What's Left of Us
Page 50
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I don’t know, Aundrea. I believe you, but I can’t seem to shake the feeling that one day I’m going to wake up, and you won’t be here. That I’ll be forced to face the world without you, and I can’t do that. I’ve never been more afraid of anything in my life.”
I think of Brandon. How he looked. The pain in his eyes when he spoke of Ethan. It breaks me.
She looks down at me. Tips of her blonde hair brush my face and I shiver. “Remember when you told me you saw my future?”
I nod.
“Well, I see it too. I am your future Parker. This”—she gestures between us—“is real. We’re real. Not that dream. I took a vow, ‘From here through eternity, for death will not separate us.’ Death will not take me away from you, Parker. I won’t let it.”
Swallowing hard, I take her face between my hands, pulling her toward me until our lips almost touch.
“There is no life if it’s not a life with you,” I whisper against her mouth before giving her the lightest of kisses. I tug her hair gently as I deepen the kiss. I need to feel her touch.
Her existence.
Her love.
I wrap her in my arms and roll her beneath me. I run my hands up and down her arms until I feel her goosebumps. She watches me intently as I reach for the bottom of her shirt and lift it up over her head.
Our mouths join almost immediately, slow and sensual, as our hands roam. We undress one another, never breaking apart. We take our time, enjoying every moment.
When I enter her, her hands find mine and we lock eyes.
“I love you so much, Aundrea.”
“Ditto.”
Slowly we begin to move in an effortless dance.
I make love to my wife, showing her just how much I need her.
Aundrea’s not back when I get home just after seven the following evening. I had an emergency walk-in, so I let her know I’d be late. She texted me back immediately saying she was going out with Shannon and would see me when she got back.
When eight o’clock hits I lie down on the couch to catch up on some TV, but instead drift off to sleep.
“Come on, Aundrea! Breathe!”
27, 28, 29, 30
Breathe.
Breathe.
“Come on, baby. Come on!” I scream so loud that I jolt myself awake.
What the fuck is happening?
I look around our empty living room, the TV screen black. I fell asleep. The clock reads 9:03pm.
The temperature has dropped, and I’m shivering. The room feels empty without Aundrea here, as if her absence has sucked away all the life. I know this feeling.
And I hate it.
Hesitating, I sit up. I know I don’t want to go back to sleep. There’s no point in trying. Not right now.
Not without her here. I know what will happen the second I drift off. My head begins to feel heavy and my throat feels tight at the thought of that dream.
I look at my phone. One missed call and one text from Aundrea from about twenty minutes ago.
The Wife: We ended up running into a friend of Shannon’s and decided to stay for dinner. Sorry! I’m leaving now. See you soon.
I take a couple of deep breaths, but it almost feels like I’m under water and can’t come up for air.
Death.
It’s haunting me.
Toying with my emotions.
Slumping to the floor, I rest my back against our white couch. I’m too hot, now, and I’m sweating, drenching my black collared shirt. I’m sticking to the couch, but I don’t bother peeling myself off. I’m not giving in tonight. I won’t let the helplessness take over. I refuse to give into that fog.
Time slowly passes by. I can’t say for certain how long I’ve been sitting here with nothing but the ticking of each passing second and the flashing low battery signal on my cell. My eyes feel heavy, but I refuse to let them close.
“Parker?” Aundrea. Her voice is faint, concerned even. “Are you okay?”
There’s a small break in her voice when she says “okay,” which is when I look up to see her standing before me in jeans and a plain white shirt. She took her hair out of the ponytail she was wearing this morning.
“You’re home.” I’m relieved enough to finally allow my eyes to close briefly.
“What’s the matter?” She crouches down to look into my eyes.
I sigh.
Her head drops slightly, her eyes close, and her mouth settles into a straight line.
I’m panting now. My heart is beating a mile a minute, pounding louder as I concentrate on my surroundings.
“Parker.” She steps around me to sit on the couch, pulling me back to rest between her legs.
Her right hand rests on my head and her left curls around my shoulder, embracing me. She doesn’t pay any attention to my soaked clothes. Before I can say anything, she presses her cheek against my hair. Then her lips come down, brushing against my scalp in a tender kiss.
I close my eyes at her touch, and lean back. “You are my end, Aundrea.” I’m trembling. “I can’t … I—I … you.” I pause, licking my lips. “I can’t watch you die anymore. I can’t …” I trail off, my voice barely there.
I wrap my right arm around her knee, holding her in place. I don’t want her to move. I need the closeness.
“I know, shh. I’m right here.” She squeezes me gently.
I feel her slump heavily against me.
“Babe?” My voice cracks. “Help me. Please save me from drowning.”
I think of Brandon. How he looked. The pain in his eyes when he spoke of Ethan. It breaks me.
She looks down at me. Tips of her blonde hair brush my face and I shiver. “Remember when you told me you saw my future?”
I nod.
“Well, I see it too. I am your future Parker. This”—she gestures between us—“is real. We’re real. Not that dream. I took a vow, ‘From here through eternity, for death will not separate us.’ Death will not take me away from you, Parker. I won’t let it.”
Swallowing hard, I take her face between my hands, pulling her toward me until our lips almost touch.
“There is no life if it’s not a life with you,” I whisper against her mouth before giving her the lightest of kisses. I tug her hair gently as I deepen the kiss. I need to feel her touch.
Her existence.
Her love.
I wrap her in my arms and roll her beneath me. I run my hands up and down her arms until I feel her goosebumps. She watches me intently as I reach for the bottom of her shirt and lift it up over her head.
Our mouths join almost immediately, slow and sensual, as our hands roam. We undress one another, never breaking apart. We take our time, enjoying every moment.
When I enter her, her hands find mine and we lock eyes.
“I love you so much, Aundrea.”
“Ditto.”
Slowly we begin to move in an effortless dance.
I make love to my wife, showing her just how much I need her.
Aundrea’s not back when I get home just after seven the following evening. I had an emergency walk-in, so I let her know I’d be late. She texted me back immediately saying she was going out with Shannon and would see me when she got back.
When eight o’clock hits I lie down on the couch to catch up on some TV, but instead drift off to sleep.
“Come on, Aundrea! Breathe!”
27, 28, 29, 30
Breathe.
Breathe.
“Come on, baby. Come on!” I scream so loud that I jolt myself awake.
What the fuck is happening?
I look around our empty living room, the TV screen black. I fell asleep. The clock reads 9:03pm.
The temperature has dropped, and I’m shivering. The room feels empty without Aundrea here, as if her absence has sucked away all the life. I know this feeling.
And I hate it.
Hesitating, I sit up. I know I don’t want to go back to sleep. There’s no point in trying. Not right now.
Not without her here. I know what will happen the second I drift off. My head begins to feel heavy and my throat feels tight at the thought of that dream.
I look at my phone. One missed call and one text from Aundrea from about twenty minutes ago.
The Wife: We ended up running into a friend of Shannon’s and decided to stay for dinner. Sorry! I’m leaving now. See you soon.
I take a couple of deep breaths, but it almost feels like I’m under water and can’t come up for air.
Death.
It’s haunting me.
Toying with my emotions.
Slumping to the floor, I rest my back against our white couch. I’m too hot, now, and I’m sweating, drenching my black collared shirt. I’m sticking to the couch, but I don’t bother peeling myself off. I’m not giving in tonight. I won’t let the helplessness take over. I refuse to give into that fog.
Time slowly passes by. I can’t say for certain how long I’ve been sitting here with nothing but the ticking of each passing second and the flashing low battery signal on my cell. My eyes feel heavy, but I refuse to let them close.
“Parker?” Aundrea. Her voice is faint, concerned even. “Are you okay?”
There’s a small break in her voice when she says “okay,” which is when I look up to see her standing before me in jeans and a plain white shirt. She took her hair out of the ponytail she was wearing this morning.
“You’re home.” I’m relieved enough to finally allow my eyes to close briefly.
“What’s the matter?” She crouches down to look into my eyes.
I sigh.
Her head drops slightly, her eyes close, and her mouth settles into a straight line.
I’m panting now. My heart is beating a mile a minute, pounding louder as I concentrate on my surroundings.
“Parker.” She steps around me to sit on the couch, pulling me back to rest between her legs.
Her right hand rests on my head and her left curls around my shoulder, embracing me. She doesn’t pay any attention to my soaked clothes. Before I can say anything, she presses her cheek against my hair. Then her lips come down, brushing against my scalp in a tender kiss.
I close my eyes at her touch, and lean back. “You are my end, Aundrea.” I’m trembling. “I can’t … I—I … you.” I pause, licking my lips. “I can’t watch you die anymore. I can’t …” I trail off, my voice barely there.
I wrap my right arm around her knee, holding her in place. I don’t want her to move. I need the closeness.
“I know, shh. I’m right here.” She squeezes me gently.
I feel her slump heavily against me.
“Babe?” My voice cracks. “Help me. Please save me from drowning.”
