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Page 48
I chewed my lip and nodded, just the mention of his name making my stomach drop. The adrenaline rush had practically sobered me, which just let all the thoughts consumed with him crash in all at once.
“I just… I almost wish none of it had ever happened, Lo. I wish I would have stopped prying. If I could have just left him alone, let him train me and then gone home and forgot about him until the next session, maybe none of this would have ever happened. He’s either going to treat me like I’m just a client again or he’s going to make it where he never has to see me. Either option kills me.”
And it did. My stomach may have dropped at the sound of his name, but it twisted and ached at the thought of completely losing him. I was angry with him, I was hurt, I was confused, but I still yearned for him. I had no idea how to handle what was happening.
It was Willow’s turn to sigh. She shook her head, grabbing my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “The worst part of all of this is that now you know what having more of him is like. That’s what changes everything, and that’s why you’re struggling with wanting it back and wishing it never happened at all.” She shrugged, her brown eyes softening. “Ignorance is a blessing as much as it is a curse. You can’t crave what you don’t know exists.”
The truth of her observation hit me harder than anything Rhodes had said to me two nights before. I wasn’t sure what it was that I was feeling until Willow laid it out in front of me like a photograph.
A knock at the door startled both of us. It slowly opened, and suddenly my adrenaline was back. Or was it nerves? I couldn’t be sure. Mason was standing in the frame, hands in the pockets of his faded jeans, messy brown hair curling at his ears and falling into his eyes slightly.
“Hey,” he said timidly, looking to me first and then Willow. “Could I… um… would you mind if I talked to Natalie for a second?”
Willow’s face was stone. She’d invited Mason and Shay only after I’d convinced her that she needed to. She was hell bent on keeping both of them away after she found out what had happened at the fair, but I knew it would kill Mason not to be there for her last night in town. Mason and Willow were almost as close as Mason and I were, and I didn’t want Willow to have to choose. Still, as Mason waited for her to respond, I swore I could feel the daggers she was throwing his way piercing my own skin.
“Depends. Are you going to be an ass like Shay tried to be?”
“Willow,” Mason said softly, shaking his head. “You know I never would be. That’s part of why I’m here.” He cleared his throat. “I just wanted to apologize.”
Willow sniffed, seemingly debating his sincerity. After glancing at me to check if I was okay with it, she pulled her long hair to the side and lifted herself from the bed. “Fine, but don’t make me kick your ass, Mason Carter.”
Once Willow pulled the door closed behind her, Mason stepped further into the room and it was just the two of us. The last time we’d been alone in a room together was under much different circumstances, and I tucked my hands under my legs at the discomforting comparison.
After a minute of silence, Mason crookedly smiled, shaking his head. “Natalie, you look incredible.”
My cheeks heated and I looked down at my red heels, crossing my ankles. “Thanks, Mase.”
“I’m really sorry for what happened with Shay.”
“It’s fine. I handled it.”
At that, Mason laughed. “Yeah. So I heard.” Feeling more comfortable, he took the empty seat on the bed next to me. “I can’t remember you ever standing up for yourself like that, Natalie.”
I shrugged. “Well, I never felt strong enough to do it before now.”
Mason’s eyes softened, and I could tell it was from pity. Pity for my insecurities or for his own ignorance of them, I wasn’t sure. Either way, he was staring at me in a familiar way that made me want to curl up under the covers with him. I didn’t want anything more — just the friend who’d left me behind. I couldn’t decide if I was angrier with myself for wanting anything at all from him or confused because before Rhodes, I wanted a lot more.
“Why are you even with her, Mason?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking. “She isn’t right for you. She’s awful.”
“She’s not always like that,” he defended, but he still ran his hand through his messy hair and sighed. “I guess I hoped being with me would change her. The first night I met her, she showed me a vulnerable side. She doesn’t show it to anyone else. Most of the time, she puts her guard up.” His eyes met mine. “Kind of like how she did tonight with you.”
“I don’t think that’s a guard, Mase. I think that’s her being a bitch.” I blushed at the curse word and Mason laughed.
“Maybe you’re right. I don’t know, I do care about her but…” I swallowed as his words trailed off because he’d moved closer to me, his jeans touching my bare leg. “I have to admit, something is missing.”
I didn’t have to guess what he meant by something because his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat and his eyes fell to my lips. He was thinking of kissing me, and my heart raced at the thought.
Suddenly, the door to Willow’s bedroom flew open.
“Uh, Natalie?” Willow asked, panic evident in her voice. “Did you invite Rhodes?”
Mason and I both jumped up from the bed, each for a different reason.
“He’s here?”
She nodded.
I glanced at Mason briefly, his face as shocked as mine, before brushing past Willow and flying down the stairs. Willow was on my tail, yelling how he’d just walked in and poured himself a drink. She’d asked him what he was doing there and he said I’d invited him.
And technically, I had.
I tried to remain calm as my foot hit the bottom stair. It took no time at all to find him. The room had cleared where he was standing, which was at the edge of the fireplace in Willow’s living room. He was casually leaned against it, one hand tucked in his pocket and the other lifting a pink solo cup to his lips. It was almost comical, except I couldn’t find it in me to smile.
He probably didn’t notice, but I knew the volume of the party had decreased. People were staring at him, though they tried not to make it obvious, and whispers were flying everywhere. Seeing him standing there so strong and unaffected made it hard to breathe and when his eyes met mine, I gripped the banister of the stairs to steady myself. I needed to know why he was there and what that meant, but before I could build up the strength to walk across the room, Mason’s voice broke through.
“I just… I almost wish none of it had ever happened, Lo. I wish I would have stopped prying. If I could have just left him alone, let him train me and then gone home and forgot about him until the next session, maybe none of this would have ever happened. He’s either going to treat me like I’m just a client again or he’s going to make it where he never has to see me. Either option kills me.”
And it did. My stomach may have dropped at the sound of his name, but it twisted and ached at the thought of completely losing him. I was angry with him, I was hurt, I was confused, but I still yearned for him. I had no idea how to handle what was happening.
It was Willow’s turn to sigh. She shook her head, grabbing my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “The worst part of all of this is that now you know what having more of him is like. That’s what changes everything, and that’s why you’re struggling with wanting it back and wishing it never happened at all.” She shrugged, her brown eyes softening. “Ignorance is a blessing as much as it is a curse. You can’t crave what you don’t know exists.”
The truth of her observation hit me harder than anything Rhodes had said to me two nights before. I wasn’t sure what it was that I was feeling until Willow laid it out in front of me like a photograph.
A knock at the door startled both of us. It slowly opened, and suddenly my adrenaline was back. Or was it nerves? I couldn’t be sure. Mason was standing in the frame, hands in the pockets of his faded jeans, messy brown hair curling at his ears and falling into his eyes slightly.
“Hey,” he said timidly, looking to me first and then Willow. “Could I… um… would you mind if I talked to Natalie for a second?”
Willow’s face was stone. She’d invited Mason and Shay only after I’d convinced her that she needed to. She was hell bent on keeping both of them away after she found out what had happened at the fair, but I knew it would kill Mason not to be there for her last night in town. Mason and Willow were almost as close as Mason and I were, and I didn’t want Willow to have to choose. Still, as Mason waited for her to respond, I swore I could feel the daggers she was throwing his way piercing my own skin.
“Depends. Are you going to be an ass like Shay tried to be?”
“Willow,” Mason said softly, shaking his head. “You know I never would be. That’s part of why I’m here.” He cleared his throat. “I just wanted to apologize.”
Willow sniffed, seemingly debating his sincerity. After glancing at me to check if I was okay with it, she pulled her long hair to the side and lifted herself from the bed. “Fine, but don’t make me kick your ass, Mason Carter.”
Once Willow pulled the door closed behind her, Mason stepped further into the room and it was just the two of us. The last time we’d been alone in a room together was under much different circumstances, and I tucked my hands under my legs at the discomforting comparison.
After a minute of silence, Mason crookedly smiled, shaking his head. “Natalie, you look incredible.”
My cheeks heated and I looked down at my red heels, crossing my ankles. “Thanks, Mase.”
“I’m really sorry for what happened with Shay.”
“It’s fine. I handled it.”
At that, Mason laughed. “Yeah. So I heard.” Feeling more comfortable, he took the empty seat on the bed next to me. “I can’t remember you ever standing up for yourself like that, Natalie.”
I shrugged. “Well, I never felt strong enough to do it before now.”
Mason’s eyes softened, and I could tell it was from pity. Pity for my insecurities or for his own ignorance of them, I wasn’t sure. Either way, he was staring at me in a familiar way that made me want to curl up under the covers with him. I didn’t want anything more — just the friend who’d left me behind. I couldn’t decide if I was angrier with myself for wanting anything at all from him or confused because before Rhodes, I wanted a lot more.
“Why are you even with her, Mason?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking. “She isn’t right for you. She’s awful.”
“She’s not always like that,” he defended, but he still ran his hand through his messy hair and sighed. “I guess I hoped being with me would change her. The first night I met her, she showed me a vulnerable side. She doesn’t show it to anyone else. Most of the time, she puts her guard up.” His eyes met mine. “Kind of like how she did tonight with you.”
“I don’t think that’s a guard, Mase. I think that’s her being a bitch.” I blushed at the curse word and Mason laughed.
“Maybe you’re right. I don’t know, I do care about her but…” I swallowed as his words trailed off because he’d moved closer to me, his jeans touching my bare leg. “I have to admit, something is missing.”
I didn’t have to guess what he meant by something because his Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat and his eyes fell to my lips. He was thinking of kissing me, and my heart raced at the thought.
Suddenly, the door to Willow’s bedroom flew open.
“Uh, Natalie?” Willow asked, panic evident in her voice. “Did you invite Rhodes?”
Mason and I both jumped up from the bed, each for a different reason.
“He’s here?”
She nodded.
I glanced at Mason briefly, his face as shocked as mine, before brushing past Willow and flying down the stairs. Willow was on my tail, yelling how he’d just walked in and poured himself a drink. She’d asked him what he was doing there and he said I’d invited him.
And technically, I had.
I tried to remain calm as my foot hit the bottom stair. It took no time at all to find him. The room had cleared where he was standing, which was at the edge of the fireplace in Willow’s living room. He was casually leaned against it, one hand tucked in his pocket and the other lifting a pink solo cup to his lips. It was almost comical, except I couldn’t find it in me to smile.
He probably didn’t notice, but I knew the volume of the party had decreased. People were staring at him, though they tried not to make it obvious, and whispers were flying everywhere. Seeing him standing there so strong and unaffected made it hard to breathe and when his eyes met mine, I gripped the banister of the stairs to steady myself. I needed to know why he was there and what that meant, but before I could build up the strength to walk across the room, Mason’s voice broke through.
