What's Left of Me
Page 76
Tears fill my eyes. I know he’s right. I put on this big act of not wanting people to see the real me, but who is the real me? I am a strong woman. I am someone who doesn’t want to be scared of the past or future. I want to take things as they come and face them head-on. I should be proud that I have someone who is willing to do that with me.
I am proud.
Filling his hands with foam, he doesn’t look at me when he speaks. “I want you to do it. I want you to shave it and see that I’m still me. I want you to see me how I see you.”
“Parker …”
“Baby.” He moves to stand in front of me. “From here on out, whatever you go through affects me. You are a part of me. Let me help you. Allow me to go through this with you. I want to take each step with you. Let me.”
A single tear falls down my cheek. I’ve never been this emotional, but introduce a man to my life and I become a puddle.
“It’s only hair, Aundrea. It will grow back. Didn’t you say that once?”
“Yes, but it’s not just that. Look at me!”
“I am. I see a beautiful woman standing before me and I can’t wait to show her off.”
“Par—”
“Shh … No one is going to look at you. They’re going to be looking at me and thinking, ‘Damn how did that guy get so lucky?’” He teases.
I laugh, snorting at the sudden outburst.
Pulling me into a hug, he kisses the top of my head. “See, there is the laugh I love so much. Now, come on, shave my head. Please.”
Filling the sink with water, I watch as he finishes lathering his head. When it’s fully covered, I dip the razor in the water getting it wet. Slowly I begin to shave away the remaining hair.
I can’t stop fidgeting. My hands have smoothed over my bald head numerous times since leaving Parker’s place.
“Stop doing that.” Reaching over he takes my hand, holding it firmly in his.
“I can’t stop.”
“You look fine. If anyone should be self-conscious, it’s me. I have a big head and this five o’ clock shadow sticks out like a sore thumb.”
“I happen to think you look delectable.”
“Delectable?” he asks, looking over at me with his hands securely on the wheel.
“Yes.”
“Just how delectable?”
“Very.”
“So much so that you want me to pull over?”
I laugh.
“I’m serious. The back seat may be small, but I’m sure we can make it work.”
“Just drive, lover boy.”
He wiggles his eyebrows up and down, causing me to laugh more.
When we pull into The Palace, Parker leads the way as he gives the hostess his name and she brings us to the back patio. It has a wood canopy with twinkling lights covering every inch, large pots of mums at the edges, and scattered tables with large black cushions. There is a tall stone fireplace and three tall heaters. For being outside, the patio is rather hot.
“Your server will be right with you.” The hostess gives me a sad smile before turning away. I can feel the pounding in my chest getting stronger, and my breathing picking up.
“You’re okay.” His hand reaches for mine from across the table.
“I can’t do this, Parker. It’s too much too soon.”
“You can. It’s okay. Take a deep breath and let it out.”
I do.
“That’s it. Slowly.”
I do as I’m told over and over again until I feel myself relax and my heart slow down.
“They’re looking at me,” I whisper.
I can feel their eyes on me. On my head. My face. Even on Parker.
“No, they’re not.” He pauses, looking around the patio. “Everyone is engaged in conversation. No one is paying us any attention.”
“Hi! Can I get you two anything to drink?” The waitress chirps.
“I’ll have a Bud Light. Aundrea?”
“Oh, how about a glass of Moscato, please?”
“Coming right up.” Her smile reaches her eyes as she looks directly at me.
“I love it here,” he says, looking around at the leafless trees lining the outer patio.
“It’s a beautiful place,” I agree.
“Have you thought about what you want to do now?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, are you going to come back to the clinic?”
“I don’t know. I thought about going back to school full-time. Picking up more classes toward my astrophysics major.”
“Here, or with Jean?”
I haven’t given that much thought. If I stay here, I can see Parker and be close to Genna. Or, I can go to school a little over an hour away and do what my plan was all along. But, then again, this is Jean’s last year, so I’d only get one semester with her.
“I don’t know. Maybe here.”
“Because you want to or for other reasons?”
“Both.”
It’s the truth. I feel I’ve finally found where I am supposed to be in the world. Right here.
With Parker.
Chapter Twenty-One
Dr. Olson called, requesting an appointment to discuss the recent scans I had in the hospital and the heart tests with Dr. James. She wouldn’t tell me anything over the phone except that it was important, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know what that means. I have learned over the years that if a doctor asks you to come in without telling you why, it’s not good. Mark my words.
I am proud.
Filling his hands with foam, he doesn’t look at me when he speaks. “I want you to do it. I want you to shave it and see that I’m still me. I want you to see me how I see you.”
“Parker …”
“Baby.” He moves to stand in front of me. “From here on out, whatever you go through affects me. You are a part of me. Let me help you. Allow me to go through this with you. I want to take each step with you. Let me.”
A single tear falls down my cheek. I’ve never been this emotional, but introduce a man to my life and I become a puddle.
“It’s only hair, Aundrea. It will grow back. Didn’t you say that once?”
“Yes, but it’s not just that. Look at me!”
“I am. I see a beautiful woman standing before me and I can’t wait to show her off.”
“Par—”
“Shh … No one is going to look at you. They’re going to be looking at me and thinking, ‘Damn how did that guy get so lucky?’” He teases.
I laugh, snorting at the sudden outburst.
Pulling me into a hug, he kisses the top of my head. “See, there is the laugh I love so much. Now, come on, shave my head. Please.”
Filling the sink with water, I watch as he finishes lathering his head. When it’s fully covered, I dip the razor in the water getting it wet. Slowly I begin to shave away the remaining hair.
I can’t stop fidgeting. My hands have smoothed over my bald head numerous times since leaving Parker’s place.
“Stop doing that.” Reaching over he takes my hand, holding it firmly in his.
“I can’t stop.”
“You look fine. If anyone should be self-conscious, it’s me. I have a big head and this five o’ clock shadow sticks out like a sore thumb.”
“I happen to think you look delectable.”
“Delectable?” he asks, looking over at me with his hands securely on the wheel.
“Yes.”
“Just how delectable?”
“Very.”
“So much so that you want me to pull over?”
I laugh.
“I’m serious. The back seat may be small, but I’m sure we can make it work.”
“Just drive, lover boy.”
He wiggles his eyebrows up and down, causing me to laugh more.
When we pull into The Palace, Parker leads the way as he gives the hostess his name and she brings us to the back patio. It has a wood canopy with twinkling lights covering every inch, large pots of mums at the edges, and scattered tables with large black cushions. There is a tall stone fireplace and three tall heaters. For being outside, the patio is rather hot.
“Your server will be right with you.” The hostess gives me a sad smile before turning away. I can feel the pounding in my chest getting stronger, and my breathing picking up.
“You’re okay.” His hand reaches for mine from across the table.
“I can’t do this, Parker. It’s too much too soon.”
“You can. It’s okay. Take a deep breath and let it out.”
I do.
“That’s it. Slowly.”
I do as I’m told over and over again until I feel myself relax and my heart slow down.
“They’re looking at me,” I whisper.
I can feel their eyes on me. On my head. My face. Even on Parker.
“No, they’re not.” He pauses, looking around the patio. “Everyone is engaged in conversation. No one is paying us any attention.”
“Hi! Can I get you two anything to drink?” The waitress chirps.
“I’ll have a Bud Light. Aundrea?”
“Oh, how about a glass of Moscato, please?”
“Coming right up.” Her smile reaches her eyes as she looks directly at me.
“I love it here,” he says, looking around at the leafless trees lining the outer patio.
“It’s a beautiful place,” I agree.
“Have you thought about what you want to do now?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, are you going to come back to the clinic?”
“I don’t know. I thought about going back to school full-time. Picking up more classes toward my astrophysics major.”
“Here, or with Jean?”
I haven’t given that much thought. If I stay here, I can see Parker and be close to Genna. Or, I can go to school a little over an hour away and do what my plan was all along. But, then again, this is Jean’s last year, so I’d only get one semester with her.
“I don’t know. Maybe here.”
“Because you want to or for other reasons?”
“Both.”
It’s the truth. I feel I’ve finally found where I am supposed to be in the world. Right here.
With Parker.
Chapter Twenty-One
Dr. Olson called, requesting an appointment to discuss the recent scans I had in the hospital and the heart tests with Dr. James. She wouldn’t tell me anything over the phone except that it was important, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know what that means. I have learned over the years that if a doctor asks you to come in without telling you why, it’s not good. Mark my words.
