Weightless
Page 38
Rhodes sighed, stilling his movements and resting his forehead against mine. “There’s so much I want to do to you, Bug. I’m fighting against it right now.”
“Don’t,” I breathed.
“You don’t understand.”
I ran my fingers through his hair and pulled him closer, kissing him with more confidence than I knew I had. “So help me. Help me understand.”
He groaned against my lips and I could feel him pressed against my thigh. He was so hard, so ready, and I was physically uncomfortable waiting for him to deliver.
“Not tonight,” he finally said, sighing. “Tonight is about you seeing that you’re beautiful. Do you hear me?” He waited for me to lift my eyes to his. Suddenly, the confidence I had before was completely gone. “You are, Natalie.”
I nodded, but I wasn’t sure I really believed his words. I was cute, maybe — and even that was pushing it. But when Rhodes brought his lips back down on mine and kissed me like it pained him not to, I thought maybe there was something he saw that I just didn’t.
We stayed tangled in the sheets for hours, but all we did was kiss. His hands explored my body and I explored his. He never stripped down with me, and I never reached to pull my clothes back on. We buried ourselves under the sheets, making us a hot, sweaty mixture of lips, breaths, and moans.
Now I understood what he meant when he said or what earlier, because this was far from how you treated someone who was just a friend.
Sometime around midnight, Rhodes paused. “I should go.”
I was breathless, cheeks heated, hair a mess as I stared up at him. I didn’t want him to go, but I couldn’t ask him to stay — not when he’d already given me so much that night.
“Okay. Let me walk you out.”
After I dressed and fixed my hair back into a bun the best I could, I walked him to the front door, mind racing. I had so many questions, but none of them would form on my tongue.
“I wish you didn’t have to go.”
He smiled a lazy smile, his hair still mussed from our activities. “You’ll see me Thursday.”
My heart sank. In a way, he was telling me that I wouldn’t see him on my day off from training tomorrow. When he noticed my face fall, he pulled me into him for a long, soft kiss, sliding his index finger to rest on the inside of my wrist like he had the first time he told me he felt my heart. It was an unspoken promise, but he broke away too quickly for my liking and jogged off to his bike. It took him less than a minute to fasten his helmet and then he was gone.
I closed the door in a daze. I felt numb, yet every nerve in my body had been awakened. I stumbled to the couch and fell against the cool leather cushions, though they did nothing to stunt the heat growing inside me. I could still feel Rhodes pressed against me. I could feel his lips on mine. Something deep in my gut told me I should be scared, that I should worry about what was happening between us. And, though I wanted to ignore it, a small part of me thought of Mason in that moment. I thought of how different it was to kiss him and wondered what he would feel if he knew another man had kissed me the way Rhodes just had.
A smile spread across my face and I covered my eyes with my hands, letting out a short squeal. I refused to overthink it. At the end of the day, no matter what was to come, I had enjoyed it.
It was the best damn kiss of my life.
I was a mess the next day. I felt elated, but mostly sick, and I barely ate — which was a new sensation for me since I usually turned to eating when I was overly emotional. When I was with Rhodes the night before, everything felt right — but the moment he left, the uneasiness set in. I second-guessed everything, wondering what version of Rhodes I would get the next time I saw him. The more I thought about how quickly he had left the night before, the more worried I became. Was he going to be with another woman? A client? The thought crippled me, which also terrified me, because I felt so intensely for him in such a short span of time.
And what if he was just trying to get away from me? What if he changed his mind? What if he didn’t want me the way I wanted him?
I watched episodes of Lost and worried myself with questions I couldn’t answer the entire day. Somehow, the euphoria I’d felt after his lips left mine the night before was replaced by this sickening realization that it could have meant nothing. I had a pit in my heart that told me I would walk into the gym the next day and he would be gone. Or worse, there — but not in the way I wanted him to be.
Then, just as those feelings would take over, I would sit up in shock at the fact that I wanted him. I wanted Rhodes. I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted from him, but I knew it was more than just a training session at the gym five days a week. Mason was still in my head, too — which only complicated things. I was a mess, and without my mom or Willow to talk to, I was sure I’d go mad.
Dressing in one of the new workout outfits Mom and I had purchased, I tried to hold my chin high as I strode into the country club that Thursday.
I saw him before he saw me.
He was lying on a weightlifting bench, his strong legs braced on either side, the muscles of his arms tightening and releasing as he bench pressed more than I weighed. No one was spotting him, but he made it look so effortless — as if he didn’t need help and never would.
I wondered if that were true in many aspects of his life.
After a few more reps, he set the bar back into place and sat up slowly, wiping his brow with the same white towel he always had with him. He tucked it back into the back band of his shorts, and then his emerald eyes were on me.
I couldn’t breathe.
I waited for him to frown, or curse, or roll his eyes or shake his head. I waited for him to order me to a treadmill or ask what the hell I was doing wasting training time just staring at him like an idiot. All of those things I expected.
But Rhodes just smiled.
That smile lifted the pressure from my chest and I inhaled like it was my first breath.
It hadn’t been a dream. It was real. It was all real.
Rhodes’ eyes stayed fixed on mine as he crossed the room to where I was standing. He crossed his arms, legs spread shoulder-wide in a confident stance. “Really?” he asked, shaking his head. His eyes trailed from my own to take in my full appearance. “You choose today to wear shorts for the first time?”
I glanced down at the tighter-than-preferred black shorts my mom had convinced me to buy. My legs were getting toned, and I had to admit — the squats were paying off nicely in the glutes area — but I knew I was far from looking like the other girls at the club. Eying Rhodes through my lashes, I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “I look stupid, don’t I?”
“Don’t,” I breathed.
“You don’t understand.”
I ran my fingers through his hair and pulled him closer, kissing him with more confidence than I knew I had. “So help me. Help me understand.”
He groaned against my lips and I could feel him pressed against my thigh. He was so hard, so ready, and I was physically uncomfortable waiting for him to deliver.
“Not tonight,” he finally said, sighing. “Tonight is about you seeing that you’re beautiful. Do you hear me?” He waited for me to lift my eyes to his. Suddenly, the confidence I had before was completely gone. “You are, Natalie.”
I nodded, but I wasn’t sure I really believed his words. I was cute, maybe — and even that was pushing it. But when Rhodes brought his lips back down on mine and kissed me like it pained him not to, I thought maybe there was something he saw that I just didn’t.
We stayed tangled in the sheets for hours, but all we did was kiss. His hands explored my body and I explored his. He never stripped down with me, and I never reached to pull my clothes back on. We buried ourselves under the sheets, making us a hot, sweaty mixture of lips, breaths, and moans.
Now I understood what he meant when he said or what earlier, because this was far from how you treated someone who was just a friend.
Sometime around midnight, Rhodes paused. “I should go.”
I was breathless, cheeks heated, hair a mess as I stared up at him. I didn’t want him to go, but I couldn’t ask him to stay — not when he’d already given me so much that night.
“Okay. Let me walk you out.”
After I dressed and fixed my hair back into a bun the best I could, I walked him to the front door, mind racing. I had so many questions, but none of them would form on my tongue.
“I wish you didn’t have to go.”
He smiled a lazy smile, his hair still mussed from our activities. “You’ll see me Thursday.”
My heart sank. In a way, he was telling me that I wouldn’t see him on my day off from training tomorrow. When he noticed my face fall, he pulled me into him for a long, soft kiss, sliding his index finger to rest on the inside of my wrist like he had the first time he told me he felt my heart. It was an unspoken promise, but he broke away too quickly for my liking and jogged off to his bike. It took him less than a minute to fasten his helmet and then he was gone.
I closed the door in a daze. I felt numb, yet every nerve in my body had been awakened. I stumbled to the couch and fell against the cool leather cushions, though they did nothing to stunt the heat growing inside me. I could still feel Rhodes pressed against me. I could feel his lips on mine. Something deep in my gut told me I should be scared, that I should worry about what was happening between us. And, though I wanted to ignore it, a small part of me thought of Mason in that moment. I thought of how different it was to kiss him and wondered what he would feel if he knew another man had kissed me the way Rhodes just had.
A smile spread across my face and I covered my eyes with my hands, letting out a short squeal. I refused to overthink it. At the end of the day, no matter what was to come, I had enjoyed it.
It was the best damn kiss of my life.
I was a mess the next day. I felt elated, but mostly sick, and I barely ate — which was a new sensation for me since I usually turned to eating when I was overly emotional. When I was with Rhodes the night before, everything felt right — but the moment he left, the uneasiness set in. I second-guessed everything, wondering what version of Rhodes I would get the next time I saw him. The more I thought about how quickly he had left the night before, the more worried I became. Was he going to be with another woman? A client? The thought crippled me, which also terrified me, because I felt so intensely for him in such a short span of time.
And what if he was just trying to get away from me? What if he changed his mind? What if he didn’t want me the way I wanted him?
I watched episodes of Lost and worried myself with questions I couldn’t answer the entire day. Somehow, the euphoria I’d felt after his lips left mine the night before was replaced by this sickening realization that it could have meant nothing. I had a pit in my heart that told me I would walk into the gym the next day and he would be gone. Or worse, there — but not in the way I wanted him to be.
Then, just as those feelings would take over, I would sit up in shock at the fact that I wanted him. I wanted Rhodes. I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted from him, but I knew it was more than just a training session at the gym five days a week. Mason was still in my head, too — which only complicated things. I was a mess, and without my mom or Willow to talk to, I was sure I’d go mad.
Dressing in one of the new workout outfits Mom and I had purchased, I tried to hold my chin high as I strode into the country club that Thursday.
I saw him before he saw me.
He was lying on a weightlifting bench, his strong legs braced on either side, the muscles of his arms tightening and releasing as he bench pressed more than I weighed. No one was spotting him, but he made it look so effortless — as if he didn’t need help and never would.
I wondered if that were true in many aspects of his life.
After a few more reps, he set the bar back into place and sat up slowly, wiping his brow with the same white towel he always had with him. He tucked it back into the back band of his shorts, and then his emerald eyes were on me.
I couldn’t breathe.
I waited for him to frown, or curse, or roll his eyes or shake his head. I waited for him to order me to a treadmill or ask what the hell I was doing wasting training time just staring at him like an idiot. All of those things I expected.
But Rhodes just smiled.
That smile lifted the pressure from my chest and I inhaled like it was my first breath.
It hadn’t been a dream. It was real. It was all real.
Rhodes’ eyes stayed fixed on mine as he crossed the room to where I was standing. He crossed his arms, legs spread shoulder-wide in a confident stance. “Really?” he asked, shaking his head. His eyes trailed from my own to take in my full appearance. “You choose today to wear shorts for the first time?”
I glanced down at the tighter-than-preferred black shorts my mom had convinced me to buy. My legs were getting toned, and I had to admit — the squats were paying off nicely in the glutes area — but I knew I was far from looking like the other girls at the club. Eying Rhodes through my lashes, I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “I look stupid, don’t I?”
