What If It's Us
Page 27
The game starts off fairly creepy. The prison is only lit with a swinging lightbulb as our characters drag their feet into the darkness. A cell door creaks open, but it’s just the wind—no, no, fuck, no, it’s not just the wind, it’s an old man with half a face.
“Why is he in prison?!” Arthur yells.
“I don’t know!” I yell back.
“Death sentence him! Death sentence him!”
We shoot up the grandpa zombie—and wake up the entire prison and walking dead. One lunges at us in 3D and tries to choke me and Arthur blasts him to death. I shift closer to Arthur, like I once did with Hudson. Our legs are now touching and he scoots closer too. The vibrations of every step as the zombie convicts charge toward us has my heart racing.
“How are you—ah! Shit, he’s eating my arm—doing?” I ask.
“Scared. But could be worse.”
“What would be the scariest thing that can pop up on that screen? That fucker in the corner?”
We see a zombie in the corner eating a guard’s decapitated head like it’s roasted chicken. “Him too. And I don’t know. Maybe my parents getting divorced?”
“Oh. Is that . . . happening?”
“I think so. I don’t know, they’re just—zombie on your right!”
I let go of the blaster and push my 3D glasses to the top of my head. The zombies have their way with my character. “Want to talk about it?” It’s weird to picture anything bad happening in Arthur’s life. He’s a “high-powered intern” at sixteen, just relocated to New York, seems really smart. I guess no one’s life is perfect. Even those who seem to have it all.
Arthur pauses. “Okay, new scariest thing. Ethan hitting the high note in ‘Music of the Night’ from Phantom.”
I’ll take that as a no for talking about his parents. “Ethan’s your best friend, right?”
“Yeah, I think?” Arthur turns to me with his glasses still on. I can’t see his eyes. “Things have changed since I came out. I knew they would, but—I don’t know. I didn’t expect my best friends to exit stage left.”
“Jessie too?”
“Oh no, she’s cool. She’s amazing. We’ve always been pretty extra together, and now we’re extra about boys.” He finally removes the 3D glasses. “Can I ask how out you are?”
“Super out. In freshman year I was sleeping over at Dylan’s and we were watching The Avengers. He went on about how many crimes he would commit if it meant Black Widow would track him down so he could meet her. I talked about hammering Thor and he respected that choice. That was that.” Now that I hear about Ethan sucking in this department, I’m extra grateful for Dylan. “Same deal with my parents. I came out over dinner while Dylan was there, and my dad assumed we were dating. I just thought my parents would make a bigger deal about it. When they didn’t, I was underwhelmed. I thought it was going to be some major event. Balloons, parade, I don’t know.”
“That’s good though, right?”
“Yeah, now I’m glad it wasn’t. I wanted it to be normal and it was.”
“Because it is. You said you’re super out. So everyone knows?”
“Yeah. I put up an Instagram post on Thanksgiving a couple years ago. Said that I was thankful for all the people in my life who are cool enough to love me as I am. And everyone else could unfriend me online and in real life. I had even checked my follower count before posting.”
“Mass exodus? Modest exodus?”
“No exodus,” I say. It’s surprising. I thought people were going to care more than they did.
“Can I be honest about something?”
“You are a cartoon porn fanatic, aren’t you?”
“Well yeah, but . . . I’m not an arcade fanatic. I have failed you.”
“This explains a lot,” I say.
“We make a great team though!”
“No we don’t. We literally lost because we stopped playing midway.”
“Logistics.”
We put away the 3D glasses and get out.
“So no more playing is what you’re telling me,” I say. I still have credits, and they don’t exactly let you get your money back because your date doesn’t like arcades. He really is an alien. “Now what?”
“I have an idea,” Arthur says. He leads me to the photo booth, puts in five dollars, and takes a seat. “Come on!”
I don’t even get the chance to decide if this is what I want—the photo, this moment with Arthur—but I follow him inside the booth because not doing so is awkward and a waste of five bucks. I sit and all I can think about are the stupid faces Hudson and I made when we were here months ago. But Arthur is not Hudson. And I can’t let Hudson spoil any chance at making new memories in old places. Not just here at Dave & Buster’s, but everywhere in the city. School, parks, you name it. Arthur is his own person. Not a plaything. Not a distraction. I got to do this right.
“What’s our motivation?” I ask. “We get three shots.”
“I am not throwing away my shot,” Arthur says. He looks at me expectantly. “Hamilton?”
“Oh. Right.” People are obsessed with that show. I haven’t heard a single song, but it’s not something I should bring up now.
“I have so much to teach you, Ben.”
A timer counts down from three. For the first photo, we wing it. Arthur leans against me and we both smile, super simple. For the second photo Arthur sticks out his tongue and says “Aaaaaah” like a doctor is inspecting his mouth. I do an exaggerated wink. For the third photo Arthur turns to me. My heart is racing because he looks like he wants to kiss, but I’m not there yet. I know this is all really cute, that I’m actually reunited with the boy I met at the post office, but no matter how charming he is, I can’t force myself to kiss him before I’m ready. Before I mean it. We just stare and smile at each other when that last flash goes off.
We step out of the booth and we each get a reel to keep. We’re actually really cute together.
“That last photo is something,” Arthur says. “I . . . Never mind.”
“Go ahead.”
Arthur stares at his sneakers. “I look way happier than you. It’s cool if you want to call this quits. If you’re still caught up on your ex, I get it. Well, I don’t get it. But I can imagine.”
“No, I just . . . I had a lot of fun, but I know I wasn’t fully here,” I say. That’s my fault. I brought my date somewhere I used to come with my ex-boyfriend. I also don’t know how much I should really be investing in this since Arthur is just going to leave at the end of the summer anyway.
We’re both quiet. I really want to see Arthur the way he sees me. It might take time though, and time isn’t really on our side.
Arthur sighs and stares at the floor. “I screwed up my first date. Go me.”
“No, you didn’t screw it up . . . I’m the one who messed up. I’m always ready to flip off anything good the universe throws my way since I swear the universe hates me. But maybe the universe is just playing the long game. Like everything that’s ever gone wrong was so it could be right later. I don’t know.”
“So the date was good? Or wrong?”
“The date wasn’t wrong, I just think that if the universe is setting us up here that our story deserves a more epic first date,” I say. “I really want to see you again. Maybe we should have a do-over date.”
“Why is he in prison?!” Arthur yells.
“I don’t know!” I yell back.
“Death sentence him! Death sentence him!”
We shoot up the grandpa zombie—and wake up the entire prison and walking dead. One lunges at us in 3D and tries to choke me and Arthur blasts him to death. I shift closer to Arthur, like I once did with Hudson. Our legs are now touching and he scoots closer too. The vibrations of every step as the zombie convicts charge toward us has my heart racing.
“How are you—ah! Shit, he’s eating my arm—doing?” I ask.
“Scared. But could be worse.”
“What would be the scariest thing that can pop up on that screen? That fucker in the corner?”
We see a zombie in the corner eating a guard’s decapitated head like it’s roasted chicken. “Him too. And I don’t know. Maybe my parents getting divorced?”
“Oh. Is that . . . happening?”
“I think so. I don’t know, they’re just—zombie on your right!”
I let go of the blaster and push my 3D glasses to the top of my head. The zombies have their way with my character. “Want to talk about it?” It’s weird to picture anything bad happening in Arthur’s life. He’s a “high-powered intern” at sixteen, just relocated to New York, seems really smart. I guess no one’s life is perfect. Even those who seem to have it all.
Arthur pauses. “Okay, new scariest thing. Ethan hitting the high note in ‘Music of the Night’ from Phantom.”
I’ll take that as a no for talking about his parents. “Ethan’s your best friend, right?”
“Yeah, I think?” Arthur turns to me with his glasses still on. I can’t see his eyes. “Things have changed since I came out. I knew they would, but—I don’t know. I didn’t expect my best friends to exit stage left.”
“Jessie too?”
“Oh no, she’s cool. She’s amazing. We’ve always been pretty extra together, and now we’re extra about boys.” He finally removes the 3D glasses. “Can I ask how out you are?”
“Super out. In freshman year I was sleeping over at Dylan’s and we were watching The Avengers. He went on about how many crimes he would commit if it meant Black Widow would track him down so he could meet her. I talked about hammering Thor and he respected that choice. That was that.” Now that I hear about Ethan sucking in this department, I’m extra grateful for Dylan. “Same deal with my parents. I came out over dinner while Dylan was there, and my dad assumed we were dating. I just thought my parents would make a bigger deal about it. When they didn’t, I was underwhelmed. I thought it was going to be some major event. Balloons, parade, I don’t know.”
“That’s good though, right?”
“Yeah, now I’m glad it wasn’t. I wanted it to be normal and it was.”
“Because it is. You said you’re super out. So everyone knows?”
“Yeah. I put up an Instagram post on Thanksgiving a couple years ago. Said that I was thankful for all the people in my life who are cool enough to love me as I am. And everyone else could unfriend me online and in real life. I had even checked my follower count before posting.”
“Mass exodus? Modest exodus?”
“No exodus,” I say. It’s surprising. I thought people were going to care more than they did.
“Can I be honest about something?”
“You are a cartoon porn fanatic, aren’t you?”
“Well yeah, but . . . I’m not an arcade fanatic. I have failed you.”
“This explains a lot,” I say.
“We make a great team though!”
“No we don’t. We literally lost because we stopped playing midway.”
“Logistics.”
We put away the 3D glasses and get out.
“So no more playing is what you’re telling me,” I say. I still have credits, and they don’t exactly let you get your money back because your date doesn’t like arcades. He really is an alien. “Now what?”
“I have an idea,” Arthur says. He leads me to the photo booth, puts in five dollars, and takes a seat. “Come on!”
I don’t even get the chance to decide if this is what I want—the photo, this moment with Arthur—but I follow him inside the booth because not doing so is awkward and a waste of five bucks. I sit and all I can think about are the stupid faces Hudson and I made when we were here months ago. But Arthur is not Hudson. And I can’t let Hudson spoil any chance at making new memories in old places. Not just here at Dave & Buster’s, but everywhere in the city. School, parks, you name it. Arthur is his own person. Not a plaything. Not a distraction. I got to do this right.
“What’s our motivation?” I ask. “We get three shots.”
“I am not throwing away my shot,” Arthur says. He looks at me expectantly. “Hamilton?”
“Oh. Right.” People are obsessed with that show. I haven’t heard a single song, but it’s not something I should bring up now.
“I have so much to teach you, Ben.”
A timer counts down from three. For the first photo, we wing it. Arthur leans against me and we both smile, super simple. For the second photo Arthur sticks out his tongue and says “Aaaaaah” like a doctor is inspecting his mouth. I do an exaggerated wink. For the third photo Arthur turns to me. My heart is racing because he looks like he wants to kiss, but I’m not there yet. I know this is all really cute, that I’m actually reunited with the boy I met at the post office, but no matter how charming he is, I can’t force myself to kiss him before I’m ready. Before I mean it. We just stare and smile at each other when that last flash goes off.
We step out of the booth and we each get a reel to keep. We’re actually really cute together.
“That last photo is something,” Arthur says. “I . . . Never mind.”
“Go ahead.”
Arthur stares at his sneakers. “I look way happier than you. It’s cool if you want to call this quits. If you’re still caught up on your ex, I get it. Well, I don’t get it. But I can imagine.”
“No, I just . . . I had a lot of fun, but I know I wasn’t fully here,” I say. That’s my fault. I brought my date somewhere I used to come with my ex-boyfriend. I also don’t know how much I should really be investing in this since Arthur is just going to leave at the end of the summer anyway.
We’re both quiet. I really want to see Arthur the way he sees me. It might take time though, and time isn’t really on our side.
Arthur sighs and stares at the floor. “I screwed up my first date. Go me.”
“No, you didn’t screw it up . . . I’m the one who messed up. I’m always ready to flip off anything good the universe throws my way since I swear the universe hates me. But maybe the universe is just playing the long game. Like everything that’s ever gone wrong was so it could be right later. I don’t know.”
“So the date was good? Or wrong?”
“The date wasn’t wrong, I just think that if the universe is setting us up here that our story deserves a more epic first date,” I say. “I really want to see you again. Maybe we should have a do-over date.”
