What If It's Us
Page 55
The train starts moving and I send another text.
I’m not sorry for having an ex-boyfriend. But I’m sorry for letting him get in the way of you trusting me. I hope you believe me.
The train stops at the station, and right before the doors open, my phone buzzes again. I have this dread—Arthur telling me to fuck off, Samantha telling me the worst news.
But it’s something good in all this chaos.
I believe you, Ben.
I run into the waiting room and Samantha is leaning back in a chair with her head on the wall.
“Samantha!”
“Ben.” She hops up, and even though I don’t deserve it, she hugs me.
I look around. “How’s it going? Where are his parents?”
“Grabbing coffee.”
“The fuck? Dylan is dy—”
“He’s okay! He’s okay. It was a false alarm. Panic attack. Really bad panic attack. We just found out like five minutes ago. I was going to text you but . . .” Samantha takes a deep breath. “I needed a moment. I will never forget the way he panicked when his heart rate started speeding up . . .”
I hug her when she’s tearing up. I know the face she’s talking about. When Dylan was admitted overnight three years ago for a heart scare, I was really bummed I couldn’t stay there with him, so I skipped school the next day to hang out.
“I’m sorry you had to see that, but I’m happy you were there.” I take a step back. “Thanks for telling me.”
“I didn’t think twice. I know Dylan has a reputation, and I know you were looking out for me.”
“He doesn’t deserve you,” I say with a smile.
“Of course not, but he’s stuck with me. At least for another couple weeks,” she jokes.
“I’m sorry I said that. I’m really rooting for you both. I just feel threatened.”
We take a seat and she shakes her head. “No way. He’s obsessed with you. He talks about you as much as I go home and talk about him to my parents. Which he doesn’t know I do, by the way. I’m being careful even though it’s hard to keep my chill sometimes.”
When you spend time with Arthur, you’re pretty familiar with no chill. But Arthur and I didn’t have the time Dylan and Samantha do to take it slow. I wonder what our relationship could’ve looked like if Arthur lived here.
“I’m sure-sure it’s going somewhere,” I say. “If that counts for anything.”
“It does. Big-time.”
Dylan’s parents come through with coffee, and we catch up for a bit before they go in and see Dylan first. Samantha and I hang out, and I tell her all about the almost kiss with Hudson. It feels odd telling her before Dylan, but I snap out of it. No reason my best friend’s girlfriend shouldn’t be my best friend too. We’re all going to be rotating around each other anyway.
When his parents come back to the waiting room to do some paperwork, Samantha and I get up to see him at the same time.
“You go first,” I say.
“Let’s go together.”
So we do. We enter the emergency room, passing a patient’s curtained-off cubicle before reaching Dylan, and wow, what a sight.
“My loves!” Dylan’s voice is raspy, and kind of hot. He looks pale and just overall pleased with himself. “Death tried to have its way with me and I flipped the sumbitch off. I have afterlife spoilers.”
Samantha shakes her head as she approaches his bedside and hugs him. “You had a panic attack.”
Dylan turns to me. “Don’t believe Samantha, she’s trying to ruin my good name.”
“I’m not even going to shut you up,” Samantha says.
“I have just conquered Death, there’s no such thing as shutting me up.”
I watch his face as he hugs her back, the way his eyes close and lose a lot of his electric Dylan-ness. None of the arrogance, just pure relief he’s still alive and able to hold his girlfriend again.
It’s really sweet.
I can’t wait to make fun of him.
I’m so happy I get to make fun of him.
I hug my best friend. “Thanks for not dying,” I say.
And I mean it. Because yeah, it was a false alarm, but I know it felt real to Dylan. It scares him when his heart beats fast. I don’t blame him for hauling ass to the ER. I’m glad he did. Better a million false alarms than the alternative.
“I had to come back. Our last words to each other were trash and we would’ve been some bad cliché, and I’m too iconic for such nonsense.”
“Very iconic. The most iconic.”
“Speaking of, I almost died living a lie,” Dylan says. He takes Samantha’s hand. “So hear me out. Dream & Bean coffee is just in my blood. Kool Koffee’s coffee doesn’t do it for me. You’re so passionate about the money being donated to charities, but I have to be honest about buying my coffee elsewhere.”
Samantha squints. “What? I don’t care. You do you.”
“Really?”
“Very really,” Samantha says.
“This was never a real problem, D,” I say.
“Were you actually stressed about this?” Samantha says.
“Yes. Very much.”
She shakes her head and kisses him on the forehead. “You’re ridiculous.” She takes his hand and squeezes.
My phone buzzes. I grin a little because it’s Arthur.
Dylan catches me. “What was that? That little smile? The fuck was that? What’s happening?”
“You’re being hysterical,” I say. “Let’s up your drugs.”
“Respect your immortal best friend and tell me what’s happening. I didn’t go to hell and back to not be kept in the loop.”
“Arthur is asking how you’re doing.”
“You guys good again?”
“Well, we’re not boyfriends. But we’re texting.”
“Screw texting. Go see him. I would ask you to swear on my life that you’ll be more honest with him, but we’ve proven today that I’m untouchable. I will walk this world forever.”
Samantha takes a step away from him. “A lightning bolt is going to burst in here any second now and shut you up.”
“I eat lightning for breakfast.”
“Okay,” I say. “You’re alive and well. So well that maybe I can meet Arthur. I know you just came back from the dead, but it’s his birthday.”
“No way that’s more superior than my resurrection, but sure.”
I clap my hands. “Great. Samantha, you can fill him in on all the Hudson stuff, if you want. And make sure he doesn’t die again to prove a point.”
Samantha returns to his side and takes his hand. “Future husband will live to see another day. Go get your boy.”
“What did you just call me?” Dylan asks with the biggest smile, like a kid on Christmas.
“This is my cue to get out of here before you strip out of your gown,” I say.
I hug and kiss Dylan and Samantha and bounce.
When I’m out in the hallway, I text Arthur back. Everything is good. Dylan is very Dylan. I take a deep breath. I really want to see you. Can I meet you somewhere?
My phone buzzes.
Yeah, I’ll meet you in the waiting area in ten seconds. Don’t be late.
What.
I look up.
There he is.
Part Three
And Only Us
Chapter Thirty-Three
I’m not sorry for having an ex-boyfriend. But I’m sorry for letting him get in the way of you trusting me. I hope you believe me.
The train stops at the station, and right before the doors open, my phone buzzes again. I have this dread—Arthur telling me to fuck off, Samantha telling me the worst news.
But it’s something good in all this chaos.
I believe you, Ben.
I run into the waiting room and Samantha is leaning back in a chair with her head on the wall.
“Samantha!”
“Ben.” She hops up, and even though I don’t deserve it, she hugs me.
I look around. “How’s it going? Where are his parents?”
“Grabbing coffee.”
“The fuck? Dylan is dy—”
“He’s okay! He’s okay. It was a false alarm. Panic attack. Really bad panic attack. We just found out like five minutes ago. I was going to text you but . . .” Samantha takes a deep breath. “I needed a moment. I will never forget the way he panicked when his heart rate started speeding up . . .”
I hug her when she’s tearing up. I know the face she’s talking about. When Dylan was admitted overnight three years ago for a heart scare, I was really bummed I couldn’t stay there with him, so I skipped school the next day to hang out.
“I’m sorry you had to see that, but I’m happy you were there.” I take a step back. “Thanks for telling me.”
“I didn’t think twice. I know Dylan has a reputation, and I know you were looking out for me.”
“He doesn’t deserve you,” I say with a smile.
“Of course not, but he’s stuck with me. At least for another couple weeks,” she jokes.
“I’m sorry I said that. I’m really rooting for you both. I just feel threatened.”
We take a seat and she shakes her head. “No way. He’s obsessed with you. He talks about you as much as I go home and talk about him to my parents. Which he doesn’t know I do, by the way. I’m being careful even though it’s hard to keep my chill sometimes.”
When you spend time with Arthur, you’re pretty familiar with no chill. But Arthur and I didn’t have the time Dylan and Samantha do to take it slow. I wonder what our relationship could’ve looked like if Arthur lived here.
“I’m sure-sure it’s going somewhere,” I say. “If that counts for anything.”
“It does. Big-time.”
Dylan’s parents come through with coffee, and we catch up for a bit before they go in and see Dylan first. Samantha and I hang out, and I tell her all about the almost kiss with Hudson. It feels odd telling her before Dylan, but I snap out of it. No reason my best friend’s girlfriend shouldn’t be my best friend too. We’re all going to be rotating around each other anyway.
When his parents come back to the waiting room to do some paperwork, Samantha and I get up to see him at the same time.
“You go first,” I say.
“Let’s go together.”
So we do. We enter the emergency room, passing a patient’s curtained-off cubicle before reaching Dylan, and wow, what a sight.
“My loves!” Dylan’s voice is raspy, and kind of hot. He looks pale and just overall pleased with himself. “Death tried to have its way with me and I flipped the sumbitch off. I have afterlife spoilers.”
Samantha shakes her head as she approaches his bedside and hugs him. “You had a panic attack.”
Dylan turns to me. “Don’t believe Samantha, she’s trying to ruin my good name.”
“I’m not even going to shut you up,” Samantha says.
“I have just conquered Death, there’s no such thing as shutting me up.”
I watch his face as he hugs her back, the way his eyes close and lose a lot of his electric Dylan-ness. None of the arrogance, just pure relief he’s still alive and able to hold his girlfriend again.
It’s really sweet.
I can’t wait to make fun of him.
I’m so happy I get to make fun of him.
I hug my best friend. “Thanks for not dying,” I say.
And I mean it. Because yeah, it was a false alarm, but I know it felt real to Dylan. It scares him when his heart beats fast. I don’t blame him for hauling ass to the ER. I’m glad he did. Better a million false alarms than the alternative.
“I had to come back. Our last words to each other were trash and we would’ve been some bad cliché, and I’m too iconic for such nonsense.”
“Very iconic. The most iconic.”
“Speaking of, I almost died living a lie,” Dylan says. He takes Samantha’s hand. “So hear me out. Dream & Bean coffee is just in my blood. Kool Koffee’s coffee doesn’t do it for me. You’re so passionate about the money being donated to charities, but I have to be honest about buying my coffee elsewhere.”
Samantha squints. “What? I don’t care. You do you.”
“Really?”
“Very really,” Samantha says.
“This was never a real problem, D,” I say.
“Were you actually stressed about this?” Samantha says.
“Yes. Very much.”
She shakes her head and kisses him on the forehead. “You’re ridiculous.” She takes his hand and squeezes.
My phone buzzes. I grin a little because it’s Arthur.
Dylan catches me. “What was that? That little smile? The fuck was that? What’s happening?”
“You’re being hysterical,” I say. “Let’s up your drugs.”
“Respect your immortal best friend and tell me what’s happening. I didn’t go to hell and back to not be kept in the loop.”
“Arthur is asking how you’re doing.”
“You guys good again?”
“Well, we’re not boyfriends. But we’re texting.”
“Screw texting. Go see him. I would ask you to swear on my life that you’ll be more honest with him, but we’ve proven today that I’m untouchable. I will walk this world forever.”
Samantha takes a step away from him. “A lightning bolt is going to burst in here any second now and shut you up.”
“I eat lightning for breakfast.”
“Okay,” I say. “You’re alive and well. So well that maybe I can meet Arthur. I know you just came back from the dead, but it’s his birthday.”
“No way that’s more superior than my resurrection, but sure.”
I clap my hands. “Great. Samantha, you can fill him in on all the Hudson stuff, if you want. And make sure he doesn’t die again to prove a point.”
Samantha returns to his side and takes his hand. “Future husband will live to see another day. Go get your boy.”
“What did you just call me?” Dylan asks with the biggest smile, like a kid on Christmas.
“This is my cue to get out of here before you strip out of your gown,” I say.
I hug and kiss Dylan and Samantha and bounce.
When I’m out in the hallway, I text Arthur back. Everything is good. Dylan is very Dylan. I take a deep breath. I really want to see you. Can I meet you somewhere?
My phone buzzes.
Yeah, I’ll meet you in the waiting area in ten seconds. Don’t be late.
What.
I look up.
There he is.
Part Three
And Only Us
Chapter Thirty-Three
