What If It's Us
Page 36
“Hello?” Arthur asks.
“Hey.”
“It’s actually you. Not a butt-dial. I get everyone’s butt-dials. Always have. Always will. Unless I change my name. Identity change seems like a good idea since I sang you a song about a rat.”
I have only said one word on this call—a call I made—and I’m already ready to settle into another few hours of Arthur rambling. It’s better than my favorite Lorde and Lana Del Rey songs.
“You can sing a different song next time,” I say. I like that we’ll have a next time. That even though things have gone wrong, we’ve tried to make it right. “So I was nervous to admit this at karaoke, but—”
“Please don’t tell me you’re actually a bunch of rats wearing a cute boy as a disguise.”
“Worse.” I take a deep, dramatic breath. “I haven’t listened to Hamilton.”
He doesn’t say anything. Then the line goes dead.
Arthur texts: I’m sorry for hanging up, but I’m speechless. I really need to know something: HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN? HAMILTON HAS BEEN OUT FOR YEARS!!!
I laugh at his ridiculousness. Whoa three exclamation points, I text back.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he says.
I’m actually glad we’re doing this over text.
BEN HUGO ALEJO!!!!
So we’re breaking out the full poet name.
So you’ve heard nothing of this millennium’s greatest phenomenon?
I’ve heard some stuff. but I haven’t gone out of my way to sit thru it all. It’s like Terminator movies. I know I should watch them but I haven’t gotten around to it
You did not just compare the history of our great nation to the Terminator franchise.
Haha
BEN. The entire album is on YouTube for free. You need this 142 minutes and 13 seconds in your life.
Pls tell me you had to google how long the soundtrack is
You have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into.
Ok. if I agree to try it, can I call you back?
PUT IT DOWN IN WRITING.
Do u have a middle name?
Arthur JAMES Seuss is not interested in your changing the subject.
I promise I’ll try out Hamilton for mega fanboy Arthur James Seuss
I’m shaking my head and smiling when Arthur calls me back. “I’m sorry I had to hang up on you,” he says. “But Hamilton is very serious business.”
“I get that now.” I’m staring at my ceiling and I really wish he was here.
“Good. Because I don’t want to hang up on you again. Not my finest moment.”
“If you do, I’m going to write you into my story and kill you off.”
“You’re writing a book?!”
“It’s never going to be a real book, but it’s a story I’m trying to finish for me.”
“Is it our epic story?”
“No chill. You have no chill.”
“Nope. So what’s it about?”
I hesitate, like I’m about to not be cool enough for him. Cool is the thing I feel like I’ve had going for me. It’s not brains, it’s not money. But coolness has been my plus. “You’re going to make fun of me.”
“I sang you a song about a rat.”
“Good point.” If Arthur takes away all my cool points and can’t embrace my nerd-ness, we’re not going to be a good match anyway. Loving the same things I do is really important for me this time around. In my former squad I was the mega nerd, and I wish they were as into things as I get. Like how Hudson took a week to read Harry Potter and the Cursed Child and I was done within six hours. Or how they’d shrug off my suggestions for fun group costumes like Super Smash characters or Hogwarts students.
“It’s a fantasy book. The Wicked Wizard War. My character, Ben-Jamin, is the chosen one in this war between wizards.”
“I want to read it,” Arthur says. “Right now.”
“Really?”
“It’s you in a world of magic. Of course.”
“It’s really nerdy.”
“I like nerdy and I like you. Has anyone else read it?”
“Literally no one.”
“I have to have this.”
“What if you don’t like it? What if you don’t like it so much that you no longer like me?” I’m not trying to get canceled right as we really sync up.
“This is impossible. Trust me.”
It’s weird how it’s easier to trust Arthur than it is to trust people I’ve known way longer. Like Dylan and Hudson and Harriett. My parents. It’s not even that it’s kind of low-risk because I’m not sure how long Arthur will even be in my life—it’s more that I’m counting on knowing him for a long time and I want him to know the real me as soon as possible.
“Okay, I’ll let you read it, but I got to warn you. You’re right that this is me in a world of magic. Which means Hudson is a character too. I get it if you don’t want to read that.”
Arthur goes quiet, and here is where he’s going to jump ship. To write about someone is so personal, even in a world with fire-breathing children and flying dragon services, and a lot of the good stuff between me and Hudson is there. I don’t know if that’s going to be hard for Arthur or not.
“If you’ve written about Hudson, maybe this means I’ll pop up in the story one day?” Arthur asks.
“Let’s see how nice you are about the book.”
“I’m going to be the most generous critic.”
“And the only.”
“That’s me. The one.” Arthur pauses. “I have an idea.”
“Yeah?”
“You listen to Hamilton while I read The Wicked Wizard War.”
“Deal.”
We get off the phone.
I can’t believe I’m attaching The Wicked Wizard War to an email that I’m not just sending to myself. I really hope Arthur genuinely likes it. I’ll know he hates it if he just tells me he thinks Ben-Jamin is hot or that my chapter titles are cool. I hit send and cross my fingers.
I go to YouTube and get Hamilton going.
I press play, and I’m going to be really real here: I don’t know who Alexander Hamilton is. I mean, I googled him earlier this year because I thought he was a past president and Ma corrected me, which embarrassed me even though the only other person in the room was Pa. But I’m not sure I still have a handle on what he’s done. If you’re not a superhero or a sorcerer, my memory is bad at retaining any information about you. But as I lie on my side, reading the lyrics of the first song as it’s playing, I’m immediately pulled into Hamilton’s story.
And Arthur is into my story. He texts me after reading about Ben-Jamin getting his powers during a snowstorm and how he already wants The Wicked Wizard War to be a movie so he can buy Hot Topic shirts and Ben-Jamin Funko Pops. He’s being overly generous, but I really love it when he keeps texting me favorite parts. It’s all the scenes that were really cool to me and I wasn’t sure if they would be cool to anyone else. I really like hearing which parts have him laughing and which ones get his heart racing. It’s the greatest ego boost. Like maybe I have it in me to entertain strangers too.
And for the next couple hours, we keep texting each other our favorite parts. Hamilton not throwing away his shot as Ben-Jamin rejects his destiny. King George sending a fully armed battalion to remind the colonists of his love as Enchantress Eva predicts tragedy for a ragtag group of wizards. Hamilton rising up as Ben-Jamin rides into battle on a one-winged dragon. The Schuyler sisters getting me helpless as Arthur loses it over Ben-Jamin getting drunk with Duke Dill. History’s eyes and coming of age in their young nation and making a million mistakes. Flirty touches and first kisses and hearts that turn out to be wrong.
“Hey.”
“It’s actually you. Not a butt-dial. I get everyone’s butt-dials. Always have. Always will. Unless I change my name. Identity change seems like a good idea since I sang you a song about a rat.”
I have only said one word on this call—a call I made—and I’m already ready to settle into another few hours of Arthur rambling. It’s better than my favorite Lorde and Lana Del Rey songs.
“You can sing a different song next time,” I say. I like that we’ll have a next time. That even though things have gone wrong, we’ve tried to make it right. “So I was nervous to admit this at karaoke, but—”
“Please don’t tell me you’re actually a bunch of rats wearing a cute boy as a disguise.”
“Worse.” I take a deep, dramatic breath. “I haven’t listened to Hamilton.”
He doesn’t say anything. Then the line goes dead.
Arthur texts: I’m sorry for hanging up, but I’m speechless. I really need to know something: HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN? HAMILTON HAS BEEN OUT FOR YEARS!!!
I laugh at his ridiculousness. Whoa three exclamation points, I text back.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he says.
I’m actually glad we’re doing this over text.
BEN HUGO ALEJO!!!!
So we’re breaking out the full poet name.
So you’ve heard nothing of this millennium’s greatest phenomenon?
I’ve heard some stuff. but I haven’t gone out of my way to sit thru it all. It’s like Terminator movies. I know I should watch them but I haven’t gotten around to it
You did not just compare the history of our great nation to the Terminator franchise.
Haha
BEN. The entire album is on YouTube for free. You need this 142 minutes and 13 seconds in your life.
Pls tell me you had to google how long the soundtrack is
You have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into.
Ok. if I agree to try it, can I call you back?
PUT IT DOWN IN WRITING.
Do u have a middle name?
Arthur JAMES Seuss is not interested in your changing the subject.
I promise I’ll try out Hamilton for mega fanboy Arthur James Seuss
I’m shaking my head and smiling when Arthur calls me back. “I’m sorry I had to hang up on you,” he says. “But Hamilton is very serious business.”
“I get that now.” I’m staring at my ceiling and I really wish he was here.
“Good. Because I don’t want to hang up on you again. Not my finest moment.”
“If you do, I’m going to write you into my story and kill you off.”
“You’re writing a book?!”
“It’s never going to be a real book, but it’s a story I’m trying to finish for me.”
“Is it our epic story?”
“No chill. You have no chill.”
“Nope. So what’s it about?”
I hesitate, like I’m about to not be cool enough for him. Cool is the thing I feel like I’ve had going for me. It’s not brains, it’s not money. But coolness has been my plus. “You’re going to make fun of me.”
“I sang you a song about a rat.”
“Good point.” If Arthur takes away all my cool points and can’t embrace my nerd-ness, we’re not going to be a good match anyway. Loving the same things I do is really important for me this time around. In my former squad I was the mega nerd, and I wish they were as into things as I get. Like how Hudson took a week to read Harry Potter and the Cursed Child and I was done within six hours. Or how they’d shrug off my suggestions for fun group costumes like Super Smash characters or Hogwarts students.
“It’s a fantasy book. The Wicked Wizard War. My character, Ben-Jamin, is the chosen one in this war between wizards.”
“I want to read it,” Arthur says. “Right now.”
“Really?”
“It’s you in a world of magic. Of course.”
“It’s really nerdy.”
“I like nerdy and I like you. Has anyone else read it?”
“Literally no one.”
“I have to have this.”
“What if you don’t like it? What if you don’t like it so much that you no longer like me?” I’m not trying to get canceled right as we really sync up.
“This is impossible. Trust me.”
It’s weird how it’s easier to trust Arthur than it is to trust people I’ve known way longer. Like Dylan and Hudson and Harriett. My parents. It’s not even that it’s kind of low-risk because I’m not sure how long Arthur will even be in my life—it’s more that I’m counting on knowing him for a long time and I want him to know the real me as soon as possible.
“Okay, I’ll let you read it, but I got to warn you. You’re right that this is me in a world of magic. Which means Hudson is a character too. I get it if you don’t want to read that.”
Arthur goes quiet, and here is where he’s going to jump ship. To write about someone is so personal, even in a world with fire-breathing children and flying dragon services, and a lot of the good stuff between me and Hudson is there. I don’t know if that’s going to be hard for Arthur or not.
“If you’ve written about Hudson, maybe this means I’ll pop up in the story one day?” Arthur asks.
“Let’s see how nice you are about the book.”
“I’m going to be the most generous critic.”
“And the only.”
“That’s me. The one.” Arthur pauses. “I have an idea.”
“Yeah?”
“You listen to Hamilton while I read The Wicked Wizard War.”
“Deal.”
We get off the phone.
I can’t believe I’m attaching The Wicked Wizard War to an email that I’m not just sending to myself. I really hope Arthur genuinely likes it. I’ll know he hates it if he just tells me he thinks Ben-Jamin is hot or that my chapter titles are cool. I hit send and cross my fingers.
I go to YouTube and get Hamilton going.
I press play, and I’m going to be really real here: I don’t know who Alexander Hamilton is. I mean, I googled him earlier this year because I thought he was a past president and Ma corrected me, which embarrassed me even though the only other person in the room was Pa. But I’m not sure I still have a handle on what he’s done. If you’re not a superhero or a sorcerer, my memory is bad at retaining any information about you. But as I lie on my side, reading the lyrics of the first song as it’s playing, I’m immediately pulled into Hamilton’s story.
And Arthur is into my story. He texts me after reading about Ben-Jamin getting his powers during a snowstorm and how he already wants The Wicked Wizard War to be a movie so he can buy Hot Topic shirts and Ben-Jamin Funko Pops. He’s being overly generous, but I really love it when he keeps texting me favorite parts. It’s all the scenes that were really cool to me and I wasn’t sure if they would be cool to anyone else. I really like hearing which parts have him laughing and which ones get his heart racing. It’s the greatest ego boost. Like maybe I have it in me to entertain strangers too.
And for the next couple hours, we keep texting each other our favorite parts. Hamilton not throwing away his shot as Ben-Jamin rejects his destiny. King George sending a fully armed battalion to remind the colonists of his love as Enchantress Eva predicts tragedy for a ragtag group of wizards. Hamilton rising up as Ben-Jamin rides into battle on a one-winged dragon. The Schuyler sisters getting me helpless as Arthur loses it over Ben-Jamin getting drunk with Duke Dill. History’s eyes and coming of age in their young nation and making a million mistakes. Flirty touches and first kisses and hearts that turn out to be wrong.
