him, staring at his fangs.
He jerked the purse out of my flaccid hands and threw it over my head. Then he pulled me down until my face was a mere inch from his. His rank breath feathered my lips. Ugh.
"You smell delicious."
I screamed. I was seriously starting to feel like a heroine trapped in a horror movie.
"Let her go!" Ralph wrapped his arm around the vampire's neck and pulled back hard. The vampire's red-tinged eyes went wide as he made squeak-cough sounds.
He didn't release me. Those pale, thin fingers were embedded in my coat. He wasn't going to let go. Neither, apparently, was Ralph.
We engaged in an awkward dance. Ralph kept squeezing on the guy's neck while hitting him in the back. I rained blows on his shoulders, which had no effect other than making me feel better. I kicked him, too, but my flailing feet didn't inflict any damage. This guy was made out of stone. A deep, haunting moan arrived just seconds before the zombie's big, gray hand landed on top of the bad guy's head. We all stopped fussing and turned to look at the fourth party that had joined our gruesome threesome.
"Hiiiii," said the zombie. "Saaaaave yooooou."
He grinned at me. At least I think he did. His mouth was mostly gone so it was hard to tell. Some of his teeth were missing, and those left were black and rotting. His breath was worse than the fanged guy's. I breathed through my mouth, but the stench still made my eyes water. The zombie twisted the vampire's head. I heard bones snapping. Oh, now really. Yuckyuckyuck!
To save his own hide, the man let me go. But he didn't just drop me. The bastard threw me.
"Libby!" cried Ralph.
Once again, I found myself airborne, only much higher and faster. I let my body go completely limp. I hit the ground on my back, flopping onto the hard-packed earth like a rag doll. For a moment, I imagined I was lying on the softest bedding in the world. I focused on the pearlescent moon perched in the black-velvet sky and breathed deeply. I assessed my body and, though it ached, I was glad I hadn't broken any bones.
Thank you, Yogini Shivali. Ten years of yoga lessons had paid off. Whew. I closed my eyes and took several more deep breaths.
"Oh my God! Libby!" Ralph's voice startled the hell out of me. My eyes flew open and I looked directly into his concerned gaze. "Seriously. You should try out for the Olympics."
"You're okay?" His hands traveled over my arms and ribs, and then fluttered over my hips. His fingers lingered a smidge too long there, and my happy spot perked up. "Whoa there, bucko."
He chuckled as his hands tested my thighs, calves, and ankles. "Nothing broken."
"Yeah. Like you'd know."
"I would know," he said. "I was studying to be a paramedic before . . . well, before."
His wife died. Had his dreams died with her, too?
Gah! What was wrong with me? My thoughts seemed to go all mushy around this guy.
Ralph helped me sit up. I felt shaky and cold. I really wanted to go back to the hotel and forget tonight ever happened. So what if the proof that validated the existence of PRIS and my parents' lifelong dreams had been chasing me around a cemetery?
Ralph's hands took mine and, though they weren't warm, I still felt heat tingle through me. Well, maybe I didn't want to forget everything .
Ralph helped me to my feet and we looked at each other for a long moment. Every nerve ending prickled in anticipation. I saw Ralph's gaze dip to my mouth, and my ever-so-subtle response was to lick my lips.
"Hiiiii," said the zombie.
I nearly jumped out of my skin. "Jeez! Would you people stop sneaking up on me?"
We turned and looked at our unexpected friend. He dragged the vampire by his leg. The guy wasn't protesting much. I looked down and saw that his head had been turned 180 degrees. Had he been alive, he'd be staring at his own ass. He'd be eating a lot of dirt, too.
"Mm-mmph-mmph."
Neither Ralph nor the zombie had spoken.
"Mm-mmph-mmph!"
"What's that noise?" I asked.
The zombie dropped the pant leg clutched in his gray fist and leaned down to roll the dead guy over. It was really weird to see a head on the wrong side of its body. Believe it or not, that wasn't the weirdest part.
The man glared at us balefully. He spit out grass and dirt. "Like it's not bad enough I have the Taint," he rasped. "Everyone says the cure's in Broken Heart. I want it!" He paused. "By the way, this isn't comfortable."
"H-he's alive." I thought I had accepted that he was a vampire. I mean, the fangs, and the jumping on moving cars, and the talking with a twisted neck . . . yep, all that added up to vampire.
"Yeah, he's alive," said Ralph, grimacing. "The only way to kill him is to sever the head completely."
"Oh." I really didn't want to see someone get decapitated. "You'd think he wouldn't be able to talk since his throat is messed up."
"Good point." Ralph studied my face. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'm good," I lied. I felt as though I was slowly spinning. Cold tingles welled up from my stomach and washed over me. I jerked a thumb at the gray-skinned, eyeless corpse. "He's really a zombie."
"I'm afraid so."
"Why did we run away from him? He seems nice, even if he is a walking corpse."
Ralph shrugged. "He just really geeks me out."
"Totally. Um . . . and that other guy should be dead."
"He's already dead," said Ralph. He sighed. "He's a vampire."
"Right." Nausea roiled. Dizziness overwhelmed me.
"Libby?" He stepped forward. "You look pale."
"You should talk," I mumbled. Suddenly suspicious, I looked him over. "Oh, don't tell me. Are you a vampire, too?"
"Yes," he admitted.
No way. I had hit the paranormal jackpot and I didn't know what to do. My parents were gonna flip!
Unless they'd run into their own preternatural problems, and that's why they hadn't answered my call.
"I need to get to the Thrifty Sip."
Ralph's eyebrows winged upward. "It's closed."
"Just tell me where it is." I pulled out my phone. "I have GPS."
"In case you haven't noticed," he said, "we have bigger problems."
"Bigger than you think," gasped the prone vampire. "Heads up."
We immediately looked up.
Two large, winged monsters barreled out of the sky.
And they were on fire.