What We Find
Page 55
“I’ll come back, Maggie. I don’t know that I’ll stay here, but I’ll come back.”
“When?”
“I have no idea. I don’t know if I’ll get enough of that trail in three days or three months. It will do me good. I think you need time to think, too.”
“You’re leaving your truck and camper?”
He shook his head. “There’s a place to park it in Leadville and I’ll get on the trail from there. Leadville’s not too far away and I don’t want it to be in your way here.”
“It wouldn’t be in the way. Sully offered...”
“I’m leaving it in Leadville. In the morning.”
“Crap,” she said, getting misty-eyed. Her nose immediately plugged up. “Can’t you leave in a few days? Give a girl a little time to get used to the idea?”
“This is better, honey. I told you from the day we met—I want to do this. I need to get out on the trail alone, just me and the inside of my head.”
“You’re leaving your truck in Leadville so you won’t have to come back here to get it in case you decide you’re done with this place. With me.”
“Not true. I will come back, I will see you again, but I don’t want you hanging on to a piece of me with expectations. I don’t want you looking at the truck and being reminded every day. I want you to be free to get on with your life. If you go back to Denver, I can find you there.”
“What in the world do you have to think about?” she demanded. “You’re almost the most normal man I’ve ever known! You are not even slightly fucked-up! There’s nothing you can’t think about right here. In fact, I’ll promise not to talk to you for three months so you can work through whatever it is and then we can work out anything else...” She stopped herself. “I’m close to begging,” she said. “I’m not going to do that.”
“You know how you said you had a pileup in Denver? Everything crashed down on you at once? Well, I went through a rough patch myself. Not something I’m ready to talk about just yet. Maybe someday. That’s why I need some time alone. Alone against the challenge of the hike over the mountains and through some wild country. Alone with no one in sight, where I have to rely on myself. Sometimes that’s what it takes. You know, you get a little tired, depleted, deprived, you have to push yourself, then things start to fall into place. I’m counting on that. I promise I’ll get in touch when I’ve had all I can take of the trail. Okay?”
“Whatever,” she said. She tried to hide the fact that tears were leaking out of her eyes. For just a second she thought, I can tell him I’m coming up on a trial! That I need him! That I need the support! But she couldn’t.
“Come here,” he said. “Close to me. We’ll hold on to each other. It’s hard for me to leave, you know. But I should do this even if it’s hard. I have to look around the inside of my head and sort things out. You only think I’m the most normal guy in town—I have a gnarly mess in there. Now come on, kiss me. You’re like buried treasure, you know that? I hobbled into this camp with no idea I’d have you for a while. Maggie, Maggie, you’re so wonderful...”
* * *
Just after dawn, Cal got dressed and ready to get in his truck and on the road. Maggie pulled on her clothes and joined him outside beside the truck.
“You’ll be okay, Maggie. You’re strong and you have good sense. Don’t get talked into anything—do what feels right.”
“You shouldn’t say that. What feels right is following you.”
“When?”
“I have no idea. I don’t know if I’ll get enough of that trail in three days or three months. It will do me good. I think you need time to think, too.”
“You’re leaving your truck and camper?”
He shook his head. “There’s a place to park it in Leadville and I’ll get on the trail from there. Leadville’s not too far away and I don’t want it to be in your way here.”
“It wouldn’t be in the way. Sully offered...”
“I’m leaving it in Leadville. In the morning.”
“Crap,” she said, getting misty-eyed. Her nose immediately plugged up. “Can’t you leave in a few days? Give a girl a little time to get used to the idea?”
“This is better, honey. I told you from the day we met—I want to do this. I need to get out on the trail alone, just me and the inside of my head.”
“You’re leaving your truck in Leadville so you won’t have to come back here to get it in case you decide you’re done with this place. With me.”
“Not true. I will come back, I will see you again, but I don’t want you hanging on to a piece of me with expectations. I don’t want you looking at the truck and being reminded every day. I want you to be free to get on with your life. If you go back to Denver, I can find you there.”
“What in the world do you have to think about?” she demanded. “You’re almost the most normal man I’ve ever known! You are not even slightly fucked-up! There’s nothing you can’t think about right here. In fact, I’ll promise not to talk to you for three months so you can work through whatever it is and then we can work out anything else...” She stopped herself. “I’m close to begging,” she said. “I’m not going to do that.”
“You know how you said you had a pileup in Denver? Everything crashed down on you at once? Well, I went through a rough patch myself. Not something I’m ready to talk about just yet. Maybe someday. That’s why I need some time alone. Alone against the challenge of the hike over the mountains and through some wild country. Alone with no one in sight, where I have to rely on myself. Sometimes that’s what it takes. You know, you get a little tired, depleted, deprived, you have to push yourself, then things start to fall into place. I’m counting on that. I promise I’ll get in touch when I’ve had all I can take of the trail. Okay?”
“Whatever,” she said. She tried to hide the fact that tears were leaking out of her eyes. For just a second she thought, I can tell him I’m coming up on a trial! That I need him! That I need the support! But she couldn’t.
“Come here,” he said. “Close to me. We’ll hold on to each other. It’s hard for me to leave, you know. But I should do this even if it’s hard. I have to look around the inside of my head and sort things out. You only think I’m the most normal guy in town—I have a gnarly mess in there. Now come on, kiss me. You’re like buried treasure, you know that? I hobbled into this camp with no idea I’d have you for a while. Maggie, Maggie, you’re so wonderful...”
* * *
Just after dawn, Cal got dressed and ready to get in his truck and on the road. Maggie pulled on her clothes and joined him outside beside the truck.
“You’ll be okay, Maggie. You’re strong and you have good sense. Don’t get talked into anything—do what feels right.”
“You shouldn’t say that. What feels right is following you.”
