What's Left of Me
Page 31
“I know, you have stuff. You’re reading too much into this. It’s not like I’m asking you to marry me. I’m just asking for a date, or two, or more. I’ll take however many you’re willing to allow me because I’m really enjoying myself with you and want to get to know you better. And, if we happen to fall into bed together at the end of the night, so be it. After all, how can you resist this?”
And there he is! Cocky Parker is back.
I give him a stern look and he breaks into a loud, deep laugh. People around us turn and look in our direction. I hate people staring. I know they’re just interested in the commotion at our table, but I can’t help the unease that moves through me. I stare blankly at Parker, letting him know I am not finding this funny, but deep down, I have to admit that I like his playfulness.
He throws his hands up in defeat. “I’m kidding! I’m kidding! Come on. I’ll be good. I’m done. I promise. You just make it so easy, I can’t pass up the opportunity.”
Yeah right. I’m learning that when Parker says he’ll be good, he really means the opposite. “I’m sure you will be.”
We both stay silent, looking blankly at one another.
I take a hard look at Parker. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve a guy like him in my life, but maybe—just maybe—he’s exactly what I need right now.
“Okay. I’ll go on a date or two.” I use his words and grin across the table at him.
“Seriously?” He sits up taller in his chair, as if surprised by my words. I think I just surprised myself.
I don’t know what I am about to get myself into, but I don’t see Parker stopping his attempts to ask me out. “On one condition.”
He gives me his full attention, and I can tell he means business when he speaks. “Name it.”
“No commitment. No strings. No questions. I have a lot going on, and I’m not looking for anything…” I trail off, searching for the right words. I don’t know what I’m looking for because, in truth, until this second, I wasn’t looking for anything. “Serious. And this”—I point between us—“whatever it may be, doesn’t affect our work relationship. I don’t like awkwardness, and I don’t want people talking about my personal life.”
“Wow, that’s more than one condition.”
“And, I think it’s best that people at work don’t know. I don’t want any confrontation.”
I take a calming breath, counting in my head. I don’t want to change my mind, but secretly I wish I could sneak away to call Jean. I know what comes with dating: talking, opening up about your dreams and aspirations, and sharing your deepest, darkest secrets. Things I’m not sure I can do.
“You have yourself a deal.”
I know I can do this. Date Parker. It’s just a few dates, like tonight. Wait, tonight wasn’t a date? Will he think it is now?
I tell myself that this will be good for me. Dating will give me something to look forward to. Parker gives me something to look forward to.
Chapter Nine
I’ve been dreading this day since my last round of chemo. I’m hooked up to the machine, getting my second round. On top of the Zofran I’ve been given to help eliminate the nausea, Dr. Olson put in an order for another drug to try during my session today in hopes of not getting as sick as last time. Two hours in and I feel just fine. The nurse keeps coming over to check on me, but I dismiss her each time.
Genna offered to come with me, but I told her I’d be okay going alone, and that I’d call her if I needed anything. I’m confident that doubling-up on anti-nausea medications will prevent me from throwing up during my appointment. I’m thankful that, after my meltdown about driving, Genna and Jason have let up and are allowing me more freedom. It’s progress, but I still hate the feeling of needing permission to do stuff.
I pass the time talking with my parents on the phone and texting with Jean. My mom tells me that they are coming to see me in a few weeks. They’re trying to rearrange their work schedules so they can take a week instead of just coming for the weekend. They haven’t been here since they helped me move, but they make sure to call me all the time.
Jean: What are you doing next Saturday?
Me: Nothing. What did you have in mind?
Jean: I got tickets to a concert in Minneapolis. Some local rock band. Want to go?
Me: Yes!
I’m not much into rock, but I am desperate to get away. To have another night out.
Jean: Awesome! I have four tickets, so bring your boy toy.
Me: Boy toy?
Jean: Yeah. Or is it loverboy now?
Me: Lol. Neither.
Jean: Ask him if he has plans. We can have dinner before or something. Maybe get a hotel if you want? We’ll figure it out.
Me: Umm, sure.
Jean: Yay!! :) How is it going with him anyway?
Me: Good …
Jean: That’s good! I’m happy for you Dre, really!
Things are good with Parker, I think. I mean, after our date he dropped me off at the house. He didn’t try to kiss me. He held my hand as he walked me to the door, then gave it a quick peck before leaving. Genna and Jason were, of course, waiting up for me as if they were parents waiting for their teenage daughter to get home. Genna asked a million questions. Jason was only concerned about Parker being respectful. There was never a doubt. His questions didn’t get a response. Just an eye roll.
After staying up past one talking with them, I sent Jean a quick message about the date. I wasn’t surprised she was still up. We went back and forth until I fell asleep with my phone stuck in my hand. I woke up the next morning with a half-written text to her on the screen.
And there he is! Cocky Parker is back.
I give him a stern look and he breaks into a loud, deep laugh. People around us turn and look in our direction. I hate people staring. I know they’re just interested in the commotion at our table, but I can’t help the unease that moves through me. I stare blankly at Parker, letting him know I am not finding this funny, but deep down, I have to admit that I like his playfulness.
He throws his hands up in defeat. “I’m kidding! I’m kidding! Come on. I’ll be good. I’m done. I promise. You just make it so easy, I can’t pass up the opportunity.”
Yeah right. I’m learning that when Parker says he’ll be good, he really means the opposite. “I’m sure you will be.”
We both stay silent, looking blankly at one another.
I take a hard look at Parker. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve a guy like him in my life, but maybe—just maybe—he’s exactly what I need right now.
“Okay. I’ll go on a date or two.” I use his words and grin across the table at him.
“Seriously?” He sits up taller in his chair, as if surprised by my words. I think I just surprised myself.
I don’t know what I am about to get myself into, but I don’t see Parker stopping his attempts to ask me out. “On one condition.”
He gives me his full attention, and I can tell he means business when he speaks. “Name it.”
“No commitment. No strings. No questions. I have a lot going on, and I’m not looking for anything…” I trail off, searching for the right words. I don’t know what I’m looking for because, in truth, until this second, I wasn’t looking for anything. “Serious. And this”—I point between us—“whatever it may be, doesn’t affect our work relationship. I don’t like awkwardness, and I don’t want people talking about my personal life.”
“Wow, that’s more than one condition.”
“And, I think it’s best that people at work don’t know. I don’t want any confrontation.”
I take a calming breath, counting in my head. I don’t want to change my mind, but secretly I wish I could sneak away to call Jean. I know what comes with dating: talking, opening up about your dreams and aspirations, and sharing your deepest, darkest secrets. Things I’m not sure I can do.
“You have yourself a deal.”
I know I can do this. Date Parker. It’s just a few dates, like tonight. Wait, tonight wasn’t a date? Will he think it is now?
I tell myself that this will be good for me. Dating will give me something to look forward to. Parker gives me something to look forward to.
Chapter Nine
I’ve been dreading this day since my last round of chemo. I’m hooked up to the machine, getting my second round. On top of the Zofran I’ve been given to help eliminate the nausea, Dr. Olson put in an order for another drug to try during my session today in hopes of not getting as sick as last time. Two hours in and I feel just fine. The nurse keeps coming over to check on me, but I dismiss her each time.
Genna offered to come with me, but I told her I’d be okay going alone, and that I’d call her if I needed anything. I’m confident that doubling-up on anti-nausea medications will prevent me from throwing up during my appointment. I’m thankful that, after my meltdown about driving, Genna and Jason have let up and are allowing me more freedom. It’s progress, but I still hate the feeling of needing permission to do stuff.
I pass the time talking with my parents on the phone and texting with Jean. My mom tells me that they are coming to see me in a few weeks. They’re trying to rearrange their work schedules so they can take a week instead of just coming for the weekend. They haven’t been here since they helped me move, but they make sure to call me all the time.
Jean: What are you doing next Saturday?
Me: Nothing. What did you have in mind?
Jean: I got tickets to a concert in Minneapolis. Some local rock band. Want to go?
Me: Yes!
I’m not much into rock, but I am desperate to get away. To have another night out.
Jean: Awesome! I have four tickets, so bring your boy toy.
Me: Boy toy?
Jean: Yeah. Or is it loverboy now?
Me: Lol. Neither.
Jean: Ask him if he has plans. We can have dinner before or something. Maybe get a hotel if you want? We’ll figure it out.
Me: Umm, sure.
Jean: Yay!! :) How is it going with him anyway?
Me: Good …
Jean: That’s good! I’m happy for you Dre, really!
Things are good with Parker, I think. I mean, after our date he dropped me off at the house. He didn’t try to kiss me. He held my hand as he walked me to the door, then gave it a quick peck before leaving. Genna and Jason were, of course, waiting up for me as if they were parents waiting for their teenage daughter to get home. Genna asked a million questions. Jason was only concerned about Parker being respectful. There was never a doubt. His questions didn’t get a response. Just an eye roll.
After staying up past one talking with them, I sent Jean a quick message about the date. I wasn’t surprised she was still up. We went back and forth until I fell asleep with my phone stuck in my hand. I woke up the next morning with a half-written text to her on the screen.
