Wallbanger
Page 51
I left the trees behind and didn’t stop until I reached the end of the dock. The sun peeked out after last night’s storm, casting a silver light on the water.
I heard him approach and stop just behind me. I took one more deep breath. He was silent.
“You’re not going to push me in, are you? That would be a bad move, Simon.” He exhaled a laugh, and I smiled a little, not wanting to, but not able to help it.
“Caroline, can I explain about last night? I need to you know that—”
“Just don’t, okay? Can’t we just chalk it up to the wine?” I asked, whirling about to face him and trying to beat him to the punch.
He stared down at me with the strangest look on his face. He looked like he’d gotten dressed in a hurry: white thermal, well worn jeans, and hiking boots that weren’t even laced up, the strings now damp and muddy from the trek through the woods. Still, he was stunning, the early morning sun illuminating the strong planes of his face and that scruff that was so delicious.
“I wish I could, Caroline, but—” he started again.
I shook my head. “Seriously, Simon, just—” I began, but stopped when he pressed his fingers against my mouth.
“You have to shut up, okay? You keep interrupting me, and watch how fast you get tossed in that very lake,” he warned with the twinkle in his eye I’d become so used to.
I nodded, and he removed his hand. I tried to ignore the flames that licked at my lips, brought to the surface by just that little touch.
“So, last night we came really close to making a very big mistake,” he said, and when he saw my mouth begin to open, he wagged his finger at me.
I zipped my lip, miming throwing the key into the water. He smiled sadly and continued.
“Obviously I’m attracted to you. How could I not be? You’re amazing. But you were drunk, I was drunk, and as great as it would have been, it would have—ah, it would have changed things, you know? And I just can’t, Caroline. I can’t allow myself to…I just…” He struggled, running his hands through his hair in a gesture I’d come to understand as frustration. He stared at me, willing me to make this okay, to tell him we were okay.
Did I want to lose a friend over this? No way.
“Hey, like I said, it’s cool—too much wine. Besides, I know you have your arrangement, and I can’t…Things just got away from me last night,” I explained, trying to sell it to him.
He opened his mouth to comment, but after a moment he nodded and sighed a great sigh. “We still friends? I don’t want this to get weird for us. I really like you, Caroline,” he asked, looking as though his world was about to come to an end.
“Of course friends. What else would we be?” I swallowed hard and forced a smile. He smiled too, and we began to walk back up the trail. Okay, that wasn’t too bad. Maybe this could work. He stopped to pick up a handful of sand from the beach and put it in a little plastic baggie.
“Bottles?”
“Bottles.” He nodded, and we started up the path.
“So it looks like our little plan worked,” I began, searching for conversation.
“With those guys? Oh yeah, I think it worked well. They seem to have found what they needed.”
“That’s all anyone’s trying to do, right?” I laughed as we crossed the patio to the kitchen. Four heads disappeared from the window and began to assume positions of nonchalance around the table. I chuckled.
“Always good when what you need and what you want are the same things,” Simon said, holding the door open for me.
“Boy, did you say a mouthful.” A pang of sadness hit me again, but I didn’t have to force the smile once I saw how happy my friends were.
“You want some breakfast? There are still some cinnamon buns, I think,” Simon offered, walking over to the counter.
“Um, no. I think I’m gonna go pack, get my stuff together,” I said, noticing a flash of disappointment cross his face before he smiled bravely.
Okay, so this wasn’t great. Well, that’s what happens when two friends kiss. Things are never the same. I nodded at my girls and headed for my room.
Spurred by my insistence about getting back to the city, within two hours we were all packed and deciding who was going to ride with whom. I didn’t want to ride alone with Simon, so I pulled Mimi aside and instructed her to bring Ryan along with us. Now we were all outside arranging bags. As Simon piled everything into the Range Rover, I shivered a little, realizing too late that I’d packed my fleece jacket into my bag, which was now buried. As he turned back toward me, he noticed.
“You cold?”
“A little, but it’s fine. My bag’s at the bottom, and I don’t want you to have to rearrange everything,” I answered, stamping my foot to keep warm.
“Oh! That reminds me, I have something for you,” he exclaimed, rummaging in his bag, which was on top. He handed me a lumpy package, wrapped in brown paper.
“What’s this?” I asked, as he blushed deeply. Simon does blush? I rarely saw that…
“You didn’t think I forgot this, did you?” he replied, his hair falling into his eyes a little as he smiled a boyish smile. “I was going to give it to you last night, but then—”
“Hey, Parker! Could use a little help over here!” Neil called as he struggled to load all of Sophia’s luggage. Yesterday, this would have been Ryan’s job. Now it was Neil’s. Yesterday. How the world had changed in one day.
He backed away from me as Mimi and Ryan got themselves settled in the backseat.
I opened the package to find a very thick, very soft Irish sweater. I lifted it out of the paper, feeling the weight and the nubbly texture of the weave. I pressed it against my nose, inhaling the scent of wool and unmistakable Simon that clung to it. I grinned into the sweater, then quickly slipped it over my T-shirt, admiring the way it hung loose and low, yet still wrapped me in a comforting way. I turned to see Simon watching me from over at Neil’s truck. He smiled as I twirled for him.
“Thank you,” I mouthed.
“You’re welcome,” he mouthed back.
I gave my sweater a long, deep sniff, hoping no one noticed.
Chapter Fourteen
INSIDE A BLACK RANGE ROVER on the way back to San Francisco…
Caroline: Okay, I can do this…It’s only a few hours back into the city. I can be the bigger person here. I can act like he didn’t pull an all stop at the thought of seeing my tatas last night—and what the hell? What man says no to tatas? I mean, they’re nice tatas. They were pushed up nice and tight, and they were wet, for Christ’s sake…Why didn’t he want my tatas? Caroline, just settle down…Just smile at him and act like everything is fine. Wait, he’s looking over here. Smile! Okay, he smiled back…Stupid tata turner-downer…I mean, what’s up with that? And he was hard!
I heard him approach and stop just behind me. I took one more deep breath. He was silent.
“You’re not going to push me in, are you? That would be a bad move, Simon.” He exhaled a laugh, and I smiled a little, not wanting to, but not able to help it.
“Caroline, can I explain about last night? I need to you know that—”
“Just don’t, okay? Can’t we just chalk it up to the wine?” I asked, whirling about to face him and trying to beat him to the punch.
He stared down at me with the strangest look on his face. He looked like he’d gotten dressed in a hurry: white thermal, well worn jeans, and hiking boots that weren’t even laced up, the strings now damp and muddy from the trek through the woods. Still, he was stunning, the early morning sun illuminating the strong planes of his face and that scruff that was so delicious.
“I wish I could, Caroline, but—” he started again.
I shook my head. “Seriously, Simon, just—” I began, but stopped when he pressed his fingers against my mouth.
“You have to shut up, okay? You keep interrupting me, and watch how fast you get tossed in that very lake,” he warned with the twinkle in his eye I’d become so used to.
I nodded, and he removed his hand. I tried to ignore the flames that licked at my lips, brought to the surface by just that little touch.
“So, last night we came really close to making a very big mistake,” he said, and when he saw my mouth begin to open, he wagged his finger at me.
I zipped my lip, miming throwing the key into the water. He smiled sadly and continued.
“Obviously I’m attracted to you. How could I not be? You’re amazing. But you were drunk, I was drunk, and as great as it would have been, it would have—ah, it would have changed things, you know? And I just can’t, Caroline. I can’t allow myself to…I just…” He struggled, running his hands through his hair in a gesture I’d come to understand as frustration. He stared at me, willing me to make this okay, to tell him we were okay.
Did I want to lose a friend over this? No way.
“Hey, like I said, it’s cool—too much wine. Besides, I know you have your arrangement, and I can’t…Things just got away from me last night,” I explained, trying to sell it to him.
He opened his mouth to comment, but after a moment he nodded and sighed a great sigh. “We still friends? I don’t want this to get weird for us. I really like you, Caroline,” he asked, looking as though his world was about to come to an end.
“Of course friends. What else would we be?” I swallowed hard and forced a smile. He smiled too, and we began to walk back up the trail. Okay, that wasn’t too bad. Maybe this could work. He stopped to pick up a handful of sand from the beach and put it in a little plastic baggie.
“Bottles?”
“Bottles.” He nodded, and we started up the path.
“So it looks like our little plan worked,” I began, searching for conversation.
“With those guys? Oh yeah, I think it worked well. They seem to have found what they needed.”
“That’s all anyone’s trying to do, right?” I laughed as we crossed the patio to the kitchen. Four heads disappeared from the window and began to assume positions of nonchalance around the table. I chuckled.
“Always good when what you need and what you want are the same things,” Simon said, holding the door open for me.
“Boy, did you say a mouthful.” A pang of sadness hit me again, but I didn’t have to force the smile once I saw how happy my friends were.
“You want some breakfast? There are still some cinnamon buns, I think,” Simon offered, walking over to the counter.
“Um, no. I think I’m gonna go pack, get my stuff together,” I said, noticing a flash of disappointment cross his face before he smiled bravely.
Okay, so this wasn’t great. Well, that’s what happens when two friends kiss. Things are never the same. I nodded at my girls and headed for my room.
Spurred by my insistence about getting back to the city, within two hours we were all packed and deciding who was going to ride with whom. I didn’t want to ride alone with Simon, so I pulled Mimi aside and instructed her to bring Ryan along with us. Now we were all outside arranging bags. As Simon piled everything into the Range Rover, I shivered a little, realizing too late that I’d packed my fleece jacket into my bag, which was now buried. As he turned back toward me, he noticed.
“You cold?”
“A little, but it’s fine. My bag’s at the bottom, and I don’t want you to have to rearrange everything,” I answered, stamping my foot to keep warm.
“Oh! That reminds me, I have something for you,” he exclaimed, rummaging in his bag, which was on top. He handed me a lumpy package, wrapped in brown paper.
“What’s this?” I asked, as he blushed deeply. Simon does blush? I rarely saw that…
“You didn’t think I forgot this, did you?” he replied, his hair falling into his eyes a little as he smiled a boyish smile. “I was going to give it to you last night, but then—”
“Hey, Parker! Could use a little help over here!” Neil called as he struggled to load all of Sophia’s luggage. Yesterday, this would have been Ryan’s job. Now it was Neil’s. Yesterday. How the world had changed in one day.
He backed away from me as Mimi and Ryan got themselves settled in the backseat.
I opened the package to find a very thick, very soft Irish sweater. I lifted it out of the paper, feeling the weight and the nubbly texture of the weave. I pressed it against my nose, inhaling the scent of wool and unmistakable Simon that clung to it. I grinned into the sweater, then quickly slipped it over my T-shirt, admiring the way it hung loose and low, yet still wrapped me in a comforting way. I turned to see Simon watching me from over at Neil’s truck. He smiled as I twirled for him.
“Thank you,” I mouthed.
“You’re welcome,” he mouthed back.
I gave my sweater a long, deep sniff, hoping no one noticed.
Chapter Fourteen
INSIDE A BLACK RANGE ROVER on the way back to San Francisco…
Caroline: Okay, I can do this…It’s only a few hours back into the city. I can be the bigger person here. I can act like he didn’t pull an all stop at the thought of seeing my tatas last night—and what the hell? What man says no to tatas? I mean, they’re nice tatas. They were pushed up nice and tight, and they were wet, for Christ’s sake…Why didn’t he want my tatas? Caroline, just settle down…Just smile at him and act like everything is fine. Wait, he’s looking over here. Smile! Okay, he smiled back…Stupid tata turner-downer…I mean, what’s up with that? And he was hard!
