What I Need
Page 67
They talk about Afghanistan, but only briefly, and I get the impression from Jake’s short, to the point answers that this topic isn’t something he wants to elaborate on. His voice is tight by the time he changes the subject, putting the focus on CJ’s injury and getting the details of that night and his recovery so far. I carry the plates over to the counter and distribute them, along with forks and napkins. The guys are sitting beside each other, neither one of them looking up or breaking conversation when I walk over. I don’t mind. I know they need this. I’m sure they missed each other a lot. You can tell CJ is the older brother out of the two. He slaps Jake on the back and roughs up his hair, and Jake lets him. He doesn’t gripe at all. It’s sweet.
I linger there, watching their reunion until CJ briefly glances at me before admitting to his leg still bothering him a good bit, and then I turn around and busy myself with dishes.
I scrub a pan with vigor, getting the hardened egg off the bottom. My mouth set into a frown.
I can’t help but feel a little sad. I know CJ isn’t supposed to be healed up completely yet, but I hate hearing about how much pain he's still in. I want him healed.
I swear though, I think he’s bringing some of it on himself. I’ve caught him several times forgetting about his boot.
“Babe!”
I jump and whip my head around, keeping my hands under the water. “Yeah?”
Shoot. Has he been calling me?
CJ laughs at me through closed lips, his fork hovering in the air with a bite. “Jake was just saying how good your food is,” he shares, tipping his head at his brother and looking all kinds of proud of me.
I turn to Jake. My brows raise. “Do you like it? It’s good, right?”
He nods, chewing up his bite.
I smile, wanting to do a little dance in celebration. I’m getting the family approval already. This is awesome!
I dry my hands on the towel that’s hanging off the stove, then spin around to face the two of them. “Did CJ tell you about the fireworks tonight?” I ask. “There’s a parade and everything in town. It’s really fun.”
“Yeah. I can’t go, though,” Jake replies. “People drink a lot at shit like that. I can’t be around it.”
My smile fades as Jake looks down at his plate and forks more of his food.
Crap. What is wrong with me? I know about Jake’s history with drugs and the way alcohol brings that urge on for him. CJ told me he was a recovering addict. He said Jake struggled with it for years, and still does. And people drink a ton while watching the fireworks. It’s like a big party in the middle of a field. I know this!
I look at CJ to give him my silent apology for having this stupid idea in the first place, but he doesn’t seem the least bit mad at my suggestion. The eyes I meet are full of warmth, and his mouth is lifting in a gentle smile as he chews up his bite.
“How long are you staying for?” CJ asks, turning back to Jake. “Are you hanging out here for a while?”
Jake shakes his head. “Can’t. I only got approved for four days, and I need to go up and see Mom before I head to Katie’s. I just figured we could hang for a couple hours, if that’s cool with you.”
“Yeah, man. Whatever you want to do,” CJ replies. “I don’t have anything going on until later tonight. We can chill here or head into town. I don’t care.”
“Cool,” Jake mutters before scraping up another bite and shoveling it into his mouth.
Nice. They are going to hang out today. Get some brotherly time in. This is great.
I smile, looking between the two of them.
“Babe?”
My eyes fall on CJ. “Mm?”
“Do you want to finish telling me what was on your mind?”
My mouth pulls down.
Do I want to finish telling him what was on my mind? No. Do I need to? Yes. Just not with an audience.
“Uh,” I look to Jake, then back to CJ, shrugging. “That’s okay. It’s fine. I can wait.”
“You want me to step out?” Jake asks, brows lifting, reading my apprehension and interpreting it wrong.
“No.” I quickly shake my head. “No, please eat.”
“Darlin’, just say it,” CJ returns, eyes serious when he has mine. “You said you were worried about something. And there’s no way I’m going to be able to get that worry out of your head unless you let me in there.”
“It’s fine. It can wait.”
“Babe . . .”
“I don’t think Reed should know about us,” I blurt out.
His brows lift. “Say again?”
I knot my fingers together in front of my stomach. “Uh . . .”
Shit! I don’t want to repeat it. CJ doesn’t look like he’s going to take this news well at all. This could ruin his entire day with Jake.
I pull my lips between my teeth and pretend I’ve gone mute.
CJ cocks his head just as Jake pushes his stool back, dragging the legs against the wood.
“I’m gonna step outside for a smoke. Give you two a minute,” he announces, standing and moving with purpose toward the door, and I know he’s really stepping out because I just made things crazy awkward.
God, I hope I didn’t embarrass CJ. Why didn’t I just get this out while I was half naked, standing in the bedroom with him?
When the door shuts behind Jake, I turn to assess my damage, but CJ doesn’t look embarrassed. He doesn’t look angry either. He looks unsettled. His brows pulling together and his mouth tense while he hunches over the counter, arms outstretched in front of him and hands steepled beside his plate.
My stomach rolls.
What the hell is wrong with me? He deserves an explanation. How could I say something like that and then pretend I've gone mute?
“Reed hired Richard for the job he fired him from,” I begin, stepping up to the sink. “Did I ever tell you that?”
CJ thinks for a beat, then shakes his head.
“He liked him at one point,” I continue. “Richard said they got along, but then we started dating and for some reason, Reed would get on Richard about stuff at work, like single him out about things, and I don’t know if he was doing it because of Richard messing up or because he was dating me. But eventually Reed just started to hate him. And it made things really uncomfortable. He talked bad about Richard in front of me all the time and called him Dick. It put a strain on us. And I know Richard is basically the absolute worst, I know that now, but in the beginning when this all started, he wasn’t. Reed liked him, then we got together and he hated him. And the last thing I want is for Reed to start hating you. I won’t let that happen.”
I linger there, watching their reunion until CJ briefly glances at me before admitting to his leg still bothering him a good bit, and then I turn around and busy myself with dishes.
I scrub a pan with vigor, getting the hardened egg off the bottom. My mouth set into a frown.
I can’t help but feel a little sad. I know CJ isn’t supposed to be healed up completely yet, but I hate hearing about how much pain he's still in. I want him healed.
I swear though, I think he’s bringing some of it on himself. I’ve caught him several times forgetting about his boot.
“Babe!”
I jump and whip my head around, keeping my hands under the water. “Yeah?”
Shoot. Has he been calling me?
CJ laughs at me through closed lips, his fork hovering in the air with a bite. “Jake was just saying how good your food is,” he shares, tipping his head at his brother and looking all kinds of proud of me.
I turn to Jake. My brows raise. “Do you like it? It’s good, right?”
He nods, chewing up his bite.
I smile, wanting to do a little dance in celebration. I’m getting the family approval already. This is awesome!
I dry my hands on the towel that’s hanging off the stove, then spin around to face the two of them. “Did CJ tell you about the fireworks tonight?” I ask. “There’s a parade and everything in town. It’s really fun.”
“Yeah. I can’t go, though,” Jake replies. “People drink a lot at shit like that. I can’t be around it.”
My smile fades as Jake looks down at his plate and forks more of his food.
Crap. What is wrong with me? I know about Jake’s history with drugs and the way alcohol brings that urge on for him. CJ told me he was a recovering addict. He said Jake struggled with it for years, and still does. And people drink a ton while watching the fireworks. It’s like a big party in the middle of a field. I know this!
I look at CJ to give him my silent apology for having this stupid idea in the first place, but he doesn’t seem the least bit mad at my suggestion. The eyes I meet are full of warmth, and his mouth is lifting in a gentle smile as he chews up his bite.
“How long are you staying for?” CJ asks, turning back to Jake. “Are you hanging out here for a while?”
Jake shakes his head. “Can’t. I only got approved for four days, and I need to go up and see Mom before I head to Katie’s. I just figured we could hang for a couple hours, if that’s cool with you.”
“Yeah, man. Whatever you want to do,” CJ replies. “I don’t have anything going on until later tonight. We can chill here or head into town. I don’t care.”
“Cool,” Jake mutters before scraping up another bite and shoveling it into his mouth.
Nice. They are going to hang out today. Get some brotherly time in. This is great.
I smile, looking between the two of them.
“Babe?”
My eyes fall on CJ. “Mm?”
“Do you want to finish telling me what was on your mind?”
My mouth pulls down.
Do I want to finish telling him what was on my mind? No. Do I need to? Yes. Just not with an audience.
“Uh,” I look to Jake, then back to CJ, shrugging. “That’s okay. It’s fine. I can wait.”
“You want me to step out?” Jake asks, brows lifting, reading my apprehension and interpreting it wrong.
“No.” I quickly shake my head. “No, please eat.”
“Darlin’, just say it,” CJ returns, eyes serious when he has mine. “You said you were worried about something. And there’s no way I’m going to be able to get that worry out of your head unless you let me in there.”
“It’s fine. It can wait.”
“Babe . . .”
“I don’t think Reed should know about us,” I blurt out.
His brows lift. “Say again?”
I knot my fingers together in front of my stomach. “Uh . . .”
Shit! I don’t want to repeat it. CJ doesn’t look like he’s going to take this news well at all. This could ruin his entire day with Jake.
I pull my lips between my teeth and pretend I’ve gone mute.
CJ cocks his head just as Jake pushes his stool back, dragging the legs against the wood.
“I’m gonna step outside for a smoke. Give you two a minute,” he announces, standing and moving with purpose toward the door, and I know he’s really stepping out because I just made things crazy awkward.
God, I hope I didn’t embarrass CJ. Why didn’t I just get this out while I was half naked, standing in the bedroom with him?
When the door shuts behind Jake, I turn to assess my damage, but CJ doesn’t look embarrassed. He doesn’t look angry either. He looks unsettled. His brows pulling together and his mouth tense while he hunches over the counter, arms outstretched in front of him and hands steepled beside his plate.
My stomach rolls.
What the hell is wrong with me? He deserves an explanation. How could I say something like that and then pretend I've gone mute?
“Reed hired Richard for the job he fired him from,” I begin, stepping up to the sink. “Did I ever tell you that?”
CJ thinks for a beat, then shakes his head.
“He liked him at one point,” I continue. “Richard said they got along, but then we started dating and for some reason, Reed would get on Richard about stuff at work, like single him out about things, and I don’t know if he was doing it because of Richard messing up or because he was dating me. But eventually Reed just started to hate him. And it made things really uncomfortable. He talked bad about Richard in front of me all the time and called him Dick. It put a strain on us. And I know Richard is basically the absolute worst, I know that now, but in the beginning when this all started, he wasn’t. Reed liked him, then we got together and he hated him. And the last thing I want is for Reed to start hating you. I won’t let that happen.”
