What's Left of Me
Page 36
“Awesome,” I mutter.
I knew it was a matter of time before this would happen, but it’s still not easy to witness.
When I return, Parker is sitting on the end of my bed with his hands clasped together and his head down. He looks as if he’s deep in thought.
At the sound of me walking toward him, he looks up with a smile. “Sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Hope you don’t mind.”
“I don’t.” I give him a warm smile. Even though I woke up with a kink and a knot, it was only the second time I’ve slept through the night in four years. Both with Parker. It’s also the first morning that I’ve woken up with no pain associated with my cancer. With that revelation, I add, “I slept great.” Because, really, I did.
“You did?” He rubs the back of his neck. “I have the worst neck cramp. You couldn’t have been that comfortable.”
“You must make a good pillow because I slept right through the night.”
“That or you really didn’t feel good.” He makes his way over to me and pulls me into him for a quick hug before pulling back, keeping me at arm’s length, and giving me a once over. “How are you feeling this morning?”
“Better.”
“Good.”
We stand there awkwardly for a couple of minutes. I start to laugh at the silliness of this. This is exactly why I left that morning after we met. To avoid the awkward feeling of goodbye.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing.”
“No, tell me. Please.”
“It’s just … this is what I was trying to avoid the first time. It’s just as awkward saying goodbye now as it would have been then.”
“It’s only awkward if you make it, Aundrea.” And with that, he pulls me into his hold. Leaning down he gives me a soft peck on the lips. “Goodbye, Aundrea. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“I think so.”
He gives me one more kiss on the top of my head before letting me go. “I’ll call you later.”
“Okay.”
He heads to the door, but before opening it, he gives me a wink. Then he’s gone.
I shake my head at the situation, and laugh at the thought of Genna being camped out by my door all night. I’m thankful it’s Parker who has to face her first.
It hasn’t even been two minutes since I heard Parker saying his goodbyes to Jason that Genna is barging in my room.
“Aundrea! What was that last night?”
“Nothing.” I roll my eyes and walk toward my dresser, taking my wig off as I do. “We just fell asleep. Nothing happened.”
I look back at her disappointed face. “Nothing? Not even a kiss?”
“No.” I laugh. “It’s not like I was feeling 100% myself, Genna.” I continue to laugh as I grab my clothes and walk to the bathroom to take a shower.
Once I’m behind the closed door, I sit on top of the closed toilet seat to catch my balance. My knees feel as if they’re about to give out. It feels like there’s glass grinding behind my kneecaps with every step, making it difficult to move.
Taking calming breaths, I reach for the top drawer, grabbing the clippers I saw in there when I first moved in. There is nothing worse than taking a shower and pulling out clumps of hair or watching them stick to your wet body. Even though my hair is already short, it’s thick.
Turning on the clippers, I bring them to my head. I hesitate at first, but then push the thoughts back and blindly buzz my hair, starting at my forehead and pulling backward. I don’t give myself any time to think about what I’m doing. I just keep moving my hand, letting the hair fall freely to the floor.
It’s surprising how going through this before has changed how I handle it now. Like, it doesn’t even faze me. As much as I miss my hair and want it back, I’m at the point where I just want it all to be over with. The quicker everything happens, the quicker I can move on with my life. I’m tired of constantly feeling as if I’m reliving my past.
I turn the clippers off, setting them on the counter with a shaking hand. I need to shave the rest, but I’ve yet to be able to shave my own head.
Opening the bathroom door, I holler, “Genna! I need you a minute!”
Within seconds, Genna is walking into the bathroom. One look and her hands are covering her gasping mouth. “Dre,” she whispers. “What did you do?”
“It started falling out this morning. I need you to shave the rest. I can’t do this part.”
“Dre …”
“Genna, please. You know I can’t shave the back. I need it all gone.”
“I don’t know …”
“Please.” I hate begging.
“Okay.”
I straddle the toilet. Genna moves in behind me after she takes out a new razor and shaving cream to finish the job.
I wait for her to lather up the shaving cream, but she doesn’t move. After a few more quiet seconds, I reach for it. Pouring some in my hands, I lather it over my buzzed head, covering every inch.
“There. Now shave.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
She doesn’t move. You could hear a pin drop.
“Genna, it’s easy. Pick up your hand, bring the razor to my head, and start shaving. You can’t mess it up. Just take it off.”
“But …”
“For f**k sakes, Genna. Shave my damn head.”
I knew it was a matter of time before this would happen, but it’s still not easy to witness.
When I return, Parker is sitting on the end of my bed with his hands clasped together and his head down. He looks as if he’s deep in thought.
At the sound of me walking toward him, he looks up with a smile. “Sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Hope you don’t mind.”
“I don’t.” I give him a warm smile. Even though I woke up with a kink and a knot, it was only the second time I’ve slept through the night in four years. Both with Parker. It’s also the first morning that I’ve woken up with no pain associated with my cancer. With that revelation, I add, “I slept great.” Because, really, I did.
“You did?” He rubs the back of his neck. “I have the worst neck cramp. You couldn’t have been that comfortable.”
“You must make a good pillow because I slept right through the night.”
“That or you really didn’t feel good.” He makes his way over to me and pulls me into him for a quick hug before pulling back, keeping me at arm’s length, and giving me a once over. “How are you feeling this morning?”
“Better.”
“Good.”
We stand there awkwardly for a couple of minutes. I start to laugh at the silliness of this. This is exactly why I left that morning after we met. To avoid the awkward feeling of goodbye.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing.”
“No, tell me. Please.”
“It’s just … this is what I was trying to avoid the first time. It’s just as awkward saying goodbye now as it would have been then.”
“It’s only awkward if you make it, Aundrea.” And with that, he pulls me into his hold. Leaning down he gives me a soft peck on the lips. “Goodbye, Aundrea. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“I think so.”
He gives me one more kiss on the top of my head before letting me go. “I’ll call you later.”
“Okay.”
He heads to the door, but before opening it, he gives me a wink. Then he’s gone.
I shake my head at the situation, and laugh at the thought of Genna being camped out by my door all night. I’m thankful it’s Parker who has to face her first.
It hasn’t even been two minutes since I heard Parker saying his goodbyes to Jason that Genna is barging in my room.
“Aundrea! What was that last night?”
“Nothing.” I roll my eyes and walk toward my dresser, taking my wig off as I do. “We just fell asleep. Nothing happened.”
I look back at her disappointed face. “Nothing? Not even a kiss?”
“No.” I laugh. “It’s not like I was feeling 100% myself, Genna.” I continue to laugh as I grab my clothes and walk to the bathroom to take a shower.
Once I’m behind the closed door, I sit on top of the closed toilet seat to catch my balance. My knees feel as if they’re about to give out. It feels like there’s glass grinding behind my kneecaps with every step, making it difficult to move.
Taking calming breaths, I reach for the top drawer, grabbing the clippers I saw in there when I first moved in. There is nothing worse than taking a shower and pulling out clumps of hair or watching them stick to your wet body. Even though my hair is already short, it’s thick.
Turning on the clippers, I bring them to my head. I hesitate at first, but then push the thoughts back and blindly buzz my hair, starting at my forehead and pulling backward. I don’t give myself any time to think about what I’m doing. I just keep moving my hand, letting the hair fall freely to the floor.
It’s surprising how going through this before has changed how I handle it now. Like, it doesn’t even faze me. As much as I miss my hair and want it back, I’m at the point where I just want it all to be over with. The quicker everything happens, the quicker I can move on with my life. I’m tired of constantly feeling as if I’m reliving my past.
I turn the clippers off, setting them on the counter with a shaking hand. I need to shave the rest, but I’ve yet to be able to shave my own head.
Opening the bathroom door, I holler, “Genna! I need you a minute!”
Within seconds, Genna is walking into the bathroom. One look and her hands are covering her gasping mouth. “Dre,” she whispers. “What did you do?”
“It started falling out this morning. I need you to shave the rest. I can’t do this part.”
“Dre …”
“Genna, please. You know I can’t shave the back. I need it all gone.”
“I don’t know …”
“Please.” I hate begging.
“Okay.”
I straddle the toilet. Genna moves in behind me after she takes out a new razor and shaving cream to finish the job.
I wait for her to lather up the shaving cream, but she doesn’t move. After a few more quiet seconds, I reach for it. Pouring some in my hands, I lather it over my buzzed head, covering every inch.
“There. Now shave.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
She doesn’t move. You could hear a pin drop.
“Genna, it’s easy. Pick up your hand, bring the razor to my head, and start shaving. You can’t mess it up. Just take it off.”
“But …”
“For f**k sakes, Genna. Shave my damn head.”
