What I Need
Page 48
My mouth falls open. I feel my pulse spike as I stand there, staring in awe at his power.
CJ's arms and shoulders and back flex and ripple and swell with tension, but he never slows. Rep after rep. Boom. Boom. Boom. One after the other. This is easy to him. It’s nothing. And it’s killing me. My God.
I may actually drool a little as I stand here. I can't help it though. This is better than porn.
Come and get me.
The song keeps playing. Goosebumps break out all over my body. I listen to the lyrics and to CJ’s skin tingling grunts, which reminds me of the sounds he makes when he’s having sex. And those memories paired with the visual I’m getting, plus Jay Z’s goading permission, are a little too much to take right now. I know if CJ sees me or hears me getting ready in the next room, I’ll have to face him, and honestly, I don’t think I can handle that.
What if I touch him? What if I can’t resist anymore and run my hands over his shiny skin? I’ll curl my fingers around his muscles. I know I will, and CJ doesn’t want me to do that. He said he fucked up yesterday—after touching me more than he has since we agreed to be friends. I can still feel his hands on my hips and his strong pressure above my heartbeat. But he got weird and quiet on me afterward. He got different. He didn’t like it. Why else would he have acted the way he did?
I don’t want that to happen again. But I won’t be able to not touch him. Not today. Not anymore.
Boom. Boom. Boom.
CJ keeps going, rep after rep, and I can feel myself breathing heavier. I’ve never seen a man workout like this before. Honestly, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a man before period. CJ Tully might be my first.
You won’t be able to fight this, desire whispers in my ear. I bite my lip.
Decision made—I need to sacrifice my appearance tonight.
After getting one last lingering look, I step back and move swiftly down the hallway, leaving the house as quickly as I arrived.
McGill’s is crowded when I get there, which isn’t surprising. It’s Friday night. And as I scan the room for the faces I’m expecting to see, a sharp, whistling sound draws my attention through the crowd.
I spot the girls at a table near the bar. Beth and Mia are waving and smiling at me, all warm and welcoming, while Tessa side-eyes some girl twerking close by. I want to laugh because that’s Tessa for you. She’s not a girl’s girl at all, but I’m also mildly terrified she might side-eye me next.
Please don’t ask me to leave. I really want to be here.
“Hey. Sorry I’m late,” I say, stopping behind the vacant chair between Beth and Mia.
Both of them are dressed in cute summer dresses, have their hair pulled up in messy buns and are wearing light makeup—bronzer, lip gloss, maybe some highlighter. They look like they’re glowing. Tessa is wearing a white tank top with the word No written in bold, black letters across her chest. Her red hair is down and straightened, and her eyes are lined heavy. All three of them look girl’s-night ready.
I’m wearing mascara. That’s it.
I really need to start carrying makeup in my book bag.
“You’re not late. We all just got here,” Beth informs me, head tilting in curiosity when she looks at my top. “I thought you were going home to change after clinical?”
I was, but CJ was shirtless and making sex noises.
I clear my throat. “Um, yeah, I got held up at the hospital, so I figured I would just come straight here,” I lie, shrugging. “Sorry.”
“If I looked that cute in scrubs, I’d wear them all the time,” Mia shares, smiling up at me.
I feel my cheeks warm. Gosh, Mia really is the sweetest. “Thank y—”
“Yo, Riley Girl.”
My head lifts and my eyes connect with Tessa’s across the table.
Oh, God. Here it comes.
I brace myself and prepare to back away.
Tessa smirks after getting my attention. She leans forward in her chair and picks a chip from the nacho plate in the center of the table, snapping into it. “Have a seat. We have loads to talk about.” Her voice floats with meaning.
My brow furrows. We do? “Are you not going to ask me to leave?” I question.
She blinks, looking at me like I suddenly sprouted two additional heads. “What?”
“Nothing,” I rush out. I quickly claim my seat at the table and pick up the glass of water that’s in front me, taking two gulps before setting it down.
“Ignore her, Riley,” Mia says. “She’s just teasing you.”
“Um, hello.” Tessa points her chip at me, but keeps her focus on Mia. “Her boyfriend is in the slammer and according to Luke, he’ll be in there for a while. And I’d like to know how she feels about that.” She looks at me then, asking, “So, what gives? You trying to bust him out?”
“What?” My back goes straight. “No! No way. Richard can rot there. I don’t want him getting out. He hurt CJ.”
Tessa’s brows lift in interest. Beth clears her throat. I think I hear Mia mention something about really loving the cheese that’s on the nachos, but my attention remains on Tessa.
She leans back in her chair, the corner of her mouth teasing with a smile as she continues biting into her chip.
I relax into my seat, feeling my stomach clench. Crap. Crap! I sound way too invested in CJ’s wellbeing. And I shouldn’t. Not in front of Tessa, anyway. She doesn’t know about our weekend of sex or the fact that CJ and I are roommates now. And she’s friends with him. Not me. I’m not supposed to be anything with him.
What am I doing? Keep a lid on it, Riley!
“Um, I just hate that Richard hurt one of your friends. That’s all,” I quickly add, trying to cover my slip-up. “And I told you. He's not my boyfriend anymore. I broke up with him.”
“Mm.” Tessa cocks her head to the side after hearing me. She’s finished with her chip and full-on smiling now, meaning she knows something is up. And this is Tessa. She’ll want to discuss details and positions and size and circumference. I just know she will. No question is off limits to her.
My palms begin to sweat. I rub them on my scrub pants and contemplate making a mad dash for my car.
Screw girl’s night. Who needs it?
“You okay?” Tessa asks, following my nervousness.
“Yeah, I just . . . I’m super hungry.” I lurch forward and grab a chip loaded with ground beef, cheese, black beans, sour cream, and salsa, and shove the entire thing into my mouth.
CJ's arms and shoulders and back flex and ripple and swell with tension, but he never slows. Rep after rep. Boom. Boom. Boom. One after the other. This is easy to him. It’s nothing. And it’s killing me. My God.
I may actually drool a little as I stand here. I can't help it though. This is better than porn.
Come and get me.
The song keeps playing. Goosebumps break out all over my body. I listen to the lyrics and to CJ’s skin tingling grunts, which reminds me of the sounds he makes when he’s having sex. And those memories paired with the visual I’m getting, plus Jay Z’s goading permission, are a little too much to take right now. I know if CJ sees me or hears me getting ready in the next room, I’ll have to face him, and honestly, I don’t think I can handle that.
What if I touch him? What if I can’t resist anymore and run my hands over his shiny skin? I’ll curl my fingers around his muscles. I know I will, and CJ doesn’t want me to do that. He said he fucked up yesterday—after touching me more than he has since we agreed to be friends. I can still feel his hands on my hips and his strong pressure above my heartbeat. But he got weird and quiet on me afterward. He got different. He didn’t like it. Why else would he have acted the way he did?
I don’t want that to happen again. But I won’t be able to not touch him. Not today. Not anymore.
Boom. Boom. Boom.
CJ keeps going, rep after rep, and I can feel myself breathing heavier. I’ve never seen a man workout like this before. Honestly, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a man before period. CJ Tully might be my first.
You won’t be able to fight this, desire whispers in my ear. I bite my lip.
Decision made—I need to sacrifice my appearance tonight.
After getting one last lingering look, I step back and move swiftly down the hallway, leaving the house as quickly as I arrived.
McGill’s is crowded when I get there, which isn’t surprising. It’s Friday night. And as I scan the room for the faces I’m expecting to see, a sharp, whistling sound draws my attention through the crowd.
I spot the girls at a table near the bar. Beth and Mia are waving and smiling at me, all warm and welcoming, while Tessa side-eyes some girl twerking close by. I want to laugh because that’s Tessa for you. She’s not a girl’s girl at all, but I’m also mildly terrified she might side-eye me next.
Please don’t ask me to leave. I really want to be here.
“Hey. Sorry I’m late,” I say, stopping behind the vacant chair between Beth and Mia.
Both of them are dressed in cute summer dresses, have their hair pulled up in messy buns and are wearing light makeup—bronzer, lip gloss, maybe some highlighter. They look like they’re glowing. Tessa is wearing a white tank top with the word No written in bold, black letters across her chest. Her red hair is down and straightened, and her eyes are lined heavy. All three of them look girl’s-night ready.
I’m wearing mascara. That’s it.
I really need to start carrying makeup in my book bag.
“You’re not late. We all just got here,” Beth informs me, head tilting in curiosity when she looks at my top. “I thought you were going home to change after clinical?”
I was, but CJ was shirtless and making sex noises.
I clear my throat. “Um, yeah, I got held up at the hospital, so I figured I would just come straight here,” I lie, shrugging. “Sorry.”
“If I looked that cute in scrubs, I’d wear them all the time,” Mia shares, smiling up at me.
I feel my cheeks warm. Gosh, Mia really is the sweetest. “Thank y—”
“Yo, Riley Girl.”
My head lifts and my eyes connect with Tessa’s across the table.
Oh, God. Here it comes.
I brace myself and prepare to back away.
Tessa smirks after getting my attention. She leans forward in her chair and picks a chip from the nacho plate in the center of the table, snapping into it. “Have a seat. We have loads to talk about.” Her voice floats with meaning.
My brow furrows. We do? “Are you not going to ask me to leave?” I question.
She blinks, looking at me like I suddenly sprouted two additional heads. “What?”
“Nothing,” I rush out. I quickly claim my seat at the table and pick up the glass of water that’s in front me, taking two gulps before setting it down.
“Ignore her, Riley,” Mia says. “She’s just teasing you.”
“Um, hello.” Tessa points her chip at me, but keeps her focus on Mia. “Her boyfriend is in the slammer and according to Luke, he’ll be in there for a while. And I’d like to know how she feels about that.” She looks at me then, asking, “So, what gives? You trying to bust him out?”
“What?” My back goes straight. “No! No way. Richard can rot there. I don’t want him getting out. He hurt CJ.”
Tessa’s brows lift in interest. Beth clears her throat. I think I hear Mia mention something about really loving the cheese that’s on the nachos, but my attention remains on Tessa.
She leans back in her chair, the corner of her mouth teasing with a smile as she continues biting into her chip.
I relax into my seat, feeling my stomach clench. Crap. Crap! I sound way too invested in CJ’s wellbeing. And I shouldn’t. Not in front of Tessa, anyway. She doesn’t know about our weekend of sex or the fact that CJ and I are roommates now. And she’s friends with him. Not me. I’m not supposed to be anything with him.
What am I doing? Keep a lid on it, Riley!
“Um, I just hate that Richard hurt one of your friends. That’s all,” I quickly add, trying to cover my slip-up. “And I told you. He's not my boyfriend anymore. I broke up with him.”
“Mm.” Tessa cocks her head to the side after hearing me. She’s finished with her chip and full-on smiling now, meaning she knows something is up. And this is Tessa. She’ll want to discuss details and positions and size and circumference. I just know she will. No question is off limits to her.
My palms begin to sweat. I rub them on my scrub pants and contemplate making a mad dash for my car.
Screw girl’s night. Who needs it?
“You okay?” Tessa asks, following my nervousness.
“Yeah, I just . . . I’m super hungry.” I lurch forward and grab a chip loaded with ground beef, cheese, black beans, sour cream, and salsa, and shove the entire thing into my mouth.
