Weightless
Page 70
“You have a lot of friends.”
“No, that’s just it. I don’t. And it’s okay that you didn’t see that before because neither did I. It took Rhodes loving me for exactly who I am and not who I could be or should be for me to realize it.”
“He doesn’t love you, honey,” she said with a sigh. “Mason loved you. And he’s a good boy who will someday turn into a good man. I know you don’t see it right now, and it kills me that we’re fighting, but trust me. You’ll understand one day. If you just listen to me, your life will be better.”
Zipping up my bag with force, I slung it over my shoulder. “I’m done with this conversation. Going to the gym. Be back later.”
“You are not to see him, young lady,” she demanded to my back as I walked away.
“Try to stop me.”
My hands were trembling as I pulled the Rover into the club parking lot. Killing the engine, I gripped the wheel tighter and didn’t move. Why was I even here? Rhodes had walked away from me. Did I have anything more to say that would make him change his mind?
Sighing, I slowly slid out of the car and walked shakily toward the entrance. The closer I got to the gym, the heavier I breathed, but that all changed when I walked through the door. I saw him immediately, almost as if no one else was in the room at all. He must have sensed me, because his blazing eyes lifted to mine and he scowled. I wasn’t breathing heavy anymore. I wasn’t breathing at all.
There was a woman with him, but it wasn’t a client — it was the same woman who had walked me into the gym that first day over two months ago. He was signing paperwork and when he finished, they shook hands, and she watched with sad eyes as he walked toward me.
Except he didn’t stop.
Rhodes brushed right past me, his body wash leaving an all-too-familiar scent in his wake. For a moment I was stunned, but I quickly shook my daze and jogged after him.
“Rhodes, wait,” I pleaded just as we exited the club. It was one of those dreadful summer days where the heat suffocates you, working in constant measure with the steady beating of the sun. It was already so hard to breathe, the humidity wasn’t helping make it any easier.
He didn’t stop. Slinging his backpack over his shoulders, Rhodes strode purposefully toward his bike. I felt the tears starting to sting the corners of my eyes, but I refused to cry. That’s not what I had come for.
“Listen. I know things are complicated between us. I know the two of us together doesn’t make sense, not to anyone else, anyway.” I was trying to say anything, everything to make him change his mind. I’d never babbled so much in my life. “But you’re all that makes sense to me anymore.” He was still walking. I watched as the muscles moved beneath the soft fabric of his navy blue shirt. “My parents are idiots. I don’t care what they think. I don’t care what anyone in this town thinks.” He climbed onto his bike, but paused, his helmet in his hands. One lone bead of sweat gathered on his neck before slowly trickling down. “And I know you don’t either.”
I waited, and for a moment he just sat there, staring at where his hands held fast to the straps of his helmet. Finally, he lifted his eyes to mine. They were soft, almost apologetic. It made me fear him more than when they were beneath his furrowed brow.
“I’m leaving Poxton Beach.” The words left his lips as if they were easy to say, though his eyes told me otherwise. “Friday.”
I tried to swallow, but not even dry air would go down. I sort of hiccupped, trying to control the emotions I knew were scrolling across my face but failing miserably. “You’re what?” I shook my head. “No. No, oh my God. Is it Dale? Did he get you fired?” Rhodes didn’t answer, but I watched his throat constrict with the same emotion taking over my body and I knew the answer without him saying another word.
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t belong in this town and I don’t want to be here anymore. There’s nothing here for me, and I’ve known that for years now. I was stalling. I was holding onto something impossible.”
“What about me?”
He chewed the inside of his cheek, his jaw tense, his eyes looking almost past me rather than at me.
My stomach lurched and I wrapped both of my arms tightly around it. “Oh God,” I whispered. I felt sick. I felt numb. And more than anything, I felt helpless. “Rhodes,” I breathed his name, a shiver breaking through me. “Please. Don’t go. Don’t leave.” I stepped closer, my hand shaking as I untucked it and reached out for Rhodes. He flinched, but didn’t pull away as I slid my index finger down his forearm to press hard on the inside of his wrist. “I feel your heart. It beats the same as mine. And I know you love me, too.”
His nostrils flared, his brows pulled in, and the slightest tremble quaked through his bottom lip. The sight of him almost breaking was all it took to completely shatter the fragile piece of myself I was trying to hold on to. When he shrugged me off, a sob choked through me, and suddenly the desperation I felt was too much. I lunged at him, shoving him hard enough to knock him off balance. He caught the weight of his bike, shutting his eyes but letting me hit him again and again.
“Fine! Leave!” I screamed so loud my throat hurt, my voice like a line of razor blades in my esophagus as my tiny fists pounded against his chest. “This is what you do, right? This is how it goes? I’ve memorized every inch of your back from all the times you’ve walked away from me this summer!”
Rhodes was chewing the corner of his lip, a fresh tear falling in the same line down his cheek. He was hurting, too. Why was he doing this?
I hit him once more before my hands flew to cover my mouth and I sobbed. Straightening, I sniffed, shaking my head. “You don’t get to be the one who walks away this time.” He still wouldn’t look at me. I was tired of trying to make him.
I took one last longing look at him, my body remembering everything he’d made me feel that summer all at once, and then I turned. I thought he’d spark his bike to life and leave me in the dust again, but he didn’t. He watched me go.
One final penance.
I had always felt like there was this invisible string between Rhodes and me, fastened to his heart and my own. He had pulled me toward him all summer, reeling me in, and as I climbed into the Rover and sped away, I felt the string snap, knocking me backward with the force. I choked, covering my mouth with the hand not glued to the wheel, muffling my cries.
“No, that’s just it. I don’t. And it’s okay that you didn’t see that before because neither did I. It took Rhodes loving me for exactly who I am and not who I could be or should be for me to realize it.”
“He doesn’t love you, honey,” she said with a sigh. “Mason loved you. And he’s a good boy who will someday turn into a good man. I know you don’t see it right now, and it kills me that we’re fighting, but trust me. You’ll understand one day. If you just listen to me, your life will be better.”
Zipping up my bag with force, I slung it over my shoulder. “I’m done with this conversation. Going to the gym. Be back later.”
“You are not to see him, young lady,” she demanded to my back as I walked away.
“Try to stop me.”
My hands were trembling as I pulled the Rover into the club parking lot. Killing the engine, I gripped the wheel tighter and didn’t move. Why was I even here? Rhodes had walked away from me. Did I have anything more to say that would make him change his mind?
Sighing, I slowly slid out of the car and walked shakily toward the entrance. The closer I got to the gym, the heavier I breathed, but that all changed when I walked through the door. I saw him immediately, almost as if no one else was in the room at all. He must have sensed me, because his blazing eyes lifted to mine and he scowled. I wasn’t breathing heavy anymore. I wasn’t breathing at all.
There was a woman with him, but it wasn’t a client — it was the same woman who had walked me into the gym that first day over two months ago. He was signing paperwork and when he finished, they shook hands, and she watched with sad eyes as he walked toward me.
Except he didn’t stop.
Rhodes brushed right past me, his body wash leaving an all-too-familiar scent in his wake. For a moment I was stunned, but I quickly shook my daze and jogged after him.
“Rhodes, wait,” I pleaded just as we exited the club. It was one of those dreadful summer days where the heat suffocates you, working in constant measure with the steady beating of the sun. It was already so hard to breathe, the humidity wasn’t helping make it any easier.
He didn’t stop. Slinging his backpack over his shoulders, Rhodes strode purposefully toward his bike. I felt the tears starting to sting the corners of my eyes, but I refused to cry. That’s not what I had come for.
“Listen. I know things are complicated between us. I know the two of us together doesn’t make sense, not to anyone else, anyway.” I was trying to say anything, everything to make him change his mind. I’d never babbled so much in my life. “But you’re all that makes sense to me anymore.” He was still walking. I watched as the muscles moved beneath the soft fabric of his navy blue shirt. “My parents are idiots. I don’t care what they think. I don’t care what anyone in this town thinks.” He climbed onto his bike, but paused, his helmet in his hands. One lone bead of sweat gathered on his neck before slowly trickling down. “And I know you don’t either.”
I waited, and for a moment he just sat there, staring at where his hands held fast to the straps of his helmet. Finally, he lifted his eyes to mine. They were soft, almost apologetic. It made me fear him more than when they were beneath his furrowed brow.
“I’m leaving Poxton Beach.” The words left his lips as if they were easy to say, though his eyes told me otherwise. “Friday.”
I tried to swallow, but not even dry air would go down. I sort of hiccupped, trying to control the emotions I knew were scrolling across my face but failing miserably. “You’re what?” I shook my head. “No. No, oh my God. Is it Dale? Did he get you fired?” Rhodes didn’t answer, but I watched his throat constrict with the same emotion taking over my body and I knew the answer without him saying another word.
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t belong in this town and I don’t want to be here anymore. There’s nothing here for me, and I’ve known that for years now. I was stalling. I was holding onto something impossible.”
“What about me?”
He chewed the inside of his cheek, his jaw tense, his eyes looking almost past me rather than at me.
My stomach lurched and I wrapped both of my arms tightly around it. “Oh God,” I whispered. I felt sick. I felt numb. And more than anything, I felt helpless. “Rhodes,” I breathed his name, a shiver breaking through me. “Please. Don’t go. Don’t leave.” I stepped closer, my hand shaking as I untucked it and reached out for Rhodes. He flinched, but didn’t pull away as I slid my index finger down his forearm to press hard on the inside of his wrist. “I feel your heart. It beats the same as mine. And I know you love me, too.”
His nostrils flared, his brows pulled in, and the slightest tremble quaked through his bottom lip. The sight of him almost breaking was all it took to completely shatter the fragile piece of myself I was trying to hold on to. When he shrugged me off, a sob choked through me, and suddenly the desperation I felt was too much. I lunged at him, shoving him hard enough to knock him off balance. He caught the weight of his bike, shutting his eyes but letting me hit him again and again.
“Fine! Leave!” I screamed so loud my throat hurt, my voice like a line of razor blades in my esophagus as my tiny fists pounded against his chest. “This is what you do, right? This is how it goes? I’ve memorized every inch of your back from all the times you’ve walked away from me this summer!”
Rhodes was chewing the corner of his lip, a fresh tear falling in the same line down his cheek. He was hurting, too. Why was he doing this?
I hit him once more before my hands flew to cover my mouth and I sobbed. Straightening, I sniffed, shaking my head. “You don’t get to be the one who walks away this time.” He still wouldn’t look at me. I was tired of trying to make him.
I took one last longing look at him, my body remembering everything he’d made me feel that summer all at once, and then I turned. I thought he’d spark his bike to life and leave me in the dust again, but he didn’t. He watched me go.
One final penance.
I had always felt like there was this invisible string between Rhodes and me, fastened to his heart and my own. He had pulled me toward him all summer, reeling me in, and as I climbed into the Rover and sped away, I felt the string snap, knocking me backward with the force. I choked, covering my mouth with the hand not glued to the wheel, muffling my cries.
